Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would you leave a 7 year old alone in a flat while you go across the street to buy bread?

54 replies

marykat2004 · 12/12/2011 09:42

Hi, this is my first time posting in this topic. I am on my own because my DH is in hospital. I thought lone parents would be best to ask because you may have come across this situation. (He has been ill for so long I am basically on my own with DD).

This morning we needed fresh bread for DD's pack lunch. The shop is across a busy road, about 200m away.

I was going to ask "Would you leave a 7 year old alone in a flat while you go across the street to buy bread?" before setting off, but I think the answer would be no, that it is totally illegal to leave a child even for 5 minutes. So I bundled DD into her coat and took her with me to buy bread.

But what do all of you do? (Be more organised and buy bread the day before...?)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tamoo · 13/12/2011 11:13

A member of my family once left her five year old asleep while she popped down to the chemist at the bottom of her stair to get medicine.

While she was out the phone rang, woke her child, it was his school on the other end, he told them he was alone and the school rang the police.

They came out, the mum was questioned, the dad was pulled out of work (by the police) and brought home, their house was checked (did they have food etc) and social services were contacted, who came out to visit and to do a follow-up visit a while later. Big hassle and not nice for anyone concerned.

I live in the same town, am a lone parent and similarly have a shop downstairs but if I find I haven't got anything in I just do without. Occasionally I take the recycling down to the bin (also just downstairs) or the compost out back but have told ds not to answer the phone while I'm out.

I wouldn't expect the house to catch fire or ds to randomly and suddenly start playing with matches/plug sockets but apart from the above police/SS scare story I would worry about what would happen if I got hit by a car while I was out (unlikely, yes, but stranger things have happened).

I think most 7yr olds are capable of and should be taught 999 and their own address, also which neighbours to go to for help etc.

Purpleroses · 13/12/2011 11:29

But Tamoo, if you were to be hit by a car when you were out, your DC would be better off home alone (even if scared and worried) than being with you and also being hit by the car, wouln't they?

But agree, it's better to prepare them than to creep off whilst they're asleep.

cuteboots · 13/12/2011 12:08

had a situation yesterday where my 7 year old was being sick but you cant park near my house during work hours or you will get a ticket, so I had to leave him for a few mins so I could move the car. He was in bed and normally I never ever leave him!!

Original poster

marykat2004 · 13/12/2011 12:58

My DD still has a phone phobia, she wouldn't answer it if it rang under any circumstance. She wouldn't open the door either, but might feel frightened if she heard someone outside.

OP posts:

OvO · 13/12/2011 13:12

I send my 7 year old for bread. So I stay nice and warm inside. 10p for a jelly snake is the going rate.

FannyBazaar · 13/12/2011 20:55

Tamoo I have had the security guards called in the shopping mall when I left my DS (then 5) sitting outside the shop. A whole load of mad people had seen him sitting on his own and decided he was abandoned, they offered him lollypops (he refused) and asked where I was. They never bothered to find out if he was happy to be there or not. He was tired of walking round so had asked to sit outside and wait. The security guard from the store and a whole hoard of people tracked me down, the mad people accused me of abandoning my child, two of them claimed to be social workers and told me I was breaking the law, the security guard from the shopping mall came too. I assured everyone I wasn't breaking the law and asked if they wanted to call the police or take down my details, but they were happier just to shout at me. Strangely neither security guard had the gumption to object to the mad people swearing, shouting and kicking my trolley nor did they want my details. I can't believe real social workers would simply accuse a mother of abandoning her child but not want to follow it up.

Your poor relative. I bet no one started with asking the kid if they were OK with the situation! I would be furious if a school did this to me.

I tend to worry more about what would happen if I got hit by a car on the way back from work. DS is not left alone, but how long before After School Club contact my emergency contacts and get someone to take him?

MollieO · 13/12/2011 21:02

As a LP of a 7 yr old I would have done what the OP did. Leaving him alone wouldn't enter my head even though he can use the phone, send emails, not answer the door to strangers, make his own meals (and mine!), do the washing, hoovering, load and unload the dishwasher etc etc.

Perfectly responsible probably to be left alone for a fair amount of time (I regularly get lovely weekend lie-ins). My concern would be what would happen if I couldn't get back to the house within the time frame I envisaged.

tralalala · 13/12/2011 21:03

when I was seven I used to play out on the street for hours, often by myself til friends arrived. I think that is it a bit mental that a seven year old can't be left for a few minutes.

Just don't get run over!

tralalala · 13/12/2011 21:05

Meglet - I had terrible ibs then did an exclusion diet as did my sister at the same time with the same thing - we both found we were intolerant to different things, totally changed our lives.

Ateallthepurpleones · 13/12/2011 21:31

I've left dd who is just a bit older, very sensible and independent. For me it was a case of reaching a point where I felt able to leave her, my gut feeling/instinct telling me that it was OK, combined with her saying she was ok with it. If I'd felt ok but she wasn't wanting me to then I wouldn't have done it.

