1 parent, 1 child families

[HeyBungalowBill]

I'd just like to hear about your experiences really.
I think this is mine and DS's future, just me and him together and I'm really excited for it if I'm honest. I love the bones of him and can't wait for all the fun we will have when he is older.

What do you enjoy about having a 1 parent and 1 child family and what things are maybe not so good?

You can have them in bed with you every night if you really want. Early morning snuggles are the best!
It is far easier alone than having to please someone else who is not the bio dad as well, from my experience.
You get all of the cuddles and love and you know you taught them everything.
It really is you two against the world.
They think you are amazing and can do anything - none of this "daddy uses tools and mummy does cooking" cliché in so many families.
You get to decide what to do with your evenings.
You get to decide what to have for dinner.
You get to decide if your weekend will be dominated by sport or whether you can spend it in the sunshine
You have complete control over all rules - no one else waltzing in and deciding they are allowed chocolate after teeth brushed or whatever.
You don't have to worry that you are spreading your love too thinly as you are each other's only
You don't have any guilt of them hearing arguments
You don't have to worry they will see you being abused (physically or emotionally) and grow up thinking that is acceptable.
And some not so great...
All mess has to be cleaned up by you (maybe handprint painting wasn't such good idea with a toddler who suddenly jumps up needing a wee?)
All food has to be cooked by you (if it wasn't already!)
All disciplining has to be done by you (" ")
All illness has to be soothed/medicated/cleaned up by you
All illness will then be passed on directly to you
You will then have to still look after child with said illness around the clock, esp if you can't leave the house to get them to playgroup
You will worry about everything from nits to whether they are getting enough male influence all by yourself with no one to talk it through
You have to listen to two parent families saying how easy you have it, esp if their partner happens to be away for one night
All financial needs must be met by you and there is not much way you can save for a rainy day.

I've been a single mum since DS was born, so luckily don't have life in a rubbish relationship to compare it to! Mostly am comparing to my siblings who have 3 or 4 dcs and husbands who are helpful but often argue about family decisions

Financially you get more money per child than with bigger families - e.g. child benefit, tax credits, maintenance is higher for first child.
For those on HB/council housing you get one bedroom per person - not the case if you have same sex siblings
You can choose which after school/weekend activities based on your child's needs and not have to be the one adult juggling the wishes of several dc.
Easier to date/socialise as family are willing to babysit for one dc, would be harder with 3 or 4 dc.
Can choose schools/location based on you and your child's needs - only 2 people to take into account, you make the final decision
School run is easier with just one child to deal with
Days out can be cheaper as only two people to pay for
On holiday you can choose activities/locations based only on you/your child's interests
Your child has lots of 1:1 attention, can spend lots of time discussing homework etc rather than rushing through it or being interrupted by siblings/partner
No sibling squabbles or having to share time on consoles/computer etc
Quiet home environment and child learning to self-occupy means you can study/get on with things at home
Can put all of the family finances into one child's needs if necessary - no need to worry about how to share it fairly amongst the children
Having relationships is easier as easier to find a man who is willing/financially able to meet the costs of one extra child - harder to find a man to take on a family of 4

Exactly what Lion says.

and what harrisa says about no sibling rivalry and easier to manage with 1.

Thank you for your responses!

Loads of lovely positives to it, it was nice to read what you'd put.

I just always imagine the alternative of being married to a man child too
Then all the small negatives feel tiny!

Yes agree with the others here.

When my relationship finished with DD's father, it was like I'd won the lottery my to find out shortly afterwards, I was pregnant ...And then such a bonus that I didn't need to deal with him and could just enjoy my beautiful baby...Now 'dating' (very half-heartedly) as I just don't think any other situation could better where we are now....Life is good. Obviously, she has her father and that's great but for me, personally, I prefer the fact that my relationship with my daughter is so unconnected to the relationship I had with her father and indeed I am so grateful that I have been 'left' holding the baby! It's brilliant :0))

Wat fantastic lists the two I would add..When you have a child who doesn't sleep unwell you are up all night then have no one to look after them while you kip

The one thing I love is the pride I feel for my son.I can take pride in the boy I have raised ..no one else can .

I can be tough making sure they have that balance of fun with you but then been the one who lays down the boundaries but I would think that applies 2 2 parent families too.

