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Facing pregnancy alone?

999 replies

thedogsrolex · 12/07/2012 18:30

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

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Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 07:46

Hi Polly glad you had a fab time, sounds like you had a hoot.
Yes I'm five weeks left too. I'm not worried about labour really now I'm worried about this little person. Like what do I do with her? I've always been a panicker though.
I opened a drawer of her baby clothes yesterday and nearly started hyperventilating Smile.
I have turned a corner this week a few people have let me down so rather than get upset ive let it go and walked away.
I've come to realise how much I've never done anything like put myself first. Well nows the time. Me,, Dd and the dog, we're a family.
The antenatal was rubbish as one pompous bloke really got on my nerves and yes it was all 'daddy' you know 'daddy can do the ten pm feed whilst mummy sleeps' felt like saying something but decided to simmer away instead Smile

Hope were all okay
Smile

NotGeoffVader · 21/08/2012 09:18

Ah yes, ok here thanks! Off to get the bits for the 'study' - you do realise that it is just a corner of the room, so making one room into two poky smaller ones?! :)

Excuse lack of names relating to any comments here, but am really tired and my brain is not cooperating with me.

I haven't heard of green man festival - it sounds good. If you're in the area (Midlands way) in July, get yourself to Barefoot - that is really good. Geared to hippy types and anyone with small children. Great value, and loads to do.

Ante-natal classes - I went because the mw at the hospital suggested I do. It was a bit rubbish really. We didn't get any horror real-life films of births but the mw running the class used a doll and a model of a pelvis to show us how our "lovely" baby would come out, where the epidural would be given, and how the placenta was attached/would detach.

The class was a mixture of couples and singles and most of them were annoying too, One woman who wanted her DH to cut the cord as soon as the baby was born and was really going all out to sound like an earth mother who didn't want any pain relief etc. I confess I am a bit of a hippy but I have a low pain threshold so I wanted to know ALL ABOUT pain relief! :)
I got by on a mix of TENS machine, then gas & air, then the birthing pool..... and then DD didn't want to come out so we progressed to induced labour, and finally a C-Sec. I can only say just be prepared, don't be afraid to tell them (hosp. staff) what you want, but also listen to their advice.
If you haven't written a birth plan, then do; it means that if you're feeling out of it on gas/air or too tired to speak, you can wave it at the staff. :)

DO NOT be made to feel that breastfeeding is the only way. It is a good way, and it works for a lot of mums, but not for them all. What IS important is that the baby is fed. The baby does not know or care whether it gets a boob or a bottle, it cares that it gets milk.
Personally, I found bf was relatively easy (once we'd sorted out latching) but I did occasionally supplement feeds with formula), and saved fiddling about, but that's just me.

Until DD was born I had no experience of babies so was pretty clueless fairly unprepared with regard to what to do, but most of it comes naturally. And i am not the worlds most maternal person by a LONG chalk.

I'll be back later today (hopefully, if I am not putting cupboards together) but just wanted to check in. Have a good day all. x

PollyIndia · 21/08/2012 10:18

Exactly how I feel pickles. Not scared about labour, but feeling quite scared about what comes after! It's totally lifechanging though, so not that surprising, but sure it will all fall into place and very quickly I won't be able to remember life before!

Lots of good advice NotGeoffVader. I wasn't actually going to write a birth plan, mainly as I feel like if I write it down, then it will happen the opposite way. But I have a doula so I'll discuss what I want with her and she can be my voice if I can't speak. Hoping for a homebirth, no drugs etc but if I have to have induction/epidural/c-section, well, so be it.

Another friend said the same as you re supplementing breastfeeding with formula. I hope I can breastfeed, but I am not going to beat myself up if we really can't get it.

Hope you all have a good day :)

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 12:20

notgeoff take it easy!
polly glad your feeling supported too. I just had my MW and she was great at reassuring me about security and help after birth etx Smile

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 13:44

I shouldn't be having this baby should I?

skyebluesapphire · 21/08/2012 14:30

I didnt have a clue what to do with a baby and I was 36 when I had DD. It was terrifying but a lot of it is common sense and just seems to come naturally.

