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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

csa and incomes support, help please

48 replies

shelley85 · 08/03/2006 23:57

hiya wondering if anyone could help, me and my ex split up a few months ago but we're still on really good terms. to cut a long story short when i found out i was pregnant he wasnt working, had a job on and off for a while then found one had to go on sick leave and got sacked. everything that needed paying for when he wasn't working got put on his credit cards (rent, baby stuff, food) at the minute he is £8,000 in debt and the csa keep writing and phoning to see when hes going to start payments again now that hes got another job. i know that dd is his responsibility too but hes really good with her and always brings nappies and stuff when he can all his wages are going on paying back the debt at the minute and i just wanted to know if they could give him a break before he starts payments again, feel really sorry for him and i don't want to cause bad blood

OP posts:

nightowl · 09/03/2006 00:16

are you on income support? when did the csa actually contact him as im led to believe thats the date he will owe money from. however, i recently (through mutual agreement) put my ex p's maintenance through the csa and they told me all i had to do was sign and say that he had been paying maintenance directly to me while the claim was being sorted out and he would not have to pay this back to csa. cant really tell from your post what the situation is.

sladean · 09/03/2006 16:25

well well well maybe i could give you my ex's number and you could talk some sense into her.. Im on the receiving end of the CSA. I earn £17000 a year at nearly 40 is crap and I was originally paying £296 a month to my ex. When you take this out of a £1000 it doesnt leave you with a lot to live on. Eventually the CSA realised they had made a mistake and reduced the amount to £7.44 a week to take into account overpayments for 2 yrs. My ex was allowed to cancel the agreement and re-apply in 13 weeks time under the new system which now means im unable to live. I have a mortgage and a loan which paid off the debt i got in when i was paying a silly amount of csa. Council tax water rates gas electric Ive sold my cas as i cant afford it. Since 2003 ive paid her £100 a month without fail yet behind my back i find she has approached the csa and i received yesterday a backdated claim to 02/11/04 asking for £240 a month. Under the old system this would not be a problem as they took into account mortgage and electric etc but the new system just deducts 20% without any consideration to my life. My mortgage is £608 I have £439 left after paying that council tax is £100, gas electric and water rates £100, I havent even got money to buy food when ive paid my loan £172... All i hear about are women that moan they dont get enough its refreshing to see you want to give your ex a break i wish mine would. You can cancel you CSA at anytime and then re-open it after 13 weeks.

nightowl · 09/03/2006 23:33

interesting to hear that sladean, i hear so much about all the people the csa screw. yet they have never managed to get a penny out of my ex..and he is only supposed to pay £26 a week. (thats why my other ex put his maintenance through them, to do me a favour really, csa said it would help with my other case...although ds's dad is annoyed that they chase him if he's a couple of days late when they dont do anything about the other one) none of my friends have ever managed to get the maintenance due to them either...gawd knows how the csa work.

sladean · 10/03/2006 08:41

my ex is from the phillippinnes so is a money grabber. Funny really I went to France last year for a night and she went to Bali twice!!!!! Nightowl, your ex is a twat accept it and youe ex ex must ha\ve enough money to not worry about it so you really dont have too much to complain about. My new partner is now leaving me as she will have nothing to do with my boys because of my ex. Not a lot to live for really, dont see my boys and the woman i love is leaving. Life is sweet.

Original poster

shelley85 · 10/03/2006 13:20

night owl i am on income support so the problem is if i tell the csa that he will pay me directly and my ex cant give me the money they say he should it gets taken out of my income support so i get left with no money. by the time he pays off all his debts at the end of the month hes left with bout £150 to last him the rest of the month

OP posts:

nightowl · 13/03/2006 01:08

i see what you mean, thats a rubbish situation shelley. i do know someone who was on income support and got the maintenance stopped but im not sure what she said. i know she wrote a letter to the csa. i'll see if i can find out for you.

wabbitintheheadlamps · 13/03/2006 01:39

I can understand you getting bitter Sladean... try to avoid the T... and C... words on Mumsnet though - a bit derogatory really.
Nice to see that you appreciate that we're not all money-grabbing.

