just had letter off sols really need advicepleaseurgent

[7up]

my hands are shaking,ims o upsetand pissedoff with my ex. he hashadone contact visit cancelled because ds was sick and ive just had a sols letter from his asking togo back to court on 21st dec

hi 7up. bloody hell your going through the mill at the mo! no advice really except all men are wankers (but you know that already dont you!) just letting you know im here if you want to moan!!

ah thanks ellsbells, ive just screamed andshouted at eldests foootie match to let off steam

"my doctor even included in her letter... that ex didn't take liam's health issues seriously"

Has your doctor met your ex and discussed wthis with him?

you again zookeeper, are you bored? because you keep popping on here and obviously trying to piss me off

I haven't posted on here before but have followed the thread and frankly 7up I think zookeeper was trying to do her best to help out and just because she hasn't slagged off your ex you've decided not to take any notice of her. Grow up!

yea ok whatever

point proved I'd say

I am bored of women who don't seem to realise that their children have a right to get to know their father as long as the children are safe. It seems to me that your ds will never settle into a routine with his dad if you are hovering in the background. I also wonder what harm could come to your son if your ds took him out for an hour each sat without your supervision if he was well enough?

7up only you know your full story and your reasons for worrying...personally i would be wary of letting anyone take out my baby unless they knew them properly and i was confident that they would be ok. we have spoken before about your dc's illness and unless i was 100% sure xp could handle any problems that arose i would be just as concerned as you are. sorry about the unsupportive messages. dont need it when your feeling shit already cat me if you like xx

Just like to reiterate earlysbirds comments - it sounded from the initial post that 7up asked for advice about the situation she was in. Lots of advice has been given and it actually sounds like zookeeper has experience of the legal process and therefore her comments shouldn't be disregarded in favour for other comments along the lines of 'all men are bastards'. Speaking as someone who's dh is going through the stress and worry of a court process at the mo to try and get ex to comply with a contact order that was agreed years ago, but who hasn't seen his daughter all year, I find the men-bashing comments that appear on these threads particularly offensive. Nothing is so black and white, and for every man who doesn't bother with his kids, there is another one trying to be a good dad to the child he loves but who unfortunately got involved with a woman who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to use a child as a weapon.

7up - agree with the comment that you should write a calm letter stating all the facts about previous access and then make an appointment with your solicitor to talk through what the next stage will be. Keep a diary of the contact he has had with his ds and most importantly remain calm and professional throughout the process. Hope things work out for everybody involved.

The courts don't usually order supervised contact unless there is a very good reason and evidence to support that reason. I think we should assume that supervised contact was ordered for a good reason and not just assume it's because 7up is being difficult or trying to prevent her ex from seeing their child.

7up, it did occur to me that perhaps your being in the house when ex is there is possibly making the situation more difficult than it need be. You've said that your mum supervises the visit, but it seems that you are elsewhere in the house. Clearly your ds will pick up on the fact that his mum is around and will want you if he feels unwell or is just being clingy. If you went out (say just for 10 mins at the beginning and then increasing to 30 mins/1 hour), it might give ex an opportunity to see his son without said child constantly wanting mum who is only in the next room.

I know it must be galling to have to leave your own home so he can come in, but it might help as your mum is there. If you have a mobile phone, your mum could always call you if ds really needs you. Is that something you could do?

I thnik zookeeper tried to make the same point freckle, but I don't think 7up liked it. I think you're right, supervised contact isn't ordered lightly. We don't know the full story because 7up hasn't shared it, which is fair enough, but she seems only to want to hear from those who support her view, which is quite different from the impression given by the title and initial post.

I don't see it that way at all. It is quite frightening to receive a solicitor's letter out of the blue, particularly when you think that contact is progressing well (apart from missing one time due to her ds' ill health). 7up originally posted because of that. I do think her ex is being nasty and a prat to take things back to court so swiftly.

And 7up has posted on other threads about her ex's behaviour and, believe me, I think she goes out of her way to ensure contact is maintained, much as it must stick in her throat to have any contact with him at all.

hiya freckle, i get eldest in from school and onto his homewor,he gets in at 3.30 when ex arrives, then i pop out till about 4.30 and come back and go into kitchen and cook their tea.

my father doesnt really want my mum supervising anymore because of the aggressive outburst the ex had a few weeks back as he worries about her being around the ex for obvious reasons.

in my eyes he is lucky that i am allowing him to continue his visits after intimidating myself, my mother, my eldest and the little one witnessing but i am well aware that the court order states i have to let him in my own so i continue to do so

thanks for last message freckle, xposts

Have you looked into a contact centre? More hassle, I know, having to get everyone out of the house to get there, but it might be a solution and avoids you having to let someone into your home who you would rather wasn't there.

yea i did go and visit a centre in our hometown but because ds was in/out hospital an awful lot having tests/anesthetics he was too poorly to go to one really so i decided that it was best for liam to be in his home and his father come here.

i can tolerate it,like isay, i go in the kitchen and keep out of the way but this solicitor letter is like a bolt out of the blue.

when he phoned up ranting at me yesterday,he said he was fed up with my bullshit??umm that confused me, my reply to that was , what bullshit?you come to my home visit your son, get emails updating on his health etc etc.