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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Finding a new partner when you have the kids at all times?

31 replies

kindledrama · 27/05/2014 22:14

So I am a single parent to 3 kids, they haven't seen their father in 2 years, and I work full time .

Is there anybody out there who
A) have found a partner even though they have 3+ children?!
B) did not have weekends/ days to themselves to spend qualify time with new partner to be?

It's started to sink in that I may be alone forever! But I'm trying to think positively. Thanks!

OP posts:

Foxy800 · 28/05/2014 08:00

Hi, didnt want to read and run, I only have one child but she doesnt see her dad on a regular basis and so like you I dont get the weekends free to go out and meet someone.

Sorry it isnt positive but wanted to let you know you werent alone.x

revealall · 28/05/2014 16:37

I think your age will be more important than the three children TBH. If you can mange 3 children you will be able to fit a partner somehow.

I have friends with two children who found love again. They were under 30 or over 50 though. All my 3+ children friends are still together. I think they have a higher tolerance for misery ( joke!).

Original poster

kindledrama · 29/05/2014 00:17

Thanks for the replies. I am 29! So basically I have one more year before it's too late for me?! Best start my search lol

OP posts:

Ladymoods · 29/05/2014 00:30

I feel your pain, I have 2 dc and a nc ex-husband so I too have them all the time. I know no (decent) single men and have no idea where or when I'm supposed to meet them. It's so frustrating sometimes, I'm not necessarily looking for a new father for my kids, just someone to have some fun with or just spend time with.

Good luck with your search, let me know if you find the answer

VanitasVanitatum · 29/05/2014 00:33

My 36 year old friend with two kids just got engaged. There are no age limits or rules, you can meet someone anywhere, any time. Online dating, school gate, park, night out if you have a baby sitter..

Quality time could be evenings after bed time? When they're in school/nursery and you have a day off..

It's possible, honest.

funkymoon · 29/05/2014 12:09

I'm 33 and in the same situation, with 3 kids who don't see their dad on a regular basis. Usually once a month i get a weekend off, but when i get that weekend off i prefer to chill out at home on my own, have a lie in and relax rather than want to go out.
As much as i'd like to be with a man again, i don't think i would have the time to date anyone right now.
I have kind of accepted that once my kids are a bit older i may stand more of a chance with finding someone.
Sounds so sad now i have written it out like that! lol

phoebeflangey · 29/05/2014 14:57

I was wondering the same, my dd is 12 and doesnt see her dad at all, he lives with his new gf and her 2 dc. I would love to meet someone but dont think it will happen until dd is 18!! :(

equinox · 29/05/2014 15:34

I think it all depends on whether we happen to meet single men in the usual course of events e.g. at work or other routine places and also whether we give off a positive happy attitude or not.

I don't have any access at all these days since January so am feeling a bit gloomy and in addition there is no family support not even Xmas Day and my son's birthday so it does take its toll on me and get me down. However if we try and find ways to take good care of ourselves and work on our inner being then hopefully a guy mature and sympathetic enough will come along eventually.....!

I think it also depends on whether the man is put off by your number of children I only have one so that is a lot easier in a sense but then some men would love children irrespective of their age as they are just naturally more paternal.

HTH.

FullySwindonian · 29/05/2014 16:04

My sister had 3 under 15 including one under 7. She also worked fulltime in fact very long days. Her children never spent every other weekend with their absent Dad at the time.

So she used to swap babysitting with her friends who also had kids.

What about asking at your local Ofsted nursery if any staff do evening babysitting?

Also, many council facility creche such as at leisure centres do 4 hour 'drop and shop' sessions where particularly in school holidays they'll take kids up to age 8. So you could have afternoon dates.

FullySwindonian · 29/05/2014 16:06

Also, I wonder if your school has a babysitting club for lone parents so that parents can give eachother a break?

spookySwitched · 29/05/2014 20:54

I have 4 dc's, work full time and have a boyfriend (manfriend? , boyfriend makes me feel as though im about 16).
My exH does take the kids most Saturdays though so I usually meet him then.

FidelineandFumblin · 29/05/2014 20:56

Will PM you OP if that's ok?

spookySwitched · 29/05/2014 21:46

Tbh though, without my exH taking the kids I think it would have been a non starter. We have been dating for almost a year and he has only just met my kids (and that was by accident). I think id have scared him off if he'd met them earlier.

Raskova · 29/05/2014 21:48

I know plenty of people who have lots of kids and have managed to snap up a dashing man.

Generally they had a brood of their own and understood, so I hope you have a big house with lots of spare rooms

FidelineandFumblin · 29/05/2014 21:58

Lunch dates are a great first date anyhow.

