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Lone parents

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Original poster

Parental Responsibility & Schools

107 replies

halfa · 19/11/2010 12:08

Posting for brother ... Also posted in legal, but hes desperate for advice.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

My son has now been proved to not be mine biologically (5). I was on his birth certificate and as such had PR. We have court approved DNA test saying i am not father.

Ex has taken this into school and stated her intention to remove me from BC, and requested that school do not share information with me. First i heard of it was when i turned up today to make an appointment for parents evening next week.

They have said i am no longer entitled to information!!!! Is this correct? At the moment i am STILL on the birth certificate, so surely i still have PR?

I appreciate it will go eventually, am currently refusing to sign the declaration the registry office sent to me and i will be applying for a PR order in the new year.

But in the meantime i could do with advice on the legailities of the school. Dont want to go in all guns blazing if they are right, but dont want to just accept this either.

Thanks

OP posts:
HappyWithLife · 19/11/2010 13:02

Have no knowledge of the legalities of this, but I would have thought that the school cannot withold information from you until they have a court order stating that you no longer have PR. But I am just guessing here.
Sorry can't be more help but good luck.

SMummyS · 19/11/2010 13:02

I'm sorry to hear this but they are correct.

Niceguy2 · 19/11/2010 13:27

Sorry to hear about this too. What a complete mess.

Legalities aside, it's very noble you (your brother) is still so concerned about his "son"'s welfare but whilst his ex is intent to remove his PR, you are on a hiding to nothing really.

In effect now you are asking school to divulge information to someone with no legal relationship to the child.

Niceguy2 · 19/11/2010 13:30

Oh and what sort of woman has the brazen cheek to go to school and in effect admit she's a cheating slapper who's lied to another man and he's brought up someone else's child as a result?

Sorry I just can't imagine I'd be able to face the headmaster without feeling ashamed.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 13:35

niceguy2??????

how the fuck do you know she cheated? how do you know she lied?? how do you know tehre wasn't an agreement between them to bring up the child as his only now teh relationship has broken down and she wants him out of their lives??

how dare you assume that because a woman has sex with two men she is a cheating lying slapper. you're disgusting you are.

SMummyS · 19/11/2010 13:35

As niceguy said it must be so hard. My DPs ex was seeing her now husband when she was pregnant with my DPs baby behind his back and it always niggles me if she is definitely my DPs but with his ex as she is if there was a doubt in her mind she'd have done a DNA test by now to get rid of my DP.

I do believe because your brother has been bringing him up for 5 years he should be able to get some sort of access etc towards him.

Wellwasi · 19/11/2010 13:52

Niceguy men can be called anything- but don't criticise women.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 13:57

wellwasi nobody was calling the man anything in this thread. niceguy has mde a hellof a lot of misogynistic assumptions based on very little information.

  1. there is a 5 year old
  2. the OP' brother recently confirmed he was not the biological father.

so from this information niceguy(that's a joke for starters) has decided that the woman in question has cheated, is a slapper and has lied for 5 years.

HappyWithLife · 19/11/2010 14:05

I must admit I read it the same as Niceguy, insofar as the OP's brother was assumed to be the biological father and now DNA has proved otherwise, and not that the OP's brother agreed to bring up the child knowing it wasn't his.
Maybe I read it wrong though?

SMummyS · 19/11/2010 14:05

Halfa can you please clarify the above before it gets out of hand.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 14:06

i think you mean you assumed.

HappyWithLife · 19/11/2010 14:13

Who means assumed?

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 14:16

you. when you said you 'read it as'. it doesn't read like that at all. i think what you did was assume.

HappyWithLife · 19/11/2010 14:28

Sorry booyhoo...I read it as...understood it as...interpreted it as...and if you care to read on I do use the word assume. My 'assumption' is based on the fact that the OP says it has now been proved....if he knew he wasn't the father from the outset and had agreed to raise the child as his own, why would they need to 'prove' it now? And you are assuming you know what I mean, please don't.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 14:43

apologies for assuming to know what you mean. despite the fact that you do agree you made assumptions.

i didn't say he knew from the outset. i said they could have agreed from the outset to raise the child as his. this could mean they didn't know and didn't want to find out either way for teh sake of tehir relationship. but now the relationship has ended the OP's brother may have wanted to know for sure to be able to ensure he had contact with his son. the fact that it was a court approved DNA test suggests maybe the OP's ex wanted to prove he wasn't as if he was already on the BC then he already has PR and didn't need teh court to grant it.

