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Lone parents

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Original poster

I've been on Match for 4 months and no luck whereas my childless friends are on for 4 minutes and they meet a great man!

126 replies

poshsinglemum · 05/12/2010 20:10

What am I doing wrong?

I am fed up with people saying I have to have a great relationship with myself as I have that (ish) and have been on my own for like ever.

OP posts:

BEAUTlFUL · 07/12/2010 23:18

Or will they still want 20somethings???

Niceguy2 · 08/12/2010 07:49

The latter!

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe · 08/12/2010 08:15

All I can say is that when I was honest about my age I got zilch or little interest from the age range that I'm interested in (late 30s to early 50s) but many replies from the over 60s - and quite a few from the 20s and under! When I knock off a few years to bring me into the up to 40 search parameter I get interest from guys who looked before but didn't contact me! Oh, and I still get interest from the 20s and under despite making it very clear I am not looking for a toyboy.

Niceguy2 · 08/12/2010 14:30

Mz...all that says is that old men still want young skirt.

Young men just want an easy shag. Without meaning to be rude, the mail "interest" is probably just a bulk email. Often with dating sites for men it comes down to a numbers game, esp if you are a player or just looking for NSA sex. You email 1000 women....if one says yes...result.

QueenofWhatever · 08/12/2010 14:34

Mz, so how do they react when they find out you er, underestimated your age?

Niceguy2 - the irony is lots of women want an easy shag, just from a man not a boy. I run a mile from the men looking for a soulmate. I just think needy, run away.

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe · 08/12/2010 15:42

So far only got as far as telling two as I am damn fussy - and Niceguy, I'm only talking about messages that are sent to me ie when they've looked at my profile first or used my name - others I just delete/ignore.

Both times they were okay about it even though one took the piss rather and called me his older woman - was by eight months!

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe · 08/12/2010 15:50

And NG - I take your point but just goes to underline my belief that internet dating is a pile of pants and just helps people, particularly men, perpetuate their self-delusion and thereby increase their unhappiness eg men pursue women who are for one reason or another out of their league eg (way, way) too young or (again way way) too attractive or intelligent ... and can then complain that all women are bitches, vain, not serious about having a relationship ... but hey ho, can be amusing at times.

Niceguy2 · 08/12/2010 20:16

Hi Mz. I think the delusion cuts both ways really.

I've found that just as men try to pull women out of their league, some ladies are deluding themselves as to which league they belong.

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe · 08/12/2010 20:58

Do you reckon - to be honest, I find that most women I know (myself included) tend to put themselves down and dismiss themselves as fat, unattractive etc rather than the other way round.

lowercase · 08/12/2010 22:23

niceguy (HA!)

why is it hard to believe that genuine males would want to meet up with Mzde?

i think its you who wants young skirt, you the visual creature, you the fattist, ageist so and so, you dont speak for mankind (thank God) you speak for you.

i find your tone utterly abhorrent.

christmaseve · 08/12/2010 22:36

Niceguy I find that most men on POF are trying to pull out of their league. That's why they have to send loads of messages just to get one or two back.

BEAUTlFUL · 09/12/2010 10:05

Oh lowercase. I think that's really harsh. Niceguy2 isn't trying to hut anyone's feelings here, it's not a personal attack.

Men are visual creatures, we all know that. But that's not to say that unless a woman falls within the standard young/slim/blonde category, she'll end up alone! But the man who goes out with an older/larger/daker-haired woma is still probably dating her because he fancies her!

Internet Dating is a numbers game - more men will contact a woman who falls within the standard parameters. So Niceguy was just trying to give advice that would make ads appeal to the most men. Of course some men will like other stuff, but finding them will take a bit longer.

Really, I now it's wrong, but i decided not to rail against the injustice of men going for slim/yoing women for hours - I spend that time in the gym and slapping on face cream instead.

QueenofWhatever · 09/12/2010 10:52

Absolutely not trying to big myself up here, but I'm one of the slim, size 10 types with outdoor interests etc. and I don't do well out of internet dating at all. Could be my age (41), could be being a single parent. But I actually think largely it's that lots of men on these sites are looking for casual sex. I personally don't have a problem with that.