I do think we are very much closer than lots of families.. we even have our own secret words, things only we know

Oh an child sleeping in your bed when you have a double is much more comfortable than sharing with 3 or 4, although my DS seems to think he needs to sleep diagonally in my bed

Really good to read these lists, I love the fact that it's just me and DS most of the time. I'm incredibly lucky in having lots of family support too but not so good in that I really need it as I have a mental health condition that undermines my confidence in being a good parent.

It's just a really straightforward relationship - no feeling torn.

• you don't get one dc playing up because they're jealous another is getting attention,
• you don't have to worry about dividing your attention and money
• you don't get interrupted in the middle of conversations
• you don't have to drag one bored child to another's activities (or doctor's visits)
• you can come up with your own "family traditions" based on the things that the two of you really like
• you can cook what you both feel like eating
• you can be more adventurous in your holiday choices (actually, finances have restricted this for me, but I have plans......)
• you can go to see a film that the child wants without another child whinging and wanting something different.

I'm naturally a fairly solitary person but really wanted a child, and this lone parenting lark has worked out pretty well.

I've been a single parent since DS was born (long back story, H buggered off a few days before I found out I was pregnant - he has never seen DS or expressed any desire to do so). Currently going through a stressful divorce, desperate want it to be over so I can move on.

This was not how I expected being a parent, BUT,... I can only echo what others have said on here.

DS and I are our own little team (with our 2 faithful cats). He's been a terrible sleeper and I've finally made the decision that he can co-sleep with me (if he wants to!). I know were my STBXH around he wouldn't have this at all.

On a workday when DS has gone to bed I usually get in my PJs, make a cup of tea, take the laptop or my book up to bed, and see that as 'my' time.

I try and keep our lives simple.

It's hard work, but there's little stress. If that makes sense!

I really loved it being just me and DS. I think it's really special when there are just the two of you.

You sort of have to get along and co-operate so you get fewer discipline struggles (IME)

I'm married now and although I'm very happy and DH fits in really well, it's not the same. It has changed things between me and DS. It's not a bad thing because he's gained a lot too, but sometimes I look back at the simpler days and miss them

Loved being able to do exactly what I thought was right without having to justify or explain or expect somebody else to keep it up, too.

Very pleased I started this thread

It really does seem like such an easy and lovely way to live as long as you don't feel lonely not having a partner.

I can't even imagine having time for a partner over the next 5 years at least as I'm going to uni and then I'll hopefully be starting a career

I think what excites me is single handedly (his father sees him but doesn't do anything IYSWIM, he feels a bit like a babysitter!) raised him, made him who he is and taught him about life.

I hope he will see me as a strong person who works hard for what they want, I hope he is proud of me how I am proud of my parents

I am sorry to burst the lovely positive bubble, but one thing I have to say I HATE is thinking about summer holidays (I mean going away on holiday).
I have no friends with children I would want to go away with-all are married, and either I like them, but not their children, or I like them, but not their partner! Ds only has much younger cousins, so going with them is not always workable, and this year I have been thinking about going to a friend of a friends cottage by the seaside, but it would just be ds and me.
We bicker as it is...if it's just the 2 of us will it be awful? He is friendly, but shy, and would never go up to other children on the beach etc, so I think he might be lonely having no one to play with. (I play with him, but he does pine for the company of other children.)
I do really wish ds had a sibling quite often.

Having said that, I never wish for a husband!(Except when there are big spiders)

Agree re: holidays.

I am going away with my parents this year, again something I never expected to be doing at 37!

I hope once DS is older I will have the confidence to go away on my own though,....

Not sure about your finances, but how about joining a group holiday? There are some small group tours that are family-friendly.

This is the kind of thing I mean.

Ah yes holidays I forgot about those!
I was asking a friend what it was like to be an only child and what she liked and disliked. She said she was very happy being an only child her only problem was holidays because she was made to play with other children she didn't know, she wished she had a sibling to play with instead!

I usually go away on my own with DS, I never had any problems with it as we both love travelling and we get on well. We're both quite solitary types so he never felt lonely, we'd sometimes get to know families and he'd play with others but generally it was all about finding somewhere interesting to visit and we'd be so busy sightseeing/doing activities that there wasn't time to worry about being with other children. We don't do resort holidays, mostly city/adventure/breaks breaks so there's always something to do.

