40+ Lone parents

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

I thought I had posted earlier, but it seems to have got lost.

I feel as though I am one of the older parents too, like Willieverbeabeasizeten, it seems most single parents are much younger.
I am 52, I have
DS 35
DS 33
DS 31
DS 10- a very happy accident!

Hello Astramum - sorry I did see your post and meant to say hello, been ill all week and still feeling somewhat crappy, so apologies.

I'm 40 (97 is what I feel though), with 4 DCs

DD1. - 17
DD2 - 16
DS - 14
DD3 - 2

I thought my 12 years was a tidy gap! Well done to you. Bet he's spoilt rotten by his big brothers!

Hello there me lovely ladies. Hope you are all well. Thunderstorm just started down here on the south coast.
Grouchy good news on the new wheels. You now have a fleet of vehicles that all need pimping - 1. Peppa Pig, 2. Roary, 3. Fireman Sam (well we all still live in hope)!! You are truly an amazing woman.
RockStock why the name change? Are you trying to be in disguise? We'll find you wherever you are, you lovely lady. Hope you are feeling better.
Waves and hugs to everyone else. News on the house just keeps getting worse and worse. The kitchen floor now needs to be dug up. I keep trying to do the 'la la la I can't hear you' thing, when the bad news keeps coming but the builder has started writing it all down too. Now, that's just sneaky. The funny thing though is watching XPs face when he realises that he is still liable for maintaining the house that his children live in! He is trying to be pleasant at the moment, but I'm not fooled by that - I know there is likely to be something nasty just waiting for me around the corner. I am far too young to be this cynical (ha ha ha ha, sorry just fell off the sofa laughing at my delusional self - and I'm not even pished this time!!!)
Love to all. Have a great weekend.
Dumps x

Hola Dumps, nope, not trying to be in disguise, but just that fluffy name isn't really me! It is highly unlikely I will change again! I don't have anything to hide on here and don't feel the need to hide myself. Would probably forget who I was if I did!

Boo to your thunderstorm and the house rubbish. Does the builder suck through his teeth too!!

Hope rain passes quickly and that you can have a good weekend - do you have the grots this one? x

Feeling very fed up today and definately my age; how does a 45 year old ever find someone. I've tried dating sites before to no avail and have signed up again but nothing in almost a fortnight.
Been alone for so long it seems almost impossible anyone will want me - why is it just so much harder as you get older?

Morning

Rock I hope you are feeling better and that Bella does not come down with the bug that you have got.Rained last night and it has gone again

dumpsville
Your soundind stronge rand i am loving the sticking fingers in your ears but one sneak builder least if he writes it down you can just pass it on to your ex ,or I would go one bettter and tell builder to send the notes straight to him .

not psshed dam think you may need to rectify that one tonight .Cynical who I think sadly we all are mind think I wa sborn cynical and sarcastic .

and we had rain here last night to though stopped now .

Astra thats some gap
Ds1 17,
ds2 14
dd8
ds3 age 5.

teahouse

I really do not know about how to start dating again.Even before this I think my biggest problem was the fact I always have the dc ( mind i do think it is easier for me then those who have to juggle ex demands) .Am lucky in the fact i now have my own built in baby sitters if had wanted to go out.
But you are far braver than me not sure if I would have the courage to sign up for dating sites ..

Even my holidays are all centred around the dc and do get fed up sometimes when realise that i am the only adult and do cast looks of envy at familys but also know that can be a very false look of happined and really mum and dad are at each other throats .Think it is just the adult company I miss .

I am dreading the thought a sdc get older aboiut being all on my own so have decided that once they are older I am going to go travelling and go where ever i fancy .

One thing this accident has shown me is no more putting things of.I had booked before this to take the younger dc next september (2012) to WDW .Had not decided on banks to rob yet so get your votes in .Mind let me pimp my chair to go faster first

I should have one more vehicle so i shall put it up for pimping Once home I intend to get a scooter to for longer days out as they have better milage quite where i am going to store them is another thing

They dont know its been dd wish for a long time and when she was very poorly in Itu( she has a lung condtion ) i promised her that we would go some point .So booked it .Mind checked travel insurance and its Dd that costs more than me and ds together

Have been last feweeks thinking can I still do it on a pratical level as can not afford take another adult to help me ds1 and ds2 not going as they are not intrested in disney and at the time it was like oh ok mind also meant i could go out of school holidays and have decided sod it Iam going to do it and will find a way.

