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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

1 parent, 1 child families

34 replies

HeyBungalowBill · 06/05/2014 22:16

I'd just like to hear about your experiences really.
I think this is mine and DS's future, just me and him together and I'm really excited for it if I'm honest. I love the bones of him and can't wait for all the fun we will have when he is older.

What do you enjoy about having a 1 parent and 1 child family and what things are maybe not so good?

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BertieBotts · 09/05/2014 18:05

Hmm actually now somebody mentioned bickering I did (still do!) bicker with DS quite a lot :(

I think a group holiday would be good if it was a recurring thing so you get to know people in the group. I know people who go on a group camping holiday thing but it's very "hippy mama" - sure there would be others, though.

MinesaMess · 09/05/2014 18:40

Pretty much everything lioninthesun said.
For me it really is a lovely way to live as I don't feel the need to have a partner. We have an incredibly close bond and I don't have to worry about 'sharing' my attention with a dp/other dc.
I can raise my son a feminist without all the macho 'boys don't cry' crap.
I've never found holidays a problem but ds does tend to make friends wherever he goes.
Best thing is we can do whatever we want whenever we want without considering anyone else.

Original poster

HeyBungalowBill · 09/05/2014 19:01

That's a very good point about couples bickering, I see that a lot!
Even though there are positives of a relationship I think the bickering, compromising and worrying about cheating (I'd definitely worry about it as both long term partners have cheated, DS's dad cheated when I was pregnant!) just aren't worth the positives.

I think the positives can decrease over time in a marriage personally when everything slips into a routine and you struggle to find time for eachother.

I'll be happy in a little world just me and DS where I can give him my undivided attention, where I think as a family you're balancing different children and your husband/partner.

I remember when I was younger I used to like playing Sims a lot, probably in high school. I'd often get rid of a parent even in the game to make life easier in the game

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 09/05/2014 19:21

Now I am married I really wish I had more children, whereas when it was just me and DS I was glad he was an only child.

I think you're more on a level when there are just the two of you. I definitely see a shift and it's more adults | child, so I feel like DS needs somebody else on his level.

But, I think what you're describing is a bad relationship/marriage rather than a supportive one. I can't really say as I've only been married four months. Although I also see a lot of truth in what IfNot says. It does seem to be a minority of marriages which are really happy/supportive and I think that's really sad. It made me more picky and jaded, though, I think, which is no bad thing.

I think you absolutely have to have adult support whether that's a friend you can talk about anything to, family, mum, sister, etc, or partner. It doesn't have to be a partner but you do need somebody. It gets very lonely and very draining without.

Original poster

HeyBungalowBill · 09/05/2014 20:40

It's nice to hear it from the side of someone who is married Bertie, I completely get what you mean about it's ok just you two and then you get married and wish you had another child.

I think I'd even feel a little guilty if I got a new partner after we'd been just us two for such a long time! But ofc a new partner could mean new siblings!

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BertieBotts · 09/05/2014 20:41

That's my plan Still shit myself every so often about how I will cope with two though. I had another child for a five hour playdate/favour today and even poor DS was begging for peace and quiet by the end of it!

Original poster

HeyBungalowBill · 09/05/2014 20:42

Oh no that doesn't sound promising!
I'm like that if friends or relatives come to visit, I'm relieved when they go so I can get some peace!

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happybubblebrain · 09/05/2014 20:51

Aside from the stress caused by my ex and my family I have loved being a single parent to my wonderful daughter.

We have lots of fun together. We have quite a few shared hobbies and interests. We make the most of every weekend - going on day trips and holidays and going to festivals, theatre, cinema, museums, shopping, ice skating, roller skating, swimming, picnics etc etc etc. We have done so much together. We have sometimes taken friends on holiday, but our best holidays have been just the two of us.

We are like best friends who do everything together. I think we will always be very, very close. I love her so much.

I haven't wanted to find a man because I feel our little family is perfect as it is and we don't need anyone else.

Another advantage to a small family is the lack of housework and having time for myself when dd is in bed.

bibliomania · 10/05/2014 14:51

Ifnot, I can't afford any of those trips either - more fuel for fantasies than anything else! The truth is nearly all my holidays are taken with my parents (and I've just turned 40. With my parents getting older though, it feels important to have that time with them too). I've gone on day-trips with a friend who is also on her own with a child, but he's too young for my dd to really be interested in.

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