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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Separated permantly - when do you stop wearing your wedding / engagment rings?

31 replies

Boobalina · 28/10/2010 16:16

Me and H split up 2 months ago and he moved out permantly 4 weeks ago. It's all mutal and amicable(ish) for the kids.

We dont want to resolve it or get back together, ever so are going to do the 2 year separation and then get divorced.

So, yesterday at work a male collegue asked me if we are never getting back together and live separately, why still wear my rings?

He has an interesting point - what did you all do?!

OP posts:

lou33 · 28/10/2010 16:22

Took mine off after 3 weeks

Original poster

Boobalina · 28/10/2010 16:25

I'm worried the kids will notice and get all sad again... they are doing really well this week, after quite a few naturally teary emotional weeks with them.

Would any of you wear them on the other hand or have it refashioned into new jewellery?!

OP posts:

PfftTheMildySpookyDragon · 28/10/2010 16:37

You take them off when you want to take them off. They might represent your marriage, but they are still items of jewellery and if you want to wear them, then do so.

You will know when the time is right.

mpuddleduck · 28/10/2010 19:37

I wore my wedding ring for roughly a year following H moving out, even though I was sure we wouldn't get back together. One day I just thought I wanted to take it off and using lots of soap I managed to prise it off,it is now 18 months since we split and my ring is still sitting on the windowsill, the only person to comment on the lack of the ring was my mum.

Original poster

Boobalina · 28/10/2010 20:27

i've taken them all off temporarily - they are sat on the kitchen side, just to see how i feel....

I have a slightly withered ring finger!

OP posts:

EnSuiteShed · 28/10/2010 20:30

I know a woman who still wears her engagement ring from her ex-h even though she is engaged to someone else now. She wears it on the other hand and hasn't told her fiance that it was her engagement ring.

Personally I think it's very rude and I feel sorry for her fiance.

So, in answer to your question, before you meet someone else!

lizziemun · 28/10/2010 21:11

My mum had only just taken her rings off last after he died. They have been separated/divorced for 20 plus years.

readywithwellies · 29/10/2010 10:19

I took mine off the day after he confessed to an affair and told me he didn't love me anymore. Simples.

lilac21 · 29/10/2010 10:22

I stopped wearing mine about six months after we agreed to separate, but the kids didn't know so I still wore them around them. Once it was all out in the open I took them to one of those cash for gold places and walked out with £100 in my purse :)

readywithwellies · 29/10/2010 10:22

I understand what you mean about the kids, but prolonging it isn't going to help. Just be prepared with a response. My ds was upset when I took a wedding picture down, but I couldn't stand looking at his smug face any longer!

lou33 · 29/10/2010 12:38

I dont think my kids even noticed i had taken mine off. It wasnt something that upset them at all.

FreakoidOrgansandBloodoid · 29/10/2010 12:43

I felt a bit naked without mine to begin with so wore it for a bit, think I took it off after a month or so.

Original poster

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 12:45

I put them all back on last night. I'm sure I'll wake up soon and that will be it - they are off!

OP posts:

xmumzix · 29/10/2010 13:37

I took mine off about 2 weeks after H moved out. The kids never noticed tbh. To me it just represented unhappiness so the rings are in my drawer.
I will save them and give them to my dd one day. I always said to her that I would.

sincerity · 29/10/2010 21:42

i took mine off about 3 days after we agreed to seperate. my marriage was over so i thought the symbols of our marriage should be taken off. Mind u i took ds to a playzone and i found myself thinking are all mums who are wearing rings looking at my hand and noticing im unmarried and if so what do they think of me. (sooooo ridiculous in this day and age eh? ...)

Original poster

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 22:39

I know what you mean sincerity.

I checked ex's hand this morning (he dropped kids off) and he is still wearing ring...

Its 100% over, dont get me wrong.

OP posts:

SKYTVADDICT · 29/10/2010 22:49

My ex left his on the mantel piece the day he packed and left - obviously didn't give a stuff about the kids feelings.

This was 7 years ago now and I was going through my jewellery box a few weeks ago to see what gold I could cash in. I still had it and put it in the box to go but DD1 (14) got a bit upset and wanted to keep it. I flogged mine though.

Original poster

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 23:14

Gosh Sky - thats a poignant (mean) thing your ex did.

The sad thing is, aesthetically i really like my rings - i have a wedding ring, an engagment ring and an eternity (pah) ring...

OP posts:

SKYTVADDICT · 29/10/2010 23:30

I whipped it away before the DDs (7 and 3 at the time) saw it and DD1 was quite surprised to find I still had it! She had always assumed he had taken it I suppose. DD2 couldn't give a monkeys (but that would make another thread altogether )

Original poster

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 23:44

OP posts:

chandra · 30/10/2010 02:24

I stopped wearing mine about a year before he moved out.

elastaghoul · 30/10/2010 08:00

I wore mine until I got a job as I found that nobody who knew I was a LP would employ me

UnlikelyFangazonian · 30/10/2010 08:50

My exH disappeared one lunchtime and I haven't seen him since (2 and a half years ago). I took both my rings off after about a month I think.

About a year later a friend said to me that if a girl has a diamond ring she loved then she should bloody wear it! So I wear my engagement ring on my other hand now. Not in any token of feelings for ex, just because I really like the ring. I have not met anybody else and don't intend to!

I too notice people looking at my ring finger when I am out with ds but tbh I am proud that I have managed so well as a lp and don't give a stuff what anyone thinks.

TweetTweet · 30/10/2010 09:52

The day I discovered he'd been seeing his friend in the middle of the night. (He still swears blind nothing happened and I honestly don't know). That day though we had a LOT of yelling, and a LOT of painful words said.

He rarely wore his anyway (stupid shaped fingers made it uncomfortable - and no, that wasn't a line. I could see).

I now have both our rings and my engagement ring in a box together. Will prob store them with the wedding photos. He's never asked where his ring is.

smokinpumpkins · 30/10/2010 10:04

Mine came off the day he said he was never coming back.They represented a broken vow to me, I didnt want them.

I sold my wedding ring recently after 18m (I needed the money, get no maintenance currently) but have agreed to keep the engagement ring for the boys as it was his parents before ours. Its chucked in a drawer somewhere.

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