Facing pregnancy alone?

[thedogsrolex]

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

Hi, I'm char, I'm 35 and 23 weeks pregnant, due 13th December. Please can I join you on this thread?

This is a bit of a long one I'm afraid.....

I have been with my exp for four years on and off.
When we met he had just split from his wife and in the process of getting a divorce. At the time he had a 3 yr old and his ex was 7 months pregnant. He fought very hard in court to get access to the children.
About six months into the relationship he started to grow more and more controlling and abusive - this was emotional and verbal at first.
Over our time together we split up several times, lived together three times and got engaged twice.
Each time we split up it was because I had broken some stupid rule he had set in
place. One such rule was that I wasn't allowed to talk to certain people he considered a threat. This included a guy who was just a friend in Scotland (I'm way down south and I wasnt remotely interested in him) and a 16 year old boy who was the son of a colleague. Another time I had posted on here and he didn't like that. That got me dumped. Or I had disagreed with him over something stupid and unimportant. Each time we got back together it was after much pleading and begging and promising I would try to change.
I'd been living in my own rented studio for nearly 2 years and we were getting on really well. He was stating with me most nights. By this time i had learnt the bonkers rules but still was on the receiving end of his emotional and verbal abuse and now he was trying to dictate how i spent money too. I loved him and wanted to be with him so tried to ignore the controlling/abuse issue. I continued to beg and plead forgiveness, promising I would change but also hoping he would change.
I had issues with medication so stopped taking the pill in feb/march 2012 I told him is many times so he definitely knew.
In may 2012, 3 days after my poor dad died I found out I was pregnant. He was so happy. He told his parents straightaway and he was over the moon.
We found a place to live, got engaged again and moved into our rented house in June 2012. He came to my scans and proudly showed all his friends and family the scan pictures.

With the move unfortunately came a big change in his behaviour - the financial control, verbal and emotional abuse stepped up a gear and physical violence started.

Things got very nasty very quickly and culminated in him abruptly packing some stuff and moving out temporarily. Police were called many times and I'm left contemplating an injunction.
He now claims that I duped him into the pregnancy by not telling him I wasn't taking the pill.

He also claims to all who will listen that HE was the one who has been abused and is playing the victim card and telling everyone that I have severe mental health issues.
His family and friends who were previously so excited for us now refuse to acknowledge my existence and want nothing to do with me or our son.
My ex has said he hates me and also wants nothing to do with me or our son and never wants to see either of us again. He said he will also instruct his mother to never see the baby.

So I'm left in the house Unsure when he's coming back and take the rest of his stuff. He's told me he's taking the bed so I will have to sleep on the floor. Great with my spd.
I have told the letting agents to find new tenants ASAP but I have to pay the rent and bills until they find someone new to move in. The ex has refused to pay anything and I can't afford it on my own.

As soon as I can leave I'm going to have to move and live with mum which I am really ashamed to do. I never in my life imagined I would be pregnant or doing it alone with the father refusing to have any contact whatsoever.
Moving back is going to be a nightmare as getting to work is going to be impossible and hugely expensive because of the distance involved.

I'm not sure what is going to happen when I go into labour as I don't want my mum there. I think that is just weird. I don't have any friends to ask to be there with me either. Can I do it on my own??

It really hurts how he has turned so nasty so quickly and level of hatred that consumes him is terrifying.

It hurts how he has made everyone else hate me by telling them god knows what lies about me and making them think I tricked him into the baby.
But what hurts above everything else is that my son will grow up not knowing his father or his side of the family. He will ever meet his sister, brother and cousins and will eventually know that his father wanted nothing to do with him.

After all of this, I still want to be with him, i still love him and hope he will change and want to be with us, I know he won't.

I'm so sorry for my long message!!

