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whats the hardest thing about being a lone parent?

83 replies

sunnyjim · 23/03/2007 10:58

anyone? the good the bad and the ugly please

OP posts:
smeeinit · 23/03/2007 11:01

i have been a single parent for 10 almost 11 years and the thing ive found the hardest since day 1 is the finances!
i have actually (most of the time) loved bringing my boys up on my own but hate,hate hate the constant struggle with money.

tortoise · 23/03/2007 11:03

Money problems and loneliness! Lack of adult conversation in the evenings once DC are in bed.
Otherwise I love being a single Mum.

starfairy · 23/03/2007 11:05

Agree with tortoise.

mumto3girls · 23/03/2007 11:06

The relentless 24/7 of it...but I enjoyed my year and a half as a single parent better than my years with their dad!!!

sunnyjim · 23/03/2007 11:08

okay, have few worries about money (variuos reasons to complex to go into but I should be fine - no mortgage)

I don't get much bloody adult company in the evenings now

I lived on my own for 5 years and loved it prior to meeting DH

I'm hopeful we'd have shared custody and an amicable agreement. Its one of those not in love any more situations

OP posts:
starfairy · 23/03/2007 11:16

Sunnyjim, you'll be fine.

Makes all the difference when its amicable.

Since xp & i parted we get on better than we ever did.

tortoise · 23/03/2007 11:29

you will be fine sunnyjim.
Have you family/friends around?

RachelG · 23/03/2007 12:54

For me, the hardest thing is not being able to go out. I don't have family or trusted babysitters nearby, so I can't go out without DS. Most of my friends have husbands, so they can leave them to babysit. I can't do that. I can't even nip to the corner shop for a pint of milk after bedtime.

ThisEasterTime · 23/03/2007 13:10

All of the below ring true - especially the milk after bedtime is almost and everyday occurance.

Also I work 16 hours a week and DS in nursery, today I had travelled into the office been there 10 whole minutes and got THE CALL from nursery that he had bad nappies so could I collect him. So i had to leave work again and was only off 2 weeks ago with DS chicken pox - seems never ending at the mo.

Finances is also hard and just wonder will it ever get better (starts sepnding the 27 Euromillions lottery emotion!)

AMAZINWOMAN · 23/03/2007 19:25

I agree, its definitely the finances. Although Im getting better at budgeting and being organised with money, my kids friends have fabulous holidays, sports cars, the latest TV etc whereas my tv was secondhand when i bought it 5 years ago, our only wheels is my sons scooter and taken out debt just to go away!!

also co ihave no family support i find juggling work and kids dentist and doctors appointments really hard. I need to work full time soon, so how do i juggle all that?

suejonez · 23/03/2007 19:30

finance isn't too big a problem with me - tight but manageable. Don;t even mind the evenings in - I'm very elderly so feel I have had my share of wild parties.

hardest things for me at the moment (though suspect they will change are:

a) as someone else said, the relentlessness of it
b) never ever ever ever having a lie in.

Otherwise doing exactly what you want to do with them and not having to concern yourself with a DP can be less stressful in my experience (depending of course on the DP!)

Chimpynoodle · 23/03/2007 19:32

Agreed - never having quite enough flipping money!!!

Not having anyone to share special moments in DD's life with ("do you remember when she...?") type things.

Don't miss the lack of adult company in the evenings at all, I love being able to be self indulgent & not having to make an effort for anyone once DD in bed.


the lonliness and not having anyone to rub your back

suejonez · 23/03/2007 19:33

chimpynoodle - glad I'm not the only one who quite likes vegging out at home in the evenings! Was beginning to feel like sad old person!

Hillary · 23/03/2007 19:34

Being ill and not having anyone to hand the children over to so you can be sick in peace.

Chimpynoodle · 23/03/2007 19:38

Lovely innit?

Earlybird · 23/03/2007 19:40

For me it is the fact that there is no division of labour. When you're a lone parent, everything is down to you. Every decision, every chore, every food shop, every meal, every load of laundry, every arrangement/logistic, every pile of dishes, every bag of rubbish to the bins, etc.

Or that might be just me at the moment....we're going to visit my family for a month tomorrow, so I'm in laundry/packing hell...not to mention clearing the fridge, etc. And on top of that, both bathrooms are being completely gutted/redone while we're away, so everything must be completely cleared out and packed away.

Was just thinking earlier how much easier/faster it would be with another pair of hands, and someone to joke with about it all.....not to mention, someone to help pay for it!

suejonez · 23/03/2007 19:43

I think so Chimpy - no fighting over what to watch or the remote (if I can find where DS has hidden it)

singledadofthree · 23/03/2007 19:48

is quiet a list as have raised three of them on me own. would say that not being as good as two parents is top of the list - most of kids mates have both and seem to do so much better.
the being constantly in debt doesnt help either - never able to do all the stuff with them i would have liked despite giving up smoking, rarely going out, driving a wreck of a car etc.
dont really recommend it.

EllieK · 23/03/2007 19:50

not having someone there to give you a hug and reassure you when you feel like you're not coping

indiajane · 23/03/2007 19:50

Sunny, I divorced my DH two years ago (got back together now - mostly due to moment of passion (drunkeness) leading to DS1)

It's fine really I'd say it was hard at first getting used to not having the children all the time - but you get used to that and then it's lovely to have some time to be able to do your own thing.

The main times I was down was during a weekend when I didn't have the kids and didn't have anything to do - then I would find myself staring at the walls, thinking well, it's Saturday night and I'm on my own, doing nothin... what the hell was it (the messiness of breaking up) all for?

But I'd have to say that the single hardest thing was telling the dd1 and dd2 that we were divorcing

mistressmiggins · 23/03/2007 19:59

listening to my ex speaking to the kids on a Friday night at 6pm "Im in the lounge watching the news".....when we were together, he never got home b4 7pm & so rarely saw kids during the week

loneliness in the evenings - a couple of times a week is ok but not every night

full working day followed by picking up 2 tired kids from nursery & knowing I have to get home, cook tea, get them to bed, get ready for the next day when IM KNACKERED


diy handles falling off, broken toilet, drippin tap

sunnyjim · 23/03/2007 20:47

not having someone there to give you a hug and reassure you when you feel like you're not coping
Doesn't happen at the moment

Being ill and not having anyone to hand the children over to so you can be sick in peace
Doesn't happen at the moment

diy handles falling off, broken toilet, drippin tap
Don't need a partner to sort that out - I can do it or pay for it to be done myself.

I didn't have the kids and didn't have anything to do - then I would find myself staring at the walls, thinking well, it's Saturday night and I'm on my own, doing nothin
that sounds like bliss tbh, I have tons to do and never enough time right now. 2 or 3 nights a week to myself minus DS or DH would mean time to catch up on my music, go out with friends, continue with study etc etc.

WE dont' have a big expensive lifestyle now - and I wouldn't be much worse off at all in terms of spending money if we had an amicable split.

OP posts:
nikkie · 23/03/2007 21:38

In order!
1.I want another baby
2.Lack of sex !
3. Lack of adult conversation though most of the time it doesn't bother me atm as I am either at work or seeing people at school gates.Over Xmas was awful as everyone was so busy and didn't see anyone.
4.Not being able to go out in the evening as my parents look after the kids when I am at work so if I do o/t or meetings I can't ask them to do more (haven't got to Yoga for 3 weeks and feel really stressed)

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