40+ Lone parents

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

Hi Joely- yeh, the wedding was lots of fun- infact we finished off the party after school today and the newlyweds are going on honeymoon tomorrow!! (they are going up to school tomorrow afternonn when ds has footie training and playing on the play equipment!!)- their idea of a fab honeymoon- bless them!!
Sorry to hear you are having such problems with getting contact sorted- i have to say with my ex- it does not surprise me that he is so disorganised- he always has been but when he was here i had no choice but to put up with it- now i am determined that i am going to stand my ground- he doesnt like it but i have said to myself that i will not let him mess me around any more than he has already.

His emails today have been stating what he wants- it is all about him, him, him... and what he wants and what he finds hard (ie not seeing his kids- well he didnt bloody seem to care when he was here, did he?- sorry, i am ranting now...)- and i have emailed back, and, like a stuck record, i have kept repeating what is going to happen and i am going to stick to it- i have checked with the children about what their feelings are on it- and they have told me exactly what i was thinking anyway- so i have the confidence in knowing that what i propose is in line with what they want.

I do hope that you manage to get this sorted because it is really hard if you and the dc dont know from one week to the next, or one day to the next what is happening- certainly i would not change things at a drop of a hat to suit him- stand your ground.

Please feel free to pm me if you want to anytime- take care and lots of love. xxx

Im an older lone parent with children 27y 26y 14y 13y- recently seperated and going through a very difficult time with my 14y old boy....feeling very very low xx

IM 50!!!

Evening All,

Paul DCs sound soooooo adorable! My older three would sooner plan their next fight at that age than something nice . But is so good to read your much perkier posts now. I know Ex-H is being something of an arse, but stick to your guns and he will tire of it eventually. By all means punch a pillow (or scream into it), but I can guarantee that if he can see he's NOT getting to you (on the outside anyway) he'll be so peed off

Joely Grrrrrr I have been the same as you in that there are times when I agree to some change or other to suit him and then wish to kick myself for doing so. His plans change - why should ours????? He has to realise that shift work or not, HE is the one that has turned all these lives upside down, so HE doesn't actually deserve the luxury of your dropping things to suit him.

Loisebony hello and welcome. I'm 40, got 4 DCs - DDs of 17, 16 and 2 and a DS of 14. Rant away about your DS if you need. My one is mostly ok, but he can be an impossible brat at times. It definitely helps to vent on here, and at least one of us will have some kind of suggestion....

Thankyou Rock!
My DS aged nearly 15y has a girlfriend and Im setting the rules for the house and i do expect him to earn his pocket money etc and also Ive set times for him seeing his gf-he thinks every evening straight from school until 9pm is ok!!!!!!!! No!!!!! So tonight he says he will live with his Dad and was so horrible to me he made me cry! He is with his Dad now!! I work F/T as a nurse and at the moment that is all i feel I have what is good in my life! (: x

Enjoying a glass of wine now with older daughter!!! x

You know what Lois, a very good friend of mine had similar trouble with her DD last year. Twice. Same kind of arguments - but wanting to see friends on school nights, earning pocket money etc etc. Twice her DD went to live with her Dad and twice she returned. The first time was for a month only. The second time was for 3 months as my friend said no way are you coming back until you live by my rules in my house. She's now been back since November and bar the odd niggle that one might expect with a 16 year old daughter, everything is ok. Frankly if he's going to make you cry, make the home an unpleasant place to be and generally be full of rotten attitude, a stint at his father's may be just what is needed. I would imagine he will see soon enough that the grass is not actually greener!! What does his Dad have to say? Chin up, and have a large

His Dad does thankfully support me with his atitude!
yes he will see the grass isn't greener......will have to do everything for himself!!!! x

Morning Ladies. Well, you'll never guess what. XP seems to have temporarily turned into a decent human being. He apologised for being insensitive and pushing me into dates for him and OW to take DC on holidays. There must be something strange going on in the atmosphere today. I am sure that normal unreasonable service will resume shortly!!

Hope you all have a good day. BTW, internet dating site is just hilarious. Most of them are in their 60s with beards, or in 30s looking for some older lady love. Eeeuuuuggghhh.

