Thread #3. Fed Up With Being Chief Cook And Bottle Washer. Sunscreen.

[Solo]

Yes but, I don't think it's needed as it's clean, clear and flowing! :)

How are you all? I'm flagging. Really flagging.

I have been trying out Vogel menopause support tablets owing to crippling menopause fatigue.

Some days I feel my old self returning then the next day back to square one.

They do say it takes 8 weeks to work at its best though!

Hey ho.

Hi, I’ve been a lone parent to my toddler DS for 6 months now, wondering if it ever gets easier?! Ex sees him for about 5 hours on the weekend ( won’t do overnight/weekends) sometimes cancels late notice and then gets annoyed if I make plans for a weekend away!

He still thinks we should discuss ‘our family’, I’m even less likely to get back together with him than before! As he’s even more useless than before we split up.
Can’t say I fancy paying all the bills, doing all the childcare & look after him as well ( I am less of a mug than before thank goodness)

Flowers I don't think mine is menopause; it's CFS/ME.

Ddmcm welcome. I don't know that it gets easier but, it does change! I've brought both my Dc's up alone. My eldest is nearly 20 and youngest 11. The problems and difficulties change. Well done for getting stronger. This means that you are taking away his power over you and he won't like it. You can do it, you just have to believe in yourself. I just got bloody-minded about what I needed to do and whilst I'm not the epitome of a mother, my kids are doing okay. Your LO will too :)

How are you all?

Hi Solo how was your bank holiday? My DD is with her dad and I was keen to catch up at work but am ill and in bed! I think the body rebels eventually which is annoying as I'm rarely ill and it feels like a betrayal.

Hi ohami :) My bh was really lazy; we did nothing and didn't venture out at all. I'm a bit skint right now.

I hope you feel better soon

I am skint tired and fed up! Not helped by a negative comment by my platonic man friend who suggested I sell my house and move to a council flat. How would that help money if my mortgage is £36 a month. To start paying rent will just add to bills wont' it! Ridiculous comment.

I think I need to stay away from people for a month and get over my sulk lol. Eon has jumped up mahoosively since a smart meter put in last summer, my car insurance has gone up a tenner a month since a prang in December and life doesn't ever get easier financially it really doesn't. Sniff.

Is your mortgage actually £36pm? and yes, it'd be ridiculous to go into council who'd probably not house you anyway if you'd got any equity from a sale; he's daft for even thinking it. I have also had a hike on my British Gas energy bills :( I don't have a smart meter; my consideration of this was that I'm pretty careful anyway so, it wouldn't make a difference. How has yours gone up using one? Really interested in this; do they work differently? I thought those Hive gadgets looked good but, they charge £20pm for them! Crazy!

Hi Solo yes glad you think he is bonkers. Yes who on earth would give me housing if I had thousands in the bank!

Why I would wish to start renting is beyond me lol.

Yes it is only £36 but I am ALWAYS hard up. Not enough coming in.

Work income has gone horrid of late.

Ex still cannot pay maintenance. I am hoping in 18 more months once he gets his state pension he will at least give me £100 a month. I used to get £150 and it is sorely missed.

I told the gardener he is the one luxury I have left. Everything has been scrapped i.e. monthly massage (for stress and back etc) and shopping at Aldi now. Does seem to help though!

Not socialising for the foreseeable I cannot go out and relax knowing a) cannot afford it and b) cannot make ends meet right now....!

Hi Solo I was with British Gas for years but finally had a burst of energy and switched to one called Bulb and its saved me £30 a month. I'm dreadful at stuff like that and don't usually shop around so I was delighted. Ex didn't pay any maintenance this month but we're CMS as of next month so that should help. Got promoted at work and should get quite a big pay rise in August but this illness has scared me as everything hinges around my job for us to survive and I think they will be asking a lot of me. I don't feel so strong now.

I've been with BG for a long time too ohami and I don't think there's a lot of competition price-wise atm; everyone is expensive. I've just changed to a BG thing 'everything online' or something like that and I apparently will save some money but, I'm in it for 2 years.

Well, my Ds passed his driving test :) ^^

Found out an ex-colleague passed away and it sounds like he took his own life. Very sad; he was lovely.

Hi there, newbie lone parent, just placemarking thread my son is 14 weeks old. His dad has seen him twice but requires paternity testing etc , however like a PP he still bangs on about us being a "family", asking if he can move in etc. I love being with my son every day, even though I'm constantly knackered, and the idea of having his dad around is a nightmare. I don't think I'm ready to look after two children!