I've done small group holidays and a few joint holidays with siblings/cousins and found those far more difficult - having to compromise on which activities you do/where to eat/what to see due to the preferences of the other people. In fact all the things that I'm glad I don't have to worry about with an only child!

I really love just being me and my ds. All my friends keep trying to get me to go out more often and start dating - but to be honest i love my little life with my little boy and i don't want to change anything just yet!! Maybe when he is less dependant on me (only 5 atm) it will be different!

As for holidays we usually go with my nan and my little boy will just make friends with whatever child is near him!! he is very sociable and will just talk to everyone!! complete opposite of me!

My favourite is sundays: we always spend the day together just me and him whether on a day out or just snuggled up on the sofa!!

I quite like the challenge of holidays! We went to Africa last year and visited a school friend of mine who lives there with her DH and son who is a similar age to DD. We had a lovely time! This year a friend who has recently become a single mum has asked if I would like to go with some of her friends who rent a large villa every year. They used to do it as a drinking holiday but now over 70% of them have kids so they have a big villa for families and a smaller one for what is shaping up to be a single men (other women's rejects from the sounds of it!) villa a little further away. I'm really looking forward to it actually as the main couple who booked it really go all out to do games (we are doing a mini Olympics for points before we go) and I think we will have lots of fun. My friend and I have shared costs of a hire car and will take our car seats, so if we don't like what the rest of them are doing we can bugger off.
Camping is always a good cheap way to go. I think there was a group of us going to go together last year, but then I found those cheap flights to Africa so no idea if anyone met up?

Those trips do look good biblio but sadly our finances are more caravan in Filey than trekking in Thailand!
Yeah, I suppose ds and i have always gone off on city type of breaks-I have friends in Edinburgh, London and Brighton, and we been away in that sense. I guess I am just longing for a seaside holiday where I can just relax on the beach and ds can build sand cities with a pal.
Don't have a car either, so we are a bit limited as to where we can get to/camping unfortunately.
I think maybe next year, when I am a bit more flush, we might just do the classic package holiday in Spain, where they have kids clubs and whatnot. Anyone had any experience with these?
I think when ds was younger it was easier to do tings just the two of us, but he is nearly 8 now, and the dynamic is different. When he was tiny he just needed Mummy

Btwhi ho what you describe as holidays with lots of people and their kids in one villa gives me the fear! What if they are really annoying?
I am sorry, I am such a curmedgeon today

Although the villa of Single men sounds interesting..

Haven't read everything, but though I sometimes wish I had more children, my friends with larger families always seem to have a crisis with one of their children and never get to enjoy those stressfree months and years that I get in between crises.

I have been away with my sister ( dull as dishwater) or my Best friend who has MH problems ( who is amazing fun but does need additional support) as I worry about going on my own but have booked a holiday in Spain for next year simply because I actually think it will be more relaxing just me and DS.

Camping is the one thing I am reliant on other people coming with me.

That said yesterday I booked us an impulse day out Sunday and trip to the playhouse in June...No one to ask just a calendar to consult. I love our little day trips...Theme parks we don't have to wait around for rides others want to go on.

One thing I do find about spending time with couples and their kids, is how badly so many couples get on. As in, some of them are forever making barbed comments at each other, or even worse to me :" John doesn't like it when I go out,do you John?"
It's excruitiating. I reckon I only know 2 or 3 couples who seem to like each other.
Other than the holiday thing being a problem, I like:

Bedtime stories and snuggles, and after stories when I get told everything that happened at school. I think DS shares a lot with me, and I think he always will, comparatively, as we are so close.
The portability of the two of us being able to head off somewhere without arguments. Well, some negotiation allowed, but at the end of the day I am the Captain, DS is First Mate.
I am proud that I taught him to play football, and he is quite good now!
I like that he has seen me put shelves up, I have taught him what different tools are, and he has seen vault over walls, get muddy etc which are things that I don't see married ladies doing. They leave all that to the men. It's good for boys I think to not have those gender roles so entrenched.
The babysitting thing is much easier too than single parents with more than one child. It's not such a big ask, so I have been able to occasionally go off for weekends with child free friends, leaving ds with grandparents.