whats the hardest thing about being a lone parent?

[sunnyjim]

anyone? the good the bad and the ugly please

oh yes forgot about the lack of sex
cuddles
someone to wash up, make me a cup of tea, listen to me moan, run me a bath, generally miss feeling loved

Like a couple of others, I quite enjoy my quiet evenings! I have one ds and look after at least 2 other children a day for 4 days a week so I very much enjoy the peace!

Luckily money isn't a big issue, although it's going to take me about 10 years to save a deposit if I want to buy my own home (not that any bank would lend me enough to buy anything bigger than a cardboard box under Chiswick flyover!).

No Mother's Day card (although I know even those with dp/dh may still not get one!).

I do find that because I am single and work for lots of families with small children I am swamped with babysitting offers. I think they all feel sorry for me and want me to go out and meet someone!!

The biggest downside for me (like someone else mentioned) is not having someone to share the special moments with. Like my ds having a glowing report from his teacher at parents evening or him telling me on Weds that he has a girlfriend (he's 4 1/2!!).

But, this is the way things are. It's not perfect but it's the life I'm living and I'm making the best of it!

Just a quick note, the "amicable" split often becomes less amicable when another partner - his or yours comes on the scene. I have a friend who has split after 16 years, her dh found a new partner within 2 months, kids got introduced after another month... and she's not happy about the situ at all.

Not saying by any means, stay together, but do be prepared for a roller coaster ride at times.

Good luck x

definatly (sp?) the lack of sex, cudles and back rubs ... and someone to do up a necklace!! Have had to but loads of long necklaces that fit over my head

The overwhelming feeling of loneliness is what I hate most.

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CanAiry I got one of those packages where all landline calls are included then use mobile minutes for mob-to-mob calls!

My phonebill is ok so long as I can use MSN, when my computer broke the other week I really wanted to cry at the thought that I wouldn't be able to speak to anyone.

GOOD: Life is a million times better without him than it was with him. I know that I'm being the best mum I can possibly be for my daughter now, whereas I wasn't before.

BAD: Not sharing DD with her dad. Also, media image of single mum is either Kate Moss or Vicky Pollard. No mention of being nearly 40, knackered, heartbroken, skint and facing homelessness.

UGLY: Being permanent pity case at baby groups etc. Still, happily milking it with friends stepping in for baby sitting duties. Would have fantastic social life if only I could stay awake past half ten.

Can't reciprocate babysitting with friends with children, but tell them to leave their ironing as pay back.

Never having a lie-in, that's another one.

But I love not having to cook tea for anyone but me and DS. I can have a bowl of cereal for tea if I want. Or just icecream. Or chocolate.

Bliss!

not being able to pop to the shops without taking the kids with you if youve forgotten something

not having a second opinion

managing money

if watching something on t.v, not having someone there to comment about it

other than that

bliss,being a lone parent and not cleaning up after a man

18 months into split with DH. Have 3 DD's. Been a complete rollercoaster. At first sure I'd done right thing. Happier without DH around. Lots of negativity dispursed. I'm sure everyones individual story is completely different. But over the months til now emotions go from one extreme to other. From being glad it's over, to wishing we were together again. For all sorts of different reasons. Coping with behaviour problems, coping with lonliness, coping with money. I'm sure it's going to take many more months to stabilize and feel completely happy with my lot!

Good luck whatever you decide.

for me the hardest thing is not being able to share especially my worries.
somebody to reassure me from time to time.
these are the hard bits that i believe i am not able to cope well.
and to me i feel like as time passes i am becoming a more worrying person.
dont know what to do for that.
but it is effecting me i know.
and another thing which i definitely believe is i am more strong with a man in some social situations.

Not quite lone, but preparing for it. Already used to the lack of sex, but cuddles sigh. Thank goodness my little boys love "huggy snuggles" as they call them. Finances will worry me, but was never overdrawn before H came along. As he's been travelling I've got used to being sole parent 24/7 for over 2 years now. But I know it won't be easy. I'm so grateful I've got amazing friends here who listen and hug when required.

tax credit system and not being able to just "pop out" if you want to!

no body being able to take over when i feel like im going to have a break down!
Having constant money problems
not being able to escape to get college work done
just having a toddler with me 24/7 and feeling like i cant breathe sometimes

but this last 15 months have been the best of my life compared to those i was with 'the ex'!

1. Other people's attitudes. The assumption that their dysfunctional husband being there, makes up for everything else and automatically means their children are being brought up better than mine. (Bitter? Moi? )

1. Never, ever getting a lie-in or a break, the buck always stopping with you.

Struggling through all the things mentioned below and then have one of your smug married friends with no financial worries go on about how great it must be to be a single parent, or how you're lucky to only have one child...grrrr!

Replaying every aspect of your relationship wondering if you did something wrong and if it was your fault.

Not having anyone to share anything with.

Loneliness and lack of intimacy.

Having to work like a dog all day and then come home to more work and trying to fit in quality time with your child.

having your ex dump you with all his debts and having to spend the next four years trying to sue him for the money back while you scrimp and save trying to pay all the monthly payments as he buys a new house, a new car and goes on foreign holidays.

Having your ex refuse to pay child support and then tell you that if you need the maintenance money you obviously cannot manage so should 'give' your son to him and he will give him a better life and you can just visit!

Putting up with the fact that your ex does not speak to your ds or have any other contact with him outside of the two night visits he has with him once a fortnight and then have him spend the time telling him how much better off he would be if he lived with daddy.

Having your ex - who left you for another woman and now has another child with her - tell your son that mummy shouldn't have a boyfriend because she is selfish and should be happy just loving her son!

Hearing your son tell you that daddy said he doesn't like you... whatever happened to respect and common courtesy.

I could go on but it would just be ranting without purpose!

So it sounds like crappy ex's aside the biggest hurdles are money and loneliness?

Depends how lonely you felt in your relationship SJ.

I felt lonelier during the years I was with xp, than I've felt in the years without him.

Caligula I know exactly what you mean about other people's attitudes! I hate that assumption that 2 parents are always better than one, even if the parents are at eachother's throats constantly. I often hear of people staying in a bad marriage "for the sake of the children". What rubbish. I just don't believe that my DS would be happier if he could lie in bed at night hearing yelling and shouting, plates being thrown around etc.

OK, rant over!

money worries, having noone to hand over to when you are sick (like i am today )

Oh god yeah Lou, that is the pits. I cried the first time I was ill after xp had gone, not because I felt really poorly but because i still had to carry on and there was no one there to give a toss.

i know it's shit isnt it?