40+ Lone parents

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

Joely it's actually started raining in the past hour hopefully that will make you feel better....! Still very warm though

Rock didn't mean to send rain your way, but hoped you would share the sunshine with us!!
XH rant coming later from me I'm just so frustrated, but have to get tea sorted now so will be back later to vent my wrath!! < Remind self to keep on breathing!!!>

My dearest ladies
Joely hope your wind gets better soon!!
Catapult hope you have run over lots of toes today

Message to all of you You are all fantastic women, with a brilliant sense of humour no matter what shit troubles are thrown your way. We have all coped with horrible times, and people that have done horrible things to us - and yet we all have the strength to get on with our lives and still raise some gorgeous children. Cheers to all of us.

Here is a personal message that I received from someone on you know what site, which should hopefully make you all laugh from the heart of your bottoms!

Now Carol call this a stab in the dark but what better way to break the ice then make you laugh?

So Carol please enjoy this some what brief but historical education in ass whooping.

(a). Carol the very first historically documented account of an official ass whooping goes to Eve. Now then, Eve had her ass whooped by none other then God, because she ventured into his private green house, picked a French apple and persuaded Adam (typical man, ask no questions hear no lies) to eat the apple, knowing full well Adam only eats Granny Smiths.

(b). Then we have Queen Boadicea who had her Welsh ass whooped by the invading Roman legions because she refused to hand over her hill side sheep. (Archaeologist later discovered the Romans had acquired a special taste for Welsh chops and Ham shanks braised in cider!)

(c). Next, we have that bad boy Roman, Marc Anthony who got his brown Italian ass whooped by the stunning and very shrewd Cleopatra because he thought he was a right geezer and offered to take her out for a Donner Kebab and fries, followed by a spin on a camel.

(d). Interestingly the next subject is a national heroine of France and a Catholic saint, the young Joan of Arc who had her tight French ass whooped or should I say fried by the invading English.

(e). And last but not least the very beautiful, stunning and tempting Carol who will be getting her ass whooped if she does not hook up with Ruben for a romantic Indian or Chinese.

So you see, Carol history teaches us that no one is above a good ass whooping. So I strongly suggest you pick up your phone, text me and hook up with me and over a romantic Indian or Chinese we put our heads together and put the world to rights, what says you princess?

Well Dumps How can you resist that charm and talk of a "good ass" How does he know that?? and having it whooped!!!

Let us know your decision!!

he sounds a proper prince charming...princess:o

tho if you can spare time during your romantic curry would you mention that boadicea was from east anglia - not wales!

My dear ladies...Rock THC Joely Thank you for your kind words of support, they were comforting:) Was just having one of those moments when one thing goes wrong and you start scrutinising every mistake you've ever made!

rock How's me little poppet? Is she all pink n fluffy again? Actually I'm a bit pink n fluffy (like one of those flumps marshmallows) Oh, and no more weather bulletins (unless it's hailstones).

THC You must have muscles like Popeye by now doing all those wheelies! Is DD there yet?

Joely Oh yes, the dreaded Summer holidays are coming up....hmmm. Childminders, it's so difficult to get a really good one who does the job because they actually like kids. The ones I've had have been nice, no complaints, but not outstanding. Luckily I don't need to worry about this anymore,phew...And rant away...

Dumps That fella, what a scream, you must go out with him. I'd give him 10/10 for effort:) sounds normal too (that'll be a bonus then) so give him a chance.

James Are you one of the Eggheads?

Now me luvverlies,gather round,gossip....

Went out on a date tonight (thought I'd try n get back in the saddle) He's not my type really (probably cos he's not a twat) same height as me, not handsome (shallow cow) but a very nice genuine bloke. I think he could grow on me. My biggest "thing" (apart from my thighs) is the height issue. I like tall men and he isn't, I like wearing my heels (don't want him to) so, the question is (at this incredibly early stage) should I stay or should I go? Shall I give it a go, as he really is quite a nice chappie?

Awaiting your wisecracks comments

Waves to all the crew:)

Ten Welll you dark horse been off on a date - good for you. Maybe its time you rang in the changes an went for a nice bloke who is the same height as you, rather than going for your normal tall type of Chappie who turns out to be a twat!! So what if you like to wear heels wear then with 1/2" heel instead of 3-4" heels. Sure you'll still look great even if not quite so tall!!
Night for now will talk more in the real morning IE when surrounded by the screaming hords of DC's !!

ahi married the nice chappie who was almost my height.I am divoiced now lol was a twat .