Hello hun, of course you can join us. I'm not very good with advice but I know this thread has got me up some mornings and gets me through.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and having the strength to go it alone. Make sure you enjoy your pg at the stage your at as I wish I'd enjoyed my earlier stages as I'm now 34 weeks and feel shite! Lol
Let the bastard have the bed, you should check out freecycle or Friday ad.
As for labouring alone I have a friend coming with me but I know what you mean about doing it alone. I'm thinking i want to do it alone, I've done it alone all the way through and I think I'd like my special moment to myself. I cooked I sweated I laboured. Also for those seconds where my LO is the newest person in the whole world, yes those, I want them to be mine. All mine!
How are you coping mentally? I found out I was pg, thought I was 7/8 weeks and I was 21. My ex left me homeless and jobless. And I moved back to my folks- very hard. But they've been great, don't be ashamed mine say they are prouder of me for being strong enough to do it alone. I have regular counselling and anti d'S so please ask for help from your doc if your struggling.
You'll find it really helps, notgeoffvader & skyblue will be along shortly. They are the fairy godmothers on this thread. Their advice is fantastic and if your having a wobble they are brilliant. Everyone on MN is great too this thread as you can prob see has its ups and downs, but we carry on .
I hope your okay (don't think I'm strange for posting at this hour- i haven't been partying I've got bloody insomnia)

Pickles, Bump & My amazing dog (who shall provide you with endless tales of fox shite!)

Ps, for anyone that watched the news for me and pooch we sailed through our dog show. No bloomin rosettes, what a con. They didnt appreciate the heavily pregnant lady with the physcic dog. The cheek!

Hello datingthedevil

You seem you will be alot better off without him!!!! He wants to control everything and when he can't he gets angry/controling.

It will hurt for a while but what kind of man would leave his pregnant ex sleeping on the floor?

Its his loss and his familys. If i was you i would want my son no-where near him, he would prob bring your son up being a vindictive idoit like him!!

I thought about this for a long time my son missing out, its his family that will. They will always side with there son, when they dont no the half.

Keep strong :)

Hello!
Not sure about fairy godmother, more like fairy elephant, I'd say!

Dating - I think deep down you know you're better off without. Your ex-P sounds so much of a control freak, your life (and your child) will be better off without him. However, the law is a complex thing and I think that if you want him to provide financial support you need to name him on the birth cert. If you don't then don't give his name. However, PLEASE CHECK THE LEGAL BOARDS/consult someone with full knowlege of this!

Xmas how are you? I think that with families like the one your ex is from, they are best left alone. Who needs that sort of person in their life?

It makes me so sad to hear (on MN) about the number of emotionally and physically abusive men out there, and the amount of women who, because of no fault of their own, are subjected to being made to feel inferior, worthless, lacking in confidence, in self-worth, in self-belief, and (in some cases) to believe that they have brought it all upon themselves.

I honestly can assure you that there ARE good men out there. There are kind men. Men who do not see women as a commodity, as an ego-stroker, as someone to push and shove around.

However, you are not 'incomplete' as a person if you don't have a "significant other" - a boyfriend/husband/partner/lover. You are still you. You are 100% you, with no artificial additives. With no need to be anything other than you.

Pickles, sorry, I missed the news. Do you have a link to it on iplayer or something? DD is not enjoying the heat and is going through some sort of sleep regression thing at the moment....just think how much you all are going to enjoy THOSE stage! (evil grin emoticon needed). It took her about 2 hrs to settle down last night. On the plus side, once she was asleep she stayed put all night, which was an improvement on the night before.

Going to shut up and go away for a bit now. Horribly itchy eczema is driving me mad and DD is anxious to play with something messy.

notgeoffvader

Feel like shit, had arguement with my mum. Think i will move out when ralphs here.

I think my ex is dead hes a waste of air and my time. Hes a sperm doner now lol. Son dont need him. Not here now when i'm finding it hard. His loss not mine :)

Hi all how are we? Gosh it's too hot isn't it?
Such a boring day today x

How we all doing? dating welcome to the thread.

I've been email arguing trying to sort things out with twunt like access, finances (he wants to cut maintenance). He is a prick of the highest order. He thinks he can walk out on me and ruin his daughters life then get away with paying me £37 a week to feed a d clothe his daughter and keep a roof over her head.

You girls are lucky if your twunts don't want access believe me!

Excuse me, I'm having a bad day! Lol

That made me giggle. I think ex might join your rankings!!! I think some people with 2 balls and a willy think they are men? :)

I do feel lucky he said its yours not mine and dont want anything to do with it bar the money. Suits me to the ground.

He thinks he will pay 100 a month, i kept it to myself that would be a week with his wages!

Hi all - been absent for a while and name changed. Hope everyone is doing ok.

Exp being total shit at the moment and trying v hard to make life as hard as possible for me. I have a thread elsewhere

Pg is fine really though I'm v overdue for the midwife who is never there!

The only thing that makes me happy is dd1 being excited and buying baby stuff.

