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Original poster

AIBU to ex's request

39 replies

lexb14 · 22/04/2015 13:30

Am not sure whether I am being unreasonable or he is?
This is my first comment so apologies if I am.....

Bit of background ex husband normally picks up my/his daughter age 5.5 on a wednesday eve at 6pm for the night and then drops her to school in the morning....
He is almost always late, I have asked him to come earlier as she really needs to be in bed by 7pm on a school night.
I normally feed her as she is starving by 5.30pm.

I had an email from him today saying...."I should be with you by 6/6.15. I’d like to be able to have supper with Olivia so would appreciate it if she had not had eaten."

I have replied...."If she's hungry I'll feed her I'm afraid, I don't care that YOU'd like to have supper with her."

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
BunnyLebowski · 22/04/2015 13:31

YANBU.

That's too late on a school night. He needs to get his arse into gear.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 22/04/2015 13:34

far too late

Quitelikely · 22/04/2015 13:35

Can't you give her a snack and tell her she is going to have tea with her dad?

Original poster
lexb14 · 22/04/2015 13:36

Thanks Bunny Smile

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 22/04/2015 13:36

I'm thinking this man has upset you in someway and you are transferring issues in relation to your daughter.

Only you will get worked up.

Forgiveness is the best form of self interest.

Original poster
lexb14 · 22/04/2015 13:37

I will give her a particularly large snack tonight I think.... he lives in the dark ages and is only thinking about himself - yet again!!

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 22/04/2015 13:38

I'm with quite likely I would give a snack and say your are having tea with Daddy.

Original poster
lexb14 · 22/04/2015 13:39

I'm sure you are right Quitelikely.

OP posts:
OhNoNotMyBaby · 22/04/2015 13:44

That's too late. If his work is making him late I would have thought he could arrange to work through lunch and leave an hour earlier for example. With children this age IME it's essential they have regular meals to a routine, and certainly not just before bed.

Original poster
lexb14 · 22/04/2015 13:50

That's exactly what I think OhNoNotMyBaby but apparantly he cant do that, once a week, you'd think it were possible.
I am on the verge of stopping the Wednesday nights because she is inevitably late to bed and she's then shattered for the rest of the week.

OP posts:
meglet · 22/04/2015 13:55

yanbu.

If he's regularly late he needs to get his arse in gear and be early. work is no excuse either.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 22/04/2015 13:59

i would stop them, he is only seeing her for 1hr in the morning thursday...

Original poster
lexb14 · 22/04/2015 14:07

Thank you, this helps confirm that I am not going mad and being selfish as i am accused.
I now need to pluck up the courage to tell him.

OP posts:
HeadDoctor · 22/04/2015 14:27

If my ex spoke to me like that I'd be really annoyed. I don't think your stance is particularly unreasonable but you're clearly more angry than about this small thing. I can't see how one night makes a huge difference and agree with the others who said a snack with you and tea with Dad sounds like a good compromise. Eating with family is a great activity and should be encourage I think.

Why give her a particularly large snack? To sabotage? What's the point? I think you need to get over yourself really and have a good think before you induce even more conflict by changing the routine without discussion which you have no right to do.

Original poster
lexb14 · 22/04/2015 14:46

Thanks Headdoctor

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 22/04/2015 14:51

Timing of meals, bedtimes etc. all come down to parenting style and are not something a court would change contact over.
Before making any rash decisions it maybe worth getting some legal advice so you understand how a court would view your actions.
Courts want to see child centric parents who want to encourage good relationships between both parents unless there are genuine safety issues.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 22/04/2015 14:54

What's the point in him having her mid week if he's not seeing anything of her? 6.15 is very late.

Wantsunshine · 22/04/2015 14:54

I don't really see the issue. Going to bed by 7 seems really early and so does the time she eats. Why not give a snack. It is his problem that she is up in time for school.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 22/04/2015 15:08

A 5-year old at school is a very tired bunny at 3.05 pickup time. I used to take a small snack as one of them in particular was horrendous on the walk home. Up at 6 - 6.30 (their choice, not mine!), lunch at noon, mid-pm snack and tea at 6pm. If meals were late they would over-tired, tearful and stroppy.

BlackeyedSusan · 22/04/2015 18:00

she most likely atre shortly after 12, with the best will in the world she is not going tobe fed until about 7. of course she needs to have been be fed at your house first. respond politely, that she will need food as she can not manage the 6 hours from lunch to pick up time without being fed. At five they are starving and shattered by six. She probably needs a large snack to last until ex gets her home and prepares/provides a meal.

Patchworkpatty · 22/04/2015 18:40

why don't you call coral legal advice. sorry don't know how to link...they will tell you where you stand and their info is free. I personally think that you should stop mid week contact because it doesn't seem to be in her interest, only his !

Starlightbright1 · 22/04/2015 19:15

Another can't see the point of mid week contact. My Ds at that age was in pjs for 6.30 and 7 too sleep. We also did tea about 5 as he was starving. Can't he finish work earlier on a Wednesday. why does he have her mid week id he can't finish work till nearly bedtime?

Starlightbright1 · 22/04/2015 19:16

Can I also suggest you report your own post to remove your daughters name from the post

madamtremain · 25/04/2015 17:50

Why is he coming at 6pm though? Neither me, nor my husband would be able to be somewhere after work by 6pm easily. The suggestion of working through lunch and leaving an hour early would work if you were in a particular job but for many in careers it isn't an option.

Okay, so, as parents we just need to make it work so he should, if necessary just make it work and be with you earlier. Fair enough. He could do better.

Equally though, wouldn't it be nice if you're at home with her any way, to give her a snack, let her dad fulfil his work day to the best of his ability, then give her the opportunity to enjoy her evening meal with her dad?

Or.. You could use as an opportunity to point score. Your choice.

madamtremain · 25/04/2015 17:52

In addition, plenty of children wait for dad (or in our case mum and dad) to come home before dinner so the family can eat together. It does them no harm. In most European countries it is very normal for children to eat later. I find this need to feed children separately from parents at 5pm quite absurd to be honest.

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