My son doesn't want to see his father - what do I do?

[sanityisamyth]

After 10 years of marriage, my then husband started online dating when our son was just under a year old.

Our son is now 2 (3 at Christmas) and does not like going to see, or stay with, his father.

For about 8 months he has been saying "I don't like daddy", "don't make me see daddy" and running away from him when he sees him. Normally, people we meet he goes straight up to them and gives them a hug.

He's come back from ExH dirty and stinking of an unclean house, with severe nappy rash, with head injuries (which ExH can't/won't explain) and with other marks and bruises.

Nursery have called Children's Services as they were concerned how my son reacted to seeing his father when he picked him up.

I was driving home from a friend's house yesterday and explain to my son that he would be staying with daddy tonight, and he just started crying. He wasn't making lots of noise, just silent tears and trying to curl up into a ball (he couldn't as he was in his car seat). He curls up whenever he sees him. He looked very upset and depressed. He said he wanted to hold my hand and he just squeezed and squeezed it and wouldn't let go.

I am seriously concerned he's being neglected or worse when he's there and I don't know what to do.

I work full time and need someone to help me on Saturday mornings but I have no family to have him. Some friends have offered occasional help, but nothing I can really rely on. But my son's happiness and welfare need to come first.

WWYD?

Ok block his emails also and as say send him one last email all further contact to you only through solicitor as you are not prepared deal him directly now then that's the end as he is making you feel bad maybe feeling unsafe etc so end it

Make it clear in last email that he's not to call you email you or come your house ever again and onkynthrough solicitor will you reply from now on

Also make sure nursery do never ever give to him and that they ring police if he tried

It will all add up to lots more against him if he tried to apply to a court for access

Thanks Carol. He's threatened to pick DS up from school before, or to have complete strangers (to me and DS) pick him up (which I know nursery wouldn't allow) but he totally steamrollers me and my feelings/concerns to the point I do not trust him.

I'm really worried that if he does take it to court that he will make me out to be neurotic or using DS against him. I have pictures of nappy rash, head injuries, back injuries etc.

You need to believe the court would back you up - because they would. Talk to school/nursery about your ex and make it clear he's not allowed to picked up by him.

Thank Always. Will talk to nursery this morning (again). They're brilliant - have told them before that only I will pick him up, or he goes on the school minibus to the campus where I work. Because ExH is on the birth certificate and there is no court order they said they can't legally stop him, but they can delay him and call me in the mean time.

So - ignoring the e-mail is the best way forward?

I'd reply back that deal only through solicitor from now on and that he's not to come your home or ring you again and that this is last email as you are blocking him now and as to nursery get legs advice today about preventing him collecting as I'm sure you can stop but u need ask solicitor.
By doing this yes he may try confront you etc etc but ring police if he does come your home as by the fact you've told him they can arrest under trespass law because you have told directly not yo visit you p,us you can add in threatening behaviour it will all add up to more ammunition for you in future.

Legal advice lol not legs

Pm if you'd like to

Thanks Carol I'll bear that in mind :)

OP you need to stop contact to protect your child. What is the latest with your lawyer?

Nothing on this matter but the draft consent order is nearly agreed. One point is really stressing me out though and ExH (soon to be) is causing issues on this too.

Your duty is to protect your child and I am sorry but you aren't!!
You can't tell exh who /where /what he does when ds is in his care. . Limiting the time is irrelevant. How long would it take to abuse a child??
He is a bully and you are scared of him. .
But you send your son with him. .

How did this turn out sanity?
Read this with huge interest, I'm in a very similar situation. I got a non molestation order against ex last week following an episode of dv where he got in my house. This was after I attempted to limit then stop contact due to fears (and evidence) he was physically and emotionally abusing my eldest ds and emotionally abusing my younger ds. Since the nmo was granted he's gone completely silent, not heard anything despite constant prior threats I'd hear from his solicitor.
I'm off work with anxiety, have 2 distressed dcs, have had to apply to drop from ft work to school hours only - I could only work ft due to him doing some pick ups etc - and given events the dcs need me around more than ever.
He's stopped my maintenance, I've had to speak to mortgage provider today re possible arrears, may in fact end up having to sell our home but my dcs are safe. And that is worth everything. Draw a line and stand up for your boy. The consequences of not doing it are potentially too awful to even consider.
I know it's hard, I really do, it's consumed me, I'm not sleeping, not eating, feel,sick, shaky, all day all night.but I keep telling myself it he can do that to me through fear what's it like for a child, shut in a flat alone with him raging, bullying, manipulating. That gives me strength to go on.
Good luck 💐