If your kids are with their other parent on Christmas Day...

[NoNoNoMYDoIt]

Come and chat to me

Mine have already gone to their dad's. I pick them up on Boxing Day.

I miss them terribly. I have stuff to do, places to go, people to see. But I miss them. They are 7 and 4. I hate this.

Hi there, I'll join you. I thought I was doing really well but it has, just in the last half an hour, hit me. I won't see my baby (well he's nearly 3 but he's my PFB) on Christmas day. He's going Christmas eve morning for 48 hours. No way near as long as your DCs are away.

DO you have anything planned for you? Can you skype them?

Evening. My son goes to his dad at 12pm on Christmas day. He's only 18 months so doesn't understand Christmas yet. Im having dinner at my friend's house with all her family. I'm a bit worried I will cry in front of them all.

Mine are with me thankfully.

DS's dad not around so luckily will never have to share & dd's dad is not pushy about Christmas & is happy to see her for an hour or so on the day itself or have her Boxing Day onwards. I'm very fortunate & my heart goes out to LP's who's children are with the non-res parent on Christmas Day

Is this the first time you have been apart at Christmas?

I will pop over and see them for an hour on Christmas morning. Ex and I have an agreement about this so we do it every year this way for whoever hasn't got the kids

This is our 4th Christmas apart.

I actually don't mind Christmas Day without them so much. I'm not a big fan of the day itself. Too much hype and kids too frantic. However I hate not having them in the run up. The Christmas Eve magic. That's what hurts. And of course I am missing the weekend with them too because they are with him. Their advent calendars are sitting on the side unopened.

We have to do 50:50 in the holidays. I hate it. I miss them so much. Even though I know it is only fair etc etc. it is like a bereavement every time they go.

I find it easier to be alone on Christmas Day. I avoid going to anyone else's house or having to see other families. It hurts too much.

Have a hug.

This happened to me once and I'm afraid I handled it very badly. I went out on Christmas Eve and got so plastered my brother had to take me home and put me to bed. I woke on Christmas morning and cried until midday when xh bought ds home.

It wasn't great but if you do better than me you deserve a medal. I think if you want to have a bit of a weep, no one would think badly about it and if they did it would be their problem.

I wish all on this thread a very happy Christmas and I'll be thinking of you on Christmas morning.

I know it's frowned upon, but I will just tell you about someone I know whose ex walked out, due to an OW, when the kids were 2 and 3. He started making noises about having them at Christmas and the mother said "Fuck right off, matey. I carried these 2 children for 9 months each, gave birth to them, nursed them and care for them 95% of the time because you couldn't/can't be arsed. You walked out on all of us. Are you FUCK going to steal Christmas from us as well."
I'm sure that's not the "recommended" course of action, but he backed right off and didn't ask again.

It's my second christmas as a LP but last year the break up was so fresh that I let XP come round xmas day to see DS open his presents. Now, we have 3rd party handovers and I am never alone with him. We have a written agreement that we will alternate xmas and it's his turn.
I have a lovely day planned with DM and family but it's just starting to get to me that I won't be able to put him to bed xmas eve and see his face xmas morning. I completely get that hurt feeling.

Dammit, things were never meant to be like this.

No things weren't meant to be like this

I have no family either. No contact with parents. No siblings. I am going to do the Xmas day parkrun though. So I will see people in the morning for an hour.

Hugs. I can't say any more but if you search my name you'll see.

Oldbaghere - have looked at your thread. So sorry for you. My ex insists on holidays set out in an excel spreadsheet so he can do the formulae to calculate an exact split of hours to get to 50:50. I imagine he would be the same in your situation

Oh god yes we have a spreadsheet.

My DS' s dad has never seen his son on Christmas..The first one we were together he slopped off to get off his face on drugs...

I really feel for all parents not with their kids xmas but particualry those whose partners showed no interest in their kids till they sepreated..Hope everyone without their kids at hime has a nice chirstmas if not the oen they would want

DS is going to his dad's on Xmas day morning. I spoke to some lps when we were making the contact agreement and they said it was awful going a whole Xmas without them, so I would rather share it, so you each get a bit every year.