No kids or mum visting today as dd has picked up a bug from school and is not well .thats the hardest thing not the wheelchair or the noise it is misisng the kids never been away from them this long before .so may be soaking pillow a bit today

Morning Lovelies.

Morning Rock how are you feeling today? A bit better, I hope.
GrouchySo sorry you don't have family visiting today. If I was closer, I would definitely be straight over there. I will send you a big virtual hug instead, a big smacker of a 'mwah mwah' on your cheeks, a and some chocolate biccies, a for a bit later and some prawn cocktail crisps (just one of life's wonderful guilty pleasures - worcester sauce flavour also a bit of a fave but very rarely have them because they make my teeth hurt!!)
Talking of making your teeth hurt, I am doing that teeth whitenening thing, using gumshields made at the dentist. Sore teeth??? Oh yes. Ouch ouch ouch. Looking better though. No pain, no gain I suppose!!
Teahouse I am really glad you brought up the subject of internet dating. I have lost over 2 stone since Christmas, have less yellow teeth, had my hair cut off - and feeling better about myself now. I am starting to do some freelance work, but it will still mainly be working from home so no social potential there, I am not one for going down to 'Flares' on a Saturday night with all the other lonely 40/50 year old woman waiting to be picked out by a bloke who thinks you should be grateful. So I have been thinking about internet dating, but really hesitant and scard - what do you all think about it in general?
I have DCs this weekend, and we are going to relax, relax, relax all the way. DS has SATs all next week, so a bit of a chilling weekend will do him good.

XP is trying to hassle me to agree that him and OW can take DCs away for a week in the summer hols and again at October half term. I need time to get used to the idea of that one before agreeing to anything. They are away on yet another long weekend, and I do so hope they enjoy themselves (Grouchy can you just feel the cynicism and sarcasm just dripping out of that sentence!!)
Love to all
Dumps x

Oops - meant to say scared, not scard - but hopefully you had worked that one out...........

Afternoon All,

The spring is back in my step. We woke at 11.45 this morning!!! I no longer feel/am being sick. Sun's out and I'm feeling like a new person!!!

Just been to do supermarket shop and as a direct result of having a cute inquisitive two year old have enjoyed a free lunch! Prawns, crab, clams, amazing cheeses, fabulous hams - all because Bella just kept pointing at stuff and saying (and smiling everso sweetly) at the lovely peeps behind the counters 'que eso' and then 'oh me gusto' when told (exactly what she knew!). Bloody smart kid . Reckon our lunch would have been a good ?20/head in town!!!

Grouch how you diddling today? Hope DD is better soonest and that they can perhaps come and visit you tomorrow. Will you be able to get some kind of grant towards a scooter chair thing? I'd have thought that it ought to be classed as an essential rather than a luxury?

Dumps You have to ask ExP exactly how HE would feel if you were to announce that you were off on a cosy holiday with a man and the DCs - essentially as a family unit IYSWIM. I'll bet he wouldn't feel quite so keen to push you once he's had time to reflect. Absolutely, in the future things will of course be different, but right now he needs to keep his 'dick' life away from his family life, so to speak.

And good luck to DS for his SATs. I'm amazed that they're still doing them?? I'm not entirely sure they serve any purpose to anyone, bar the schools! What year is he?

I am doing ok am having a ratherlarge disagreement with wdw as holiday i booked before this when i wanted to change to accessiable room .They now want to charge me extra £2000 on the price as now apparentley i need 2 rooms as accesaible can only sleep 2 even though the total floor space is the same differance is the bathroom is a bit bigger

and in normal room they cna sleep up to 4 adults and 1 dc under 9 2 queen beds and a trundle .Yet becuase i need to be able to pee and to shower I got to have two rooms not even a trundle bed on the floor that can go under main bed in the day .

