40+ Lone parents

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

Paul hope you get a good nights sleep it all sounds so hard and difficult for you at the moment. Be good to yourself. Nite Nite.

Boo - hows the nose, shame you wont come an clean my windows for me they get filthy with the sea air and frequent winds we have on the island!

We have had a full day church, ballet, then an impromptu tea at friends. Got home with children at 9.30pm so all tired and finally asleep by 10pm!!

They are off to daddys tomorrow night. Only there 2nd night with him. I HATE child free time as I never asked to be without my children - unlike him who chose to move out!

Hes collecting them at 4pm and bringing them back 4pm tuesday (we are on school hols now until 11/4/11) He had asked me to drop them in town and pick them up from town on Tuesday but I'm not doing a 30 mile round trip each time don't know why he thinks I should do the running round and them swap parents in a car park. I'm not paying fuel costs for him to see our children. He chose this way of life so he can foot the fuel bill to see them:)

Hope to paint living room walls at least 2 while the children are away. Think me an big boys will go for a curry tomorrow evening, then a trip to the pub perhaps (they are 18 an nearly 17).

Must try an go to bed now as am still having trouble sleeping an have been going to bed after 2am - so this will be an early night for me. Nite nite all xx

Morning everyone sorry am slow on the this morning.That extra hr is still affecting us all no one woke till 7am and not good when need start shoveliing kids out the door from 7.30 .Then been running round cleaning up .

Hi star .Welcome to mad bunch im the maker of normally of the morning .I have 4dc .ds1 is almost 17 ds2 is 14 .dd is 8 and ds3 is 5

no school holidays here till the 8th then have them home for all of April bar one day I am looking forward to no rushing of a morning but give me a week I shall be looking forward to when they go back to school

.Joely
And yup i would stick to your guns, though in some ways dropping in netrual place while its still raw may be easier.
Going out sounds good idea i find it odd when i take older two out and i get asked what they would like and they dont mean pop either .I decline rapidly and make point of saying their ages .Both look a lot older .

Paul Really hoping the holiday will give you a chance to find your feet and confidence to know you can do it .Not so easy when theres someone constantley unminding you i know.MAybe time to have a chat with solictor and or womans aid im sure would class as emtional abuse .Try and get him to move out

Boo

Hoping the suns shining and windows not so clean and that you can hit the beach .Im not exactley sure i forgot but know its within a hr or so of Alicante .They are driving over through France as friends hubby in wheelchair and flyins to much of a hassle for him.Will be odd just being me and the 3 ds .

And me! - with all my 51 years and youngest of three is 14. PLEASE respond to me if your down this way (Devon) and would like to meet up once in a while, because I'm really struggling to meet anyone that bit older in the same boat and have no extended family. And I wonder if there's anyone in a comparable situation of husband/partner having quit after midlife (?) meltdown - ? Look forward to hearing from someone.

Whoops, my message, just above here, looks rather out of synch, because it is; it was in response to the starter thread:-

WillIEverBeASizeTen Fri 18-Mar-11 19:42:29
I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

[And, where I wrote 'if your down this way', I should have written 'you'RE' - see, I'm a stickler with myself!]

Hi, Im 48 recently joined,
I have a son aged 12. can someone tell me what the abreviations stand for please.
thanks :)

Bugger...just wrote a big long spiel, hit the wrong button and lost the lot...am so pissed...be back later...

hi there should be a list at the top but most common are Dc =Darling children .Ds Darling son, Dd darling daughter .Dh darling hubby and so on not used quite so much on this thread the last .

Hi Gloria sadly not in Devon i am in East Herts

opps and dam we need edit button Hi lorra oh and Lp lone parent

Right. Firstly hello to lorra & Gloria, I'm 40 and have DD1 (17), DD2 (16), DS (14) and DD3 (2). Welcome to our coffee (graciously provided mostly on time and fresh by Going), wine and moaning room!

The D in DC, DS and DD does sometimes stand for Devil in my house and mostly applicable to my youngest.

