just had letter off sols really need advicepleaseurgent

[7up]

my hands are shaking,ims o upsetand pissedoff with my ex. he hashadone contact visit cancelled because ds was sick and ive just had a sols letter from his asking togo back to court on 21st dec

bumpplease hesdue here at 3today andi feelliketelling him to fuck off

Whatever you do dont be aggressive to your ex. Other than that, I have no advice, sorry!

backto court because i missed a visit on 31st october (first one missed). ds has health probsand is sick a lot of thetime.

he has every tuesday 3.30- 5 and every other sat 3-4. he does turn upon time.

there was a row a few weeks back and the supervised contact has been really strainedsince, my mum supervises most of the time.

ive just rung himand told him im goingtofuck off, i know i shouldnthave

bump anyone else?it was a final order made in august.

the cafcassreport made before the final hearing (done in may) is now being referred back too.

ithought that anew report would have to be made if a final order has basically closed the case

have you got a solicitor? Have you got an existing order? Try to keep calm as it will only be used against you by him

th3e existing report states supervised contact at my home as listed below. can the cafcass report be bought up after a final order

If you have a final order he might be reapplying to change it - can't really say without knowing more. If he has done that you should have received a notice telling you about the hearing and what he is applying for and asking you to sign an acknowledgemnt.

I would make a note of how contact has gone since the last order and if you have had to cancel say why. Then take it to your solicitor.
Might be an idea to start thinking about Christmas and what arrangemnts you want to mske as hhe is bound to ask if you end up in court in December.

sorry 7up just saw your message - yes an old Cafcass report can always be referred to.

ime (have been through court a few times) very little will hapeen on 21st dec, so try not to worry. was it you whose older son is feeling threatened by having him in the house? this could be a positive thing, your son can tell how much the contact is upsetting him and you may get something better sorted out. i know it doesnt lift that horrible sick feeling you get but it might be for the best. i cant believe you will get in trouble for cancelling one contact session because your son was ill.

but i didnt agree with the cafcass recommendations because of sons health and the ex agreed aswell and now will be asking for unsupervised ,which the report stated should happen after 8visits which is why i didnt agree to it because of ds's poor health

hi gigglegoblin, yes its me. so do i have to put up with him till 21st december, inmy home

sounds like you need to have it written into the order what happens if ds is ill. if you can get medical records backing up what you say then it shouldnt be too difficult.

i dont think it would help to stop contact unless your older ds is really in danger and you can apply for an emergency court appointment to change the order. i guess he will just use it against you if you dont stick to the order and that could be really damaging. do you have a solicitor you could ask?

ive just phoned him andtold him to visit today (i cancelled as ds sick again). i know andthe exknows that liam will cling to me crying, and ignore him but if thats how he wants to see then so be it.

gigglegoblin, cani get another reportdoneso the other one isnt adhered to ? ds's health really wasnt taken seriously by thestupid cafcass lady andsince then hes been diagnosed with one thing and awaiting a cardiograph(sp)

can I ask how old is you ds and what is the health problem/ It's just that the visits are short and it's hard to say without knowing whether it's reasonable to stop contact. Is her dad not good at looking after her when she is ill?
If you can't bear him at your house you could try to get an agreemnt with his solicitor before the hearing for contact to take place somewhere else. At your mum's house supervisd by her?

my son is 2 and we split when i was pregnant, ds didntsee his father till he was 1 because he immediately started court proceedings when ds was born.

ds has cranial diabetes insipidus which is a hormone inbalance and requires 2 injections a day and constant monitoring of his fluids in and fluids out so he doesnt dehydrate. he has numerous food intolerances and is waiting for a heart scan as theyve found a murmer now,which im not overly worried about but the docs are because liam is always so sick.

his father has no experience at all of young children and doesnt interact with him,he mainly sits watching cbeebies. liam will not let him pick him up and screams on the 2 occasionshe hastried. i wouldnot trust him at all inkeepingmy son safe andhealthy for any amount of unsupervised contact. my doctor wrote a letter basically stating about liamshealth and that she didnt forsee unsupervised contact for liams health

i have been through court 3 times and had a report done each time. it does mean going through the whole process again, but if the situation has changed i dont see why not. my sol did say they expect to see you again if things dont calm down between parents as situations change and if you still cant agree then sometimes 2nd or 3rd time through court is necessary. i think i would write to your doctor and ask any questions which may support your position in court on 21st, that way if he wants an interim order you have evidence on your side. i dont know your position re legal aid but i didnt get it last time so wrote a lot of letters myself to save money and just explained i had no solicitor asked them to please treat this as a solicitors letter which may be used in court. i found that people were happy to deal with me if i explained but the first few i didnt put it in and i just got a reply saying get your sol to write.

so sorry you are going through this, its so hard being reasonable but it does work in the end!

You get a letter this morning and you're furious. You then phone him and tell him to fuck off (did your ds hear that?). You then tell him he can't see his ds for one hour this pm because he is sick. This will not help your case at all.

so what do you think will happen on 21st then gigglegoblin,sorry asking loaeds of questions. my brain is messed up by this yet again, all for one feckin visit missed! i absolutely loathe the man.

ive just rung his home phone and mobile to say come today and hes answered neither, so i presume i can now tell thecourt that after checkingwith mum to supervise(i just rang her), hes declined his visit today

sorry, I'm getting the messages too late - it's not that I'm not reading them!

7up, can you update the court on your ds's medical condition - asking the docs to put on record the latest information? It shows he needs a responsible adult to monitor his fluids constantly, for instance. And have you got a diary that shows dates and times of contact visits - to prove you've only missed one?

The bloody courts are bloody institutionally sexist, if you ask me. Putting the interests of some man who walked out on his baby and only turned up after a year over those of the children (given hostility to your eldest). But that doesn't help you right now.

ok zookeeperfor the record when i first rang him i said before mentioning court that ds wasnt well and it was up to him if he visited or not,he said "oh iwont bother if hes not well then" THEN i mentioned the court letter after

thanks edam, hes such an arrogant twat its unbelievable. will the courts think its laughable as its only visit missed or give me grief