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Original poster

dumped cos i have 3 kids..........

82 replies

happyatlast · 17/10/2011 14:08

oh yes you read right! I met someone two months ago, he was the one more into me, texting all the time, wanting to see me all the time. I had the conversation three weeks in that I had 3 children so if he wanted to date me casually or find someone who doesnt have kids so he can go out and have fun, as I pretty much always have one of my children with me. He was totally fine with this said he wanted to be with just me all the time.

Things were going well, he went to france for a week a couple of weeks ago, texting about 50 times a day, saying he cant stop thinking about me, never wants to go on holiday without me again, said he is falling in love with me etc....

Gets back from france last saturday, I had no kids so we went out for a meal, covered me with little kisses all over my face when he came to my door saying he has missed me so much etc....had a great night......

Next day he goes for lunch with his mum and sister.....hours later I am dumped.

Thats it....had no contact with him since apart from a text saying he has had a reality check and there is no way it could work me having 3 kids.......Shock

Shock is an understatement.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyatlast · 28/10/2011 12:24

Thanks mrgin........its really shit.

Worst thing about it is I was totally out of his league looks wise( not that looks are everything before someone jumps on that!).....my family and friends said....wtf r u doing with him!! He used to say to me, I cant believe you are interested in me blah blah blah......turned round to bite me on the arse didnt it!!

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Original poster
happyatlast · 31/10/2011 14:55

update....another text today asking how I am, what have I been up to? Says he really misses me but it would never work in the long run?

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BrianAndHisBalls · 31/10/2011 15:02

Its just stirring up the feelings again each time he texts Sad Could you delete his number or block it?

Original poster
happyatlast · 31/10/2011 15:06

have deleted him when we first split but dont know how to block him. but yeh you're right, just as I stop thinking about him so much, he will text out of the blue saying shit like that. What I dont get is if he knows it cant work in the long run cos hes not prepared to take on 3 kids then why keep texting?

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ScaredKittyWitchyKitty · 31/10/2011 17:00

God, he's really putting you through the mill, isn't he? Seems he's playing mind games. Like you say I think it's because he expected you to beg him to stay in the relationship and you haven't, so he's trying to emotionally manipulate you. Basically he can't accept that you've not contacted him and he wants your attention, so is contacting you on the pre-text of seeing how you are. How the hell does he think you are?! Cheeky fucker.

Have you replied to today's text? I'd maybe send one back just saying simply 'Please don't text me again. I'm now blocking your number.' then if he texts after that just ignore and delete if you're not sure how to block, as then it will give the impression to him of being blocked.

If you want to actually block his number it might be in your phone's user manual or google blocking number and your make of phone. My phone is an HTC Desire and to block a number I go into text messages, hold my finger on a message from the number I want to block and a few options come up, then I press block. HTH.

MrGin · 31/10/2011 17:40

..or you could take a picture of your raised middle finger and SMS that to him.

I reckon somewhere in his muddled head, he's hoping to cultivate a more ' friends with benefits' type scenario.

Original poster
happyatlast · 31/10/2011 17:43

Last time he text I said if you are just texting to ask me how I am the dont text me cos it doesnt help, and yes its not helping at all, I've told him once hes texted me I cant concentrate on anything for a few days and its not fair on me, after a few days I am alot better, still think about him but am happier?

He must sense this?

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Original poster
happyatlast · 31/10/2011 17:46

yeh the friends with benefits shit? I asked him that, I said are you texting cos you want a f*k buddy and he said no, but earlier he said he really misses me and he really misses shain me so I am thinking maybe thats what he wants to, but I dont see how that can help him either, cos I know I was more than a s*g to begin with, so wouldnt feelings come into it again and complicate the issue further?

I dont know, I think its best if we have no contact whatsoever, if my children are an issue then there is nothing to discuss.

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MrGin · 31/10/2011 18:13

Well, you being a nice looking woman, of course he's going to miss shagging you... if you don't mind me saying so. It's a man thing.

He's being a total arse. He put an abrupt stop to the relationship and now won't stop texting you. That is so unfair. As you've said. Of course it's better not have any contact.

Obviously you had feelings for this guy, no doubt he had feelings for you too. Love can be cruel but you need to move on.

He needs to stop contacting you, otherwise you'll possibly cave in and end up meeting him again..... If you've asked him to stop and he doesn't , it's a form of harassment. If he doesn't stop remind him of this.

Your last post suggests you're not entirely sure now....

Be positive. There is someone else out there somewhere wondering where you are.... forget this man.

Original poster
happyatlast · 31/10/2011 18:28

yeh there is someone else out there.....and no doubt I will meet him when he is sat in his battered stinky arm chair next to the incontinent slobbering wreck that is me, also sat in my battered stinky arm chair! Grin

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MrGin · 01/11/2011 09:26

:o

Well at that point having three loving kids coming to visit will be a very attractive prospect for a potential suitor.

