Thread #3. Fed Up With Being Chief Cook And Bottle Washer. Sunscreen.

[Solo]

Haha! My asterisks didn't come out! Perhaps I should have put 'absolute *@#! of an exp.

It's tricky isn't it because you have to realise that your perspective and advice is all based only on well... YOUR perspective and experience but I'm sure you're supporting her in the right ways.

It is difficult but, I dislike him for my own reasons after he came on to me via text messages before they had separated. He's a controlling individual and being really unpleasant to her. She has been so fair to him in every way and doesn't deserve to be treated so appallingly.

He certainly sounds awful but so long as you're not telling her what to do (which I can't imagine you are) and she's making all her own decisions, which it sounds like she is, then you must be supporting her well. Especially if she has managed to stay strong beyond the "I want you back" stage. It seems like she is strong in her resolve and I'm sure your support has helped her to gain some of that strength.

How are we all?

solo I've survived half term and back at work cursing a database that won't work . I was really cracking on until it locked up, boss is in a meeting so they can't sort it for a while.

Have things settles down with your friend solo?

She consulted a solicitor today to consider getting something put in writing with regards maintenance and contact with the Dc's. Trouble is he's Nigerian and I've little doubt he'll gather all his friends together and put his plate out and fund a solicitor of his own but, where she's been fair to him, he won't be fair to her. Nasty 'man'.

I hope your friend is ok Solo.

Thanks Flowers she is not having an easy time of it but, she also, I think, realises just how strong she is.

I think when things are extra raw at the beginning that is when people can show the worst side to themselves. She can always join us on here lol.

I know but, he's just an idiot.

Hello all,

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Thought I'd seek your input as my heart is currently breaking for my 4 year whose dad I separated from nearly 2 years ago and who is a total asshole (in too many ways to mention here but see my other posts if you need details ). Questions: is your child growing up without contact with their father? Was that a deliberate choice by you? How is it working out for your child? Or have you facilitated infrequent, inconsistent contact with an asshole father and how is that working out for your child?

I'd really appreciate others' thoughts as I'm struggling to know what to for the best for my child

Hello NooNoo :) and welcome.

Single parenting is a tough but, doable job ime. I've brought up both my children alone; my Ds will be 20 this summer and I spent from my pregnancy without support and Dd is 11; her father would never commit and as it turned out was living a double life.

Ds's father has had no input into my son's upbringing; I was more torn about this as he grew older but, his father didn't get in touch more than once by text and certainly did not help financially in any way at all! But, I didn't expect him to if I'm honest, he was a selfish man - probably still is...Ds got in touch with him about 18 months ago. He can see what an arse he is for himself and doesn't bother much with him. Ds is a strong individual with good manners and a strong sense of justice. He is loving and never fails to tell me he loves me regardless of who else is listening or around. I think he appreciates me as his parent even though we did go through a bad patch which I think every teen goes through. I take full credit for bringing him up. He's not perfect but, he's not a bad lad.
Dd's father does make a contribution each month and this allows her to do activities each week. He lives/works abroad - and long may he stay there. He has made numerous promises to Dd to phone and he lets her down 99% of the time; she just likes the gifts he gives her when he does. I just see it as buying her affection. She never really wants to talk to him but, I do wonder if she's just hiding her disappointment. I'm always there for her even if we do argue a lot of the time.

I love my children and I do my best for them. I wouldn't really care if neither father contacted them again and I don't stop the contact if they do (not that I can now with Ds) but, it doesn't fill me with joy.

It's a personal decision NooNoo and one that you have to consider the future for...will your child/children blame you for not allowing visits? Will them having contact cause harm or issues? Only you can decide and it's not easy.

Thanks, Solo

Hello all, how are you doing? The snow seems to have disappeared around here now - thank goodness! At times like the bad weather, I do think.
Not one family member or friend has called me to check if I'm okay - knowing I'm alone with Dd. I went to mums and took her a few bits from the shop she asked for last Wednesday but, even she has my adult son there to rely on and check she's okay.
Why does no one think about me and whether I'm safe? This is a thing that's come up in my head for many years.
My boiler has broken down too - Friday afternoon. The joys.

solo Sunscreen is on the radio .

Sorry to hear about your boiler. What a crap time for it to happen. Do you have an ETA for repair ?

We've had a lazy morning, DS is away with school this week so we've been packing. But we need to get dressed and go out for a walk this afternoon.

Meglet which station do you listen to? I'm on R2. I didn't hear it but, I've been busy emailing.

It was on radio 1. I'm a R1 & R4 girl. Hasnt heard it properly an ages.

DS is now away with school. I won't have to referee a fight all week.

Hi all hope you're doing ok. I'm away for work at the moment, DD is being looked after by relatives. Although it's work I had been looking forward to the trip, it's an exciting location and a nice hotel but my colleagues are texting their partners and it brings it home that I have no one to check in with really. Feel very adrift. So I'm catching up with you lot instead as I know you'll understand

Hello ohami :) Yes, we do understand. Are you able to say whereish you are? How's the food?

Hi Solo I'm in New York, the food is amazing but too much of it! My colleagues went out for dinner and I stayed in the hotel. Seems stupid to miss out especially since I spend such a lot of time at home in the evening (night after night after night as I'm sure you all do) but I was exhausted and it's still a treat to have a rest and I'll be more prepared for the work tomorrow (today). I do worry about burning out as a lone parent, physically and mentally. I'm not young and do worry what would happen if my health failed.

Ohami I'm so sorry. I came on to chat with you if you were on and instead, I just fell asleep with the laptop on my knee...I really know what you mean re the burning out. I have CFS/ME call it what you will and I feel like it's knocking on my door in recent months as I keep on falling asleep and I'm exhausted and weak. I'm really sorry but, I have to sleep now but, I hope you at least enjoy part of your trip socially and also find some Mumsnetters to chat to. Take care and good night.

Hope you feel better soon Solo.

Thanks Flowers :) I'm just so tired. My house is such a tip and I can't find a way through it all...I think it's a vicious circle.