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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

ex refusing take DS swimming lessons and football on his weekends

114 replies

Happylander · 24/02/2012 15:46

My ex wanted contact every other weekend and I agreed with this and he agreed to take him to his swimming lessons and football lessons that I pay for. DS was going to both of these prior to split and really enjoys them. Ex is now saying he won't take him and is going for a contact order to get everything official. This is despite him not turning up on more than 2 occasions to see him and going on holiday over christmas with OW rather than spend any of his annual leave with DS!! I have now said that he won't see DS if he won't take him to these activities and as he has continually threatened me with court he can now wait until court order is in place. Getting very very tired of his constant threats now.

Solicitor has said a judge would rule that DS carries on going to both activities as they were already on place before ex left for OW. Does anyone else have any experience of this?

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 12/03/2012 21:21

Oh what a shame!!

sweet sweet karma - I don't suppose you said 'if he'd been at football this wouldn't have happened' did you??

PigletUnrepentant · 12/03/2012 21:34

What I find fascinating is that they ask for more time, more contact, less involvement of the resident parent during their contact time and yet... as soon as the child is ill they drop them at your doorstep as a hot potato.

If he wants to do as he pleases, perhaps is time for him to realise that there is more to parenthood than play.

Original poster

Happylander · 12/03/2012 22:22

I did refrain from saying it would not have happened had he taken him too football but only just. I am trying my hardest not to be sarcastic and tell him what I really think of him. Bloody hard though!

I am still chuckling about it especially as he said it was everywhere. My ex stepmum made a cracking comment when she asked where ex took DS and I relied he stayed at his mothers and she replied 'no wonder he was sick then?' LOL. ex's mother called earlier and it was first time since I basically forced them to call DS on christmas day and only second time since ex walked out on me. Conversation with DS consisted of her trying to get DS to tell her she was pretty and then trying to make out she was more fun than me. Thank fuck I have as little to do with her as I can now.

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Original poster

Happylander · 12/03/2012 22:23

sorry should have said ex's stepmum and replied not relied...

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treadwarily · 12/03/2012 22:39

Oh it's happylander, I remember your thread about him leaving. He is a v awkward person, isn't he.

While I think he sounds horrid and selfish, I don't know that you can do much about the weekend activities. Maybe you could get a court order but who would enforce it?

You are right of course that he should do it, but he isn't going to, is he. The sad truth is that a lot of kids miss out because one parent won't step up.

I would have suggested weekday activities too but you can't because of work which makes it really tricky. Is there any way he could go to at least one activity, week days, with a friend?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 12/03/2012 22:47

Such self control. I am still smiling about it now :) 'Everywhere' as well, really, such a great shame... and oh how it lingers....

He's a bit of a chip off the old block then 'me me me me me'...

Piglet - of course they do - they don't want any of the real parenting lark! You know the illness, the sports clubs, the swimming... the things the rest of us just love doing...?! Twats.

Original poster

Happylander · 12/03/2012 22:51

Oh I have given up on the football as figured needed to compromise but the swimming he is going to go to but he is now saying he is going to take him to swimming?!?

He has apparently put in for a contact order to get what I was giving him anyway which is what he wanted. Apart from the football but as I said I told him I won't pay for it any more but he will still need to go swimming. So he has agreed to that but still wasted £200 putting a contact order in when it is him that doesn't turn up Although he said he had put this in nearly 2 weeks ago and I have heard nothing from the courts yet. Not sure how long it is until I hear something. Any ideas?

I notice a massive difference in his behaviour and texts depending on time of day i.e. he is really quite horrible during times when the OW is clearly with him. Totally different person when in my actual company than on the phone etc. Thank god I am no longer with him that is all I can say.

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Original poster

Happylander · 12/03/2012 22:58

Oh yes his mum is on her 3rd marriage and she isn't happy in it. Has 5 children by 3 fathers and is very selfish and manipulative. She has been awful to me but not once apologised and everything is my fault. Pretty much what her son (my ex) said about me....load of old bollocks. All the things they said about ex's first wife they now say about me.

Ex even told me the other day that his relationship with OW is going to work because SHE is committed to it and wants it to work. I bloody wanted our relationship to work and was committed to it unlike the bloody ex who just walked out and would not even try. He failed to see the irony in his comment.

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PigletUnrepentant · 12/03/2012 23:07

oh yes... the act some put up to convince the new woman it was all the fault of the evil exwife.

ExH was just like Jekill and Hyde, depending new woman being in earshot or not.

Original poster

Happylander · 16/03/2012 13:40

I always thought I understood men a bit but after Ex walking out I realise they are just strange, selfish tossers. There must be some school they go to to learn how to be a shit and walk out on your family. They all say and do the same crap. I have just heard that a lady I know through a friend husband has walked out on her and her DS a week before her c-section with their second child. Her husband was really angry and slagged off my ex at a party at Christmas time because my Ex walked out on me and now he has done it??

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cestlavielife · 16/03/2012 14:00

not all of them, dont generalise. ..
but all of the ones who do this cr&p seem to follow same pattern

PigletUnrepentant · 16/03/2012 14:42

Happylander, the worst thing that divorce can do to a woman is to convince her all men are the same. Don't generalise, there are some very nice men out there who are nothing like your ex.

I know is early days, but if you end up believing all of them are like that, you are denying yourself the opportunity to start again and be happy with another person (believe me, there are some very nice men out there, my new partner suits me much better than the last )

Migsy1 · 16/03/2012 14:47

happylander My sentiments exactly but I am waiting for someone to change my mind. I won't go out looking for a bloke though. That would, I fear, be a recipe for disaster. Men are fine until they are under pressure. Then they crack and go.

Original poster

Happylander · 16/03/2012 15:02

No I mean the ones that walk out on their families for OW must go to some school before they do it as they all say the same stuff. I am well aware there are lovely guys out there as I have lots of male friends. Sorry if I didn't explain what I meant well.

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