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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

registering name of baby...

48 replies

America1 · 26/10/2014 08:06

Hello everyone,

my husband left me out of the blue im 34 weeks pregnant and getting stronger.

I have read online that aslong as I have our marriage cert I can register birth on my own and name our baby whatever I like...ie my maiden name.

anyone have any recent experience of this? And maybe if this wikl impact upom divorce proceedings?

thanks
x

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addictedtosugar · 26/10/2014 08:13

You can go to the registry office, and give the details for your baby on your own.
With a marriage certificate, his name can go on the birth certificate without him being present (you need his place of birth, however along with occupation etc). I don't know if you want his name on the certificate tho?

Original poster

America1 · 26/10/2014 08:30

yes I do. But would like baby in my name as I will eventually chang by deed poll. Im pretty sure I can I read it on gov website :)

OP posts:

addictedtosugar · 26/10/2014 09:09

Thats fine then.
Go to registry office, and you will be able to give baby any name you want.

HeadDoctor · 26/10/2014 15:08

Your husband could well then apply the court for a change of name, possibly to his name and possibly to a double barrelled name.

babyjoules · 27/10/2014 08:03

Your other thread says he wants Shared residency of your child! Surely if he is actively involved (and it appears he has every intention of being so) in your child's life then he should be given the opportunity to attend the registration with you and his name should be entered on the birth certificate?

babyjoules · 27/10/2014 08:04

Just saw that you are putting his name on- doesn't he want to help choose your child's name?

lostdad · 27/10/2014 09:50

Yes, you can go alone and register the child and call it what you like. You can also not include him on the birth certificate too.

But.

As you are married the baby will be deemed to be a `child of the marriage' and he will automatically have PR regardless whether you do this or not.

Futhermore, should you chose to do this if he takes the matter to court he will most likely convince the court to put him on the birth certificate, effect a name change and use your actions to show (rightly) that you are trying to cut a father out of a child's life.

Courts are keen for a child to have links to their paternal family and attempting to airbrush them out of history by refusing to put dad on the birth certificate and giving them your maiden name often goes down like a lead balloon in front of a judge. In my experience as a McKenzie Friend the court will accept a double-barreled name.

In short, I would strongly advise you not to do this. Believe me, it's better to come to an agreement. Go to mediation. Or shuttle mediation if you don't want to face him. The change in the law earlier this year means that should you be able to come to an agreement between you will see you attend mediation. And if you don't do, you'll end up in court. At which point you'll probably find it harder to deal with each other than before.

This is nothing to do with `Shared Residence' incidentally. The name of the child, whether he is on the birth certificate or not won't make a difference in terms of when and where the child spends his/her time. None at all. Besides...there is no such thing as Shared Residence any more.

Original poster

America1 · 27/10/2014 16:59

Wow this has blown out of all proportion.

I have never said I dont want him to see our child and I have never said his name wont go on birth cert. All I want is baby to have the same surname as mine....why should rhey have his?
there is no room for any arguements and if the law currently lets you call them whatever you like I will!

OP posts:

HeadDoctor · 27/10/2014 17:03

Except a parent with PR has a say in the name of the child. If you went behind his back and did it, that would be considered a good enough reason for the court to make a change to include your husband's surname as a double barrelled name.

starlight1234 · 27/10/2014 17:49

My Exh went and registered our son's birth alone so no reason why you wouldn't be allowed too

Original poster

America1 · 27/10/2014 22:45

It says online you can. Yes PR factors in tochange a name I not changing im giving it! Thanks to those who have been supportive..I have my answers.

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 27/10/2014 23:02

All people are saying is that yes you can give the child your name of course; however, he can easily apply to get it changed or double barrelled, as he will have parental responsibility, so you need to be prepared for that.

Solasum · 27/10/2014 23:08

My DS has both my name and ex's, one after the other, no hyphen. As I am the one signing him up for things, I use only his first surname (mine). Presumably ex would just use his name if he ever signed up for anything, and his paternal family call DS by his dad's name. Both names are on birth certificate and passport. We have had no problems so far, and I feel we have the best of both worlds as everyone is happy.