I also don't like being around other people's children when I don't have ds. I am going to mope on my own. And prep 'Christmas' dinner that we will have on Boxing day.

it definitely wasn't meant to be like this.

my first Christmas as LP and he is joining me and my family for dinner for sake of DDS. idea is we will both always get to see them on special days but that's the current theory. wondering what reality will be.

I will never forgive him for making me miss out on these things. never.

Minime - we are 3.5yrs down the line and had v acrimonious divorce and court battle for residence. We still manage to share time for sake of kids on special days. That is, when he remembers it is their birthday and doesn't book business trips abroad at the same time. It ruins the days for me as I don't like sharing time with him. I imagine he feels the same. But I would rather see the kids for an hour or so on special days if they are with him than not at all. And I am sure it is good for the kids to see their parents cooperating on special days. Even if I do end up coming back and getting slaughtered afterwards.

It is ex's turn to have my beautiful DS and DD.

I have opted to do a 12.5hr shift at work Christmas Day to help me cope (and hopefully get paid double time).

DS (9) doesn't want to go at all but I am having to make him DD (2) doesn't know the diff!!

Our Christmas day is the 27th and cannot bloody wait yippeeeeee

(and next year is my turn)

Morning to everyone waking up alone this morning or doing a handover today.

Definitely not supposed to be like this.

2nd xmas since split and I am without dd for a week as I took her away for a week last year to see family abroad in an attempt to make it easier on the two of us.

xh lied and cheated throughout our relationship and my reward for supporting him and believing in him is to lose my dd every other xmas until she is old enough to decide for herself or he loses interest.

I know it's important for her to maintain her relationship with him and his family but she doesn't enjoy being away from me for that long. She tells me that her father shouts at her if she gets upset at not seeing me. MIL insists on their 50% of the holiday and has issued threats to me and my family if I don't toe the line.

The thing that keeps me going is knowing that I can't be accused of blocking their access.

I've not had my child since the 20th. I get her back on the 28th. It's a very long time to be without her. She's 5. I think I'm doing ok. I keep on expecting her to come downstairs though or wake me up - there's a 5 year old shaped hole in my house.

Her father and I get on very well, there was no acrimonious break-up so things are fairly civilised. I have her next year.

Enb - my two went on 18th. And they come back on 26. It is a very long time isn't it?

It is hard when the kids aren't happy. Mine are, as their grandmother is down to stay with their father. When she's not there, they are less happy.

But it shouldn't be like this

I suppose it could be worse. But that isn't really the point at the moment. It is still very hard.

I know my daughter will be happy (and extremely spoilt over Christmas) - she loves her father and he's frankly a brilliant one. I also know that she'll be missing me. We're skyping tomorrow.

Her 'mummy-made' stocking is laid out on her bed for when she arrives home and we're having a mini celebration with a roast chicken and crackers.

Enb - sounds lovely. I am doing a Christmas Day on Boxing Day for my two. Thought I might get away with a Chinese buffet (c/o m and s) on Boxing Day but ds (7) wants another roast. So I don't get away without cooking a roast dinner even though they are with dad on Xmas day. Sigh. I have just bought chicken breasts though. They won't know the difference at 7 and 4 (hopefully)

I think if my dd had the choice it would be a roast every day.

It's hard when some of you have such young DC I think I would've been broken hearted to be without them for days on end at that age.

I am on my fourth Christmas and it's his turn to have them but they are 14 and 17 now so I asked them what they wanted to do and DS just asked where he was last year so therefore he is with his Dad. DD wants to wake up at home so will go over for lunch and then they will both come home in the evening. I know they won't care but it's a shame my DC are in different places on Christmas morning and the whole day is so disjointed.

The plus side is XH only lives a few minutes away in the car so they always see us both on Christmas Day . Next year will be my turn and then they will almost be grown up. What is making me downcast today is the thought that they will always have to make a choice about where they go and will never have a Christmas with both their parents again. I hate the way divorce chops up all the very times that should be easy and happy if that makes sense.

It was this time four years ago we were breaking up and I wondered how we would get through how the kids would cope etc and on the plus side it's all fine . It's just the detail that sometimes gets me like DS just telling me how they will all be wearing Christmas jumpers tomorrow and how they are all going for Christmas drinks tonight etc and I just wish I didn't have to hear.