Otherwise I am v negative ATM and keep thinking the worst will happen. This week it's paranoia I will lose my job

Oh no sky what a twunt!
Clack- welcome back, glad your battling on and still on the bus. Trying to figure out your NC. Im overdue for a NC i think.

I'm having a bad evening too. My so called best friend is visiting this weekend, and I did know but according to Facebook. She's been to see everyone but me , no calls since being pg, no response to emails, not much really. I must be a golden twunt myself eh?

Oh the guy that asked me on a date keeps calling and I just can't answer the phone

pickles that sucks when 'friends' do that :( i don't think id call her friend.

Ooooo :) i think you should pick up and go on a date ;). A man could take me to get a big mac meal and id be happy!!

I can't even answer the phone... Don't think I'd make it out the house

No, I must be some cunt bad person for people to treat me like this though. Counselling tommorow though, might help. Sat looking at the antids on the side, wonder if taking a bucket load helps (not that I would)

dating - just to share my experience, I went through labour with my 3rd child alone, I was perfectly happy with it. The first midwife asked me about the father, as my Dad took me but I didn't want him to stay, my Mum was looking after my other 2DC, I made it clear to the midwife that he was my Dad (to avoid any awkwardness). I told the midwife the father and I were no longer together, and all the midwives were lovely. I think most midwives would do everything they could for if you were alone, I am sure being alone got me an epidural at 8cm dilated with a 3rd child, otherwise I think I would have been 'encouraged' to go on without an epidural (that I desperately wanted)

If you are to be alone in labour, I am sure you would be just fine :-)

My twunt has been unbelievable today . He had the nerve to suggest that I could take DD to him for access! Because I live in a place that is "shit to get to" and that's why he is always late. The place that he chose to live in prior to meeting me, the place that he happily bought a house in with me 6 years ago.

The bloke is a prize knobhead. He won't answer my questions, doesn't say what he wants when I ask him then says that I dictate everything to him.... Complains that I don't tell him about school terms when I gave him the website address to look it up!

I hate the bastard so much!

Hope you girls are doing ok. The way I feel at the moment I'm off men for good!

Rant away sky! I know how much it helps! No he should come to you after everything he's done!!! I'm angry for you

I think you will one day :).

Hope that goes well, i think hes all every swear word i can think of..

No bad talk :( happy talk please.

I took my chinchilla out today fugde!! He looks like the inside of fugde the colour. He seemed happy to fall asleep with a snuggle then gave him a raisan and off he went back in the cage with his gf(sam).

I would try take coco out shes black but i dare not shes a little shit and her mum chinnie is too!

We had chinne first then got fugde to keep her company but chinnie was a girl and out popped coco on fathers day. Sadly we had to get fugde tied and chinnie regreted him so hes got a new gf called sam. They even have their own play room. Its bigger than my room

I would be scared of them I think but I'd try to play with them.
One born is on- its a good one

They are very cute and the fur is so dense!! Its so soft!!

Im in bed yet again.. feel tired and heartburns playing up.

Can also hear my mum shouting to my brother all i do wrong!

Earplugs!

Urgh too hot today with not enough shade. Had a blather on fb about my day (pleasant) but not about my aching back (not pleasant - I slipped in the bath yesterday and must've wrenched something).

Don't have any further 'words of wisdom' today - I used them up on my earlier post!
Try to have a good evening, all. x

take care of yourself notgeoff, get you DH to rub your back! Put your feet up!

I had a lovely lavender bath earlier, with someone's generous gift, I feel rather more relaxed now

Glad lou is doing well today, made me happy after a outbreak of hairy handed people on here today!

Aw, thanks, Pickles! :)

I am going to put my feet up and read a book. Back has eczema on it so rubbing it won't help, unfortunately - plus it's far too hot for any physical contact - I can't help admire you pregnant ladies for sounding so calm, I'd be ranting and raving if I was hot and pregnant! Although last night I dreamed that I'd had another baby (told DH and his face was like this ) by C-Sec and that there was a hole in the floor that all my stuff kept falling down.

Turning off FB for the night as one of my friends has a stupid crush on some bloke off the telly and keeps on and on and on about him. Gah!

Hope you are ok NotGeoff.

Im sitting here eating Haribo Starmix again :-)

Best news I've had all day is fitting into a gorgeous maxi dress I got for my cousins wedding in October. It's FOUR sizes smaller than I was back in April!!!!

I'm so happy !!!