I tried bf and didnt get on with it. The midwives were no help at all, despite all their crap at antenatal. One even said " You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink " Shock After nights of baby crying and me crying because she wouldnt feed, I switched to formula and never looked back, had a happy healthy baby and a happy mum. Hopefully you will all get on ok with it, but if you dont, then DO NOT beat yourselves up over it!!!!!

A happy mum and a happy baby is the most important thing.

Pickles - you will be fine. Just dont expect the dog to look after the baby Grin

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 14:40

Having a down day, emotionally attacked

Never fear- dog is a whizz at sterilising and whipping up FF.
He's just outside in the car at the minute looking at how to put the car seat in. He's been fantastic- said to put my feet up and he'll finish the ironing later Grin

skyebluesapphire · 21/08/2012 14:54

Pickles - Im glad he's so supportive to you. If only I could train my cats to hoover, everything would be great Grin

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 15:01

Don't want to be accused of stealth boasting but (whispers) he's a whizz with a dyson Grin

xmasevebundle · 21/08/2012 16:58

Also having a bad day, thought id be ready to wear the perfume i use to wear when i was with him. Davidoff cool water.

Oh it made me sad :( make me think of happy times... then i thought what a bastard!!! lol

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 19:21

Sorry to hear your having a bad day too Xmas Sad

xmasevebundle · 21/08/2012 19:56

Yeah it was shit :( made me think of the long drives we use to go on, me smoking away listening to music without a care in the world :(

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 20:04

Right... Hot bath for you. Tashy tv or a magazine. And a cuddle with your small furry ones! And hot chocolate!

xmasevebundle · 21/08/2012 20:18

Ive drunk my sorrows with a glass of cherry coco cola. Makes it worse that its one of them perfumes that stay for hours..

I can wear my other 2 maybe this pulls my heart as a wore it on boxing day.

Feel so strange last year i was with him and excited to see him boxing day, had a lovely dinner together. Now im pregnant single and due to give birth to his son on christmas eve.

Even was listening to fucking perfect by pink then the tears came flowing :( :(

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 20:22

A cry Is not a bad thing, let it out.

I've just had a lovely revelation. Exes parents think its their sons right to be st the birth and to see his child whenever he likes even though he doesn't want a baby. He agrees.
Am i wrong in thinking of bashing my head against a brick wall is quite like communicating with this family? Well I haven't been communicating but you get the jist!

xmasevebundle · 21/08/2012 20:32

I do cry maybe every 3 weeks just builds up most of it is anger, another is jessie j nobodys perfect is what ive done to him hes done it back.

That made me laugh... Tell them to f off :) he has NO right at all, its your choice who you want at scans and the birth.

He shouldn't have the privilege to be there when your daughers born.

That wound me up!! Hate men boys.

skyebluesapphire · 21/08/2012 20:47

pickles as far as I know, he does not have a legal right to be at the birth. Anything medical is confidential and if you tell the labour ward that you do not want him there, he will not be admitted. You are not married. If his name is not on the birth certificate, he will have to go to court to get parental responsibility.

Choco may know more about the legalities of this - I will ask her - I know she didnt want her twunt at the birth.

xmas - do cry - my counsellor said it is a release valve and you should never try and stop yourself from crying.

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 20:48

Thanks Skye, he's not going to get it I can assure himGrin think mum and dad are a bit offended that I said I don't want them sat in the waiting room either. I said I'd rather they be at home... Until she's born. Is that rude?

Pickles77 · 21/08/2012 20:55

Can you get any kind of mediation or counselling for us do you think? Sitting in a room in a controlled environment?
FGS why I am still trying I do not know

PollyIndia · 21/08/2012 21:21

Pickles, NO WAY re him having a right to be at the birth. My doula said to me I should think very carefully about who I have at the birth as anyone who can make you more stressed will be totally counter-productive. I can't believe he would even suggest it after what he has put you through. And not rude to say that the parents shouldn't be there either. Tell them you will call them the minute there is news, but you need to do this bit without the added pressure of them being there.

