dumped cos i have 3 kids..........

[happyatlast]

oh yes you read right! I met someone two months ago, he was the one more into me, texting all the time, wanting to see me all the time. I had the conversation three weeks in that I had 3 children so if he wanted to date me casually or find someone who doesnt have kids so he can go out and have fun, as I pretty much always have one of my children with me. He was totally fine with this said he wanted to be with just me all the time.

Things were going well, he went to france for a week a couple of weeks ago, texting about 50 times a day, saying he cant stop thinking about me, never wants to go on holiday without me again, said he is falling in love with me etc....

Gets back from france last saturday, I had no kids so we went out for a meal, covered me with little kisses all over my face when he came to my door saying he has missed me so much etc....had a great night......

Next day he goes for lunch with his mum and sister.....hours later I am dumped.

Thats it....had no contact with him since apart from a text saying he has had a reality check and there is no way it could work me having 3 kids.......

Shock is an understatement.

yet another text asking if we can meet up? I asked him what the reason was for wanting to meet up cos if its for sex then I'm not interested and he just said "no, it would just be nice to see you, I still cant believe how much I think about you still?"......I said i'm not sure cos I dont know what its going to achieve really?

Anyway next day I'm driving through main street where I live and there he is about to cross the road, he'd got a day off from work apparently, anyway I stopped and he got in the car and came back mine for a brew, luckily I had just dropped my kids off with their dads cos I was on my way to toys r us to finish my christmas shopping so couldnt have timed it better in the way that I am very rarely alone!

Anyway I made him a brew, and he just didnt really say much, just gave me a hug but did not touch me inappropriately, just hugged me tight and said how much he had missed cuddling me and just held me really tight, I asked him why he wanted to see me and also said I totally get why you got a little freaked out at the prospect of so much responsibilty but that he went about finishing it in totally the wrong way, and he just kept saying, this is going to complicate things now that I've seen you again but I'm really glad I've seen you?

Anyway after an hour he left and neither of us have contacted each other since. I'm not intending on contacting him cos quite simply like I said to him, if you love someone it shouldnt matter what they have or havent got, so its not me with the issue and he clearly hasnt changed him mind about the whole situation, he just wanted to see me? So thats it now, am hoping he's seen me and he wont contact me again now, I think it might be best if I tell him not to contact me again as its not fair if the situations not going to change?

I'm sorry to say this, but it seems to me as if he is keeping you as part of his reserve bench. Just giving a little bit of attention to ensure you remain there.

Woman, you said he was out of your league, are you getting all worked out due to pride or do you really care for a man that drops you as a hot potato when you less expect it?

Let it go, he is playing games.

Well it gets even better, Christmas day, first thing, a text saying hes thinking about me loads. I text back "Happy Christmas" and thats it. Yesterday, I get him texting all day whilst I'm at work saying he wants to meet up with me to see if we still have something, and maybe see where it can go.

So, after lots of persuasion I say "Ok then, tomorrow night, I do not have the kids, you can either take me out for a drink or come to my house to discuss whats what.

Today comes, not heard from him at all.

Text him about an hour ago saying "Think its safe to say that you are nothing but a player, do not in a few days/ weeks/ months attempt to contact me in any way, as I do not wish to hear anything you have to say. I never want to hear from or see you ever again."

Think that covers it, think he might possibly leave me alone now, after all I really dont think even he could think theres a way back from this.

but alas no, this morning i get a text from someone elses phone saying its him, and his phone is knackered, and he is not a player and he was going to come round after he finished work last night but thought I would have been busy possibly with some other guy.

Not buying it for a second, clearly doesnt listen either when i say do not attempt to contact me in any way.

I'm started to get that he is not going to leave me alone just yet.

If you are going to proceed..proceed with caution, keep a clear head for you and the kids. I think that from some of your posts your still a teensy, weensy bit interested and I agree with some of the other posts that him meeting your kids that early in a relationship is perhaps something that can wait till your more established in any relationship

I cant attempt to fathom out his behaviour but he may well be interested in you but a bit overwhelmed with his feelings. It sounds to me that his heart is saying one thing..he wants to be with you and that his head is telling him another..you've got 3 kids it wouldn't work etc, etc. I'm sure i'll get shot down in flames by other people but i'm a big softy anyway and the world is yet to make me totally cynical and hardboiled.

I really do not know what to do. I text him yesterday after he text from someone else's phone saying his phone is broke, and I said "it doesnt matter what reason you have, i still cant do it anymore, its killing me, I need to be happy in order to take care of my kids and if I've got you messing with my head my kids will suffer much as I love you lots, I cant do this anymore, sorry."

