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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

40+ Lone parents

768 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 18/03/2011 19:42

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/03/2011 20:50

itisnot (hot toddy) wish you better

mzd,sin n suburb welcome :)

OP posts:

Joelybear · 19/03/2011 20:51

HI PW welcome, things will probably feel easier once husband moves out i know it was for me - even though its not what I wanted at all!! As for telling DCs just make sure they know you both love them very much and will always have time for them but mommy and daddy cant live together anymore. It gives them the facts without trying to explain in too much detail. It saves confusion by not using words cross or 'not like' which can confuse children. Answer ther questions as honestly as you can. My oldes DS's and I are still waiting for an explanation of why from my DH - but dont think he really knows himself, so we are all real confused bout whats happened. Take care, be strong an look to MN and RL friends for support

Kewcumber · 19/03/2011 20:54

46 with a 5 yr old though only be accused on being his grandma once, mostly its "is he yours" in doubful tone - not particularly because of age but I think because we are different races!

Joelybear · 19/03/2011 20:57

Sorry forgot to take bold off the word PW !! I'll get better at this - I hope let me try a smiley not sure if this will work!:)

Joelybear · 19/03/2011 21:09

WIEBAST tea an cakes was great. First cake i've eaten in 2 months. Will stop again now. Since November I have lost nearly 5 stone - not the best recommended way to loose it but atleast something good has come from my situation!! Trust me I still have more to go .
boos I have PM you

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 21:15

Good Evening All,

First, and most importantly there's wine on the side for all. Someone else can be in charge of the nibbles tonight .

And hello to all the new comers. I'm 40 (apparently a whippersnapper which I like) and I have 4DCs - DD1 is 17, DD2 16, DS 14 and DD3 is just 2. This is my second bloody stab at being an LP, but hey ho.

itisnot sorry to hear that you're poorly, and hope it passes soonest.

Paul - I know how awful it is living under the same roof as soon to be ex, it is not fun. My big DCs were smaller than yours when I split from their father (oldest was 3) so telling them wasn't really an issue as such - however I think when they're the ages yours are, they do understand an awful lot more that we give them credit for and if it was me I would sit down with them and their Dad and explain. It will not be easy, but I think if the two of you do it together, and let them ask questions, rant, kick a cushion or 4, it will lift a lot of pressure off you. Do they have chums with divorced/separated parents? I know with some friends of mine, that that has helped - children are extremely resilient - more so than us at times...

MissSizeTenToBe - yup - and I like our metabolisms!! I am also with you on the entire packet of Haribos - any'll do!!!!!

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 21:19

...Joely and I've PM'd back x

lilacisinlove · 19/03/2011 21:37

Right ladies, in about an hour I am telling DD1 (age 13) about my 'boyfriend' (am I too old for one of those?) for the first time. She has not been aware of me dating anyone since I split from her dad but this one's for keeps and the DDs need to know. Her dad told them about his GF last summer and they took it badly and still haven't met her so I am not feeling wildly optimistic about her taking it all in her stride.

Deep breath, wish me luck!

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/03/2011 21:46

lilac boyfriend at your age? I hope so, I'm way older than you!! Hope all goes well tonight (((hugs))))

OP posts:

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 21:50

Lilac my DCs reacted badly to their dad's girlfriend/now wife big time, however with me they were absolutely delighted! The difference between 12 and 13 is huge mentally anyway, and I think they can generally (well every friend in the same position I know) deal with mother's new partner (boyfriend LOVE IT!) almost without blinking an eye.

Go for it. Report back please.....

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 21:51

Ohhh lilac - good luck!

Me and DP had our first night where he stayed over with the kids here this week it is very very scary!

