Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

I hear you all :( how bad do we all feel... it seems so unfair.

misstired IME, it is often not your child but another that has perhaps started a 'thing' with your Dc and when your Dc has taken the gauntlet or hit back; they are the one seen to be doing something 'wrong' so please don't worry too much at this stage. My Ds used to get caught retaliating whereas the instigator of the problem/trouble got away with it. Ride it out, I'm sure it'll be fine in the end. And no long train journey to escape allowed because if I'm not allowed, nor are you
I have wanted to just escape for a few weeks alone...started to feel that way in '88 when I was in a really bad depression. I will do it one day. Rent a cottage and just go. Alone. to walk, sit, eat, drink, whatever on my own.

That bedroom tax isn't fair. I can understand Mrs 80 year old living on her own in a three bed house, but families need space.

I'm liking the 'misery loves company!' she certainly does!!

Friends just don't seem interested in their single parent friends do they? they're alright Jack...:(

does anyone feel theyre not taken seriously cos you're a lone parent?

having no one to fight your corner in many things, when people KNOW this and they take advantage, even though you stand up for yourself and your child?

I was bullied- yes, bullied- by a teacher when DC was in infant school, I wouldn't put up with it of course and complained to the HT.

a pernent told me it was cos Im a LP and teacher was like this to all LPS, teacher thought she was a LP for some reason, till her husband went into school and had a go at teacher, then teacher was nice as pie with parent!

parent, not pernent- typos!

I got the job :)

The one I REALLY wanted (pharmacy dispensing its what I did before I had dd) over the moon ! The hours im doing are 10 till 4.30 monday to friday and every third saturday.

Cant belive it im so happy

Congratulations misstiredbuthappy!!!! that is excellent news! good for you and not bad hours too!!! :)

Thank you :)

It's gone very quiet on here.

Dd wound me up tonight again :( she went snooping around my bedside cabinet and found a tooth that I hadn't got round to throwing out. I asked her where she got it from and she wouldn't answer me. So I told her that tooth fairies aren't real and that I put the money under her pillow and that she shouldn't go snooping. Feeling mean now. I've damaged her for life now haven't I?

hi. ive been wound up by DD too!

trying to paint her bedroom walls, over bloody woodchip, took 3 coats and STILL patchy. ive got no strength in my arms at all (from illness) but her room really needed doing. fell off ladder cos I gotr dizzy and sprained ankle.

HATE not mhaving any help, had to do it all myself, hurt my back moving her furniture around, shes got disabilities and I wasn't giving her her usual attention (trying to please her!) so was screaming at me, I just wanted to throw the paint and myself out of the window!

aching all over, no one to give me a nice massage, couoldnt even have a bath as we only have a shower room, oh im feeling sorry for myself today.

then you get the 'friends' who come round and say 'why didn't you call me, id have helped'. er no, the very few times I DO call you you always make excuses (obvious excuses IYKWIM) they jsuyt want to cover their own backs. (so tired im typo-ing all over the place!)

HAT HATE HATE not having someone to share all this with, to help me,someone strong would have painted room in an hour, (Wish I had the 60 min makeover team here!) and put everything back too.

sorry, OP, im getting the violins out, and I still haven't finished room, DCs fretting now cos paint stinks so shell have to sleep in with me and she wants her bed back!

TARDIS I know it's horrid! I'm also doing a lot of work in my house. Ds is fully able bodied and at 16 should give me the help I need, but no! he won't! and I could cry sometimes.

Anyway, you aren't alone; we are all here! keep posting :)

Oh and yes, woodchip gets really dried out and takes a lot of paint to cover without patchiness, but it does look better when the paint is thoroughly dry. Painful memories!!!

thanks. wasn't trying to steal any thunder btw, I was so bloody shattered, still am. walls look terrible, im not a natural painter but itll have to do, DCs okay with it, ill cover the icky bits with posters!

laid floor tiles (vynil) today in her room, easier than any other flooring and cleaner, and she was still ranting, I just screamed at her today (I felt so bad after). was told in shop how many tiles to get and im short 6 tiles! grrrr! will have to get more.

cant be bothered with rest of house, was going to tackle my room but itll do as it is. for you too, and everyone else on here.

Sorry I did write something but didnt press post

How did your dd take it solo ? Was she upset ?my dd has got her first wobbly tooth and wont stop pulling at it ! Bleurrghh it makes me feel sick. She cant wait for it to fall out so the tooth fairy can take it.

tardis theres nothing worse than bloody wood chip. Damn who ever thought it was a good idea I hope your ankle gets better soon ! I love where you say your gonna cover the patches with a poster thats thr same asI would do, I wallpaper a feature wall in dds room and ballsed it up the paper was completely uneven/wonky as hell at the bottom so I moved the room round by putting her bed length ways so you couldnt see the botched job I got stuck on the landing moving her wardrobe nearly lost 1 boob and 1 arm pmsl -

lol Tired at the boob and arms thing. been there done that too! glad im not the only one that covers the botch diy jobs!!

ewww thw wobbly tooth thing.

thankfully DCs grown out of that now, ive kept all the ones she lost, her little baby teeth! keep them in a little fancy tin.

don't know what to do with them, but couldn't bear to throw them away!