Not heard from him since, and I will not be texting him, but I get the feeling its not going to be the end and I really do not know what to do.

He is now verging on bloody stalking you! He keeps texting even though you ask him not to. He keeps stringing you along, even though you want him to leave you alone. At the very least he is playing with your emotions. That is very cruel. It's probably a really big ego boost to him for him to text you every now and again and have you confirm that you still have feelings for him.

I think if- or rather when - he next texts you, you should reply "I now feel you are stalking me. never contact me again for any reason or I shall take this to the police."

However, at the very least, you really need to stop texting him all manner of messages that tell him that he is in your head. He needs to think you don't give a shit about him. Telling him you love him lots is not a good idea.

I know yeh, but I was trying to say l'ook its not nice what you're doing, if you think anything of me at all then please leave me alone, because its you who finished it not me so obviously my feelings are still the same'. Obviously the wrong approach to go for!

Its just so incredibly hard not to reply when I really want to reply and I want him to say hes changed his mind now, seems to me by a few things hes said that he has decided, well basically what i get from it all is that he is still scared about getting involved with me, but hes missed me and still thinks about me and it wont go away basically and he doesnt know what to do next?

Thats what I think anyway.

Still doesnt help me though, like I said to him, if you need convincing of anything then its not right.

Why do you want him to say he's changed his mind?

Look at the type of man he is.

He acts like you're the love of his life very quickly, yet one word from mummy dearest and you're dropped like yfronts with a skidmark on them. ok, first of all, how weak is he? and secondly - you know what you'd be getting for inlaws. Why would you do that to yourself? why?

Having told you he doesn't want to be with you, he sends you text messages designed to mess with your emotions and keep you dangling.

He is incapable of making a decision and sticking to it.

He may very well be getting a kick/ego boost out of knowing he has you dangling.

and you want him to change his mind and want you?

So you are hoping to be 'taken back' by a man who would play games with you and give you the inlaws from hell!

and you were only with him for a few weeks anyway, and for the last 3 months he's been playing games with you, with no consideration for how that makes you feel and without respecting your request to leave you alone.

I don't understand why you want this.

Op ...run fast away from this tosser. He's just playing games with you .

There are nice men out there ....I'm sure you will find one .

It's clear you need to get some self worth. Change your number if you can't trust yorself not to reply. I agree with Hecate, I just don't see why you're so desperate for anyone to be interested that you'll put up with this kind of behaviour. Unless you believe you're worth more (and you are) you'll keep attracting this kind of loser. Learn to be happy on your own for a bit. You really don;t need this petty drama whan you have kids to worry about.

learn to be happy on my own for a bit? thats all I've ever known!! I split with my oldest daughters dad when she was 3 months old, I got with my middle child, my sons dad when my oldest was 3, lasted 5 months, he was nasty to my daughter so I got rid again, then when my son was 4 I got with someone for 2 years and I have my youngest daughter, with him who I left in may this year...so give or take a few months relationship with my sons dad and a 2 and a half year relationship with my youngest daughters dad, in the 12 yrs I have been a parent I have pretty much done it alone and during these 12 years have always been financially independant, never has a guy ever financially had responsibility of me or my children, have gone it alone financially the whole 12 yrs, just wanted to clear that up, its not cos I dont like being alone, its all I have ever really known is how to be alone, I am the master at it!!

I think your post has demonstrated even more what I meant then. I mean learn to be on your own in that you make better choices in the kind of men you eventually choose. I don't know anyone who would mess me around so much, and I certainly would never stand for it, and yet you seem to have picked four of the wrong type of men. That to m shows me you have very very little self worth and unless you deal with that, every single relationship you have will follow this pattern.

haha so so wrong, I may pick the wrong guys but I certainly dont settle for anything. Every relationship i have ever had I have been the one who has finished it cos it wasnt right, apart from this one.

I will not settle and point blank refuse to put my kids through an unhappy childhood...my dad killed himself when I was 10 cos my mum was having an affair, after months of attacks on my mum and attempted suicides he finally succeeded and I remember it all, so as soon as something is not right I get rid so my self esteem is absolutely fine thank you, and I dont fall in love easy, I have only ever been properly in love with my sons dad, my middle childs father and now this guy, which is why I think I am holding out for a happy ending but deep down of course I know its not going to happen because my kids are more important, but as you dont know me at all, I will let that last comment pass me by cos if you asked anyone who knew me they would say I was the one person who does not take any shit.