So am firing of emails and asking them to clarify in writing can not be h&s fire risk as if I can mange the bathroom they would happily let me have a normal room

and with 2 queen size beds in the room would have even less room in a fire than in one with a king size bed and a trundle bed.

but glad you are feeling better

Grouch that is crazy. I'd contact CAB first as there must be some legal angle that can be looked at - if only discretion???? They're such wankers sometimes. Maybe have a word on Legal? Someone on there could well have some good info/suggestions.

i am waiting for reply first but lol my temper is up and infact seems to be the case in the uk to.in Hotels ,as well .Thats what happens when no vistors .lol Disney be sending me vistors just to keep me quiet .
was very politley worded email but if they respond in b&w same way they do on the phone .Then I am going to go all out and challenge them .Becuas eif no one challgenes anything nothing will ever change

grouch great news about your chair, they're great and give you your independence and freedom. I think you're amazing doing the Disney thing, I'm nervous about going camping can't believe they're sodding you about with the room situ, keep on trucking girl:)

dumps and teahouse I turned 50 a couple of weeks back and fear it is now the end of dating life as we know it, I can't ever see me being with someone again. I met someone off a dating site 5 years ago and split 2 years ago, quite frankly it broke my heart, however, I definitely did the right thing by ending it. Now though I am suffering the emotional scars and am afraid I will never let anyone back into my heart. As for getting harder the older you are, I think it's probably because you are more wary. When you're young you're carefree and don't really look any further than the starry eyed love affair, as we age, our past experiences sit on our shoulders and give us the benefit of their wisdom. Oh to be young again eh? Hmmm am on the fence with that one!

rock Nice to hear you're back on form again, I reckon you and Bella are a bit of a double act

astramum sorry didn't say welcome

paul hope all is well

and hello to everyone else:)

Hi All I'm still here just loads goin on an XH continues to be a prat!! Meetin up with OW when he has kids, to show off to her what a good dad he is (Vommitting noise from me) He is looking after them while Im at work on Monday. Told him I would meet him 5.30 to get them back at have an appointment 6pm Else he could return them home for 6.30 (My MOMMY IS HERE YIPEE). He told me 6.45 I said NO 6.30 as school on Tuesday to which he told me 6.40 incase traffic is bad. We live in a very rural area and rush hour at 5pm lasts 5 minutes and thats in town (15 miles away) . Then it the excuse was it takes time to get them ready to leave the hous. I KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN DOING IT LAST FEW YEARS when he just jumps in the car to go any where while I have had to sort kids out. He just needs to organise himself better.
When I was with him I never realised how awful an annoying he was. Now Hes gone I can see him for what an idiot he really is and has been all these years!
Must go else mom will tell me off later today when the kids get up for staying up so late.
Will catch up with you soon.

Hi

Disney sorted the room i kicked up a fuss and yeeled discimantion.But all pails into nothing

my mum called .My nan died last night .Know she was ill and that we have only few years at the best .But she fell down the stairs last night .and died and ironic the stair chair which my nan and my mum had been fighting ss for was going in on Tueday .But my grandad can not live on his own and doe snot want to even stay in the house .is devasted first he buried my dad 5 years ago and wa smy dad they did everything or them and now my nan.Think be burying him soon to

Hello everybody,
Ive just recently rejoined mumsnet after a period of absence.
I am sort of newly seperated, my husband moved out about 6 months ago. Though in effect we had been seperated for about 2 years , sleeping seperate rooms etc. We are going through mediation at the moment , and about to file for divorce (i think) trying to work out the housing situation at the moment. Its very difficult , always seems to be a new problem arising.
I am 40 and I have two DS 's 5 and 9.
I have a couple of good friends , but no family around. Not very good at the whole school gate thing , so i am pretty isolated. Glad to have found this thread

Sorry to heat your news grouchy, sounds like a tough time for you and your family at the moment.

Grouchy - so sorry to hear your news you seem to be having a real tough time at the moment. You must be in shock over all this. Makes other things fade in to insignificance. Thinking of you and we're here for you if and when you need us. Take Care xx big hug

Hi Corinewmoon, I'm 44 separated from H 4 months ago - real shock to me he wanted out. Have 5 children DS1=18yrs, DS2= 16yrs (17 on tuesday),
DD=6yrs, DS3=4yrs, DS4=22months. So I have my hadns full aswell as trying to get used to being SP not just doin things alone but getin used to it all emotionally. Wow how did you manage 2 years living together separately? We managed 3 weeks, but it was just too hard for me, especially as it was not my choice an not wot I ever expected him to do. He now seeing another woman, who has been around about 6 months or so!!
We are hear for you an make use of the friends you have got. It can be real tough without family around. All mine are over 450miles away and a streatch of water so its tough. But this has shown me what good friends I do have

I think it took a long time to come to terms with the marriage being over, we tried to keep something together for the kids sake but actually they are happier that we are seperated because there are not so many arguments. It was me who wanted out, my H is still giving me a hard time.
I am seeing someone else, but its not a traditional type of relationship(i.e open) and he still seems not to be able to move on.