Original poster

marykat2004 · 13/12/2011 22:45

"My concern would be what would happen if I couldn't get back to the house within the time frame I envisaged."

Exactly. The very slim chance of being hit by a car crossing the road.

In other generations prams were left outside shops all the time. Prams were too big to go in, and no worried about babies outside shops. No one would do that nowadays.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 23:09

I love the idea that if you are hit by a car in the street your DC must be with you! I would rather they were safe at home.
It depends entirely on your DC, I would have left mine in those circumstances. (and if I was hit by a car my first thought would be -thank goodness DS is safe!)
There are many 7 yr olds that I wouldn't leave.

QueenofWhatever · 14/12/2011 21:00

I leave my DD (nearly 7) and have done since she was four. I've found this is quite a British thing, in European cultures it is much more common.

Original poster

marykat2004 · 15/12/2011 22:05

But if you had your child with you you might be more careful crossing the road than if you were rushing because you'd left your child at home alone and wanted to get back quickly.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 15/12/2011 22:10

I am always careful crossing the road!

thepeoplesprincess · 16/12/2011 23:18

I'm never in that sitch so I don't know what I'd do.

I'm not trying to sound pompous btw, but I've been on my own with two small children for four years now and I'm always organised about packed lunch stuff etc because I have to be.

aliasforthis2 · 17/12/2011 00:08

I have left my 6 y.o (then 5) in the house whilst I pop to the shop across the road from my house a few times, once when a family member called in a really upset state and ran out of mobile phone credit, so I went across to the shop to get some credit to call her back asap . It's literally 2 mins, and she can pretty much see me almost the whole time. I just tell her I'll be back in 2 mins, just going to shop and not to answer door , just sit and watch cartoons. These were times her brother wasn't there.

I don't see it as a huge deal. Every child is different, and you know your own child. When my cousins were much older ie 10 years-ish, their mum left them with me (I was 13) and when I went into kitchen they were trying to stab each other with sharp kitchen knives! DD wouldn't do that, even at 6.

No way in hell I'd leave DS for even 2 mins himself without being in the same house in earshot and checking the ro every 2 mins also - he is a menace/rascal!

LivingDead · 17/12/2011 00:26

I have left dd a couple of times when she was 7 to go to the shops, she can be a pita in general but is very good when given responsibility. We had rules, don't answer the door or phone, don't even go in the kitchen, no climbing or messing around she was to sit and play her computer game.

She knew to leave the house if something randomly burst into flames blah blah, twas fine, haven't actually left her alone for ages, she is 8 now and I do think it is time to start giving her a little independence.

Original poster

marykat2004 · 18/12/2011 09:27

@thepeolpesprincess. If I had been on my own for 4 years I'd be more organised, too. But one of the few things my DH does when he's not in hospital is buy bread and milk. I should have more appreciation for that. But also I will try to be more organised as his health continues to deteriorate. I'm not entirely a single mum, just almost.

OP posts:

Ateallthepurpleones · 18/12/2011 10:31

Don't worry about it marykat. Some people are just more organised than others, or have more spare time, or less to think about. I'm always dropping balls I have so many to juggle.

Milk and More are really good. You can order online up to 9pm the night before and it's there (for me) when I wake up - and it's free delivery.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 18/12/2011 10:39

I did it last week, needed to put credit on the gas card and it was a cold damp evening and DS was happily playing a computer game. He was fine. I told him to stay where he was and not answer the phone or the door and I knew he would do as I said.

perceptionreality · 18/12/2011 10:45

I'm a lone parent and also have a 7 year old and it would be far easier for me to take her than to leave her at home and panic about whether she was ok while I was gone. Why would you leave at home?

Ateallthepurpleones · 18/12/2011 10:55

I did it because she was really tired and had a sore throat, and I didn't want to take her out in the cold. There are times too when she asks to stay put, she doesn't want to come and while there hasn't been the occasion to leave her just because she's asking to, it's something I would start to consider as I want her to learn to become independent.

I think I said it earlier, if I'm worrying about leaving her then it isn't the right thing to do, but if I feel ok about it, that tells me it's fine.

perceptionreality · 18/12/2011 10:58

Ah right - yes if ill I can see why you would leave her then. A lot of people here obviously think it's ok at 7 but I also have a 2 year old so it's not really an option for me yet!

Hippymum89 · 18/12/2011 21:51

Just adding my pennies worth, I walk the dog 50m up and down the road when DD(6) is in bed asleep, and if it's poaring with rain I leave her in front of the telly and take him on the field behind out house for 15-20 mins, BTW she's v sensible.
Soooo.... yes, I would nip to the shop. If you trust her to keep herself safe for 5 mins, go with your own instincts

Flip

1 2 3