Thread #3. Fed Up With Being Chief Cook And Bottle Washer. Sunscreen.

[Solo]

Hello Soup and welcome! :) Just dive in; the thread can be slow but, there's usually at least one person who will answer you :)

Hi CPD it's nice to see you.

Dd's father let her down again last week by not calling her as he'd promised to. She's not bothered, she has no real like for him but, I opened the door and he's totally bombed it. He has to realise that she's old enough to remember all this now.

Ds was 19 on the 10th and his father actually sent him a card with £20 in it. First time ever!

Hi... I'm new here, can I join you?

Have an 11 mo DS... separated from exDP a couple of months ago (though we've been rocky since DS was born). Left london and moved back in with parents up north. ExDP and I friendly, and trying to work out the coparenting thing... even though he's been flaky to say the least since I fell pregnant (hence the separation- just couldn't keep on being a mum to my baby, and my boyfriend... and I wasn't going to leave the
Baby )

I actually feel like our separation is a good thing- and we get on better now than we have ... ever. Although he can be a prize twunt, he's a v good man. Just q damaged from his own childhood, and bloody hopeless with a baby.

Could just use some single parent support- I'm the only one I know, and think other people don't really "get it" sometimes...

Solo sorry to hear hes let her down again. I can never understand parents who don't want to see their children as much as possible, especially if they're non-resident parents but theres nothing that can be done except remind them that as you say the children will remember this behaviour and they'll only have themselves to blame when they want nothing to do with them.

Its nice your sons had a card but awful that its the first time on his 19th birthday but I hope he had a good day. My DD turns 5 on the 27th, doesn't seem that long ago that she was this tiny bean whosw head was smaller then my hand.

Queen welcome to the thread, you'll always get good advice on here. I'm glad you and your ex are getting on well, that will make things easier. Have you moved far from London while he stays there? Hopefully theres not too much distance involved as that obviously can make things harder

Hi queen

I hate how flighty some parents can be. When I was growing up I saw how damaged some of my friends became because of 'part-time parents'. By which I don't mean shared custody. I mean the parents who don't show up when they're supposed to, or disappear without a word for ages then swoop in promise the world promise everything has changed only to swoop out again and disappear for months.

It must be really difficult to cope with that as the 'steady' parent Solo you have all my sympathy. I know I wouldn't be able to cope with that. It's one of the few things I'm grateful for in my situation. I think that having a flaky crappy part time parent is worse than just having the 1 steady loving parent.

I'm fine with him not bothering and Dd seems to be too. She has me so I think she will be fine though I do expect him to contact again at some point I wish he'd fall off the face of the Earth if I'm honest and it'll be up to Dd if she wants to bother with him or not.

solo > that blank space is my despair at flakey absent parents. I don't understand the half arsed flitting in and out of children's lives. Does your ds have much contact with his dad?

I've just had another heated shouty discussion with 8yr old DD who wants another snack because her friends are eating again. The problem is her friends are becoming overweight (but still given lots of junk snacks) and I don't want dd heading down that route. I'm so tired of her wanting sweets and juice because everyone else is eating them . I've palmed her off with icy water and chewing gum for now but I daresay we'll clash again this afternoon.

Still got two weeks of summer hols left. I'm hoping to take them to a London museum and chessington before term starts again. Still got work three days a week though so well see how much energy and patience I have.

Meglet no, Ds doesn't really see him and only 'found' him earlier this year but, his father knew where he lived but, 'never sent anything because he (we) wasn't sure he still lived there' Didn't bloody try either!

Dd's father has let her down every time (bar the 1st time) he promised to phone in the last 2 months. But he's waved the idea of buying her an iPad at her so she's almost been bought!

I'm the same as you in regards the whole diet/concern about weight gain for Dd...it's a difficult one.

I'm back to work tomorrow :(. Enjoy what time you do have

Hi can I join, I have two dds 6&8 , I became a single parent while I was pregnant with dd2.

Feeling kind of lonely and fed up today, not sure why, the weekends seem the worst sometimes don't they ? Especially with dds moaning they are bored

Hi can i join, I have one dd age 3, been doing this alone since very early in my pregnancy.

dd's dad has never met her, and used to make noises to say he fully intended to but gave that up around age 2... she and other children are just starting to ask the 'where is my/her dad' 'why don't I/doesn't she have a dad' questions, and I'm fumbling for something age appropriate to say.. and hoping not to break her heart as she gets older and figures things out. we don't have much/any family around of any kind. we're strong together, but I worry about her not having what everyone else has especially for celebrations.

sometimes the small things are the hardest. today, went for a play date with a couple and their children. there was a point where I had obviously touched on a subject that they didn't want to talk about - there seemed to be this pre-arranged thing where they just got up and went in different directions. i felt like i'd been reprimanded. i don't get to do that kind of stuff, have unspoken rules or have someone to back me up, ever. so it might sound weird that it was kind of upsetting, and they probably had no concept of being in my shoes. there is so much that I feel I have to suck up and get over as a lone parent, completely on my own. Sometimes I get it really wrong and there is noone to share that with either. So good to have a place to share and vent, thanks.

Welcome Unicorns and tigger :) . The thread can be a bit quiet but, there is usually someone around if or when someone posts.