Just a quickie...

corine welcome to our group, cry,laugh,scream,drink and it all happens here..

joely nice to hearyou have your mum around...

grouchy don't know what to say,so sad. I hope your Mum is coping, she has a lot on her plate at the moment, what with the worry of you being poorly too. And your Grandad, what a sad situation, I'm sending big hugs your way, I'm so so sorry xx

Evening All
Grouchy - life is really throwing some of the brown stuff at you at the moment isn't it, without a moment to catch your breath in between? I really don't know what to say, because I know that nothing I say will make anything better, except please know this ....... I am so sorry to hear your sad news. A huge cuddly hug from me. Please keep talking to us all to help you through this.

Joely your X sounds like mine. He's doing the showy off 'I'm such a fun and cool dad' to OW, when in actual fact for the last 11 years he has been a grumpy, spoilsport, overly-strict, dominating cloud of oppression. He is pretending to be someone else, which I know can't last and OW will eventually find out what she is really getting!! That evil feeling keeps me warm inside - it may take a while for the realisation to hit, but she is going to be so disappointed!!! Hahahahahahahahahaaha. Glad that you've got your mum there.
Have been to Kew Gardens today with DC and we had an amazing day.

Rock DS is 11 and in Year 6, and has full week of SATs. Yes, they're still doing them even though there is no real value for the kids themselves - it is purely for the government and school.
Builder back tomorrow. Beginning to tire of this whole situation now.
Welcome Corine
Dumps x

Evening All,

Grouch I'm so sorry to hear your news. FFS you've had it all thrown at you these past couple of months. I don't know what to say, other than sending you love and very unmumsnetty (((((hugs))))) x

Joely Happy Birthday to DS2 for Tuesday. Hope he has a lovely day and hope also that you're having a super time with your Mum staying. Keep your chin up re Ex, IME they throw everything at us without knowing half the time. He's clearly an arse of the highest order and sooner or later most people will see that.

Corine Hello, I'm 40 and have 4 DCs. DD1 - 17, DD2 - 16, DS - 14 and DD3 who's two. Grab a seat and join in the crap we appear to spout (well mostly mine I suppose!!)

Dumps Love Kew Gardens. Spent many a happy afternoon/day there when the big ones were small ones! Only about 20 minutes from my neck of the woods (well, in that country anyway!) and we'd alternate between there and Richmond Park most sunny weekends. I can see that becoming a meeting spot for us two anyway! Hope DS isn't stressed and just does what he does in these silly SATs - it's crazy to put pressure on them at Year 6 level IMO. DDs 1&2 steamed through them and poor old James felt that he had to achieve the same levels (I didn't mind what he got as long as he did HIS best). If I compared him to DD2 the whole time he (and me) would be wrecks! However he kicks anyone's butt on the sports front. Bella on the other hand appears to be supremely talented in being a gobby, messy and extremely loud two year old thug.

Ten baked you some chewy, oaty, sultanary, cinnamony cookies - they're on the side. There's bleedin' hundreds of them as I started double weighing before I realised what I was doing. Tuck in! And yes, I suppose Bella and I are something of an act at times!

Paul my lovely, how are you? Meant to PM you last week but wipe out left me all but dead on my legs. Back to almost normal now, but just checking all is ok with you and your babies.

Blimey, only popped in to say hola to you all and you've got an essay...