wabbitintheheadlamps · 13/03/2006 01:42

Shelly - wish I had some advice, I haven't told the CSA about dp (he's non-resident) I just had to tighten my belt and take the reduction in Income Support that's been imposed. Looking forward to having a Student Loan payment again in Sept though!

nightowl · 13/03/2006 02:08

i can understand him being bitter too wabbit. i know also how the csa can really get people down. its important to not tar everyone with the same brush though. its easy to start some "men vs women" thing but its never really that easy is it? every situation is different. i for one am "not in it for the money"...i wouldnt get any extra whatever my ex partners paid. where money is concerned, there's nothing for me to gain at all. its more a matter of getting dd's dad to take some responsibility for his daughter.

nightowl · 13/03/2006 02:24

think also that if sladean has only come here to gain some understanding of the way things work it would be much better to read through a few threads on csa first (obviously that's what he is interested in) (yes, i searched his posts) and see the background to the stories (as lots of "csa" threads are sort of ongoing, i know mine are)..rather than only posting on two threads.

you're right sladean, fwiw...my ex was a t word...but i do have stuff to complain about actually, ok?

wabbitintheheadlamps · 13/03/2006 14:19

Oh Nightowl - I know what you mean about getting a man to take at least some responsibility for a child. dd who's now 14 has never had regular payments from her dad, only sporadic 'gifts' as he likes to think them, he often promises and then fails to send her anything and this christmas didn't get her pressy to her... she wanted Doc Martens. She's still hasn't had her christmas present from him and though I've repeatedly asked for him to make a regular monthly payment (directly to her) so she can get things like phone credit and save up for clothes and make-up, he just can't do it, yet I know he's always got enough money to support his cannabis habit How pathetic is that?

Oh he's in work too and the CSA have always told me he's nothing to pay - I can only assume he's on the fiddle somehow and the CSA think he's in receipt of benefits! Nasty piece of work [rolling eyes emoticon]

Hope you get some kind of result x

sladean · 14/03/2006 13:32

Apologies for the 't' and 'c' word, not that i could figure out what the 'c' word was. Its now nearly a week since I had my letter from the csa. I have worked out I have two options

Go on long term sick and do cash in hand work on the side, come back to my job every 6 months then leave again saying its too stressful 2 Just pack in work and go abroad and never come back.

I tried to dispute my case and they are not interested. Anyone know about benefits of being un employed? Will my mortgage be paid and how much is job seekers allowance?

Thanks

wabbitintheheadlamps · 15/03/2006 01:13

Sladean - there aren't really any benefits to being unemployed in the long run, I think it would be good for you to come to terms with what's happening and progress with your life in the most fruitful way you can - If you do find yourself having to claim benefits the rates you're paid depend very much on your personal situation and how long you've been making National Insurance contributions - don't really know about Jobseakers as I've never claimed it.

Think hard about how you want your life to progress, if you opt out you're only narrowing your options for a happy and fulfilled future.

I don't mean to sound pious, it's just there's too many people out there carrying their pain around, it'll hold you back

nightowl · 15/03/2006 03:35

sladean, i re-read your original post but didnt understand how your ex could suddenly demand money from years ago when you say you paid every week without fail. are you sure the csa havent cocked up somewhere? are they trying to claim back money from the time you were paying a reduced amount because of their first mistake? [confused emoticon] are they saying that during that time you didnt pay what you were supposed to?

grrrrrrrrrr. they annoy me so much. i have to write them a big long letter which ive been putting off for some time because they have made so many mistakes in the last two years i cant remember and have lost count. im going round in circles with them. im glad i never tried drugs as a teenager as i imagine it would be much the same mind bending experience as dealing with the csa.

sladean · 15/03/2006 08:21

After they mucked up the first time it was reduced, my ex refused to accept this and cancelled the agreement. I said I would pay £100 which was £70 more a month than the csa and £70 more than I could really afford. ive been paying this since 2003. SHe obviously went back to the csa after 13 weeks and claimed again. The csa have no date when her application was received and tell me 2004 one min 2005 the next. Ive complained but at the end of the day who am I? Their rules are 20% and thats it. At least under the old system it was fair at least they would allow the man some living expences. Write your letter they will lose it or mis place it or just plain deny they ever had it.