Hi all,
Forgot to log over the last couple of days with all the drama going on here.
I live in london by the way.
So had a text argument with H today, i had asked him whether we could be civil enough for one day to take the boys to legoland, I had promised my older son but my friends have pulled out. I need to have another adult present because DS2 is only 5 and wont be able to go on all the rides. DS1 cried this morning when i said i didnt think we would be able to go (Lego is his life) H, came back with all sorts of accusations about me being a bad mother because I am going to france for a couple of days at the end of the month, he manages to forget that I just arranged and paid for all of DS 2 birthday etc, do all the communicating with school, take them to all their afterschool activities and i go to work etc. The biggest problem is that he is jealous i think, I am seeing someone and i did start seeing this guy BEFORE he moved out but , this was after years of arguments and him not paying any attention to me etc. ALso he wouldnt move out.
Oh and ive just found out that he is probably go to loose his main job(he has two) so the rent here wont get paid. I have no idea what his plans are. We cant talk without arguing. The next mediation session is not til the 23rd .

Evening All,

We had an earthquake this evening. Epicentre about 2.5 hours away from us but very definitely felt it (it was 5.2) as I was driving up the mountain having been to the airport. Thought it was something wrong with my car, but shaking only lasted about 3 mins or so and then it was fine. Girls in the shop told me when I went in for some bits.

Dumps that's sort of good, don't drop your guard though

Corine How horrid. I'd cry all morning too -I LOVE Legoland. Used to go all the time as it was so easy on the train from the Junction and we had season tickets (in the days when a mortgage wasn't needed!). Can't wait to be able to take Bella there when we move back. But only when she's grown because I (me me me me) want to go on everything! I hope you can sort something and manage to get there. Is mediation worth it I wonder? Sounds like he's an antagonist at best and at worst.

We'll be living in London when we move back in 5 months or so, South of the River though, which someone told me today didn't count as London . Clapham IS LONDON as far as I'm aware! And a very nice part of it at that.

Grouch what happening?

Hi all, Have posted here before but really feeling my age (47) tonight. Have a mountain of work to get through this evening because I stopped earlier to watch my son play cricket then spend some time with the kids 2 boys 12, and 10 watching the apprentice this evening.

Am trying not to feel sorry for myself as I have at least 2 hours work to do on a client project before I go to bed. I have an infinatley long list of jobs that need doing round the house, 2 boys, 3 dogs, a horse and a full time job. I may be elastic but most of the time I am stretched pretty thin!

I would just like to tell you all that normal unreasonable and ish behaviour has been resumed. Just thought you would all sleep easier tonight knowing that all was back to normal.
Rock I have just seen the earthquake on the news. That must've been scary. Are you both ok? Btw, I am coming to Legoland too. Me and DCs love all the rides, so count us in when you come back.
Night all.x

Thought it might be back to normal in no time.....

It was a bit, even thinking my car was buggered was scary, but it was actually quite shaky. And there was an earlier one at around 5ish but I blamed that on the truck up the hill from us, now on reflection I know what it was.

Legoland it shall be then. I have always wanted to go to their Christmasy thing, perhaps we should look at that. Also P. Park for sure. Will definitely be getting a season ticket for that.

Morn8ing all up and for those that require help getting up anyone .

Paul

you sound so much stronger and loving the wedding .I am impressed my younger dc just went oh yuck weddings boaringg.they consider it soppy I asked dd did you watch any of it she wa slike erm nooooooooo .

Joely More i read what youl have to put up with from xh the more I am glad mine does not bother or want to see his kids.I am impressed how you kept your calm and putting it in writing so much easier.Not sure how early your xh gets his shifts but must be at least 7 days ? .Enough time to let you know so you can then discuss it and for you to let him know when it is convienat.

Ji lois that must be tough I am waiting for attitude to come an dbite me on the arse from my teens .touch woood ds 1 and ds2 are ok .Who wants to bet that DD will be the one .But glad his dad is supporting you with the attitude and wont let him live life of riley and sometimes saying oh ok takes the sting out of it not the reaction they want .

dumps

sorry to see that xh attitude never lasted ,at least you do not have to live with that any more and can hang up the phone or ignore emails . hey i could go with someone at 30 looking or older woman lol .A case of Mr all right for the night.

Coriane

I always run into the same problem at theme parks that for a lot of the rides at least one of mine needs someone with them if not both and means that the older ds have to spend at least part the time helping me and from now on there both going to need to ride with little ones when must be accompied by adult luckily ds2 at 14 is tall enough no one questions him .