HappyWithLife · 19/11/2010 14:56

Booyhoo...if you want to use your time being pedantic then that's up to you. It's not the first time you have jumped down my throat on threads, and it's getting a tad tedious. I shall withdraw gracefully from this and other threads, as it seems some people are allowed to be vocal on MN and others are not - I presumably fall into the latter. Have fun.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 14:57

happy i am not aware of jumping down your throat on this or any other threads but apologies if you think i have done so unjustifiably.

OptimistS · 19/11/2010 15:17

I am not an expert so I could be completely wrong, but I'm not at all sure that a court ordered revision to a birth certificate is necessarily the same thing as revoking parental responsibility. The only way to be sure about this is to check the individual circumstances with a solicitor.

Niceguy2 · 19/11/2010 15:24

Booyhoo. You are right...in theory there could be some master agreement where OP's brother didnt want to know. But that is all it is. A theory. Sorry you dont like my assumption but its no more no less valid than your theory.

Besides. Sometimes a spade is just that. A spade.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 15:30

my problem with your assumption niceguy is that it translates as "woman having sex with two men= lying cheating slapper"

there is no indication of this in the OP. how have you come to that conclusion? you seem pretty sure that this is the case whereas i have suggested a theory.

whiteandnerdy · 19/11/2010 15:40

I wasn't married my name of birth cert, still had to apply for PR for my own children. The Ex was obstructive the court basically told her to stop messing about and accept my request for PR. However, for DSS I was his farther figure for the last 3 or 4 years and Ex was able to obstruct my application for PR.

I suggest you brother gets real legal advice if your not biologically the farther, you'll probably get CAFCASS to make a report on if PR for your brother is in the childs best interests, what if any relationship child has with biological farther. And you'll need legal representation to press the point that as the farther figure for the last 5 years it's in the best interests of the child that PR is given, and by the ex refusal of PR is not in the interests of the child.

Though it is alot easier if mother and biological father agrees to PR. If you can find said biological farther. It does does kind of erk me that I raise a child from my ExP's previous relationship as my own and the only thanks I seem to get from the ExP is to point out what a rubbish farther I am, (sorry need to go file away at this chip on my shoulder)

HappyWithLife · 19/11/2010 15:54

Actually, I'm still going to comment on this. Unless there is any suggestion of violence/abuse by the OPs brother, then it is grossly unfair to the child and the 'father' to break the ties like this. As the old saying goes, anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad. OP...has the ex given any reason why she wants your brother out of the childs life? Has she got a new partner who she wants to be 'Daddy' now? Think we need some more info.

Niceguy2 · 19/11/2010 16:10

Booyhoo. Well lets see eh? Your "theory" only works if the woman somehow slept with two men and then sat down, had a rational conversation with OP's brother at the end of which he said "Hey, it doesn't matter you slept with someone else. I love you SO much that I don't care and will bring him up as my own. DNA test? Nah I don't want to know."

Yes, as a theory that's entirely possible? Do you have any theories what this weeks Euromillion numbers will be? Cos people win that too.

I never said ALL women who sleep with two men are lying cheating slappers. Just ones whom let another man bring up a child as their own without telling them.

In the unlikely event OP comes on to confirm your version of events is correct and I am wrong then I am man enough to apologise.

Niceguy2 · 19/11/2010 16:14

In fact, thinking about it Booyhoo, if you are so offended with the fact I think the mum is a lying cheating slapper then I'm happy to withdraw the word slapper. Does that help?

Original poster
halfa · 19/11/2010 16:17

Hi,

Sorry can see more info is needed.

DB did not know he was childs father. They are in a very nasty battle over contact and it was during this she said he "might" not be the father. A DNA test has now proved that he is not. Apparently he is the result of a 1 night stand when they "were on a break".

She is happy to continue with "some" contact, (DB was after 50/50) but wants to very the order as bio father is now being involved or better still have no order and be flexible. Despite not having being flexible for the last 3 years. They have been split for 5. DB went to court 3 years ago. Despite this he still has no overnight contact, just day visits weekly.

She has no new parter. (that we know of)

DB accepts bio father now also needs to be involved, but doesnt see why this means he can no longer access schools etc. Mum has being saying that son is showing signs of distress at school, DB wanted to discuss this with school, but now because school is refusing to discuss with him, he cannot.

Hence i said i would use the good advice of MN to see if anyone knew the legailities of him retaining his PR when
a) he has DNA showing not father and will be removed
b) when he is actually removed (which i presume he will be, as he has recently had a letter which states even if he doesnt sign the stat declaration for agreement, he will be removed anyway!)

Thanks

OP posts:
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