I would rather be on my own than with the wrong guy, which is why I am still on my own.

I dont doubt however that I do pick wrong uns, totally agree there, but thats got nothing to do with self esteem issues.

He sounds like he blows hot and cold - not great for any man, but certainly I'd walk away in your situation. You need someone you ca trust, not someone who changes his mind every 5 mins.

If you thought better of yourself, you wouldn't allow any of these tossers near to you. Or be expecting one of them to change their mind despite the disgraceful behaviour he has had towards you.

It is about self esteem, I'm afraid.

That is not the case, just because I said I want him to change his mind, what I meant was yeh it would be great if he could change his mind, we get back together and everything would be great, but I know that would never be the case, like I have said in previous posts, if he did change his mind it still wouldnt work cos I would always be thinking is he going to change his mind again. That doesnt mean to say I cant wish things could be diffierent.

I would never settle for someone who is clearly not sure whether my kids are worthy enough to be around....I simply meant its a shame he feels that way, its a shame he is a tosser who cant handle responsibility, its a shame he doesnt have a backbone....thats all I meant.

I have never taken any shit from any man, even when I was 8 weeks pregnant with my son, his dad didnt take to my daughter who was 3 at the time so I left him when I was 8 weeks pregnant, I am not the type to settle and put up with shit so am afraid you're all wrong, my self esteem is top notch!!

happyatlast, i was going to whitter on about self esteem too - the most you should be doing when this guy texts you is having a quiet snigger to yourself at his predictable behaviour and not giving him a second more headspace than that.

If he's not right for you, then stop engaging with him.

No point disecting the whys and wherefores or even calling him names - just move on.

A whole day and night yesterday of text messages asking if we can try again but differently, slowly? I kept saying no, I need someone who i know isnt going to bolt after 6 months but would he leave me alone? No.

I ignored him at first and then stupidly text him telling him to delete my number.....he kept saying hes trying to stay away but he can get me out of his head and misses me so much, but as it stands right now, I didnt give in. My last text was at 9pm last night saying just delete me, and then you will eventually forget about me. He text me an hour after saying I'm trying to delete your number but I cant stop thinking about being with you and I really dont want to delete it.

I didnt reply.

Think next time i will just ignore, although he text me about 10 days ago and I never replied so I thought finally hes given up after I'd heard nothing for over a week. Then yesterday I was bombarded with texts??

I know I shouldnt have replied but they were relentless and I thought if I text him and say "its never going to work you need to delete my number and leave me be", that it would make him realise that any more attempts would be futile but no, he carried on.

What a loser he is. I don't get why you keep replying to him though, I'm sure if he wasn't getting a response to his texting he'd stop. If he really meant it, he'd phone (not text like a kid) and tell you honestly how he felt and where he thought he'd gone wrong. Seems to me like if he's having a quiet day at work, or is sitting on a bus or something with nothing else to do, he'll liven his day up with a bit of nonsense texting.

Offs. Stop texting him! It IS that simple! He dropped you because you had kids. so what do you think is going to happen? He gets back together with you and will make a wonderful stepdaddy? I don't think so! You are making a fool out of yourself responding to him. He is a player, enjoys the attention he provokes from you and that's that. He doesnt love you, sorry to say.

No he came round on New yrs day, he showed up and said everything he felt but also said he couldnt guarantee he wouldnt freak again if we got back together at prospect of so much responsibilty so since then I have told him to leave me alone, hes said what he wanted to say and it made no difference, he wanted me to give it another go on new yrs day but couldnt promise he wouldnt get freaked out again, all yesterday was was the same old shit again, saying can we try again blah blah blah, but like I said to him I can do that cos I have children and cant risk a year down the line the kids think hes great and all that and then he runs for the hills again. He doesnt get why I cant give it another shot, hes saying what have I got to lost, but its obvious to me and everyone else I suspect who has kids that I would have a hell of a lot to lose if I contemplated giving it another go.

And yes I know I shouldnt have replied. I thought it might stop him if I told him serioulsy now, he needs delete me....but my mistake!

stayfornoone.....I dont intend on getting back with him...you really need to read what I'm saying.

and really theres no need to be quite so rude, and you wonder why mumsnet gets a bad press!

Just this second had a text from him saying going to delete your number now, just wanted to say love you xxx

Dont worry, I havent replied and dont intend to.

I cant help having an ounce of romance in me, afterall, I know him, none of you do so I'm going to see things not quite as clear as someone looking in.