If he is about to lose job can you not apply for Hb now your seperated , not to make easier on him more so you an dthe ds still have roof over your heads and hope you enjoy France and typical man forgets you deal with everyday stuff and how dare you want to have fun attitude sucks you go and enjoy

Hi elsta

oh a horse ok im though do not envy the work that goes into looking after one and ug 2 hrs more work hopefully you got your head down fairly sharpish .I used to go to bed and then wake up early when they was still asleep to work .

Hi Rock

Earthquake ekk scarey though my first respone be erm who has dropped one the farts in my house are something else .Though am glad it wa snot your car or that would have meant more bills.

Oh did someone mention Legoland we have Merlin cards so counts us in, will drag ds1 and ds2 to aid on rides .not sur ehow many i can get on so if needs count me in as chief bag and coat holder

.Am feeling bit stronger had take few days out to deal with loosing my nan , was really struggling with it .Not a smuch loosing her as knew that was coming but loosing her how we did.Have her Funeral on Weds and have got a day release to go to it .Though I told them I am going end of so did not really leave them any choice

Ok i has wheels now infact 3 sets of wheels not quite one for every outfit lol others do bags and shoes i do chairs , Nhs manhual chair which erm is crapola .Power chair has now been collected and is at my house needs some new batteries ( sechind hand chair) but they do not want me using in here as want to make sure i can mange do what I need in a manual as can not take powerchair everywhere but they agreed that lightweight mnaul got through a friend can come in and it has and is so much better to propel infact so good and fast i got my arse tossed out my chair by hitting a raised edege on a door lip .career change possiability there hence the new name .Think will stick with this name now

We have come up with some good things about life in a chair .

1. to life in a wheelchair .I now never need to worry about a seat in a busy pub number 2 ) someone annoys me i can accidently squash their toes 3 though should be number 1) I have found out who my friends really are .

4.I now never need to worry about my legs getting tired when I am out.
5.no wasting money on shoes just to have them wear out quickly
6.I get to toss people out who insist on sitting in the wheelchair space on the bus
7.great seats with perfect view at concerts.
8you don't have to have shopping bags cutting off the circulation to your fingers you can hang them from the handles ( only in powerchair)

9I am never ever going to have to worry about bingo wings ever again toned arms all the way.Think will end up with arms like Arnie

10. I am never having to worry about thinking does my arse look big in this as i am going to be sitting on it no one can comment on it

and If you got to end of this you may well need another sorry no biscuits but Rock I shall snaffle some of your cake and blame the crumbs on the Dc

Waves at ten and anyone else i missed

Twirls in new name , like my new career everyone

Love new name THC

Made some biscuits - I suppose you can all have some...

Off to beach in a bit as been promising Bella we would go and the damn child's remembered...

Hi
Sounds like a mumsnet meet up is being planned. I knew there was more than one good reason for coming back to
Rock- i dont know if mediation will work. Some days he is reasonable, some days not. We do have to fnd a way to splt the assests though, and id rather not use expensive solicitors. H thinks that he is entitled to the lions share because the money that pad for our flat came from his inhertance. I just want 50% as i have kds to provde for.,
Groucchy
The kids and I are living in privately rented house , and I work. The lease s up in a couple of months and we are moving back to the flat that we own (mortgage free) H is now currently living there, i am pushing him to buy a shared ownershp property, (cheaper then rentng) but without secure employment it mght be dfficult for him.

Morning everyone

Wheels in grabs a biscuit of Rock and wheels of fast. catapults ok who left the rug in the way .

Oh and have come up with reason number 11 why wheelcahir not all bad .I can now weigh any shoes or boots I like and do not have to think if they are pratical or if I can walk in them .No having to kick of under the table or even need to worry about dancing round them lol .High heels anyone

Oh and I am escaping for few hrs as now independent in the chair so informed the staff that when friend arrives .I am going out nearest pub anyone.

RockHope you and Bella enjoyed the beach, mine to never forget when they are promised something .

Coriane
remind him like you said you have dc to provide for and remind him anyway that basically it is the dc inhertiance anyway .So he is providing for them just abit earlier .

Ok Glad you have a option for somewhere secure to live with the dc as i know from experiance that is one of the biggest worrys .