But after that I did have a bit of a fling with a tall manand that was wayyyyyyyyy more fun . big issue of ocean made it impossibale for anything long term but we are still friends to this day.Shall probably see him later this year or next year when we are in teh states .

But to be honest do not think I want another realtionship am quite happy on my own ..Yes the odd time I miss having someone special but not that much that I would consider marrying or living with someone or even dating .Im to stubborn,independent and opionated for a start .Hell I would not like to live with me either .

Dd has arrived in Spain spoke to them this morning , ok not her my friend .dd was still asleep lol .But they went out for lunch last night and played on the beach .

Very very sore arms have over done it I think .So no sneaking of today or much typing

Will come back later catch up with everyone

and my spelling

Morning All,

Ten normal service has been resumed with regard to the small irksome urchlike creature! We went to the hospital yesterday and have got to Epipens which are for emergency really - at the moment the antihistimines do their job pretty well, but at the same time, the next one could always be a biggie. She does have an absolute terror now though, of anything that flies and buzzes and has had a couple of nightmares of bees in her eyes and ears .

I think you should just bumble along with this chappy. If he ticks an awful lot of boxes then he could be just good company and a friend to chat with at worse and WAY more at best

Catapult Glad they got there safely, I imagine DD will be spending much of the day in the pool/sea!

Joely How are the poorly little ones? Hope they're better now and you have some or all of your bed back!

Dumps oh dear oh dear! He can't spell, he is NOT funny and he doesn't have his history or geography up to scratch! I've PM'd you some stuff BTW.

Paul/James/Corine morning and have a lovely weekend

Hello me darlings
Rock Thank you for the PM. Am disgesting the info and will get back to you. So sorry to hear about Bella's incident. It must have frightened the bejeezus out of both of you. I guess it will take a while for the memory to fade for her, but I am sure it will.

Catapult rest those arms lady.

Ten oh, I have exactly the same dilema. I have been out for a couple of coffees/lunches with a very 'nice' man. Btw, I have a bit of a tall thing too (XP is 6'10") so a 5'11" 'nice' man just seems so short. I have always gone for the tall twats, (which obviously is why I am now a single parent at 45!!!!) and although this man is nice, he is really not making the heart flutter. He could be a 'grower' on me (if you pardon the expression, because it sounds just a little perverted) but I'm just not sure. I was due to go out on a dinner date with him last night, but I cancelled because I knew that once I had my beer goggles on I could get myself into a situation that I'm just not sure about. What have you decided to do? I am really interested to know.
Waves to everyone else. Paul how are you doing?
Dumps x

Hi Guys

Rock Oh bless her, I hope this phobia (and the nightmares) fade.

THC Glad DD arrived safe n sound:) I heard a whisper that the weather is fab Get to bed and give the arms a rest! (except when you make the teas )

Joely Hmm I do like my 3-4 inches though:)

Dumps I understand where you're coming from. This chap doesn't make my heart flutter either, but then I don't want anyone to make my heart flutter anymore. I have had my heart broken so badly I can't go down that road again, in fact, I don't want to! I've been out with him once before, last year in December. We lost touch in January, basically because I was in a bad place emotionally, didn't trust anyone and quite frankly couldn't be bothered. However I missed his banter so decided I would take a chance and get in touch again. He responded to my text a couple of weeks ago and we made arrangements to meet last night. Now, I am a busy lady and he is a busy man. I have no expectations, if it's for me, it won't go by me. I've got to the stage that I will only do what I want to do, not what might be expected of me IYKWIM. I text him on my way home last night to thank him for a nice evening, he responded accordingly. He text again this morning basically reiterating what he said last night, and I haven't heard since. Now, if this man had made my heart flutter from the off, I would be constantly checking my phone wondering why he hadn't text again. That's the difference. I cannot go through that pattern again, it consumes me. BTW I met this guy on the internet. That said, having had a fair few dates from the internet in the past, I have learned that because someone has status, and is educated does not mean they have integrity. The guy who gave you a history (albeit incorrect but I suspect he knew that) lesson, may be a nice enough guy. Emails and texts can be very misconstrued and misinterpreted. Unless they sound like a complete drudge or perve, I'd give most fellas a chance (however, poor English/spelling is a real turn off for me) in the flesh.

paul/corine/James/uncle tom cobbley n all hellooooooo

x

Ten

^Joely Hmm I do like my 3-4 inches though*

sorry think i may have a slightly dirty mind becuase this made me laugh out loud and think omg only 3-4 inches .Took me a while to realise you meant heels on shoes .