FioFio · 15/03/2006 08:31

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SuperTramp · 15/03/2006 09:12

Shelley - I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago when DS was a year old. I had a good relationship with EXP (now DP again) and I didn't want the ridiculous £92 per week (he was only clearing £300 per week) to cause animosity between us. I was told that I couldn't stop the application and take a cut in benefits. After a year of making payments we got back together again purely so that we could both cope financially. It's a crappy situation to be in, but thankfully the problems that lead to us splitting up are now mostly resolved and we are making things work. Not suggesting you should do this though as I doubt if it would work in most circumstances. My advice to you would be to get your EX to go to the CAB for some help. I'm not sure why he was putting his rent on a credit card when he wasn't working but he might still be able to claim the money back from Housing Benefit even if he's working again.

Sladean - I really do have sympathy for men that are expected to pay what they don't have but I take offense at your comment 'my ex is from the phillippinnes so is a money grabber'. None of the figures you have mentioned suggest that your EX would be living in a lap of luxury and leaving you poverty stricken. Whilst I was receiving money through the CSA I was a whole £2 per week better off than when I was on income support, which was then cancelled out by losing my entitlement to milk tokens and free prescriptions. IME it's not a picnic for anyone.

sladean · 15/03/2006 10:38

FIOFIO

That is interesting.Is your husband on the new or old system? If the new then I have hope, If the old system I have no hope as im on the new one

Super Tramp, you have obviously no idea how it is drummed into people from Thailand/Phillippinnes etc that they need to take take take. Why do you think Western old men can BUY youn girls and women. It has been their culture for years. So frankly take as much offence as you like until you have had dealings you dont know what you are talking about. Her sister racked up about £20k of debt then left the country all this was after she knew she was leaving. Her brother plays the benefits system and then drives around London pretending to be a taxi. Her mother had to leave her country quickly so latched onto the first ENGLISH person she could find and got pregnant by him, funnily enough when she got over here they split up!!!! The dad would move from woman to woman and country to country.

Last week the day I received my CSA letter my partner said a phillippino girl from work had no where to live as her boyfriend had said she was fat!!! the woman is size 6, I said lets put her up for the night, she slated him all night but at the end of the day she has gone back to him because his father is a multi millionaire. Now how many dealings have you had Super Tramp in interested to know where your experience of this culture comes from?

SuperTramp · 15/03/2006 12:34

Sladean I don't have to have experience of Thailand/Phillippinne culture to find your comment offensive. It's racist, and racism offends me.

sladean · 15/03/2006 13:01

clearly you have no understanding of the world. I dont agree with racism and im certainly not a racist. Im saying to you dont comment on something you know nothing about. If it was racism i would basically be being racist towards my children. Im stating FACTS. If I was racist would i really have helped someone who needed a room for the night?

Please tell me if you have had different dealings id really be interested to know

SuperTramp · 15/03/2006 16:58

sladean - This is the last post I'll be contributing to this thread as our differences aren't helping shelley85 get the advice she's looking for.

I don't care whether you think I have no understanding of the world and am not interested in exchanging petty insults with you. My point is that by saying 'my ex is from the phillippinnes so is a money grabber' you are making a statement based on everybody from the Phillipinnes and not just the people you've met. Your children are half Phillipino so they are affected by that statement. It's not your right to pass insulting comments just because you believe them to be based on fact. I would be most upset if one of your children was told that if they had been raised in their mothers culture they would be 'money-grabbers'. I'd like to think you would too.

HappyMumof2 · 15/03/2006 18:22

I do agree with SuperTramp here. You can not generalise about a whole nation based on one family (as you seem to just be talking about her family)

And I have to say, the amount the CSA has set for you to pay does not seem particularly excessive to me for 2(?) kids. You can not call her a money grabber just because she has claimed what her and her children are entitled to.

FioFio · 15/03/2006 18:29

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FioFio · 15/03/2006 18:30

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muma3 · 15/03/2006 18:32

i get maintainance from my exh and he paid it from the day he left me we are on good terms too and we have arranged everything between ourselves. i was on income support before i got with present partner and i just told them he paid me so much a month and they left us to it obviously deducted a small amount from my IS but that was all they did. HTH

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