Waves to everyone else ,Hope your all having a good weekend

Good morning everyone- just signing in quickly before i blitz the house...!!
The children have just gone to their dads- and guess what?---- I didnt feel too devastated... sure, i feel a bit empty but it felt more positive. i had told him to collect them from the end of the drive and that worked better- no opportunity for him to be abusive and makes the contact just with the children and not with me- much better and less tense for me and the kids.

I have felt really crap this week- unwell and quite low but Freedom programme is really good- makes me realise how much of a bully he has been to me over the years and makes me want to congratulate myself even more for making and standing by the decision to kick him out.

Hope everyone is ok and hope you all have a good weekend- i am off to submerge myself in decluttering and cleaning- wow- i know how to have a good time, dont I?!!!

::puts out the bunting for Paul and her 'new' jollier self::

Paul what a great post to read from you! As with everything in this new world you're in, each little thing takes time, but as one crosses another 'hurdle' off the list the world gets brighter! Happy cleaning and sorting - very cathartic. And just enjoy your time to do anything or nothing really

Catapult you are a liability!!!! Though I'm not surprised you want to get out for a bit - I think the pub would most likely be my first stop too! And I love your shoe/boot logic. Makes perfect sense to me!

Corine H is NOT entitled to the lion's share at all. You have young DCs and they have to be provided for. It is a matter of supreme indifference to the courts as to who has paid for what, the children are put first. I think you should go and sort out some legal aid if he is being this unreasonable. First call would be to a solicitor - PM me if you like as I can recommend a couple in London. First appointment is generally free anyway, but they will be able to guide you and it sounds like mediation is frankly a waste of time and money. I have been through this myself (albeit 13/14 years ago with my ex-H) and I am more than happy to point you in the right direction if I can. Not sure where you are in London, but if it's 'my side' so to speak, I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of what help is available there!

Waves to everyone else. I got to do stuff like work today. Could have done it during the week but procrastinated because I've been a lazy mare this week

Have a lovely day all x

Welcome all and Hi to everyone pull up a chair have a , and listen to my news!!

Ah well today done some sorting of my clothes. I am now the proud owner of 2 special outfits, 1 x dress, 1x skirt, 1 pair of trousers, 3x TShirts 1x pair of Jeans 2x jumpers.

All the rest of my clothes are gone (apart from nickers, bras and socks)
This is because thery are all TOO BIG for me now. I have lost over 5 stone since all this crap began at the start of the year!! So think I could be the biggest looser out - this I am so pleased about so thought I would share it with you all . I feel so much better, but still have a bit to go to complete the look - have taken a week or two off but need to get going at it again so look even better for our holidays in July when we hit the beach near Yorkshire!!

Hope to do some clothes shopping then as well no chance before then as shops local to me are very, very limited. Only 2 ladies clothes shops plus Tescos. Would like more choice than this really!!

So July holiday here I come and shops watch out as well as my bit of plastic - think its cowering in my purse at the thought of seeing daylight again!! LOL

Hope you all well and able to join in my celebration party soon this evening.

Must say hope the washing machine doesnt break and the weather stays good for drying the washing as I may be seen out in my pyjamas!! LOL

Woop woop Joely that is an amazing weight loss - even if it's a shitty way iyswim, get the new slinky you! Can you not do some mail order stuff? At least that way you can try it on in front of 'normal' mirrors and send it back if no good

I will have a , thank you very much!

thank you yup I shall have a
wow Joely well done you .I to am on adiet but not quite as well done as you had lost 3stone still some way to go yet for me .

And yep I reckon you deserve to treat yourself to some new clothes and yes I would second the mail order .I to am going to be having a shopping splurge once I am home.

And yup we went to the pub not that I can drink becuase of medication but was just nice to get out and be normal oh and eat something other than nhs food

Oh and now solved how I can have a drink well cold one if using my manual chair .Friends brought me a hikers backpack that hangs on back of chair and in it theres a drink bladder that you fill up and has a giant straw .So youcan imagine me going into a pub and saying fill it up please

its one of these www.amazon.co.uk/KALENJI-5-litre-hydration-bag/dp/B004RF3PWE/ref=sr_1_2?s=sports&ie=UTF8&qid=1305437544&sr=1-2

So i can now drink and drive .I shall test just how much wine fits in it .Just becuase i should know just in case