Rock
Hope Bella gets over her fear of things that fly very soon.The epi pen is scarey thought at first and the first time I had to use it I shook more than ds1 .Keep eye on the date sthough as they are shortdated ( avaerage of 12 months ).

Spoke to Dd they got to the villa and was straight into the pool.

dumps ok at 6,10 anyone is going to seem small after xh was 5.6 only time I dated someone my height and who seemed a nice guy ,.So I marrie d him .Would not make that mistake again .6foot or so will do me nicely mind so will 8-10 inches.

Am ok here very bored though which is never a good thing with me ,whole hospital comes to9 standstill on weekend and no vistors today to aid mischief either and some in here are having a harder time coming to terms with it , so are not ready to help me create mischief .So shall be down to me to find some

paulJoely Hope both you ladies are ok and not posting becuase your busy causding mischief.

Waves to everyone else ,hope you are all out enjoying the bank holiday

Hi there everyone- I am sooooo sorry that i have not been around lately- i composed a message the other day and it disappeared before i sent it and i didnt have the time to re-do it. I am afraid that this is not a particularly positive messsage, but i am hoping that you lovely people will be able to help.
I am really struggling- i have felt really unwell the past week- so tired my body is aching, feeling sick all the time, no appetite, jippy tummy, very irritable and snappy with the dc and wanting to cry all the time. The dc have just gone to their dads for 2 nights and i feel quite desperate- want to do loads of things but dont know where to start and also too tired to do anything.

I am really sorry that i am completely out of touch with what is going on on this forum- i got all my lovely birthday messages btw, and thanks so much for that- that gave me a real boost.

I know that i am feeling really down- i cannot take a.ds because they make me feel terrible and i dont want to feel like this- the dc can see how bad i am am they are worrying about me- i just tell them tham mummy is very tired- but they know i am not right.

Could someone just push me in the right direction- i am suffering with nervous exhaustion- i know that much- the constant stress and anxiety has made me ill- but i want to get better and need a hand- friends are great but all busy with their lives and perhaps i dont want to admit to them how bad i am feeling.

Sending all of my love to you all- and hope that you all have a good bank holiday weekend.

Paul I'm so sorry you feel like this, but it really does sound like depression as opposed to virus/infection. Stress and depression takes on all sorts of guises. You say ADs make you feel terrible but there are plenty of different ones to try, it's a bit like taking the contraceptive pill, one size does not fit all!

Ok, so if we look at the practicals. What is making you so tired? Are you sleeping well? Sleep deprivation will make you feel ill,sicky and irritable. It will also affect your appetite. That said, sleep deprivation on top of depression is like a double whammy, but then depression normally interrupts sleep patterns, so it's really a cycle.

Remember, this is very very early days for you. You are unsettled, that's why you cannot focus on the things you want to do. You are probably just muddling through with the bare necessities (which is fine BTW). You will get better as time goes on, but you have to get through this period to get out the other side (and you will) that's the hardest part.

I still think you should speak to your GP about ADs, just to see if there is maybe something that can help. Coming on here and offloading is great therapy too. Shout,scream,cry whatever you are feeling let it out here with us, cosy in the knowledge that you're not alone and you're safe. Nobody will judge you (and I think that I speak on behalf of all of us) and we will all give a little bit of support and encouragement.

I feel for you, I really really do. I am sending you really big virtual hugs (((())))

TC XXXX

Hi WillIEver- you are so kind- i have just composed another long message and it got wiped before i sent it- arghhhhhh...!!
I have busied myself sorting out ds's room- he hasnt slept in it for nearly a year and it is such a tip- i am now resting on the settee with my laptop and my beautiful cat both on my knee!!
Regarding medication, i have quite a sensitive nervous system so find ads really intolerable- they make me feel worse- so that is not an option- i am hoping to manage this without them- i would rather try natural things. The sleep issue is alot better than it was- but still abit disturbed and i wake feeling as if i havent slept.
I also feel so guilty because i am not a very fun mummy at the moment and the dc can see how bad i am- yesterday my dd (nearly 10) told me that she was worried about me and hated seeing me like this- bless her- but i felt so guilty- i dont want them worrying about me. I guess that i feel like saying to myself- PULL YOUR SOCKS UP!!- but i dont seem to be able to pull myself out of it.
You are right- it is very early days and i am shocked how bad i am feeling- i have coped for such along time and now it has knocked me off my feet- if i am totally honest, i think that what i need is a jolly good rest, with someone to deal with everything for me and to shoulder some of the responsibilities and committments for me- maybe i should just dream on.....!!