Ten pissed already. Well thanks for sharing....

Going they're too far from me, otherwise we could have played! Weather for next couple of weeks is set to be fab though, so DD will have a brilliant time. How'd you get on with the passports?

Paul I hear you re ADs. Did you manage to get to your GP today? Hope so. I've been thinking about you and your situation today a bit. I really think you need to talk with your solicitor. Firstly he is making home life utterly intolerable and I think you need to consider a non-molestation order. Now I am NOT a lawyer (obvs) but this is what got when I was exactly the same situation i.e. living in house, but separated, mental cruelty resulting in depression for me. And I think also that you need to start things moving. Maintenance needs to be sorted and, by the way, it is JOINT account so if he's threatening to whip all the cash out maybe you should . He must provide for you and the children and this is beginning to seem to me that he is going to behave like a complete tosser on all fronts. I know mine was 14 years ago, but just reading what you have said this past week is bringing it back (not in a bad way) and I can see things clearly whereas then I was in a fuggy mess IYSWIM.

Joely Nose nicely bruised thanks! Really sore still, but not as sore as it was! i hear you on the children away. Bella hasn't spent a night away from since she was born and at the moment I'm in no hurry to change that. He hasn't asked and I am not going to offer. This is his doing and, like you say, I have NOT chosen to be away from my child and therefore I won't be. Your older boys sound great - hope you managed to do your curry/pub night with them. How are they going this week? Can you beat/bribe ask them to give you a hand with the painting - it may well be therapeutic for you all? I do understand your reluctance to drive somewhere for a handover and I was exactly the same, but I did find a couple of years down the line that it was easier for me and the children to meet at a halfway ish point (obviously in my favour ). But your tiny is still tiny, and I think he (father) should jolly well do the driving at the moment.

Hi all, yes think I will have a glass of now I have driven home from curry. DS1 (18) had 2 bottles of beer while out leaving me to be designated driver!! Had a lovely time with DS1 but DS 2 cried off as had a bad tummy during the day but told us to go an enjoy ourselves anyway!! So we did.

One night at dads - I hate it but DD1 (6) has had tio phone me so thats great , When DS4 (19 months) left he had been giving me a cuddle and I said good bye to him an he waved a frantic bye to daddy then howled as his dad put him in the car!! Oh well it will soon be 4pm tomorrow - I hope atleast I know they want ME!
Know what you mean about writing posts only to press the button to post an finding its been deleted - modern technology ugh

Making a any takers?

Don't mind if I do Joely, thank you! So glad that you had a lovely evening with DS1, though a shame DS2 wasn't feeling too good. Hope he's better soon.

In a totally selfish (and I love it) way, I also love the feeling of knowing how pleased DD3 always is to get back to me after an hour or so with her dad. Yep, a WHOLE hour he manages! She just walks through the door, kisses me and carries on to her pile of plastic shit toys without a backward glance .

Just to piss you all off, we have a wonderful forecast for the next 10 days of mid twenties all the way! Going to make the most of Bella's new found liking of the beach tomorrow. I am NOT a fan of the beach particularly (unless it's some tropical paradise...), but at this time of year without too many people it is lovely. Even in the summer, our particular beach doesn't fill up with odious teenagers and sunburnt pissheads English as there are (deliberately) no watersports places, which makes for a far nicer beach day IMO!

We're over to the UK at the end of next week for a fortnight which I am really looking forward to. Easter at my mum's in Wiltshire which will mean lots of food and doing not much. DDs 1 and 2 have got heavy exams coming up in May/June so they WILL have their noses in books while pretending not to FB and DS will be on football duty with my 3yr old nephew! Bella will just stick her nose into everything!