I too have always been a lone parent and yet I can't think of an answer regarding "where's my dad?" I'm not sure I really had that question from Ds (19) but, he has now got contact with him (now he doesn't have to dip into his money - he never paid towards Ds's upbringing). Perhaps a simple "he's away but, I don't know where he is" could suffice for now? I'm sure like me, you always make sure that your lo's know they are so so loved and wanted by you. Sometimes there just isn't an answer though.

Nothing going on? Nothing much here either.

Why am I so angry and horrible to Dd? She's doing my head in. She won't wash, clean her teeth or brush her hair; she won't help me with anything much either and I'm sick of it.

Because it's all on you. I've been the same to DS today because I feel like shit. He was just doing normal 4 year old stuff but my patience was too thin. There were shouts, and tears. Normally I am happy, smiley, don't sweat the small stuff mummy, but when EVERYTHING is down to you it is fucking hard. I love him so much and I detest exh who fucked off and hasn't contributed in any way since, nearly 3 years ago.

The telly is on and we're both having early nights tonight. Tomorrow is a new day.

Drumming it into my son that we're a team helps with the tidying up etc solo, would that help? Is very hard.

Solo and Squirmy

This evening's task will be unblocking a vomit-inducing toilet, as DD age 3 has shoved loads of loo roll in it, bleurgh.

Oh no :( Do you have gloves?

Ah yes, well that job is now taken care of.
Had just put DD to bed when the smoke alarm started going off every few minutes as the battery died..
Even after crowbarring it off the wall it kept pipping.. nearly threw it out the window. Is now buried under some cushions downstairs until I can sort it tomorrow.

Hi all. Can I join? DS 8 and DD

1. In my own for two years. solo I have had two days just like that with DS. He has done ASD traits and it's so fucking hard sometimes. Their dad had them for two weeks and did absolutely nothing at all useful with them....no.holiday work, no teaching of shoe lace thing, no opticians or dentist's appointments, no show or pencil case buying. Nothing . Utter utter waste of space

I get the same with my dc solo are you stressed out about anything in particular? Apart from the obvious stressful crap we deal with off course

I'm in bed, going to try an have an early night, haven't been sleeping well I'm thinking that I'm heading into the dark cloud that is depression I can just feel it. I've been okay all summer. I think it could be a mixture of not having a minute to myself and summer hasn't been kind to my bank balance or my waistline

The girls are back in school now though so it will be good to get back into a routine.

solo you're not horrible. As squirmy said it's all on your shoulders. I'm too tired to think about the psychology and dynamics behind it but basically you're fine and it's not you . Hope things are a little better today.

Dc's are back at school. I've got today off and really wanted to blitz the house but I was out all morning doing errands and at a much needed gym class so the house is still a state.

How is everyone?

What do you do when your friends complain about "doing everything themselves" to you when their DH is away?

My friends DH works away one night a week and she complains a lot about "doing everything" and how hard it is, I find it so tactless.

Hi all. Bit down atm. I've been unwell but, I think I'm on the mend.

Squirmy I have a friend who is suddenly a lone parent who knows exactly how I feel when her Dh has had to work away for a few days! And she can never cope! Pah! They know nothing! I have said in the past when I got angry about it that being on her own for a couple of days/nights is nothing like being a lone parent. Think she was a bit taken aback.

Hi squirmy. I hear a colleague saying things like that at work. Thankfully I sit with my back to her so I can just give looks while I'm working. None of my good friends come out with it.

One friend does have a DH who works away a lot, she made me laugh saying that bedtime was always a nightmare and she usually ate on her own on those nights just to get some peace. Made me feel less crap tbh, I've never got better at it either!

House is still messy from the holidays. Kids were meant to go away last weekend with the Cubs but I had to pick then up after the first night as they hated it. (See my thread in mental health ). Still got to pack all the sleeping bags away and never got any housework done. Went to parkrun and that was it.

Hope you feel better solo. It is really annoying isn't it! There are lots of things I want to say but none are polite! That's good you said something.

Oh no meglet :( Hope this weekend is a better one. People really don't think sometimes, you just want to poke them!

Thank you :) I do feel much better.

Ds (19) had his bike stolen. He's been worryingly suicidal for 11 years and almost impossible to help. He can't get a job. Doesn't sleep at night but, has, in recent months discovered that smoking weed helps him sleep but, he knows he's becoming reliant on it all the time and wants to stop. Never in a million years would I have imagined that a child of mine would do this. I honestly don't know how to help him as he won't let me 'interfere' with his life. I can only be there for him. I love him and I worry about him so much. He says that he knows he's my son as I gave him my bad luck. I fear for him. I really do fear that he will kill himself.

Poor you Solo not sure if your ds would be amenable but I swear by b5 at night it helps my broken sleeps through 'the change' it has really transformed my sleep much better quality and no interruptions bar a wee wee break at 4 am lol.

It is as cheap as chips in Holland & Barrett too. I take 3 tablets half hour before bedtime it does say only take 1 a day but research online suggests taking much higher doses up to 500 mg (so in theory 5 tablets) is absolutely safe.

It is also good for feeling neurotic heh I need that sometimes in the winter it will be interesting to see how winters pan out now as I only started on the breakthrough vitamin April/May time this year.....

It is about £4 and lasts a month as I take 3 an evening.

Hope this helps if ds is amenable??