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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

I've been on Match for 4 months and no luck whereas my childless friends are on for 4 minutes and they meet a great man!

126 replies

poshsinglemum · 05/12/2010 20:10

What am I doing wrong?

I am fed up with people saying I have to have a great relationship with myself as I have that (ish) and have been on my own for like ever.

OP posts:
snowmama · 11/12/2010 14:59

Can I join this thread too? I have also started internet dating - but am not ready for a real life relationship - so am kind of taking the more typical 'guys' casual sex approach. Is that really bad or a normal 'transition' phase ?

JuJusDad · 11/12/2010 15:03

So what do I do? I'm single RP, young DD, work full-time, NRP doesn't have DD overnights.

Do I mention any of this? I did manage to have a relationship recently, but for various reasons it all fizzled out.

Feels like I'm screwed. Or rather, not screwed at all...

Oh, bollocks to it. I'll just get on with mine and DD's life.

At least I know now not to bother sending ice breakers. I was using them cos I'm kinda lacking in confidence.

Antalya1 · 11/12/2010 15:12

JuJusDad you're like finding a needle in a haystake, are you what is called really 'genuine' Smile If you are then keep going with it, there are plenty of women out there who wouldn't have a problem with single dads with sole responsibility of dd/ds's....and remember they don't know you so pick up the confidence and send a message instead of just an ice breaker...what's the worst that can happen Grin

JuJusDad · 11/12/2010 15:21

Xmas Blush thank you Antalya.

It wouldn't be for me to say if I'm what's called 'genuine' or not. I try to be honest, though I can keep my mouth shut when I really should speak up.

I'm getting better at that - I've been emailing someone from e-harmony, and have sent her a fairly frank "what do you want?" email, since she seems to want similar things but we're quite some distance from each other (2.5 hrs by car each way).

Antalya1 · 11/12/2010 15:31

OHH..that's quite a way off from each other, do you live out in the sticks...that's the problem with e-harmony, a lot of times there aren't that many local contacts on there...just out of interest have you tried 'Mumsdatedads'...that one seems 'unsurprisingly' child friendly Smile

expatinscotland · 11/12/2010 15:32

Probably better to find a dating site for people with kids.

When I was single and childfree, there's no way I'd have wanted to date a person with kids.

JuJusDad · 11/12/2010 15:40

I wouldn't have called where I live in Northants the sticks. I might call it a bit behind the times, but it's getting there... Smile

She lives with her two DD's way off in South East. Never mind, it's not like anything had happened between us - only emails.

Umm, did anyone else hear something being dropped on Antalya's post at 15:12? No? Ok, forget I mentioned it. Back to the general discussion, then.

Antalya1 · 11/12/2010 15:44

err.dropped from my post??

JuJusDad · 11/12/2010 15:51

It's possible to PM other MNers these days. Apparently. But that would only be of importance or consequence if you had dropped a hint about doing so. Which clearly you haven't. So I'll shut up and go do the housework, which I'm supposed to be doing in these child-free hours. Blush again.

Antalya1 · 11/12/2010 16:02

errrmm...don't know if I should be annoyed Angry or bemused!! Confused at this!!

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 16:28

I haven't read the advice yet, but can you seek out other parents, fathers obviously? They wont be anti mothers will they?

I wouldn't want to go out with a man 15 years younger than me. I'd have no interest in that. I know men do it all the time, but they are the ones who don't think of compatibility, shared references, humour, similar interests. The men who shack up with a girl half their age care about the next half an hour in the sack.

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 16:39

I am forty and have two children and I've stopped going back to my inbox because there are too many responses and I haven't got time to respond to them. It's overwhelmed me tbh. I did say that I was slim and attractive (which I am god dammit). But this 'in your league' stuff, that bullshit is why I ended up single with two kids! Their dad is 6 foot with a degree and an mba and a good job and a rotten temper and a shit sense of humour.

NO, in my league means nothing now. When I try this internet dating thing again, maybe this summer, I don't feel quite ready yet, I'm going to be looking for a good humoured clever socially aware person who is sort of averagely busy and has his own life and friends but would fit well in to my World. That's the 'league'.

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 16:41

ps, I'm joking about the attractive thing. I'm averagely attractive and I make the best of it. One thing PSM, I did mention that I didn't want more children, and that the chidlren I do have are at school. I wonder niceguy if that might have helped

JuJusDad · 11/12/2010 16:45

and sorry. lots. God, I'm embarrassed at myself. Sorry Antalya. Sorry.

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 16:47

do you two live near each other?!

Niceguy2 · 11/12/2010 16:51

I think if you are serious about Internet dating then you need to use more than one site.

I don't mean go and register yourself on every dating site at the same time! That just smacks of desperation. But instead of signing up to one site for a year, sign up to one site for a month....another for month 2, another for month 3.

