just had letter off sols really need advicepleaseurgent

[7up]

my hands are shaking,ims o upsetand pissedoff with my ex. he hashadone contact visit cancelled because ds was sick and ive just had a sols letter from his asking togo back to court on 21st dec

it will probably be a directions hearing, we had thousands of those. if the court really thinks you are stopping him seeing ds i guess they can make an emergency order but i think he would have a hard time proving it. get the doctors letter just in case, that way you have back up so its not your word against his. im not a solicitor, so i cant say what will def happen its just my ex is as big a pillock as yours so have been there, done that! my ex dragged me to court over some pretty pathetic things, he ended up getting quite a talking to from the judge so if it really is all over one missed visit (which has not been repeated since) then i think he is making a bit of a prat of himself. send him a text aswell, make sure you keep it on your phone so you can say you tried to get in touch after initially being very angry. can you email him aswell? take a printoff so you can prove you did that too

i might be going a bit ott here but my ex accused me of everything possible so i found it paid to have the evidence in my bag even if it wasnt used!

i have never gone to a first court date and had an order made on the day that i did not agree to.

sorry 7up got wrong end of stick - I will beat myself with it now!

Seriously, though, what can go wrong in the short time dad is seeing DS? If he's applying to court to see him maybe he should be given a chance. If he's a complete prat he'll blow it but at least you will have tried.

You say he's got no experiece with young children but how will he get it if he can't see his ds?

I,m not suggesting contact that would put ds at risk but regular supervised contact where dad can be shown how to monitor the fluid levels etc. That would only be changed to unsupervised after, say 3-6 moths if everything had gone well.

I don't think you should supervise because your ds will automatically go to you and so never develop a bond with his dad and also he will pick up on the hostility between you. Your mum sounds ideal.

zookeeper, he does see ds, hes missed one visit because ds was ill which is why hes going back to court

I didn't think you knew that for sure. Is that wht the solicitor's letter says? He could be going back for different reasons, eg to ask the order to be changed to unsupervised contact.

Agree that not a lot wlill happen in court though - likely to be a short 15 min hearing, no wigs or gowns or barristers or anything like that. Try not to worry.

ive missed one visit out of a possible 19 since final court order was made.

il have to ring solicitors monday and speakto them,cant see my legal aid being in placeby 21st dec though and a hearing got cancelled before because it wasnt ready intime so presume this could happen again

oh 7up, have absolutly no advice to give, but just wanted to say sorry that you have all this extra stress, as if you dont have enough already, hope something is sorted out soon.

aw thanks lanismum

does your ex have the training to look after little l? does he need to be trained to give injections ect?

yes he would need to be trained for the injections but that wouldnt really happen unless he had ds overnight.

it just makesme laugh because im sure that hes doingthis to upset me again as hes admitted that hewouldnt have a clue how to care for him.should have got that in writing shouldnt i

or maybe he just wants to see his ds

what a bloody nightmare, he sounds like a complete arse, poor little fella, having to spend time with such a dick

What has he done?

sorry that post was childish and not helpful, i have no clue what hes like, was just trying to cheer 7up up, might have got the wrong end of the stick, but i took it as he did see his son, and that just 1 visit was missed because of her ds health probs, so for him to drag it back to court for that (if thats what hes going back to court for) is unfair.

zookeeper,go away, youre bugging me now! he does see his son, do you not read the posts, he is taking me to court because of one missed visit

lanismum, that message was fine

glad i have summed him up

7up, it appears that zookeeper was really trying to help you with legal advice. Her message 'what has he done' was in response to the other post about your dh being a twat.

If you only wanted people to make you feel better by slagging off your dh then your original post should ahve said so.

doubt it 7up, he wouldn't get legal aid to go to court for one missed visit as he wouldn't have grounds to make an application. I doubt if any solicitor would advise him to pay to make an application on those grounds either.You said yourself you didn't know exactly what he was applying for.

I don't see what he has done other than split up with you. On the one hand you criticise him for not seeing your ds and then for trying to see him. Poor bloke can't win. He appears to be hanging on in there for contact sessions which sound agonising, with you probably watching him like a hawk, waiting for him to make a mistake.

Incidentally, your ds is the child of you both - I see it's "my" ds all the way throughyour posts. How telling is that?

yes tillymum - I really was trying to help but won't bother again - 7up only wants to hear that ex is a bastard. Nothing is ever that black and white.

Oh 7up I am so sorry this has happened. Email me again if you want.

zookeeper- he didn't see his son for a year- he now wants unsupervised access to a child with a number of health problems. He sounds pretty dickish to me.

7up if he says something about not having a clue how to care for him again, it might be worth making a note of the date, time and context.

as he started court proceedings immediately his son was born (and why did he have to start theem then?) he would probably have been advised not to see him pending the outcome of those proceedings.

We don't know what he's applying for because s7up hasn't said - she has said that since a row things have been "strained" - funny that as she does the supervising mainly and she says that she "loathes " him. I wouldn't blame him for trying to change things.

zookeeper go away will you, i need positive support not unwanted support. ive just had him ranting down the phone to mefor half an hour saying hes going to tellthecourts im an unfit mother, which i am not, ive had 2andhalf years of struggle getting ds diagnosed and 2half years of caring for him

just read the messages sorry!

zookeeper, i havent slagged him off for anything other than dragging me back to court for ONE missed visit, has that sunk in now.

i do not hang around like a hawk waiting for him to make mistakes, i have tried tellinghim howto interact with ds as it doesnt come naturally to him. most of the timei am out in the kitchen cooking when he visits and leave them to it,but when ds is sick which is a lot ofthe time obviously he is clingy and comes to find me. what am i supposedto do say "no, you cant have comforting cuddles today darling because your fathers here"

also for the record, he had access from the day ds was born