Thanks again for your kind words and advice- it is great to know you are there for me- thanks for the virtual hugs- i really need a big hug at the moment. xx

Paul Just seen your post, thinking of you. [hug] coming your way or if that doesnt arrive i WILL SEND A RAINBOW TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY AN REMIND YOU THINGS will GET BETTER.
I have to go an get DS3 from a birthday party but will post to you later. tAKE cARE

Thanks for the hug and the rainbow Joely- both very much appreciated- look forward to hearing from you again later. xx

Paul

You feeding the kids and your doing a good job of coping even if you have to fake some of it .Any chance you can get away for a couple days next time dc are at their dads go do something for you.

Someone told me when things seem really abd think of the one thing hat made you smile or laugh that week and hold on to that as proof it can get better and it will .Allow yourself time it was a shock and it is early days for you

Hi THC- you are right- me even doing the basics for the kids at the moment is an achievement so actually some days i dont feel like even gettin out of bed. Sorry, if i seem abit moany- i am even surprising myself at how bad i am feeling- that is worrying for me- but, like you say- i could do with getting away- when i stay at home, all the things that need doing are staring me in the face- my family live quite away from me and all my friends have kids so maybe a night away on my own sometime to a nice hotel would be good.
I really like your words of wisdom about thinking of something good that has happened- actually lots of good things have happened this week- i had lots of lovely cards, pressies and wishes on my birthday and the children have been lovely and very caring, and affectionate- so, i guess it is about me getting things into perspective- i am finding that hard when i am so tired.
I am off for a nice long soak in the bath now and an early night.
Thanks so much- i hope that you are ok. xxx

Evening Ladies,

Paul I really echo what the girls have said above. You have had a hellish few years and I think when the reality hits it DOES hit you for six. I also believe that every tiny thing is magnified massively when one is tired. It is not surprising in the least that you are not sleeping well and that is the first hurdle that must be addressed.

I think you should go an see your GP - not necessarily for sleeping tablets or ADs, but there may be some other suggestions that might help. I know for me, taking some homeopathic sleeping tablets and St. John's Wort helped massively (whether it was in my head or not I don't really care - it did help) and once I had started to get a half decent night of sleep, everything did seem easier.

You do know that your DC are ok. You do a wonderful job with them (shown clearly as DD can see how YOU are), and they adore you. I agree that you should try to get away one night when they are with their father. Either go to see a chum or relative or take a good book (or some crappy trash mags ) and book yourself one night in a nice B&B. Rest, read, eat cake - but most importantly be away from home and chores like washing and ironing etc. Take a lovely long walk, eat some fish and chips and soak in a long bath with your book. Basically, spoil yourself.

Please rant away though as that is what we are all here for. Might be you having a struggle at the moment and we will all wade in and help - but we also know that in August it could be one of us and that you will be there to jolly us along too. I wish that I could be over there to come and give you a real hug, but in the meantime virtual ((((hugs)))) will have to do.

Thanks so much Rock- i have just had a nice hot bath and am about to climb into bed- it is so nice that you are all here for me- and i know that when i am feeling brighter, I will be there for everyone else- in fact the other day at school there was a lady i know who has just found out her dd- 10, is diabetic and she is really upset- i sent her a message offering her support and a shoulder to cry on- i want to help others and believe that my experiences will serve me well to help in the future- to offer support and advice to others who have survived domestic abuse.
I really appreciate your kind words and i will definately be here for you and all of the other lovely people when you need me.
I will definately arrange something in tems of getting away- but at the moment, the very thought of packing an overnight bag seems exhausting!!
Thanks for the hug- well needed and very well received. Night, night. xxx

Hi Paul sorry to be so late getting back to you, but time flies when you sit infront of a computer selling things on ebay when DC's have gone to bed. Think this has become my form of escapisum - it gives me something else to concentrate on a is bringing in a few pounds towards our holiday (so far about £500 so not bad going - should atleast cover my ferry and fuel costs might even get to buy 99 ice creams - just need to see if we can buy some soneshine. maybe Rock can lend us some at beginning of July!!)