Joelybear · 19/03/2011 21:54

lilac good on you having a boyfriend for keeps that is lovely news :) Have or two then tell them, you may be surprised by there reaction, I take it they are with you most of the time an will probably be pleased for you like we are :o. Reaction to dad was probably cos they feel even more abandoned by him having new GF. We will be here waiting for news of how its gone xx

Wave to ev ery one else

mummytowillow · 19/03/2011 22:10

I'm 41, daughter is 3, been on my own for 20 months and still finding it bloody hardwork!

gillybean2 · 19/03/2011 22:16

40 here with ds(12). Been single since I was pregnant. I've not noticed more younger mum's on mn - not the threads I hang about in anyhow.
I guess I just assume everyone is about my age, though it is pretty obvious sometimes when someone is much less world weiry younger.

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 22:22

Hi mummytowillow, don't be (says me 2½ months down the line second time...), it is undoubtedly hard, lonely and downright crap at times, but there are so many positives too, I promise. First off, have a ..

Is your DD at nursery now? Or you working so she is anyway? Do you get any time to yourself (that is very important - even an hour helps)?

This is why the marvellous WillIEverBeASizeTen has started this super duper thread - so we can bitch, moan, giggle, help and just be stupid - and if you look further up the thread you'll see a link for another brilliant thread posted by WomanOfMassDestruction that is irreverent (at times), inane (at times) and highly informative (cakes/chocolate you know, important stuff), but most of all a fun place to chat!

Rant all you need to, as we're all in it together, so we can dig out together too. x

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 22:24

Ooops X-posted, hello gillybean. Welcome. I'm 40 also and I have 4DCs - DD1 is 17, DD2 16, DS 14 and DD3 was 2 at the end of last month.

lilacisinlove · 19/03/2011 23:06

I'm back, and the deed is done....drumroll.....

She took it brilliantly! She was sitting up in bed and I said I had met someone very, very special who makes me very happy and she just smiled and held her arms out and gave me a big hug. She said she had guessed it wouldn't be long and I said I had worried about how she would take it because of the situation with her dad. I told her his name, job, about his DD and that we would still have our special time together (she is at boarding school so this is v important). I said that I would like him to join us at Thorpe Park next Sunday when we have planned to celebrate my birthday and mothers day and she said that was ok. I'm SO relieved and I know he will be too. He's visiting his parents this weekend and knew I was going to tell her and I have had several anxious texts!

Thanks for your support, it helped!

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 23:10

Woo hoo!!!!

Jellykat · 19/03/2011 23:10

Oh Lilac, Well done.

Phew, What a relief that must be, and what a lovely positive reaction!

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 23:12

So pleased, and thank you for telling us! I thought I recognised your name actually - from that mature, well debated boarding school thread - where we were assaulted from all angles!!!!

Thorpe Park - haven't been for yonks. Used to go loads when the big grots were younger as it was an excuse to get out of London pretend that we'd spent the weekend in the countryside if there was some kind of show and tell bollocks to prepare!

cheers to you. x

Joelybear · 19/03/2011 23:37

Lilac so pleased for you. Have a to sober up from the previous s you were advised to drink. send the texts and sleep well tonight dreaming of your visit to Thorpe Park with the people you hold most dear.
Well done - shows you and DD have a good understanding of each other and she is growing more mature in recognising your needs

lilacisinlove · 19/03/2011 23:52

Joely I'm in bed with a right now! Would rather be in bed with DP but that will have to wait. I can only hope DD2 takes the news as well, but she is clingier and a few years younger and may be less receptive.

boosmummie · 19/03/2011 23:55

Lilac can you tell her with DD1? Are they close, as that may be a help?????

I'm off to bed, it's almost one for me and busy day ahead. Sleep well all, and sweet dreams to you Lilac

changeforthebetter · 20/03/2011 09:06

44 with a 5 and 3 yo and soooo tired as 3yo woke twice in the night and took ages to settle. Plus one of next door neighbours' vast brood of offspring had a teenage party last night which wasn't very loud but loud enough to hear that dismal bass beat until about 5am. And once awake, spent lots of time worrying about when I am going to find another job to replace the one I am losing in two weeks' time

ninah · 20/03/2011 09:14

Another old crone here but I don't get why you'd feel like a minority on here? or why you'd want to talk exclusively to the over 40s? I quite like a nice age mix
plenty of time for age exclusivity in Resthaven by the Sea

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