I've been on Match for 4 months and no luck whereas my childless friends are on for 4 minutes and they meet a great man!

[poshsinglemum]

What am I doing wrong?

I am fed up with people saying I have to have a great relationship with myself as I have that (ish) and have been on my own for like ever.

[ValiumShimmer]

I saw one man who mentioned a TVR in his profile! for gods sake! that's the equivalent of a woman saying her bedroom is full of soft toys I think.

[mummery]

Joining this thread after reading for a while. I've just cancelled my sub to match after 6 months. No luck! I had about 6 dates from it, one got to the second date, and one we dated for a while but it didn't work and now we're friends. The rest were a waste of £2 for a coffee to be honest. I'm really the least fussy person I know. I couldn't care less what a man earns or how often he does to the gym. I like someone my equivalent in terms of education (I didn't say this on my profile) simply because it's hard to talk to someone when one of you hasn't got a clue what the other one's talking about. But although the people I met seemed sound, honest and genuine guys, many in a similar (lone parent) position to me, there was no-one with whom I sparked nor even had any sort of flammable material upon which a spark might someday be encouraged to ignite!

I did delete many more messages than I read. I deleted all those that were obviously round robins sent to multiple profiles in the hope someone - anyone - would respond. Any message that called me 'Babe', 'Honey' etc was instantly deleted. Messages that said things like 'How's you' or 'What are you up to this weekend?' (it's over-familiar). Or anyone who had posted a picture of his car!

For all their TV ads though I notice when I phoned to cancell my DD renewal match did not offer me the supposed 6 months free you're meant to get if you don't meet anyone. They asked why I was leaving and that was it. I didn't want the extra time anyway but they really make a big deal of it in their ad campaigns.

[elastaelf]

Niceguy, well your posts always amuse me!!!

Re the height thing, I dont ever worry about it. Of the men I have dated in the past year, the ones I really liked havent been stunning or tall by any means. Since I am not looking to have any children with them I dont need to be sizing up their genes

[Niceguy2]

Good God! £85 each?? I'm in the wrong job. Perhaps I should start my own dating consultancy up too!?!

[JaquiChan]

PSM, read an article in Prima yesterday about a woman who made a 5 year plan to bag Mr Right. She met him on date 126!!! She is now a 'dating guru' - www.paularosdol.com, maybe worth a look.

[snowpoint]

lol at manly hands, hatesponge. I know exactly what you mean!

[ValiumShimmer]

I just glanced back at the site and noticed that one 43 yo with whom I have a high compatability score says (on his profile, not to me specifically) that he is "looking for somebody who is openminded about age gap relationships".

You can leave a comment and I left a short one "that's very broad-minded of you".

ha ha ha.

[hatesponge]

I think there is something of genetics in it; my friend's mum always used to say that young women need to find men who are good stock to breed with and that once you've got children out of the way you can go for money/personality over physical attributes

I just want someone practical, intelligent (though not necessarily educated, school of life types are fine, indeed preferable!), funny, and able to have a rational argument. And ideally in the region of 6' with manly hands.

I dont think thats asking too much :)

[ValiumShimmer]

bread! sorry bred. I think

[ValiumShimmer]

I used to care about that 6 foot malarkey. Maybe I was a slave to biology though?? Not sure, now that I have bread height back into my line (my children will be average unlike the shortie I am), I am attracted to other things. I used to think it was older women just settling, but now what I really want is a kind, good-humoured, confident, clever guy, and if you have all of that, and he's five foot 7, but claimed to be five foot 9, I wouldn't care. I might wonder if he was prone to telling porkies though!!


My x was six foot and handsome, educated, tick tick tick, so you would think, but beware, he might be out there doing internet dating.

[hatesponge]

snowpoint - I hear what you say, I think the reason I took offence re the weight thing was I felt it was suggested you need to be thin to find a man which I don't agree with. I do know that everyone has their own criteria - particularly online where you have to narrow it down somehow. In RL I've been out with men of varying heights, anything between 5' 7 and 6'5, so a fair range :) My exp (who I was with for 8 years) was 5' 8. I agree it's important not to be too rigid sometimes BUT I also think you have to know what you want as well, if those two statements are not mutually exclusive!