Very funny yesterday she was. ON Friday evening when I was out she was being a fool and knocked over a large terracotta pot which broke. She pointed it out to me for the 15th time so I asked her who did it. She replied 'Mima did it', and rolled her eyes like a disapproving matron. Mima (DD1) is in the UK and clearly didn't, but I like how at her not so sweet tender age of 2 she is already passing the blame onto her older siblings!!!!

hi all - i'm an ancient 44 year old single dad whose come and gone from here over the last few years.

ive been a single parent with three kids for nearly 17 years!!

theyre all pretty well raised now with one still at home full time, one away at uni and one working and settled down.

all i wanted to say really is after all this time i know how hard it can get and how all those years ago i wouldnt have believed i could do it but i have - and i'm just a very average (if a bit thick at times:o) bloke.

up grab it now .

becuase once mine gone to school .I am crawling back into bed .Have picked up a bug of the kids who have been so nice and shared it .

Hi Jamestkirk
.fan of startrek by any chance ?.Come and join us and to cope with 3 kids as a single parent your better than a average man .Sometimes .As we all are

Joely ok that would have been tough at 19 months .I think in a lot of ways it is easier for me as dd and ds3 dad has no contact for ages his choice and theres no way he would could have ds3 overnight anyway

.And ds1 and ds2 dad fecked of when they was younger .Only now has he asked to see them ds 1 told him to feck right of and when he got there to feck of again .
Ds sees his dad maybe twice a year ds2 choice andwill take money of him for his birthday and christmas and says well it still does not make up for it and turned round and said well mum I can see why you split from him and i am glad you did .

Bella sounds like she knows her place and thats bossing everyone else around .That bumped nose shows us that housework is dangerous I shall refrain from doing any and for the beach and the sun .They are going to be in Quesada go on the 26th and back a week the following Sunday .

Will be very odd as unless ds3 been ill and been in hospital with him .I have only ever left her once for a holiday .This time shes leaving me .I shall probably sob once she is round the corner and she will be waving of happily .But my friends are more like a close aunt and uncle so know she will be fine .

We are unsure whether Alton towers or Thorpe park big two will disappear and me and ds3 will do all the little kids rides that he loves and will squash loads of toes from his wheelchair .He has not quite got teh hang of stoping or going round people and becuase he cant talk he cant say get out my way exscuse me .Dd grumbles at theme parks ,She would like to be 140cm to do the big stuff but bless she is only just 120cm at 8 .

I am 48 and my children's ages range from 15 to 25, all girls, two are working and living away from home, younger two still living with me, have been feeling a bit off lately and last night finally admitted to myself how bloody lonely I am now.

Happy birthday to me! DD2 was in my bed from about 4am so I kicked her out this morning to make me a birthday

Will soon be LP.. am 48 and have ds 8. Guess can also join "onlies"

Just popping in to say hello again. Realising how lonely it is when dealing with problems with the Dc's :( Dd is 4.3 and has been bitten at nursery today. I accept that children sometimes go through this, but my friend thinks I'm being very calm about it but I'm not sure what else I can do tbh.
Ds is going through hell because he's just recently started having free school meals. It's un. be. lievable what is being said to him at school because of it. No support here, no one to really share it all with. It's crap. :(

Hello all,

Happy Birthday Lilacs, hope you have a lovely day.

Solo I'm with you. There is no point in getting worked up about things like that. It's awful for DD, but it's not the end of the world and imagine other child's parent will be mortified. I'm sure, though, that nursery will keep a close eye on said biter. And that's horrible for DS. YOu must say something to the school. I find it ridiculous that other children can even know whether or not someone is on free school meals. God they can be foul. Karma - it's there somewhere!

Bradsmum, Obrigada, JamesTKirk welcome to you all. Shout rant and rave in whichever order is required 'cos we all do!

going Man, I want to go to Thorpe Park again! I am SUCH a child. DD2 was the same as your DD, wanting to be stretched so she could go on the big rides!

Beach was fun, but it's very blowy down there now so back home. I HATE sand and the way it gets into places that have no bloody contact with it. I though we'd got rid of most of it, but oh no, it's trailed through the house as well....

