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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Poll - child maintenance - how much do you get?

136 replies

Sumwoman · 04/12/2016 17:42

I have had a disagreement with my ex about how much he should pay since we split 10 year ago. He currently pays £250pm. I have two teenage boys aged 14 and 16 who are both still in education. They live with me most of the time and visit him on alternate weekends. I cover all the costs of clothes, hobbies, school trips etc. He pays child maintenance and covers the cost of food/clothes for when they are at his every other weekend. He has a good job and is probably earning £40k plus but he now has a new wife and has had two more children.

I am interested in how much child maintenance is considered reasonable? How much do people think it costs monthly to bring up two children? All I want is for him to share this cost equally.

I appreciate people taking the time to respond.

OP posts:

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Starlight2345 · 04/12/2016 23:10

I get £5 a week through CSA

PigInMuck86 · 04/12/2016 23:14

2 DCs who see him two nights a month. I get £100 per month for both and get moaned at for not being grateful

VoyageOfDad · 04/12/2016 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Parkourbench · 04/12/2016 23:34

£25 a week for my 12DD
Private arrangement. I know it's not heaps but it gives him room to contribute more when she needs something. He took her on holiday this year. Will buy her bits and pieces when she wants them. Suits us.

Parkourbench · 04/12/2016 23:38

Also should say she doesn't stay with him but sees him and his family every fortnight.

Happydappy99 · 04/12/2016 23:45

Private arrangement of £100 a week for 2 DC, he also pays half the childcare bill (if it's for when we're both working), half the uniform costs and half the costs for any extra curricular activities.

GettingScaredNow · 04/12/2016 23:59

£82 a week, for 2 dc. Don't use any service to collect but did use the calculator.

That's it. He doesn't do anything with them or contribute to anything else in their lives.
But I mange. They are 4&2 and already showing signs of disinterest in him.

sanityisamyth · 05/12/2016 00:13

ExH is retraining so only gives me £150 a month for 1 DS despite having £150k in the bank from an inheritance. I pay £850 a month nursery costs. I have it in black and white (e-mail to nursery/prep school) that he's not to be held liable in part or full for any of DS fees.

champersandgin · 05/12/2016 00:25

When DH and I first got together when DSD was 3 (back in 2001), he was paying £130

champersandgin · 05/12/2016 00:43

(Sorry, inadvertently hit post when accidentally reduced screen size)

When DH and I first got together when DSD was 3 (back in early 2001), he was paying £130 via CSA which was made up of £100 + £30 arrears. He'd been paying her cash which she then denied. He proved that she'd lied but to no avail. When the arrears were over, he still kept the payment at £130.

They stopped using the CSA back in about 2002 when she went for reassessment after she had another baby then failed to fill in and file her financial forms.

He (we) periodically upped it so that by the time she was 16, it was £200 a month. He also always paid half of foreign school trips and birthday parties etc. We never reduced it when we had children of our own and regularly checked the CSA calculator to check it. We also never asked to stop/reduce payments when DH was made redundant (twice) or had to take 6 months off unpaid for a shoulder injury.

So it kinda galled when she belittled our payment during (what became) a row about contact when she was moving into a £2,000,000 house with her boyfriend and we were struggling to make ends meet.

DH has a very difficult relationship with DSD now which I do blame on her mother. They have such a high lifestyle in comparison to us which has made DSD very materialistic. DH just can't compete. Makes me very sad for them.

Anyway, I guess that's a lot of waffle for saying £200. For every guy that avoids, I think there's 2 or more that do what they can despite what their ex thinks. I think DH's ex think's he's only done the bare minimum but it's just not true. Her idea of the value of £200 is very different to ours.

RonaldMcDonald · 05/12/2016 00:50

£1500 pcm + extra for holidays gifts clothing etc
This is for 3 children

Graphista · 05/12/2016 01:16

No I'm sorry champers I don't believe there are more nrps getting 'taken advantage of' than there are those not paying or not paying the minimum.