What does interest me is the brutal way people operate on these sites (men and women). You can be chatting happily for a week or two and then they disappear in a puff of smoke. Or people don't repsond to individual e-mails (not the mass ice-breakers) which I think is just rude. The vast majority of people wouldn't just walk off halfway through a conversation or blank you if you said hello in a pub.

Ironically I get a lot more attention from men when I go out. However I find it quite initmidating and sometimes predatory. I also don't go out that often.

Niceguy, I like your POV because, like it or not, I think most of it is true.

christmaseve · 09/12/2010 11:27

Mz isn't large, dark haired or old, just thought I would point that out .

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe · 09/12/2010 14:10

Oh bless you Eve - although I am dark-haired actually (though comes out of a box as I started going grey in my 20s), old - well that depends on your perception - and large - again depends on your perception but tend to wear anything from size 10 to 14 so possibly!

I tend to put my lack of dating success down to the fact that I am incredibly fussy about who I spend my time with and emotional energy on - I reject most men who contact me not because of their looks or at least not purely so (although I am amazed at the number of fuglies who consider themselves very attractive - and know few women who describe themselves as that even when it is true!) but because they have not read my profile, are unintelligent or at least give the impression through their own profiles of being so, have interests wildly different from my own (eg football, drinking, the pub, fishing etc)- or live much too far away to make meeting possible.

If that's an indication of playing out of my league, so be it. Luckily I'd far rather play solo than settle for some of the third league scrapings that frequent the majority of the dating sites anyway.

christmaseve · 09/12/2010 14:32

Mz, well said, me too, the bit about playing solo than settling for 3rd rate and I'm nowhere near as fussy as you, but I am on POF and the dregs on their really are the dregs. We sound horrible, don't we? but we know we are really nice, just want to meet fit, interesting and available men.

nnallc · 09/12/2010 14:35

You should try being a male widow with 2 kids. Lucky if you get a reply !!!

Niceguy2 · 09/12/2010 15:12

@Lowercase

why is it hard to believe that genuine males would want to meet up with Mzde?

BEAUTlFUL · 09/12/2010 16:13

"Yep, she was 6 months older. So see, not ageist at all. That said perhaps it is a bad example because I did dump her for being too fat."

Really helping your case here, NG...

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe · 09/12/2010 16:17

Tell you what, Niceguy - you stick a picture up and we'll tell you whether we think you're trying to pull out of your league or not - or have you got something to hide!

Niceguy2 · 09/12/2010 16:52

Lol. I guess you missed the sarcasm, Beautiful.

As for photo, i've never claimed I'm any oil painting. Quite the contrary. Personally I don't think I'm particularly good looking at all.

Luckily my GF doesn't seem to mind sleeping with my ugly mush. And trust me I KNOW I pulled out of my league.

Saltatrix · 09/12/2010 17:07

When it comes to dating/finding someone attractive someone sorry but it is not equal opportunity

People like what they like and it's a bit biased to starting saying 'ageist' 'fatist' because if you don't find someone attractive your not going to want to date them period. Everyone has attributes that don't appeal to them so no one has any moral high ground.

You don't have to be slim etc there is huge variation in what men like I know surprising but it's true.

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 09/12/2010 18:26

Well without wishing to sound like a prick, I suppose I conform to the current media standards of what is considered attractive as far as body type e.c.t. e.c.t. goes, but I don't do particularly well out of internet dating either. I would like to go out with someone my own age (35) but of course they all want women in their mid-late twenties with no kids.

What I find is that men (although I think this can apply to women too) tend to be fantasists. So they'll look at my pictures, build up this fantasy of what I'm going to be like, get all excited about meeting me, and are then disappointed when they discover an ordinary woman who doesn't actually look like a bloody supermodel and has a ton of washing up to do and a load of school uniforms to wash.

I can't get a second date to save my life!

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 09/12/2010 18:53

I hate all of this ''in their league'' stuff. It reminds me of school and makes me feel like shit because apparently I was ugly and everyone was out of my league when really I know that I'm not.

People find each other attactive for all sorts of reasons. The size 10, blonde thing is great for some men but others may prefer different types.

OP posts:

lowercase · 09/12/2010 19:18

Niceguy, step away from the TV, now come back into the real world.

everyone you mentioned has had surgery/is airbrushed.

poshs last post illustrates perfectly why i am against the misogynist tosh you posted.

do you have daughters?

would you be ok with them dating someone with your perception?

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