Goodnight to you all and I shall be back with more drivel tomorrow

Good morning ladies- have had a tough weekend- still feeling really unwell and had no chance to rest so am knackered- hope today to catch a bit of rest besfore i get the children from school. My ds (7) was invited to train for a different footie team at the weekend and then had a match- i asked his dad if he wanted to come- so we all went together- ah- how sweet- NOT!!
On the way back he said (infront of the children) that he couldnt see them on Wednesday (the arranged mid week contact)- i told him that they both have activities on all the other evenings (hence the arrangment for Wednesdays). He got angry at me (as he usually did when i didnt agree with him) - the kids started to get upset, dd was crying and he still didnt leave it- he said that i was being unreasonable and inflexible and why couldnt the children drop something so that they could see him?
i told him that i wasnt prepared to discuss it any further- he got really cross but when he dropped us back i just got out of the car without saying anything.
I have just got an email from him saying, as he hasnt seen them this week (oh, he forgot to mention that it is him that cannot stick to his committment) that i should let him have them this weekend for 2 nights (despite our arrangement being for 1 night)- also he wants to take them away for 3 nights at Bank holiday although i only agreed to 2 nights (as they are not used to being away from me yet). so, all in all, he obviously still thinks that he calls the shots..... I emailed him back very assertively, stating that they would go to him as previously arranged this weekend- ie for 1 night and the holiday would be for 2 nights- i havent heard back yet...!

Seeing him yesterday and having this just reminded me how awful things were- when i got in yestderday and shut the door behind me and the children it was such a relief- had he still been here- that sort of discussion would have gone on and on and on..... he wouldnt give up on things until he thought he had won- despite the kids crying and me being upset. So glad he is no longer here....... I am soooooo proud of myself for following this decision through- just have to now find away of not letting him still get to me.

CORINE- welcome to this lovely group- i also have no family around so i really do understand how tough it is and how isolated you can feel- i feel the same- where do you live? I am near Wolverhampton.
JOELY- I know what you mean about showy off dad- my ex is showing the kids more attention now than he ever has- yesterday at football i noticed him give dd a huge hug- he has never been like that- it was as if he was trying to show other people what a good dad he is- so annoying. I guess we have to find a way of rising above it- tough though.
GROUCHY- So sorry to hear about your nan- thinking of you and sending you big hugs- great that you have sorted out the room situation for your holiday- when do you go?- sorry i have missed that bit.
ROCK- loving the new name btw. So glad to hear you are feeling better- you really did 'sound' unwell- please save some cookies for me- i love cooking- this weekend dd and i made a chocolate cake- it was very yummy..
ASTRAMUM- welcome- this is a fab group- and as i have said many times, i just wished you all lived around the corner!

WILL, DUMPS, TEAHOUSE- sending you lots of love- hoping you are ok.

Forgot to tell you- something lovely...!! The children have been planning a wedding for weeks now- they were going to do it on the royal wedding day but they got distracted by the street party! Anyway, it was reconvened for this weekend- dd's Build a Bear Lamb (called Lavender!) and ds's Build a Bear dog( called Nani- after the footballer!!) had invited all of their friends- (just about every soft toy that they both possess- all dressed in their best clothes!!) - we decorated the lounge- we made cake- we had bubbly (well Fanta actually!!)- we did a proper service- with a huge cuddly chimp being the vicar!!- we had a reception where they cut the cake and we had nibbles- then a disco which dd and ds sorted with their itunes playlist.
It was so sweet and there was lots of kissing going on- the newly weds had a first dance and then dd and ds made them kiss and cuddle for the rest of the disco- i am sure a family psychologist would have had a field day with that!!

I actually found it really reassuring- because it showed me that they in fact do appreciate how it can be- it was if they were playing out how they would like it to be- and how they understand getting married is supposed to be. It was really sweet and they worked hard as a team together to organise it- they made lists of guests and dd made the dresses.

Speak to you all again soon- love to everyone. xxx

Paul the wedding scene carried out by your DCs sounds delightful and what fun you all must have had, hope you all wore your best clothes too!!
Well done for staying strong With XH it is hard, but you'll feel so much better for it. Being assertive is something I need to work on.

Saturday XH texted at 12.00, could he see DC's in the afternoon. 12.15 phoned me
XH can I see them this afternoon?
Me DD has Birthday party this afternoon
XH What time does it finish
Me 3pm
XH I'll collect them at 3pm
Me Must be home for 5 as we have tea organised
XH OK

I was so mad at myself for agreeing to his demand. He maintains cant have set contact due to shift work. But texting like this is not on and I must learn to stand my ground. We were doing things, but he expects us to drop everything when he calls. But can't tell me when he's working so have No idea when text requests like this may come ARRGH

End of rant
Hi everyone, Grouchy how you doin today? Thinkin of you x