Csa's own stats are 37% failure to collect completely that doesn't account for those that use loopholes, pay erratically or not the full legal MINIMUM (which Csa record as 'successful'), or the cases where resident parents haven't gone to the Csa out of fear or knowing their ex will not pay no matter what, or where the nrp has emigrated.

champersandgin · 05/12/2016 03:35

That's not what I said at all Graphista. I never mentioned NRPs being taken advantage of. I mentioned about more doing what they can. That's not the same as being taken advantage of. I can only go by my experience and circle of friends.

I don't think my DP has been taken advantage of (well except the lying at the beginning of the csa journey) and fully accept that he should contribute what he could for his DD. My point is that he did but his ex probably didn't believe that.

reindeerbitesback · 05/12/2016 03:45

My ex has only started paying child support in the last few months. I "let him off" all responsibilty for 5 years as he was so young (16 to my 19) when they were born and I had financial help from my parents. He's never seen them or had any contact and currently gives £100 a month for two DC now he's 21 and is working full time - it's not enough but I've been without anything for so long this feels like bundles.

reindeerbitesback · 05/12/2016 03:49

I should say that we are also in talks for him to have a little contact with DC but I don't know if he'll follow through or how long the payments will continue. No formal arrangement.

Graphista · 05/12/2016 04:02

Champers I was referring to the tone of your post and your opinion that twice as many nrps 'do what they can' than don't pay/mess the resident parent around.

Original poster

Sumwoman · 05/12/2016 07:03

Graphista I am not sure the university will give me that information. He is doing some lecturing and a phd at the same time so not sure of the balance in income. I know he started with around a £20k grant but wasnt doing any lecturing initially. At that point he told me that I was lucky to get anything as strictly had no income so CSA would have said pay nothing.

OP posts:

LBOCS2 · 05/12/2016 07:45

Graphista, you're basing your argument on flawed data. CSA stats don't take into account the many, many separated and divorced couples who haven't had to revert to official intervention for maintenance payments; those who sorted it out as the terms of their divorce or just came to an amicable agreement about how much the NRP should pay and then pay it.

Fishcakey · 05/12/2016 07:53

I get £195 per month. I think the ex earns a lot more nowadays but I can't be bothered to rock the boat and will take what I can get. If he ever stops I will be back to the CSA.

Graphista · 05/12/2016 10:26

No stats are perfect but csa/cms's are closest to a monitored data on this subject.

My opinion is not just based on this but my own experience (by which I include the people in my circle who are separated parents on both sides of the debate) and from what I've read of people's experiences here on mn and other forum over a period of 14 years.

Graphista · 05/12/2016 10:28

Op the university can't comment directly on his personal pay but if you know what his job title/'rank' is and roughly what he does hopefully they could give you a rough figure?

Maybe even look at their recruitment ads for similar posts?

Just for a rough idea to use on online calculator.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/12/2016 10:51

but if you know what his job title/'rank' is and roughly what he does hopefully they could give you a rough figure?

Whole load of DPA issues around that.

Graphista · 05/12/2016 10:57

Really? Just even with a rough level wage wise?

Original poster

Sumwoman · 05/12/2016 18:55

Thanks everyone. You have given me a lot to think about!

OP posts:

lotsoffreckles · 06/12/2016 08:02

We pay £900 pcm for my Dh's 2 DD's and this is based on the calculator but is a private agreement.

We also pay for the youngest weekly activity and DH Exw pays for the eldest (roughly works out the same on a quarterly basis) we go 1/2 on all parties/school expense (uniform, trips etc) and hand over DH P60 at the end of every financial year and adjust accordingly, just wouldn't ever think not to?

We are currently expecting our first DC together and the thought hadn't even entered my head that they payments would adjust.... just don't understand why people see paying for their children a chore. Sorry for all of you that have to fight... xxx

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