Congratulations on your new baby littlemiss. Don't have your ex move in if he is a nightmare you will just end up with more work. Solo that's great news about your son's driving test!

Littlemiss welcome and congrats to you. This thread is lovely but, it can go very quiet at times but, please post :) nearly always you'll get a response within a day

Ohami :) very good news :)

Thanks for the congratulations :) my son is so sweet, but we had a very difficult pregnancy and traumatic birth, so struggling my way through PND at the moment, and trying to get into a gentle routine which works for both of us. As all of you will understand, the thing about being a lone parent is that you don't get any time off! So I have to find a way to manage the frustration that I sometimes feel with my DS if he doesn't sleep or is having a grumbly day like he is today have to remind myself that I'm lucky to have him, and he is lovely for 90% of the time!!

Hi everyone. How's it going?

Ohami how are you doing? Is the job promotion going well?

Lovely ladies who are on their own from the off. I have been on my own from the start too. I raised both kids and have nothing to thank their fathers for as they did not help one iota. With Ds it was tough as I was working long hours in a very demanding job but, I did it. He was a colicky baby and his father 'didn't want to be a dad again'. Ds is now nearly 20. He's a lovely, pain in the neck at times young man that can talk to me about any subject and who relies on me more than he likes. He lives with my Mum now because we had a few differences of opinion and because I'm as stubborn as he is. Also because I only have 2 bedrooms and I have his sister to consider (well, that's what he says). He works. He's educated and he loves his family.
I've also got Dd (11) who I've also brought up alone. She was a nightmare baby that didn't stop screaming for 6 months and who didn't sleep through until 19 months (the wake to sleep method sorted it finally). She's sassy, cheeky and a pita but, she's lovely too.
Both of my kids have a huge sense of justice and have good values and morals. I did that. I put food on the table and clothes on their backs. I'm the one that didn't walk away. I have a chronic illness (19 years now) which I put down to working too hard and not sleeping enough whilst also having a baby to bring up alone. It's hard to do but, if I can do it, so can you. I was 34 when I had Ds. I love my kids more than life itself and it's hard - but, it's doable. You can do it :)

Hi Solo promotion is good thanks. Been away for work, was hard as I'm still recovering but was worthwhile and has raised my profile.
DD has just brought me breakfast in bed! She drives me crazy sometimes but I look at her sweet little face and she is a treasure. Her silly father will never have this joy.

And Solo your description of how you've raised your children is really inspiring.

I do worry about your chronic illness and whether I've just done the same to myself.

Well done for getting started well with the promotion ohami :) That's great! And breakfast in bed? Woohoo!

The chronic illness is a tough one. As I said, I'm stubborn so, I wasn't 'going to let it beat me'. Big mistake. Huge in fact because had I listened to my body instead of my head, I would most likely have become well after a couple of years, instead of 2 decades of it raising its ugly head every time I push myself a little harder for whatever reason. My advice is don't. Give yourself plenty of rest and listen to your body.

How are we all?

Hi Solo ok here. These last few weeks before the end of term are hard as there's lots of school events that DD gets really upset if I don't attend. It's one of the things that makes lone parenting so hard. There's a workshop tomorrow and I've said I just can't go.

Thanks for the advice about listening to your body - I had an early night Monday and it did help but then stayed up til 1 am watching the Handmaid's Tale last night. Own worst enemy I suppose but it's so nice to be awake and please myself!

I am too :) But, sometimes, it's nice to sleep longer by going to bed earlier and actually sleeping!

Dd has had so many school trips (another one tomorrow) recently and they are rehearsing for their year 6 performance, church service, and disco. All far too much money - and the bloody year 6 photo! Extortionate! And the new school uniform . Don't actually know how I'll manage it all. Dd also in her dance school show soon...

I wouldn't go mad with the new secondary school uniform Solo I overbought with ds. He never used any of the 4 jumpers I bought him and the rugby shirt he did not use for ages. Also I think most people ignore buying two sets of trainers.

Although girls may be more particular I don't know.

Ds has had exams this week but he has not been revising. Perhaps my fault for not reminding him but I have been bogged down working longer hours and I can't keep doing his thinking for him when he is now 13! Luckily they aren't GCSE's or anything ...!