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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Saturday Night stuck in...

85 replies

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 19:40

...because DS's mother continues to refuse to take him over night.

Today has been rather typical of my current situation, 4 years ago I took custody of my ds as my XW was planning on moving to New Zealand with her H and new DC's. Overnight our roles reversed, she took him on alternate weekends and holidays, having him stay overnight on a saturday.

At that point she had 1 DD with her H, but since then has had 2 more. When ds came to live with me XW and her H turned his bedroom into an office for him, leaving ds with a mattress on his sister's floor. This didn't bother him at all until 2nd dd arrived, now XW says she can't take him overnight at all as they have no room. So for the past year or so ds spends 9 hours a fortnight with his mother.

This means that for me, unless I can beg my mother or father to take him overnight, I have no social life at all. The only time I get to see anyone at all is if they come to my house, which isn't great as I would love to have a night out, a meal, some drinks whatever.

So here I am, on another saturday reading about my friends socialising on their fb pages and wishing I was out there with them.

I've tried insisting that XW takes ds overnight, explaining that I need a break too, but she's not willing at all. "It's inconvenient" she says. I mean seriously, what's "inconvenient" about having your own child stay with you once a fortnight??? She can have a break whenever she likes as her Husband will babysit.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:48

Karma - pure karma

OP posts:

MollieO · 22/01/2011 22:50

There are some choice exs out there.

Ds goes through phases of asking questions. The latest phase started today completely out of the blue. Of course he knows other dcs from broken homes but without exception all of those have fathers who are very involved in their lives (shared care, attending sports days, concerts, parents' evening etc). Ds doesnt know anyone in his position. He has asked questions since he was 2.5 but today there seems to be a growing awareness in him of just how different he is to his peers.

Sounds like a good idea to get your parents to babysit once a month. The hardest thing I found about being a lone parent is the complete lack of spontaneity.

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 22:53

That's a good point MollieO, friends organise things a lot at the last minute which is no good for us LP's.

OP posts:

JustForThisOne · 22/01/2011 22:58

MollieO
agree, complete lack of spontaneity, which to me is most
unnatural
Use to be The Spur of The Moment Queen, me....

My ds have never meet f either.
Like you I sooooo wish I could at least once be able to tell him that he is not the only one
My ds gets really nervous when about dads. So sad to watch

JustForThisOne · 22/01/2011 22:59

oops when he is AROUNDS not about

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 23:00

MollieO - bless him. It must be so hard but I guess all you can do is to keep reassuring him that hes loved and not the only child around like him xx

It breaks my heart when my child says she thinks her father doesnt care or love her and I have to reassure her that he does xx

JustForThisOne · 22/01/2011 23:01

friends.... yeah right
dont you just love it when they ask you what are you doing 'tonight'.....
oh well let me think....what's different from last night and tomorrow night

another thing i despise about 'friends' they all things that someone should help but still fail to understand who are they referring to

someone make herself/himself know thank you very much!

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 23:06

I appreciate the complete lack of spontaneity Mollie, I understand that, and it's shite, but sometimes that just makes life more regular and routine (which isn't always a bad thing for children) and the 'broken home' thing, god, I hate those words. He isn't any different to his peers, he's just got a knob for a father!!!

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 23:08

she, just discovered your child is a female

ddrmum · 22/01/2011 23:08

Cestla & Chasing squirrels have it spot on! If you could set something up with one of DS friends, even taking turns once a month, then it would make things so much better for you. Your DS is lucky to have such a caring dad, and I'm sure he knows it too :)
Really understand about asking the parents, but once a month is great and you'll have something to look forward to. DS will work his mum out for himself (if he hasn't already).

ddrmum · 22/01/2011 23:09

Ooops sorry, I've put DS.... sorry to your little lady.

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 23:09

I think also it is harder on the younger men and women with kids, but watch me be shouted down for that!!!

MollieO · 22/01/2011 23:09

The upside of being a truly lone parent is that everything your dcs are and become is completely down to you. I find that part very scary but hugely exciting in equal measure.

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 23:10

OMG Justforthisone - your so right - i always get asked on friday at work what im going to be doing at the weekend and as usual the answer is a bit fat "nothing" - sitting in and watching TV and eating everything in sight!!!

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 23:16

I find I have to keep reminding people that if they want to organise something with me they have to do it in advance, it's surprising how hard it is for that simple fact to sink in!

I've got some great friends who do try and do things with me and DS, like trips to the pictures or out for a meal but sometimes you just want to be an adult in adult company IYKWIM

OP posts:

FeelingOld · 22/01/2011 23:22

I am stuck in tonight too, oh and last night and the night before and the night before .......... get the pattern??

My dd is now 15 but has for the past 2 years refused to have any contact with her dad because his wife is a bitch to her and her dad wont do anything about it. He aknowledges his wife is like this and that she makes dd's life a misery when she is there but says if he tries to talk to his wife about it she will go mad and he just wants a quiet life....wtf???

At least I can go out a bit cos I am able to take dd with me now she is older and she does go on the odd sleepover to her friends and I have her here too (her mum is a lone parent too so it works out well).

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 23:22

do you live in the North West Lonefather?

dobiegirl · 22/01/2011 23:23

plus everyone else seems to go to bed at this time whilst I'm still up watching youtube and typing on here!!! xxx

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 23:23

Yeah know what you mean

FeelingOld · 22/01/2011 23:25

I am usually up dobiegirl, i suffer with insomnia so i wont be asleep for hours yet!!

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 23:28

Feelingold - your scenario sounds like mine. My ex has just split with his gf of 6 years he says because of me - though of course has nothing to do with the fact that he cant keep his third leg under control and hes been cheating on her! She was a complete cow to my child and he, like your ex wouldnt do anything about it because he likes to bury his head in the sand, likes a quiet life - cant face responsibility ... yada yada

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 23:29

Ass

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 23:37

North East dobiegirl Geordie boy here

OP posts:

bringontheweekend · 22/01/2011 23:38

why aye man

Original poster

LoneFather · 22/01/2011 23:39

aye, canny like

OP posts:

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