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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Do I have a romantic view of singleparenthood?

35 replies

jampots · 06/01/2007 16:11

First of all Im not a single parent but am unhappy with my dh but thats another story. Anyway he was working away yesterday and overnight and came back this morniong and it has been so relaxing at home. I got loads done and everything seemed to tick just nicely despite being busy and knackered when i went to bed. He's away early part of next month for 2 weeks training and I am counting the days til then just so I can experience the freedom again. So please tell me am I just being romantic about it or is it really bliss?

OP posts:

AMAZINWOMAN · 06/01/2007 16:13

why are you with him then?

Original poster

jampots · 06/01/2007 16:33

long story - now very boring too but I wondered whether yesterday would have been a snapshot of how life could be like or whether because it was for a day/not forever it was more of a novelty

OP posts:

AMAZINWOMAN · 06/01/2007 19:34

if you are always angry and stressed with him, it is permanently better being single. It is easier dealing with kids without stressing about argueing etc

but it better having 2 parents than one, less exhausting less financial pressure, making decisions together etc.

i chose to be alone with kids, but is is practicaaly easier and finacially easier with 2 parents.

tortoise · 06/01/2007 19:38

Apart from being lonely in the evenings,being a single mum is great. I can do what i like when i like!
And as all the money i have coming in is mine (and DC's) i can spend it how i like!

ThisTime · 06/01/2007 19:41

Drinks on you then tortoise!

I think you saw a snapshot of what it could be like! I've have been alone since pregnancy so never known the other side but agree with AMAZINWOMAN it has to be easier with both parents.

megandsoph · 06/01/2007 20:10

I love being a single mum, only downer I have found recently is due to being pregnant at the mo with 3rd, is being unable to say "please can you take over for half an hour, while I rest".

I can't really put a finger on why it is but I just love it.

MistletoeMiggins · 06/01/2007 20:10

When I see couples arguing, I feel glad that I only have myself to answer to...but being a single parent is hard - you dont have restbite and every day you go to the toilet being watched etc etc
you do worry about money

and if your ex finds someone new, there is someone else (and their family) who are now involved with your children

BUT if unhappy, I would say single is probably better

cant answer that one as my exH had an affair & eventually I kicked him out & hes still with her....I hate that part

RachelG · 06/01/2007 20:14

I reckon being single is much better than being in a relationship you're not happy with.

I'm quite happy as a single parent, except the times when I need an extra pair of hands. DIY is a pain without a bloke around. And it's quite hard knowing that the buck stops with you, there's no-one else to step in if you need a break.

But generally it's not that bad, and if you're relationship is unpleasant, then you're better off out of it. I'm sure kids pick up on tension, even if there aren't blazing rows. You know what it's like when you spend time with a couple who clearly aren't happy together!

charliecat · 06/01/2007 20:18

I have been unhappy for ages and have ended it today with dp, although my eyes are red and ive been bawling my eyes out, my shoulders feel lighter.
No more grief from him.
I had a moment like yours a couple of years ago when he went to his mums..I didnt forget it.

essbee · 06/01/2007 20:42

Message withdrawn

mogs0 · 06/01/2007 22:48

When I look at some of my friends who have partners I feel quite happy that I'm not in their shoes. However, I look at some other friends and feel real envy for what they have with their partners.

If I could change one thing it'd be that my ds had contact with his Dad. Mainly for ds's sake but partly to shut up the nosey people who always ask me the awkward questions and make me feel ashamed about being on my own.

I like making decisions on my own and I like not having to check things with other people first!!

nutcracker · 06/01/2007 23:04

Well it's definatly not bliss but it is alot better than it was, for me anyway.

I moan on here alot but, I get far more done housework wise now that xp isn't here, I pop to my mums with the kids and don;t have to rush back to put tea on, we eat what we like when we like, eat on our laps if we want, have fun, laugh lots, have lots of pj days and generally are just alot happier like this.

There are shitty bits, being lonely, being broke, tired, when your ill etc etcf, but the good outweigh the bad.

glitterfairyrenewed · 06/01/2007 23:11

Nutcracker you are absolutely right the good outweighs the bad all the time and the bad was very bad!

essbee · 06/01/2007 23:14

Message withdrawn

glitterfairyrenewed · 06/01/2007 23:15

Hope you are ok essbee! I think we all yearn for a good family relationship though at times but I am really enjoying my freedom adn will continue to for some time I think.

essbee · 06/01/2007 23:18

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 07/01/2007 00:12

We have all enjoyed the freedom from acrimony. It is a much happier home.
There are usually huge financial implications and even with us there have been which make things harder. In fact most divorces lead one side into poverty and that's a huge risk and has implications for children however happier they might be without their parents being together.

If you split he might get the children too. Could you live without them? Could you live with no money for you or the children from him too? Many men disappear and pay nothing. Some make up and "prove" unfitness of mothers and get orders the mother never sees the child again. Others snatch their children to countries where you cannot get them back. These are big risks.

Original poster

jampots · 07/01/2007 00:20

frigging hell xenia - i would bet almost my life on the fact that dh wouldnt even contemplate having the children for an overnight let alone living with them. They are 10 and nearly 14 and still he hasnt put them to bed!

I wouldbt do anything until i was financially secure though (ie. no mortgage) dh will be well provided for by his parents

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 07/01/2007 00:24

at 10 and 14 think your pretty safe from nightmare chidsnatching / unfit mother allegations scenarios xenia has put before you

controlfreaky2 · 07/01/2007 00:25

you're, obviously!

Original poster

jampots · 07/01/2007 00:26

i hope so

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 07/01/2007 00:29

nighty night

Judy1234 · 07/01/2007 08:07

But not from silly teenagers playing games saying I want to live with my father not my mother and he will need the family home so we can live there sort of thing (mother forced to move out to rented flat)...

wombat2 · 10/01/2007 20:07

Remember feeling like you jampots and really enjoying time when my then h wasn't around. Agree with nutcracker about the freedom and relaxed way we can chill out when we want. And anything is better than being in a bad relationship. But the loneliness and lack of a break does get to me a lot - a local support network is really important to stop you getting down. It's just a relentless grind at times.

WideWebWitch · 10/01/2007 20:14

Jampots, I've been in an unhappy marriage and a single parent and (now) a happy marriage and over unhappy marriage I'd choose single parenthood every time. And my ex is wonderful, but we just weren't compatible.

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