[snowpoint]

hatesponge, I find it interesting that you wouldn't want to be judged on size/appearance, and rightly so, but then wouldn't yourself consider a man under 6ft, so wiping out a good deal of single men who may be perfect in every other respect.

Just an observation, but I do wonder if we're sometimes our own worst enemies with this stuff.

If I'd gone by my usual "rules" (always dated very tall alpha male types) I wouldn't have met lovely 5ft 11" DP, who is kind, funny and wonderful but no male model. I'd have missed out.

[hatesponge]

valium - I agree you have to be honest about physical attributes. when I did dabble with internet dating it was pretty clear from my photos that I wasn't a size 6, and I certainly didn't describe myself as skinny :) Re height, I've always found most men think they're taller than they actually are so never considered anyone under 6ft on the basis that most of those were only 5' 10 or so anyway at best!

[ValiumShimmer]

Just wondering what the acupuncturist made of me. 'odd with a capital O, went to all the bother of creating a profile and yet won't part with £xx.'

ps, I know acunpuncture is a legit interest, and a science of sorts but he was a bit evangelical about it.

[ValiumShimmer]

I had one guy message me (I agreed to him contacting me, I won't pay up) and he reminded me a bit of MICHAEL Jackson. He was talking about acupuncture and he might even have said that children were the future. I just laughed. But not in the right way.

Hatesponge, I think it's important to be honest about height/weight on these profiles. I am only five foot two and I don't try to claim to be five foot four in the hope that if I wear heels nobody will notice. That way, only the people who aren't bothered by my fivefootishness will bother responding.

[hatesponge]

Agree there are many odd (with a capital O) people on the internet. there are plenty of them in real life as well, but as has been said they're a lot easier to spot in the flesh rather than online :)

must add that I'm a little re some of the weight comments above. Clearly in the eyes of some people on this thread I shouldn't bother even thinking I have a chance of getting a man being the size I am now! Sorry, but I think thats total BS. There are many reasons why I haven't found the one, and I'm sure weight isn't one of them. It might be for some men, but I wouldn't want a man so obsessed by appearance. Interestingly, the only people who have ever said I would have more 'success' with men if I were thinner were women - and it's a v small minority of them. No man I know has said that!

[BitOfFun]

I have to agree with Gigi. My brother tried a dating site once- a free one. He 'met' a woman from Southampton (we are in Liverpool). Within three emails she was asking him what the point of talking to her was if he didn't want a serious relationship, and would he be prepared to move to her, or did he expect her to move to him?

He couldn't block her fast enough

[JuJusDad]

What QoW said, and definitely not a dig at you, Gigs.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

oh. i'll let him off then

[QueenofWhatever]

Gigantaur, I think JuJusDad was referring to the ice breakers I posted. Any discerning male MNetter is leagues ahead of them.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

was that a dig Juju?
because given the fact you jumped to the conclusion of Antalya fancying you in some way because she happened to post the possibility of you being genuine..i would hazard a guess as to you being one of the latter


oh and you are right, my dyslexia does result in me spelling badly. thanks for pointing it out for anyone that hadn't realised though, i hope it raises your self esteem a little

[JuJusDad]

Thanks, Antalya.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

My advice is to only use dating sites where you have to pay to join.

and then be very very carefull.

those places are full of right freaks.

You get the obvious ones who just want sex. you get the socially inept ones who just aren't capable of meeting someone in RL as they just can't string a sentance together.

Then you get the worst kind. The emotional sponges. within the first few emails they are sending you their life story, complete with the full low down on how horrible the ex was and how evil she was to dump her the way she did...he was only trying to be a fabulous boyfriend after all.

they make everything about them and what they want...which is a mother usually.

they jump straight into the "so when ca we meet" "what sort of relationship do you want" "shall we live together or get married first" everything is rushed. not because they have fallen head over heels for you but because they are just desperate to have someone anyone, just so long as they aren't left alone to have to deal with their lives like a proper adult.

they are like plagues. they come across as very nice and polite but they are like a rash. one slightest hint of being friendly and they think they are in. but don't think youwill hurt their feelings when you realise how stiffling it is to be with them, they will be back on plenty of fish before you have clicked send on the email.

If you want a bloke the best place to look is in the real world. where you can spot their weirdness in teh cold light of day

[ValiumShimmer]

I'm still laughing. My daughter wants to know what I'm laughing at!!