But seriously. Be positive. Tell Mr indecision to stop contacting you. Find something to distract you. Someone better will come along well before you're in a nursing home dribbling into your armchair.

Original poster
happyatlast · 01/11/2011 09:34

heres bloody hoping hey!! Grin

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Original poster
happyatlast · 02/11/2011 10:10

well I asked him if he was after a friends with benefits thing and he said he didnt think that it would be a good idea despite the fact that he would love to f**k me again....his words??

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AmberLeaf · 02/11/2011 11:00

So he just wants the 'benefits' without the friends?!

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE !!!

You deserve better.

Original poster
happyatlast · 02/11/2011 12:47

no i think he meant being friends with benefits wouldnt work as there are feelings there. Thats what I got from it, but since then i have surprisingly enough had a text saying again how he misses f*ing me alot.

So I'm thinking he probably does want friends with benefits, but is hoping he can come to mine, s**g me and then go home not feeling anything for me.

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Bossybritches22 · 03/11/2011 18:08

Delete his number from your phone, & delete any texts unopened, he isn't worth it & it is only unsettling you to think about the if,buts & maybes.

You'll find someone to love who will love you for yourself & your wonderful DC's, anything less is not to be considered as you are worth someone special.

Keep telling yourself that!!

decreeabsolute · 04/11/2011 23:36

You know you deserve better so delete all further texts from him. Walk away with your dignity! You need to move on or you might miss out on some better bets in the near future.

KnickersOnOnesHead · 05/11/2011 18:38

Delete the texts and do not reply. He is just trying to get in to your head and hoping for the reply of 'I really miss you too, I need you blah blah blah'.

missymarmite · 06/11/2011 16:51

Block him, or if you can't delete and ignore. What at twat he is! Don't let him mess with your head. x

Bandwithering · 08/11/2011 12:49

Maybe he met somebody in France? the mother and sister thing could be coincidental.

Bandwithering · 08/11/2011 12:56

Apologies for not reading the thread properly before posting a rubbish comment.

Have you ever had a bag lifted off your head moment?! I remember dating guys in my twenties and after 3 months of fun thinking 'oh my God this guy is a real academic/fundamentalist/stoner' and fun as this IS........... what am I doing? do I have a plan here? dykwim? You just suddenly have that moment of clarity. HARSH but I've been in those shoes I think.

Saying that, I have two children and that's why I can't even visualise having a boyfriend. I just can't imagine how it would work. My children are always going to be there. They're always going to be my first priority and a huge responsibility. (Their dad doesn't help at all financially or practically). So it's just so hard to visualise it for me. I'm almost amazed it can work for three months.

The other posters give good advice though. If he doesn't want you as a proper girlfriend then don't give your time and your heart away to him like free samples, ykwim? sorry, don't know how to express what I mean there.

Original poster
happyatlast · 14/12/2011 13:44

out of the blue early hours of sunday morning, he texts saying 'miss ya xxx'....................its been months?

no contact whatsoever, I'd moved on, as I thought to myself theres no point stressing over someone who needs coaxing into a relationship with you, he either wants it or he doesnt, so have not bothered about him, or given him much thought to be honest, until he text me.......I'm thinking this is the reason for the text, to make sure I dont forget about him!! sadistic or what!!

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marge2 · 14/12/2011 13:55

Whenever you tell him you have kids, it's not the knowledge, but the reality of the situation that really counts. Someone may still THINK they want to date you knowing you have kids, but they ( and so you) will never really know for months after they have met and got to know the kids whether they can stick the course long term. 8 weeks is nothing to be honest. I know it's hard on you, but I think you should be thankful he has been honest. He may well be as sad as you about it, but is being realistic. So I don't think he is being a git, but if continued contact from him is keeping you hanging on, I would cut it. I have step kids and it really was very hard, and they don't even live with us. I assume your kids live with you?

Original poster
happyatlast · 14/12/2011 14:00

yes they do. Like I said I was moving on quite well, had accepted the fact that although he liked me, couldnt accept my kids and all the responsibility, but it really doesnt help when he texts out of the blue. I sent him a confused face back, meaning why text that you miss me when we both know that there is no hope that anything goods going to come out of him texting me, he cant accept me with my kids so quite simply leave me alone then isnt it? Smile

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marge2 · 14/12/2011 14:11

I agree with everyone who says just delete all his messages and don't respond to him. There is no point. It must be so hard to be looking for someone when you have kids. I am not in your boots, but if I were I would not introduce anyone to my kids until I was totally sure I thought it would work, it would probably take a long time for me to be sure about this, longer than as if I were single with NO kids....I wouldn't be sure for ages.....and then I would have to be prepared for them OR my kids to decide it wouldn't work, once they were introduced to each other.. It's a three way thing, and the kids must come first.