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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Saturday Night stuck in...

85 replies

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 19:40

...because DS's mother continues to refuse to take him over night.

Today has been rather typical of my current situation, 4 years ago I took custody of my ds as my XW was planning on moving to New Zealand with her H and new DC's. Overnight our roles reversed, she took him on alternate weekends and holidays, having him stay overnight on a saturday.

At that point she had 1 DD with her H, but since then has had 2 more. When ds came to live with me XW and her H turned his bedroom into an office for him, leaving ds with a mattress on his sister's floor. This didn't bother him at all until 2nd dd arrived, now XW says she can't take him overnight at all as they have no room. So for the past year or so ds spends 9 hours a fortnight with his mother.

This means that for me, unless I can beg my mother or father to take him overnight, I have no social life at all. The only time I get to see anyone at all is if they come to my house, which isn't great as I would love to have a night out, a meal, some drinks whatever.

So here I am, on another saturday reading about my friends socialising on their fb pages and wishing I was out there with them.

I've tried insisting that XW takes ds overnight, explaining that I need a break too, but she's not willing at all. "It's inconvenient" she says. I mean seriously, what's "inconvenient" about having your own child stay with you once a fortnight??? She can have a break whenever she likes as her Husband will babysit.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 21:59

I will do BringOnTheGoat. Thanks to everyone for stopping me from feeling alone tonight! I really appreciate it.

OP posts:

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 22:03

Railway Child - that is not on!! I was so mad when I read that - how dare he!! If it really is that bad and he really does behave like that, I would be seriously considering whether it was even worth the children seeing him!!!

And when you said he'd dump them and drive off, well that was exactly what my ex was like before I just totally ended all contact - he would use them as pawns in his sick game to try and get at me - please don't be a mug, it will only eat away at your self esteem and worth!!!

xxx

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:10

RailwayChild, have to agree with dobiegirl. It's certainly not that bad with XW, but if he'd be willing to just dump his kids because you're not back when he cuts a visit short then he's not interested in seeing the DC, he's just trying to control you.

OP posts:

maltesers · 22/01/2011 22:11

You are not alone LoneFather. . .I am on my own tonight. My Ex partner has got my DS (10yrs ) for the weekend and i am stuck in with nothing to do. My boyfriend is at his place 80 miles away this weekend so not seeing him either. I know just what it feels like when you are dying to get out and you cant cos there is no one to hve the kids. . . .
If i was one of your neighbours i would babysit. . .

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:18

Similar here maltesers, my girlfriend lives elsewhere and can't make it across this weekend so here I am chatting on MN and watching computer game tournaments online. God I need a life lol

OP posts:

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:19

Ditto - im stuck in too - have been for the last 18 months - makes you feel really isolated. I know there are lots of people out there like me and feeling like me - I just sit and cry most nights.

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:20

God am i sad

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:20

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:21

Hugs bringontheweekend - we may not be there in person but we're with you in spirit!

OP posts:

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 22:22

bringontheweekend - by your nick name I'd have thought you'd be having a wild time lol, Don't sit and cry most nights chuck - life is too short - you gotta stick your chin up and get on with it, I know it's hard!! there's a lot of us in the same boat

MollieO · 22/01/2011 22:24

I haven't been out on a Saturday night in over two years. I haven't been out on any night for nearly a year. Joys of being a single parent whose ex calls his son the 'non-aborted foetus'.

No shared parenting here at all and currently having to deal with a six year old who is acutely aware that he is different from everyone else he knows.

Hannispan · 22/01/2011 22:24

I live in the wilds of Newcastle too :-) My ex lives 109 miles away and my DDs are too little for overnight stays so I rarely get a break. I cope by sending DD1 to my parents one night a month (thank heavens they are willing to co sleep!) and by inviting people to mine once the DC are in bed. Most of my friends are happy for me to play host and understand about the trails of babysitters.

TheCrackFox · 22/01/2011 22:25

Does your son have any really good friends that you could arrange sleepovers with? That might help.

Your ex sounds like a complete cow bag FWIW.

maltesers · 22/01/2011 22:25

So sorry to hear your Ex woman is difficult bout having your son. She sounds very strange and selfish. . ..what mother wouldnt want to see her child ?

My Ex , the father of my Ds (10) has him most weekends, or every other , but its now getting less and less. He seems to be up in bloody Scotland a lot. . .perhaps he has a lady friend there. Pity the girl f he has down here in the South. . .she is a total doormat. . .like he tried to make me. If you are bored you can come down and punch his lights out. . . ha !

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:27

Thanks XX

MollieO I know how you feel - my ex said that our child was "baggage" - no one would want me with baggage - oh yes then there was the added threat of "ill break the arms and legs of anyone you go out with" - nice man - :(

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:28

Bringontheweekend only because im not working then lol x

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 22:29

Oh mollie, what do you mean when you say your son is aware that he is different? you mean because he has a waster father that doesn't bother with him? if that is the case, you can rest assure that there is plenty of other mums and dads (and kiddies too) in similar circumstances. My ex husband walked away from a beautiful 4 year old daughter, and 2 year old son, simply because our marriage failed!!!!!!

Someone needs to tell him that his relationship with his children is completely separate from his relationship with women!!

'non-aborted foetus' - what a tosspot!!!

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:30

Thanks LoneFather - its nice to talk - my first time on here tonight

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:35

MollieO what a scumbag "non-aborted foetus" this really pisses me off! Your DS is better off without him if that's his attitude.

bringontheweekend - sounds like your ex isn't much better. Sounds like some kind of pituitary moron.

dobiegirl shaking my head, just shaking my head.

OP posts:

TrappedinSuburbia · 22/01/2011 22:38

Crikey, she really loves her ds doesn't she!!
Revel in the knowledge that you are the BEST for your son and that there are loads of us stuck in on a sat night posting on mumsnet lol

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:39

LoneFather you have no idea!

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:43

you're right, I don't. so once again hugs!

OP posts:

JustForThisOne · 22/01/2011 22:43

just another stuck mum say hi

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:45

I do have the added consolation that the ex has just split with his current gf of 6 years and has been cheating on her with anor woman - wot goes around comes around lol

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 22:46

Hi - Justforthisone x

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