The reason is quite simple. Your chances are best when you are new. All the other muppets will have signed up for a year and soon only the new people will be interested in you. Existing members will either have already mailed you, or will not mail you because they think "Well something must be wrong if he/she is still on there after x months". Whereas if YOU are new, you are noticed more by everyone on the site. I'm probably not describing it well but hope you get the idea. In fact for some sites I dipped in for a week then left it a bit then came back a month later.

As for your photos, I used to make sure each painted a little picture. So there was one of me at a theme park with a bunch of friends (ie. I have fun and have friends). Another was me driving a racing car (ie. I do exciting things), one just sat in a nice kitchen (ie. look at my kitchen). NB. It doesn't have to be YOUR kitchen, it's all about imagery. One thing I never did was have a photo with a bunch of blokes with beers. All that screams is "I like to drink with the lads!" The opposite is also true. I hated seeing photos of ladies who had wine in every photo or was clubbing. All that says to me is "I like to get drunk a lot and go clubbing". Not what I want in my late thirties.

@JuJusdad. Mate, don't know how old you are. But treat the whole thing like a sales exercise. The only thing is that you are the product! Xmas Grin

So if I were marketing you, your biggest selling point is the fact that you work full time and are the type of man who steps up and is a full time dad rather than one whom has dumped his child along with his ex. Don't underestimate these qualities. Plenty of blokes out there have neither!

Your target "market" would be other single parents. So a good place to look at are sites which specalise for single parents. Datingforparents, mumdatedads & parentsalready spring to mind. Sure you can go gunning for single women with no kids but they're unlikely to understand your world. You could strike gold but the stream of rejection will be harder to take.

Finally your biggest problem is childcare. I think you need to work out who can help you out with that. Do you have other family/parents who can help? Without that you can't get out so you can't get past step 1 anyway.

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 17:03

Niceguy2, you're connected to the real World but not in an unkind way. I wish you'd pop up on MY list. I mean this as a compliment, you're like a woman and that's what I like in a man.

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 17:30

Actually I have to qualify that a bit, because when shaun ryder said to jenny eclair "you're like a man!" and meant it as a compliment, I thought, just because he associates the attributes in jenny that he admires with being male doesn't mean that women can't also have those attributes.

So completely scrap what I said in my pp.

Antalya1 · 11/12/2010 17:48

apology accepted Grin

QueenofWhatever · 11/12/2010 17:53

valiumshimmer so tell me, what is this site where you are so inundated with e-mails? Are they 'real' e-mails or ice breakers. Personally I can't abide ice breakers. I think it was a thread on here recently that said it was the online version of standing up in the pub shouting 'I'm desperate for a shag'.

Niceguy2 · 11/12/2010 18:26

Thanks for the compliment Valium Smile

Queen, what is an icebreaker?

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 18:29

I'll pm it to you queenofwhatever, you put in your region. Maybe there are a lot of single men in my region.. Mind you, I put quite a bit of thought into my profile. I was myself, or how I see myself (are they the same!? hmm)

Glad you took that in the spirit it was meant niceguy!

oh queen, I agree with you about the icebreakers, if a person needs assistance to ask you a question, it doesn't bode well. And anyway, I hate having to pick one of only four answers... icebreakers aren't necessary imo, not as well as smiles. Although, if TWO people who can't string a question together find each other, then maybe they met over an icebreaker. Who knows.

QueenofWhatever · 11/12/2010 18:37

niceguy, you search for women aged between ages X and Y who live in Z area and send a blanket message to all of them, regardless if you are what they are looking for.

This is my favourite so far:

This is one hell of an ice-breaker 16:21, 14/11/10

I have 2 tickets to go and see Michael Bolton at the Royal Albert Hall on tuesday 23rd November, good seats on teh balcony. I would like the compamy of a female for the nite.

Would like too meet somewhere local too teh RAHall, go for adrink meal before the gig starts. Micah Paris is supporting, so will be a great nite out.

Anyon einterested, let me know.

take care Chris A

ValiumShimmer · 11/12/2010 18:39

'a female'

lol.

ooh you discerning charmer Chris A!

I didn't realise that icebreakers were sent like mass emails at work.

QueenofWhatever · 11/12/2010 18:43

My second favourite, which I haved also posted on MNet before is:

HELLO LITTLE MISS BEAUTIFUL 22:30, 13/11/10

hi,,my names Blue,, a true genuine nice guy,, 100 single and free to be your new friend and to Please and Pleasure YOU TO THE MOON!!! i really am a lovely natured good guy no let downs Seeking a female friend and love making lover,,and thats,,just for starters!! hee,, PLS MESSEGE ME AND MEET SOOOOON XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Yes, I am obviously too fussy when there are all these great opportunities for romance out there.

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