Oh and lose this idea that it's all over at 30. You could not be more wrong

Tottie24 · 29/05/2014 23:06

I understand completely, I too have 3 kids, though their father is starting to try and spend some time with them now, 3 days this month and possibly a sleep over soon, I too would love to meet someone but the time without the kids is spent catching up on paperwork, tidying and sorting out their stuff, my kids are 3,4 and 6, my mum would babysit but I'm so tired I haven't yet managed to take the plunge, or even find the time or energy to find a date, I'm 39 and broke so probably doomed!!! But I take comfort in thinking that if anyone does come my way he must super special to bother with me! I hope though you work something out and if you do let me know how you have managed it, good luck, I'm sure there will be someone out there for you but not having someone for the time being will be just making you stronger and more attractive to the one when he arrives

ForeskinHyena · 29/05/2014 23:26

I have 3 DCs. They stay with their dad once a week, but not a regular day and rarely at the weekend.

I went on dates by calling favours with friends and neighbours for an evening off or trying to coordinate it with my night off.

DP ended up meeting my DCs just a few weeks in, as my babysitter let me down so instead of a night at the cinema just the two of us, we took the DCs to see a kids film together.

He has his own DCs 50% of the time too, so we spend time together at the weekends and got to know each other's DCs early on. It was good for us, because if our DCs hadn't got on with each other or with each of us it would have been difficult to have a relationship, so it was only a few weeks of having to juggle before we all piled in together with all the fun and games that entails!

I know this isn't the way many MNers like to do the dating thing, but when you have children it's so difficult to do it any other way and one of the main reasons I left exH was being lonely and craving affection, so a new relationship was very important to me.

theuncivilservant79 · 31/05/2014 19:20

Online dating and taking up any baby sitting that's on offer! Worked for me Andi have 2 under 5

JaneParker · 31/05/2014 19:51

I saw a widow with 3 children for a bit (and I have 5 children and work full time and have my children 100% of the time). Not easy but possible. We both had our children 365 nights a year.

Original poster

kindledrama · 19/06/2014 00:00

Thanks for all the replies, read through and I feel more positive.. Like someone said, if i do meet somebody they will have to be a super special guy!

And maybe it's a case of waiting till the kids are older, but who knows what's around the corner?!

Just tired of being on my own and I don't want a casual relationship, would really like to meet someone properly!

OP posts:

Meglet · 19/06/2014 06:48

Nothing here in 5yrs since XP went. I only get 30 min lunch breaks so no chance of a lunch date! I've got 12yrs until I can pack DD off to Uni, I hope I'll get my social life back then.

TBH I'm usually so tired I barely know what day it is and can hardly form a coherent sentence, I wouldn't be good relationship material.

nugget05 · 19/06/2014 12:36

Not me personally but my sister had 3 children and found her current partner through mutual friends, they grew up knowing of each other but not actually knowing each other and them meeting as adults was pure chance. The kids father never had them and never gave her money for them so she couldn't go out as no time and all her money went towards the kids. Her now partner doesn't really do social gatherings liis the one they met at so it really was random luck. That was almost 5 years ago, they have 2 children together and he helps look after/pay towards all the children. It does happen and it will happen for you, it'll be a random moment when you least expect it good luck

largerleon · 19/06/2014 14:51

Hi, I'm so glad I found this thread
I am 6 months into this single parenting and struggling with 4 DCs aged 11, 9, 7 and 5. 2 of them are disabled, one in a wheelchair, which kind of rules out babysitters. Their dad sees them when he feels like it, no matter what I may have planned (trip to Tesco's usually!)
I have just about given up hope of ever getting out on my own and figured that if I do meet someone, like Tottie said, he'll only ever see me with the kids to start with and if that doesn't put him off, yes he's a special one!!
I'm 46 on Sunday so I hope life's not over at 30 lol. Going to be a weird year of firsts I think...
Thanks to you all for giving me hope

Sidge · 19/06/2014 15:27

I have 3 children (including one with SN) and my exH is military so often away for months on end. I don't get a lot of time "off" and have no family to help/support.

I have met a wonderful man - met online dating as I figured I was always either at work or with the children so unlikely to meet anyone any other way! We started out with brunch/coffee dates (luckily all children are school aged) and then progressed to dinner and cinema etc in the evening. I asked friends to babysit for me and as most were really excited for me and supportive of me dating they were happy to babysit.

When their dad is home I make the most of it and I get away for the weekend or go out as much as possible. Sod the housework, it can wait!

largerleon · 19/06/2014 18:34

Wish there was a 'like' facility on here...
Thanks Sidge, that's great news.
All the best to you and your new man
X

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