CheeseandGherkins · 28/10/2014 16:50

Why should a child have a father's name and not the mother's? Surely a court should be just as keen to add a mother's name to the child's? I wish I had double barreled mine and my dc's names'!

HeadDoctor · 28/10/2014 17:15

The courts generally seem happy to make orders to make a name double barrelled. With the mother's name there is the question that she may remarry and change her name so then the child would still have a different name to the mother. Obviously a father may also remarry and change his name but this is less likely.

CheeseandGherkins · 28/10/2014 17:26

I was talking with dh about this the other day. It would be a good situation if children could have both names, but then, it would start getting silly with huge long names down the line. I don't know what the answer is, but I don't think it should just automatically be the father's name, in this day and age.

I've read that some couple choose a new surname that they all then share but I'm not too sure on that one personally.

addictedtosugar · 28/10/2014 18:38

Cheese iirc, the spanish tend to give their children 2 surnames - Fathers Mothers (in that order). They keep their own surname on marriage, but the kids then get: Fathers (Fathers Surname) Mothers (Fathers Surname), so the patriarchal line still continues, but it is a generation displaced from the UK traditions. I know this is against what you are suggesting, but each child has part of their mothers surname, and part of their fathers Surname (and hence share part of their surname with each of their grandfathers)

Original poster

America1 · 30/10/2014 17:33

A double barrell seems great but it would be so silly for my baby given the surnames and yeh where does it stop......
thank you cheese and gherkins! If iv been the one to do this pregnancy on my own with no support whatsoever I will decide on the surname. He can take me to court couldn't give a monkeys :)

OP posts:

scarevola · 30/10/2014 17:47

You could start your name change process with the birth certificate.

Register the child in your own name, ie the surname you are reverting to, and give that name to the DC. The father can go on in his (different) name. If he chooses to challenge it later, deal with it later.

It would be sensible to take your marriage certificate with you, to show that a man with a different surname is indeed your husband (in case the registrar thinks you're trying to pull a fast one).

mineallmine · 30/10/2014 17:59

America, sorry for what you're going through. My friend's dh left her when she was pg with their (very planned) son. She registered their son with her surname and with his dad's name on the birth cert too. Much easier in the long run when the child, presumably, will be with you more than his dad.

You could always give your dc your ex-dh's name as an extra middle name eg John Paul Smith Jones with no hyphen- that way his name is still included (and your dc might like this later in life if his dad turns out to be a good dad) but he's just John Jones so not too complicated. It's hard to imagine your dc as a teenager now but I think he or she might like to have a bit of their dad there. From a practical point of view, it makes much more sense for him to have your surname for every day.

(My friend's ds is doing great- 14 now and happy and well adjusted. His dad was a shit dad for the early years and my friend is the most unselfish woman in the world because when he came back wanting a place in his ds's life, she let him and he's turned out to be a great dad now. Friend is happy too but was very scarred by what happened and has no desire for another relationship.)

And also, you don't need to change your name by deed poll, you can just revert to using your maiden name right now. (Or at least you can here in Ireland)

Original poster

America1 · 30/10/2014 21:38

My gps refuse to change me back to my maiden name even though they have a paper trail of my maiden name and my passport was never changed. Sickens me when they call my name out in reception.
not sure how she was able to take him back....did he ever say why he did that?
thanks for your support. A middle name could be an option x

OP posts:

HeadDoctor · 30/10/2014 21:40

You don't need to pay to change your name. Google "free deed poll", fill it in, print it off, take it to your GP (and anywhere else who needs to see it).

Original poster

America1 · 30/10/2014 21:47

Really? Wow ill have a look

OP posts:

Izzy24 · 30/10/2014 21:51

Either person of a married couple can register the child's birth without the other parent present.

mineallmine · 30/10/2014 23:28

America, sorry for the misunderstanding, my friend didn't take her husband back. But having ignored his son for the first 22 months of his life, when he asked if he could be part of his life again, she allowed him to start seeing his ds. I think she'd rather gouge out her own eyes than have him back.

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