Well Paul unfortunately for things to get better we have to go through all the pain and distress this situation causes us.. I can vouch for the feeling of being unable to do anything and everything seeming so imposssible, but it really will get better and you just have to do the basics and take it a day at a time! No help I know as you want to feel better now.

When this all started with me in January and H walked out I was deverstated, shattered and thought the world had stopped. If I could have taken a majic tablet to let me sleep for 6 months so all the hurt would have been gone I would have given anything for it. ( I also wanted a time capsule so I knew when I woke up in 6 months time what life would have instore for me) - but funnily enough as I sit here tonight 4.5 months on I can see and understand why you have to live through each day so you can see it getting better. Yes I still have my moments and times when I wonder what on earth its all about, the tears come from know where and the feeling of failure overcome me BUT I know I am accepting the situation and how my life has changed.

It is hard though when H only has himself to think of while I have 5DC's needs to put first both physical, practical and emotional so my needs come bottom of the pile. I am toying with the idea of sending piles of washing to H when he has DC's for a day while I'm at work - but chances are we wouldn't see if for a few weeks so think I will give that one a miss!!

My oldest DC is off work sick because of the stress he is under form it all, having been so strong for me and the younger DC's, then having to sometimes work with his Dad has made work life impossible. He has gone to visit his Grandma for a few days to take sometime out and think what he wants to do - I know it will involve leaving his job sooner rather than later and then hoping he can find something else. BUt I can't leave him thinking he might have to go back to the place he was at and have opportunity to work with his dad and knowing everyone else knows what his dad has been up too!!

My 3 youngest DC's have spent just 2 nights at H's since he moved out in February, so having time to myself is a rarity I can well do without. Though I do feel thoroughly exhausted, worn out and used all the time. I have learnt to accept a messy home, but so long as DC's are fed, watered, clothed happy and loved that has to be the priority, the rest will come later. The garden is a jungle but it just makes it a more exciting place to play and will get done ONE DAY... Just not Today It must be so hard for you when the DC's go away as you don't choose for them not to be with you , but as our friends here say next time they are away make it your time to do things for you! Even that can seem hard though when your mind keeps going over things and wondering what you could have done to make things any different so life wasnt like this.

BUT its time to stop thinking like that we can't change the past but we can look to the future it maybe scarey, but its also an adventure we never thougth we'd have. Like Dumps + Ten trying dating Rock and all her baking and making us her sunshine or Catapult and her sense of humour, then theres Corrin + James with there tupppence worth of advice.

Make time for you and be good to yourself - it is hard and will get better. Hope my rainbow arrived OK we had some good ones here today and they really do remind me things will get better and the colours inlife will turn from grey to vibrant bright colours again.

Guess you wont read this till the morning, so hope you have slept well and take care and a :) xx

Rather an epic posting from me but sums up how I'm feeling at the moment aswell hope it helps you all.

Glad I didn't loose this to the mumsnet whole that seems to gobble messages.
for anyone interested
Take care all nite nite

Morning

hmm is it bad that anything after 5.30am is a lie in and can not blame on the kids.Think toinight I am going to wear sunglasses to bed for when they turn the lights on.

Paul
hope you have slept ok.If you was nearer to me woiuld say once I was home come visit but thinking in your get no peace with 4 kids .Ear plugs are a requirement as you enter and if ds2 and ds3 are in fine form .Please collect gas mask before entering .And do not need to say sorry it is what were here for so moan, yell, bitch it is what we are here for .

And yes when I am home even when the dc are at school I end up doing things in the house and forget about me time .I had a week away couple years ago and it was so nice to be a adult and go out for dinner and erm indulge in some adult activties .And I shall go back to chicago and see more of it this time .( only saw aquarium and went out for dinner .But it has been enough to sunstain me over some very tough times along with his friendship and odd visits and with you lot on here

Joely

I can imagine that is really tough on ds1 having to work same place as his dad .Hope time at his Grandma gives him time to think .Erm I do not even want to think about my jungle garden .But liking the idea it makes it more exciting for the kids.Erm sense of humour, mine is defintley offbeat

Rock How is the mini hurricane Bella?
ten brew up mind it may be cold by time you wake up .

What has everyone else got planned for the bank holiday .I am going to try sneak out for a while if I can