Mum, I don't want to see Dad anymore

[enderwoman]

These are the words that my dd have just said.

Bit of background- I have 3 kids (12,10,7) Dd is the 10 year old. I split from their Dad a year ago. He left to be with OW and was EA.
Ds1 doesn't see ex as he knows that he was EA and is angry with him. Ds2 does not see ex as ex was a lazy dad who did not properly bond. Dd has been seeing ex weekly. Ex saw the boys on Xmas day for 45 minutes because I invited him in when he picked up dd.

Ex and I are neither friendly or acrimonious. We organise gifts for each other from the Judson each other's birthdays/Xmas but don't see each other in person sort of arrangement.

Dd has confessed that she'd rather not see him anymore. Her reasons are
1- ex lives 2 hours away which means being in a car 4 hours per weekend.
2- He's "mean" (I think she means EA) Her examples are that she feels scared to tell him what she wants (like for him to change the channel from Top Gear)
3- Contact time is boring. She doesn't exactly have an amazing time with me but she says that I "do stuff" with her which is what she wants.
4- She feels that she is intruding on ex and ow. Ex and ow have been living together a year.

What do I do? Ex loves the kids but as my 3 dc say he will never love anyone more than himself.(How did they get so smart?) She currently has 2 weekends with me followed by 1 weekend with ex (Fri night to Mon morning) and no mid week contact so it's hardly excessive.

I'm gutted that it's such a mess. Ex FIL is estranged from his 4 kids and we've created another generation who don't want to know their Dad

Your lack of response to a simple question speaks volumes.

could you repeat the question?

Monet, stop biting. The nature of the posts are very obvious as is the thought process behind them.

You do not need to lower yourself.

Keep smiling. Anyone reading will see that attempt of passive aggression as exactly what it is and a sign of exactly what you are and that's all I'm bothered about. :)

You're right Sock. Thank you.

The mask is on the floor.

Starting to feel like Custer's last stand on here :)
Seriously, can we all stop the bickering and just focus on this lady's post?

sock I don't want to derail, but do you have any links regarding that process?

My DHs ex has applied to Family Court to secure a no-contact order on the basis of the EA that DH and I subject his DCs to. I have been unable to gain any kind of SS assessment of risk to my DD; no one except DDs Dad seems bothered that these allegations have been made and DH and I still have care of DD. I'm desperate to reassure DDs dad that she's safe - but can't get anyone to pay any attention!
If there's some kind of assessment that they use then why can't they assess me and DH?

Ooh, it's like your ticking off boxes on a how to checklist!

You haven't had to reply to us at all. No need to ask our permission on what you post either. My replies have been related to the OPs post, particularly mediation and EA. Yours are your own responsibility.

Frog - social services would use the assessment framework which you should be able to google. )

ok, dolly thanks for that

You're welcome

glad we're all friends again :)

Dolly/money/whoever - have to log off has been entertaining evening, many thanks

Thanks knight - sadly, it looks like DD and I are in our own; SS have refused to get involved "because it's subject to private court proceedings".
So, I'm facing the prospect of losing either my DD if her Dad believes the allegations, or my DH if leaving him is a condition DDs Dad places on assuring him of her safety.

From my experience, right now, it seems that an allegation of EA can be made and believed without any 'evidence' at all. That must be very depressing reading for the OP - I don't doubt your own experience OP, but it seems likely that the new legal framework regarding mediation will lead to an increase in false allegations in order to force a court hearing to take place.

Frogstar if your child is subject to family court proceedings and allegations of abuse are made, the judge will order cafcass/childrens court officer to become involved.

monet My child isn't - her dad and I have shared care and are/were quite happy with that.
DH and I have been 'accused' of emotionally abusing DHs DCs by his exW which is the basis of a no-contact order application in front of magistrates, there is no judge. There is no current risk to DHs DCs as they aren't having any contact with him/us - but, understandably, my DDs Dad needs some reassurance that she isn't at risk.

CAFCASS are interviewing DHs DS for a wishes and feeling report soon - they won't come near me or DD, and SS won't get involved.
I feel like we've slipped through a crack in the system, that has the potential to tear our life apart.

Sorry, OP - blatant hijack

That's correct they will.it would be down to your ex to make the allegations and the courts to fact find about it.

Be open and honest with them and if its untrue you will be fine.

Research ' Re L Hearings' with regards fact finding and DV.

So, if DDs dad is unhappy that DH and I have been accused of EA towards other DCs, the only way he can be reassured by professionals is to apply to court for residency?

Oh, we aren't friends. I'm sure you know that. But you do have to keep ticking your boxes. :)

Well that would be a bit like cracking a almond with a hammer.

Is he to daft to use his own eyes and ears?

If he hasn't already started proceedings, presumably he's waiting for the outcome of the priceedings regardingbyour husbands children ?

Haven't had time to re

Haven't had time to read all of this but wanted to jum

Stupid phone! Will post tomorrow.