Put them under you pillow you never know lol

ooh, good idea, could get about £20 from tooth fairy!! .

hope all of you on thread are okay today btw

Hi everyone!

Re tooth fairy...hmmm. Well at the time she cried but I told her that's what happens when you snoop around things you shouldn't! you spoil things for yourself. I felt terrible, but was sooooooo mad!! anyway, she went to sleep and Ds came into my room and asked me what was what and I said "right, pretend I didn't say it, pretend there's still a TF if she asks" he agreed and she hasn't mentioned it; it might come up with the next tooth loss if there are any left to fall out.
I kept all my Ds's teeth and all Dd's but in recent weeks/months with all my decluttering and sorting out I threw them all out or so I thought. She obviously found the one I missed!

TARDIS I'm sure nobody would notice. I had woodchip in my old house in several areas; it looked lovely at the time! glad I didn't have to scrape it off! but painting it was a nightmare in the hall, stairs and landing though if it makes you feel any better, before we put that on the walls, there were layer upon layer of GLOSS on the walls! now that was a nightmare!
It does sound like you are doing great there though. Why not give yourself a break and then tackle your room? I can't wait to swap rooms and do my room up the way I'd like. The wallpaper on my current bedroom walls has been there for nearly 20 years. I did it and it stayed on. A bit chintzy and blue! my next room will be orange, black and creamy white. Will be hard work (I too have illness that prevents me from functioning properly :(), but hopefully worth it.

Luckily I have found a reliable DIY guy for £10 an hour who is willing to do decorating too so I am employing him a few hours a month .... I detest decorating so he can slowly work his way around my house lol. Next month he is doing the porch to start off with ....

misstired well done!! Nice hours too, not too early or late and the odd saturday to jazz it up a bit.

Thanks meglet

How are we all doing ?

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself, as I am also fed up of doing this all alone and could use a group of similarly situated parents to vent to and get advice from. My DS is 7, his dad is newly married to a British woman (I am American, been here for 10 and a half years), they're apparently (according to DS) fighting about having children already.

I remarried and divorced within a year - I met someone who I thought was a wonderful man and role model to my son, but he turned into a violent monster on our wedding night, following which I spent 10 months hoping it would get better but watching the marriage fall apart.

Now it is 8 months later and I am finally feeling myself again. Having said that, DS's father is difficult to deal with and I often feel like I am the sole parent rather than part of a two-parent team.

So - hello! I am happy to be here.

Hello RRM :) welcome! Glad you are feeling yourself again, but rather envious you did it so quickly too!!

The thread is quiet at the moment.

I have the actual flu at the moment, though I feel a lot lot better that I did last night.

How are you all going?

hi RRM too.

terrible.

DCs got autism and has been screaming and punching me today all day. I had to call police once as she really hurt me. Not her fault, she cant help herself and Im the nearest thing around.

Im bruised. what hurts more than the actual bruises is that I had a violent ex, enough from him, and an abusive childhood, I certainly don't need it from my own child.

I had to take her out of school as she couldn't cope with noise and crowds and would lash out in frustration and defense.

I home ed, that's fine, she copes well with that, but I cant be having school lessons all day every day.

I feel penilised for loving a child and wanting the best, everyone else just fuffs off and leaves me alone with her, and im the one that deals with everything.

no other family, no support network (council services crap and forever let me down), and it hurts physically and emotionally.

shes resting now and saying sorry erery 2 mins, she realises eventually what she does but cant help herself in the moment.

shes not a thug, she has an illness. shes well bought up.

Solo its awful being ill too when alone. get better soon.

TARDIS :( I hope you are ok. You have a lot to cope with; I'm sorry. Does your Dd's father not help out at all?

I am ok. Flu is nothing compared to what you are coping with each day. I'm sure even on the better days, you feel very alone. Do you get any sort of respite?

sorry Solo don't you find when you're at your wits end you end up very 'Me me me'? just needed to unburden.

so glad we have a place on mumsnet that we can eh?

DCs so called father bogged off years ago. we are much better off without him he abused us both. (Reason me and DCs gotphysical disabilities). want no contact with him ever, nor does DC.

Nope, no respite. Im okay with that, DC goes to her room for a while to play and I sit and have a break with a coffee downstairs, a couple of times a day, or when she has friends round, even though she needs supervision because of her outbursts that's a break too for me, and for her.

I worried more and was more stressed when we DID try a respite thing.

shes calm now and in bed fast asleep. , Ive cheered my self up by sticking on some Anita Baker-RApture cd, good memories from the 80's and watching tennis at the same time, and mnetting too, and now going to pour myself a teensy to calm even more before going to bed.

Its also good that we can all identify and empathise here. . thanks.

Thank you for the warm welcome Solo and TARDIS - Solo I hope you're feeling better now, and TARDIS I cannot imagine what you're going through but you sound like you're coping much better than I could. Perhaps it would be worth trying again for help with the local council? Do you have family support at all? Maybe if you were closer to family you could get a break every once in a while?

Yes, you do get very "me, me, me!!!" don't you (us, all of us, not you iyswim)? that's why I started the thread...Me ME MEEEEEE!!!