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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Would you leave a 7 year old alone in a flat while you go across the street to buy bread?

54 replies

marykat2004 · 12/12/2011 09:42

Hi, this is my first time posting in this topic. I am on my own because my DH is in hospital. I thought lone parents would be best to ask because you may have come across this situation. (He has been ill for so long I am basically on my own with DD).

This morning we needed fresh bread for DD's pack lunch. The shop is across a busy road, about 200m away.

I was going to ask "Would you leave a 7 year old alone in a flat while you go across the street to buy bread?" before setting off, but I think the answer would be no, that it is totally illegal to leave a child even for 5 minutes. So I bundled DD into her coat and took her with me to buy bread.

But what do all of you do? (Be more organised and buy bread the day before...?)

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MyLifeIsStillChaotic · 12/12/2011 09:49

I would have done what you did and take my 7yo with me - after all you said it's only 200m away.

exexpat · 12/12/2011 09:53

It's not illegal. It could be seen as negligent, depending on the circumstances and the child. I am a lone parent with two DCs (now 13 and 9) and started leaving them on their own for short periods (=popping to the shop for 5/10 minutes) from around age 8, and for longer from around 9.

DS (13) now occasionally looks after his sister for a couple of hours if I want to go out in the evening.

But it all depends on the maturity of the child in question, and whether they are happy to be left, and if you are sure they can follow rules (no answering the door/doing anything dangerous) and that they can make a phone call or know what to do in an emergency.

Haziedoll · 12/12/2011 09:55

I would have done the same although it is tempting just to nip across the road. There are no hard and fast rules concerning leaving children, each case is considered on it's own merits. There have been a few cases within the last couple of years where parents have been prosecuted for leaving their children for short periods of time although I don't know the full details, there may be circumstances that we are unaware of.

Ds1 will walk to school on this own from the age of 9 (encouraged by the school) so I want him to be more independent and savvy by then.

4madboys · 12/12/2011 10:04

if you think your 7 yr old is repsonsible enough to be left then i would have left her, i have left my almost 7 yr old but with 2 elder brothers to nip to the shop.

you know your own child and if she is capable of being left for 5 mins, i wouldnt see a problem with it :)

Purpleroses · 12/12/2011 10:15

It's not illegal. It's up to you to judge whether it's safe. I did it many times with my DS when he was 7. As long as DS is happy about it, knows how to get out the house if he needs to, and you feel you can trust him and aren't going to be very long, I'd think it was fine.

Original poster

marykat2004 · 12/12/2011 10:18

When we got back I found a card from the postman - he had tried to deliver a parcel. I think DD might have been freaked out by someone knocking on the door. So I'm glad I took her with me.

thanks for replies.

OP posts:

WannabeMegMarch · 12/12/2011 10:18

Its a judgement call...how responsible is your 7 year old? How long would you realistically be gone. At the moment, I wouldn't leave my 6 and 7 year olds but yours may be more mature. BTW I always have a pint of milk and a sliced loaf in the freezer; it's saved me several times.

Original poster

marykat2004 · 12/12/2011 10:40

Well, she would never hurt herself or play matches or get into something. But I do think the postman knocking on the door might have frightened her. So, no, I won't do it in future. I will always take her with me. And it's only across the road, not far.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 12/12/2011 11:08

it isnt illegal no.

but not difficult to take a 7 year old out across road either (no buggies etc) .

but as was said, forward planning, loaves in freezer and uht milk in cupboard always.

Slightlytinsellyexpat · 12/12/2011 11:10

I would have left my 7 year olds - I did, in fact - for brief outings like this. I don't know YOUR 7 year old though. It's a personal choice. Not illegal but you might be called on it. As you say, the postman ringing the doorbell may have been alarming for her.

FannyBazaar · 12/12/2011 15:09

I would have taken the child if convenient time, ie awake and dressed,, otherwise nip out while child asleep or if comfortable with it leave child. Mostly when there's no bread, we just have something else. I send my 6 year old to the shop sometimes but only at a quiet time when it's easier to cross the road. Not busy roads.

stubbornstains · 12/12/2011 15:20

This is interesting! I will always pop out to the van to get stuff (sometimes parked as much as 100m away) while DS (nearly 2) is asleep, yet it felt wrong to leave the house to go to the shop, which was no more than 50m away from our old house. I also felt I couldn't go to a yoga class in the church hall, literally across the road, although I was sorely tempted to go, and take a baby alarm! It's something to do with actually being inside a different building....

Yes, being a single parent is about always, always having milk in the house...

Flamesparrow · 12/12/2011 15:28

I would leave DD1 at 7, but no way can see me leaving the Dude when he reaches 7 unless he has a change in personality. I think it is very much down to the child.

froggies · 12/12/2011 18:40

Totally depends on the DC. My DS (now 15) I wouldn't have left in a million years. Still worry about what he us going to destroy when left on his own... With good reason, though he is getting better at not burning holes in things and knows how to put out a popcorn fire!
Dd1 (now 6) I feel by the time she is 7, she will be more sensible than her big bro.
Dd2 is a completely different story, I would have a multi coloured decorated upside down house with only 5 mins out I think....

ChasingSquirrels · 12/12/2011 19:46

I think I would have left ds1 (now 9) in these circumstances, and think I would leave ds2 (6 in Jan).

I can't say for sure as I live in a village with no shop, so haven't been put in the position, but I have done similar in going to the post box at the top of the road, going to the chip van half way up the road etc.