Xmaseve, smell is very evocative. I can't smell comme des garcon as reminds me of my ex. Maybe stay away from cool water for a while. Hope you are feeling ok tonight x

SophySinclair · 21/08/2012 22:17

Pickles. they will think what they think. They raised a fuckwit.

as they say on the relationship boards detach detach detach

they also say that twunt can fuck off to the far side of fuck. which I like more. He has no rights to be at the birth. Birth all about you hon.

skyebluesapphire · 22/08/2012 00:09

Pickles - you could go to counselling if you wanted to. You could go to Relate. I wanted STBXH to go after splitting up, so we could go through the issues and move on a bit, but he refused.

But with the attitude that your ex has, I dont think it would be a good idea. You could go to mediation after the baby is born, to sort out contact etc.

Choco says that her H was not allowed at the birth and the midwives all knew not to let him in unless she said it was ok. Its your body and your rights, nothing to do with him or his family.

If they want to be involved in her life then great, but it has to be on your terms, seeing as their son left you

xmasevebundle · 22/08/2012 01:15

As skye said shes 100% right. He has not rights.

Ive looked into this alot, if he takes you to court say you are not sure so will have to take a DNA, he will pay if as hes the dad.

He will be in a childrens centre with others around until he can be trusted to take her back but they put everything in accounts.

I dont want him to see the baby not to spite him it will muck the childs head up having 2 seprate parents.

He said he will take a DNA for our son. I laughed so much, i wet myself Blush. Hes doing it to be a spiteful bastard.

I doubt they will ever let him have the baby alone after his mum threatend to stab the baby out of me, i dont even go out because of it. The court will take threats like that very serious.

Ive got a laywer Wink

Anyway! Yeah i think i might chuck it such a lovely smell, going town tomorrow been looking for ages at a benefit perfume called daisy its lovely. New scent i think for a new me!

Stuffed my face with any edible chocolate. Frigde is emptyGrin

xmasevebundle · 22/08/2012 03:36

Wide awake again thinking about things.. Had such a shit day, i want to go buy a packet of 20 and just gave in to everything.

Will i ever find another man the way he treated me together so much warmth, love,laughter.

Now its replaced with so such betrayal and lies.

I am such a fool.

I had a MC in the new year and he wanted me to keep it, had everything planned. We was still living together.

2 Months later Im pregnant and hes not ready?

I stuck to what i wanted and he was right. If i kept it we will end up breaking up. I no for a fact if i got rid of it he would of ended it i kept it because its what i wanted. He resents me as i ruined his life. Hes 25 and has NO other children.

He did say 'this is the only child i'll have as i want them not this'

Thats tough to handle when your 18, your first love who you have done everything together says that.

Before him and him met he was a girl for 6 years fiance dog flat, even kept her rings. He showed me!? It felt she taken over our relationship, She messaged me saying you will never have what me and him had. She cheated on him with her ex and she finished it(he told me he ended it).

She was a stuck up bitch, she looked like a fat prositute, with yellow hair Hmm.

It seems he wanted me to be her.. I moved into his house(he had a housemate) got a dog together.

I will never forgive him for what he has done, if he died tomorrow. Id be happy, another evil bastard off the earth.

I needed to get that off my chest/bump.

Pickles77 · 22/08/2012 11:00

Hi guys, thank you once again for your advice. xmas im sorry your feeling rubbish, it will get easier.
I'll be back later to have a rant, and I've remembered several things I was shouted at for yesterday, but found funny! So we can have a laugh at his deluded mind.
Glad lou is positive today.
Can't do a long post now, been throwing up and suffering from severe nausea since half two, am exhausted now. Hope everyone has a nice day xSmile