Boosmummie, I'm so counting on Karma!
The stuff that's being said is almost certainly not from the brain of a 12yo, it's coming from his parents and I'm livid. I've tried to tell Ds that given the boys mothers age and number of years she has worked, I've still worked and contributed more in tax paying years than his mother has and no doubt will always be way ahead of her in that area. I am most certainly going to speak to the school about this and other issues that have been dealt with insufficiently IMO.

Let us know how you get on. I cannot abide people like that, makes one almost want their world to fall apart sometimes.....What a nasty woman. I am a believer in what goes around comes around (though it can take time sometimes...!), so she'll learn one day

Hello all:)

Happy Birthday lilac

Welcome solo obrigada bradsmum james gloria starchilli and lorra (must be a cuddly toy in there somewhere)

boo I would've shared..honest Bella sounds an absolute scream, I hope we're still MNing when she's a teen BTW less of the gloatingglorious weather forecasts thank you:(

going am back at work this week so you'll need to make the tea a tad earlier

Have had yet another day crammed with sugar...I have the cheek to subscribe to the sugar addiction thread on here just to see if anyones worse than me to get some good tips on how to curb my cravings. I have a headache, am tired and I want to go to bed!

obrigada yes it can be lonely, in fact I'm lonely quite alot, but now I have maltesersYOU LOT

solo that school stuff (parents,kids etc) is so stressful, the mentality of some people!

Will be back after dinner,and no, no wine tonight (drank it all last night:))

Ten - I will most certainly still be MNing, so hang about - I think she can only get more stupid funnier! I have never known a kid with such a massive sense of humour. She knows exactly what she's doing too!

I promise to lay off the weather... Anyway, I'm coming over there next Friday so I shall try to bring some with me!!!!

at you joining the sugar thread, I didn't even know there was one. I think some weeks I could chair it to be honest!

Shortness needs to go to bed, so shall be back later.

Hi all anyone .I am sticking with the coffee tonight early start tomorrow and long day .

Hope you did something nice even if just for 5 minuts Lilac.

Solo do your your ds school not ahve the wipe cards for everyone .least that way noone knows who has free dinners.And yes i agree comes out of their mouth but someone has to put in their head first .

Ten .hmm for that i shall wake you up at 5am tomorrow with a ##

And i must admit boo i am not a fan of that sand stuff either though am of the other s stuff .thats sun or maybe sangria to you lot whos minds are thinking other things

one in bed here one going soon and well the other two well who knows .Hmm i raise you your dd and ad din my ds3 who is a real pickle and of course everyone looks and says the poor boy he can not help it.When he runs over their toes.Yet he can spin his chair on a sixpence and weave through cones without blinking .And he has learnt how to bat his baby blues to mostly at the icecream man .

Evening everyone- i did come on here last night and i composed a really long message and it got wiped off and it was so late i collapsed into bed!!

Just a quick update for you- i told the kids yesterday that daddy was leaving- it is a very long story but i wasnt planning on telling them till after our holiday. But they were both off school yesterday poorly and husband sent an email about access and finances to the family email account- what an idiot!! When i checked the email account his email had been opened already and it wasnt by me- so dd had been on the laptop so i panicked- she must have opened email by mistake and i wasnt prepared to take he chance that she had read any of it and be worrying about it- so i went for it and told them (i had been planning to tell them by myself anyway, on the advice of Womens Aid)

It was very emotional and upsetting but dd said she felt happier knowing that the arguing would stop- bless her- she was crying saying how much she had hated the fighting and ds said he was fed up of daddys 'angry eyes'.

I feel so much better now i have told them- the dread and worry of telling them was making me ill- now i feel lighter- very emotional and not sure when he is actually going but atleast the children are in the picture and it wont be such a shock when he goes.

I look forward to getting back into the swing of this thread and speaking to you lovely people again soon- in the meantime i just wanted to keep you up to date with what is happening- and when i have time i will come back and try to catch up with you all.

Happy Birthday Lilac- hope you have had a good day. xxx

Hello and welcome to all the new people.

Thanks to all of you lovely ladies who have been so kind- this thread is fab. xx

hi paul

i am so glad they took it well and now you can go on your break with one weight less on your shoulders