Original poster

marykat2004 · 12/12/2011 21:54

You send your kid to the shop at 6? I was surprised to see some 9 year olds going to the shops alone, and saw one walking to school alone.

Of course back when I grew up, parents never walked (or drove) kids to school, kids walked in a bunch or even alone from age 5.

Re: 'eat something else', DD is extremely fussy, and has to have the same packed lunch every day.

Interesting discussion though.

I used to not even take the rubbish downstairs (we live in a block of flats) if it meant leaving DD alone.

OP posts:

mincepieandcream · 12/12/2011 22:03

I would probably have left DS alone at that age to travel that sort of distance. Our nearest shop is a bit closer (across the road which is pretty quiet) so I don't remember needing to though.

I have to confess I probably left DS alone at a younger age than that to pop across the road - I personally felt it was fine and DS was always absorbed in his games/TV, but I probably wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, for fear of getting reported. It's quite usual for 7/8 year olds to walk to school alone around here (with a busy road but with a pelican crossing - so many children cross at the same time that it's deemed quite safe).

froggies · 12/12/2011 22:15

I live just outside a small highland village. Most kids here, even some 5/6 yr olds walk to school and back, down to the park, or around their friends on their own. DS has been allowed to go to the village on his own and back again (just over 1 1/2 miles) since he was 10, now he walks there and back every day to catch the school bus. DD at 6 is desperate to be allowed to walk to school in the village!
It is nice to live somewhere where I don't worry about letting them out on their own to explore and be kids. Leaving them in on their own is a different matter!

Purpleroses · 12/12/2011 22:18

I think there are quite a few issues you need to go through with them before you leave for more than a couple of minutes. As a single parent with two DCs it's happened a lot that I've needed to ferry one around and the other doesn't want to come. My DS was left from 6 or 7 for maybe 20 minutes at a time. Before that he knew:

How to get out the house if there was a fire
How to dial 999
Which neighbours to call on for some lesser emergency
How to dial me (always have my mobile on me)
Not to answer the door to anyone
Not to answer the phone unless it rang twice in a row (which would mean it was me) (No actual risk attached to them answering the phone, just worries on my part that someone might think I was neglegent)

Drilled him on this endlessless until he was quite bored of being reminded. But all has always gone well. It was very much led by him - He did not want to come with me to pick up his sister from nursery. Also used to sit him in front of the TV when leaving him in the early days (he's 11 now) which would lessen the chance of him falling down stairs or anything. He never moved off the couch I don't think. There are slight chances of some dreadful disaster, but if your alternative is crossing a road with your DC, driving in a car, etc that carries a slight risk too doesn't it?

Does depend on the child too - my DD is now 8 and am only just starting to leave her for even 5 minutes as she's not so trustworthy.

dreamingofawhitexmasteamgirl · 12/12/2011 22:45

Have left my 6 year old to do that. He knows how to contact police and neighbours and not to answer the door

elastamum · 12/12/2011 23:25

I used to leave my 7yr old in the house whilst I drove to the next village to pick DS1 up from cubs. He always refused to come with me, so I left him with the dogs as babysitter. He knew to go next door if he needed anything and it never bothered him in the slightest. I also leave both my children asleep in bed whilst I feed the horses and walk the dogs in the morning. If they ever want me they just phone my mobile

Spero · 12/12/2011 23:31

Have done, would do. When it was cold and raining and she was happy in front of the TV I carried out risk analysis, concluded it was unlikely house would burn down in five mins or that she would suddenly develop urge to play with matches. I have left her alone for up to ten minutes since she was four.

I made this point a while ago on another similar thread, but do some parents never have to go to the toilet? A hefty bowel movement is going to take you out of action for about five mins at least... Surely most 7 year olds are sensible enough to cope with a five minute parental absence??

losingtrust · 13/12/2011 10:02

I would leave my 7 year old for five minutes but she is not the type of child who likes being on her own so would not leave her any longer. DS (11) on the other hand loves being on his own and I used to leave him for a few minutes by about 8. He refused to go to the childminder three doors away after school and so at 9 I caved in and gave him a key. She used to make sure he got in the house with DD. Now there is nothing more he likes than for me and his sister to go out and they both walk back from the bus stop at night (school coach) and he lets them in. I am sometimes back from work and sometimes about 10 minutes late but I do think it depends on how sensible the child is and how comfortable the child is on their own. However, I have to say we live in a small close and know all the neighbours with many being at home during the day so can help out. My DS now asking if they can do without a babysitter at nights if ever I go out but I hae not done this and don't feel comfortable with it. Last week took my DD to junior disco for one and a half hours early evening and came back to find DS wiht a severe migraine and about to be sick so will not do it again. He had just sat on the X box for the whole time.

Meglet · 13/12/2011 10:13

spero I have IBS, I almost parent from the toilet . My house is very toddler proofed.

Now DS is 5 I have to say I'm getting thoughts about when I can leave him for a few minutes. A few years ago I wouldn't have imagined leaving him but I can see it would make life easier in emergencies.

SugarBabyLove · 13/12/2011 10:58

This thread is interesting to me. I have often considered this (MILK!!!). My nearly eight year old would be fine on his own for 10 minutes. But I won't do it until he can properly use the phone and properly tell the time. Therefore if something happens to me, he can phone daddy/the police.

I think he is stalling on the telling the time thing so that he can argue with me about what time to get ready for school. So, he wants to be left alone, he has to grow up and tell the bl*y time!

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