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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Hardest thing possible

43 replies

mummymick · 12/01/2017 23:56

I was 21 when I had my son. His dad was my best friend and I loved him more than anything. He was around for about 4 months then said he wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
He has 3 kids with another woman and I've watched for years as he's played daddy and done everything I've wanted for my son.
Out the blue about 4 months ago he walked back into our life and me and him decided to give things another go. Now we're getting on great but my 4 year old son isn't taking to it very well. Please help I'm trapped as I want my son to be happy but I want to also have some happiness. Do I tell him to leave ?

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 13/01/2017 00:01

Are you saying this man has four children under the age of five?

He left you with a four month old baby?

Now he's had three children with another woman and left her?

I'd be very wary it I were you. He doesn't seem to be intent on committing. What makes you think he's not going to leave you again?

This reads as a recipe for more hurt and disruption for you and your son.

Original poster
mummymick · 13/01/2017 00:08

He had a baby with her first. They then split up as she had post natal depression and then couple years later I had my son with him.

Then he left me and the baby to go back to her and had 2 more children with her in this time. She didn't want him seeing my son which meant he had to choose apparently he did this for his family at the time.

My heads all over the place I thought it would be a dream come true him coming back and my son having a dad finally! It hasn't gone at all to plan though 😥 now I'm left wondering if he loves my son as much as his other 3 children and noticing differences in the way he acts with them.

OP posts:
OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 00:21

I can't say this strongly enough,

YOU ARE AN IDIOT IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING BACK WITH THIS LOSER

Seriously, wake up. Read your second post on this thread. Then read it again and keep reading it until you see what I see.

Just to help you get there:

-he made a woman pregnant then left her with a baby while she had post natal depression because of the child he impregnated her with.

  • he then made you pregnant and left you with a baby. Literally walked away and disowned his son.

-he went back to lady number 1 and impregnanted her twice more. He now has 4 young children.

  • he walked away from her again!!
  • he walked back to you who he will probably impregnate and leave again.

He is a scummy disgusting loser who doesn't deserve one child let alone 4 and he sure as hell doesn't deserve a place in any woman's bed after the complete contempt he has shown for you both!

Nonotmenori · 13/01/2017 00:23

What the force said with bells on. Do not even engage with this so called 'father'

BitOutOfPractice · 13/01/2017 00:23

It's not a dream come true. It's a nightmare come true.

This man will let you down again.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 13/01/2017 00:23

No.
Have some self respect.

OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 00:24

Oh and I am not speaking from a place of ignorance.

I am one of those mugs who got back with my ex who left me whilst pregnant with our first child and disappeared for 3 years, not a text or birthday card or fuck all for our child. But I fell for his promises and took him back, was pregnant within a week and of course he was the same person he always was and I'm a single parent of two DCs who's father couldn't give a flying fuck about them.

Original poster
mummymick · 13/01/2017 00:25

I do see where you are all coming from but have you never loved someone so much that it genuinely hurts well I love him and my son and have never looked at anyone else like I do him. I've met new guys and not thought anything of them compared to him.

OP posts:
OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 00:25

And why did I take him back? I thought I owed it to my son to try and have his parents together. I was wrong, I owed him so much more than than arsewipe.

Original poster
mummymick · 13/01/2017 00:26

I'm in a really bad way about it all. I want my son to bond with his dad but he doesn't seem to be able to do that and his dad just keeps getting disheartened by this and backing off

OP posts:
ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 13/01/2017 00:27

Ok.
Take him back.
Only he will walk out on you and your son again.

OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 00:27

If his dad wants to be a dad he can do that without access to your sexual organs.

Original poster
mummymick · 13/01/2017 00:28

I'm not saying it like that. There's no need to be rude I'm saying I am struggling to get my son to bond with him. I am afraid I love his dad very much and it's not about him just getting a shag

OP posts:
OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 00:32

I am afraid I love his dad very much and it's not about him just getting a shag

I hate to break it to you, but that's exactly what it is for him. But it's your life, just remember this thread when your six months pregnant and need someone to tie your shoelaces but oops, where is he? Oh he is back with is ex? Who could have predicted that? This guy has found a pair of mugs to yoyo between every time life gets a bit "responsibility heavy" with one of them. They don't even make him wear condoms! Result!

Good luck OP.

AfroPuffs · 13/01/2017 00:34

Your son has the measure of him then....

Original poster
mummymick · 13/01/2017 00:35

Wow now your making a lot of assumptions for starts he's never yo yo'd between us and secondly I don't want anymore children and finally is your life so perfect? Have you never struggled with a decision or with feelings? Cold hearted or what

OP posts:
OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 00:37

for starts he's never yo yo'd between us

Got her pregnant, left her, got you pregnant, left you, got her pregnant (twice), left her, now he is back with you.

That looks like a yoyo to me.

finally is your life so perfect? Have you never struggled with a decision or with feelings?

Did you read my previous posts? I took time to give you the benefit of my experience and you can't even take the time to read it?

BitOutOfPractice · 13/01/2017 00:40

Yes I have loved like that. He was the love of my life. But not the right man for me. So I had to walk away. It broke my heart. Truly it did.

You need to do the same.

AfroPuffs · 13/01/2017 00:44

What did you want to hear OP? Why do you want to be with a man who left his partner as she had postnatal depression....was she to blame?! He has absolutely no sense of responsibility, respect or consideration to have done that and then got you up the duff as well. Disgusting human being.

Children are highly perceptive as well. They pick up on certain vibes and I have every sympathy for your ds who has to put up with this loser who has suddenly appeared wanting his attention.

AfroPuffs · 13/01/2017 00:48

And YES been through similar and had to see the bigger picture...walked away.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/01/2017 00:49

Were you the OW OP?

Joinourclub · 13/01/2017 01:00

Your 4 year old sounds like he is a better judge of character than you are!

RunWalkCrawlbutMove · 13/01/2017 01:07

Maybe your son had a bad feeling from him. I should imagine most people would.

He is a crappy father and crappy man. He will be utter shit as a partner. You sound delusional. He treated you and your baby like dirt. Fucks other woman leaves her and kids and treats them like dirt.

You love him so much it hurts? Get some help. See s therapist. You have very dysfunctional ideas about love and family.

Put your son first not this feckless waste of space.

NC1nightstand · 13/01/2017 01:16

Fantastic, spot on advice but the OP, doesn't want to hear it. For some reason.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 13/01/2017 01:25

You need to walk away for all the reasons everyone had already said.

No it won't be easy. Of course it won't. But in the long run it will be so much better. Trust me. I've never met a man I'll love like I loved my ex. Although I'm totally in love with the most amazing guy.

No one can ever replace that first love. And that's ok. If you let him back now he will break your heart again. And again and again.
Let him be a dad by all means. But not a partner.

Like I said it will be hard. Good luck

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