Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 26)

[BlackFLAMECandle]

Oooh brand new thread!

Lol Lou :o

Do you mean Carrot is on POF? If so, I'm really sorry and send you big hugs. Sounds to me like he's scared of commitment more than anything else rather than being a bastard though could be wrong. Either way, not worth your time or any grieving on your part. Get the grater out and open a bottle of wine ...

Do you want all of us who've got POF accounts to send him rude messages?

Not wanting me is fine - just say that. But telling me that he wasn't interested in looking for anyone else isn't on. The deal was that we told each other if we were looking for/seeing other people and it changed. I have no idea why I went on and looked him up. I checked before the date with desperately dull and he wasn't on then.

I could understand if there was a big sex life to lose, but the majority of our time together is tea and tv which wasn't gonna stop!

Flame Can't believe Carrot.I think he just doesn't know what he wants and wouldn't take it personally although i know that's hard.Cut all ties and NEXT.You are so gorgeous and can do better you didn't deserve someone that was mucking you about so much in the first place.

Agree with BNM ... his problem not yours. Dust yourself down, pick yourself up, get your gladrags on and get out and about.

I knew I was heading to heartbreak, but not like this.

You know how wise the girls on this thread are, you are gorgeous and you are worth someone who treats you with respect and adoration. Carrot doesn't and he doesn't deserve you. (((Hugs))) sweetie x

Why do I always want the ones who don't want me? If I am so fabulous why don't they see that?

Actually. No. He does see that. He has said so many times.

Flame - please don't do this to yourself. The bottom line is that he is not worth grieving over, whatever the reason is for his behaviour.

LIke I said before, maybe he's scared of commitment, maybe he's just a psycho who gets off on getting women to get emotions for him - doesn't matter - it's his shit,not yours - you are fabulous and he is a fuckwit for not seeing that!

Flame, please don't, he wasn't worth it. I feel the same as you, always have, the ones I like only ever wanted to shag me then look for something better. They ones who want me I don't want. That's why I'm single!!!

However one day and all that.

Carrot was messing with your head and I think you knew this really. He was crutch crush, he helped you when you wanted someone else to focus on, he served a purpose. At least you know you can have feelings for someone else.

Repeat after me you are a Yummy Mummy.

you lot do all know I will nod in agreement and then do the wrong things right? :o

He's coming round in a bit

Flame i met my Carrot(the first guy i was with after Exp) and i fell for him totally and he wouldn't commit but seemed really into me.Anyway he just stopped calling or texting and i was sad for a bit of course.But i met another guy after him who was better and now DG who is just THE BEST.I saw the first guy a few weeks after we split with another girl and i can honestly say i wasn't bothered in the slightest he was just what i needed at the time.

You do what you have to do but you know deep down you deserve better.You have a whole load of dating ahead of you have some fun.

Can I just annoucne to you all that Lou is fabulous and has been holding my hand through fb all evening? :)

I do so hope you've got the grater if not a paring knife out ...

Ok Flame, don't let him mess you around unless you want to be messed around

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Why does an outpouring of emotion have that effect on me?!?! All the Important Talks with XH we had to have out of the house as we knew it would get distracting...

No. Serious. Grater.

Texts so far seem to have concluded that he hasn't been sending messages. He thought I was still on (which to be fair I had told him I was a couple of weeks ago!). And that I have been a little too convincing in my whole "No feelings" thing as he had to asked if I was annoyed.

Sorry to hear that flame. That's the trouble with dating sites...I'm scared to log in as I don't want to find that soldier's been on there even though he is texting me almost every day and saying all the right things. I don't want to know, then I can't read too much into it.

Can you sort it out? Is he going to hide his profile again?

Loved the bloke perspective my mate has given me:

"So, you agreed on friends with benefits. You told him you had no feelings involved (and that possibly still had feelings for xh). You told him you were on sites (and didn't mention coming off them). And yet HIM being on sites and not contacting people is a problem for you?"

My response was "I am female. I have double standards"

flame, am hoping all is ok with carrot now, am a little confused as to present position but if you're happy with it, then all's good :)

have invited WM out for a drink for his birthday have told myself this is his v last chance. Now just got to wait for a reply.....

Good on you Sponge! When's his birthday/how long have you given him to reply?

Have just been taking the piss out of some scammer who claimed to be in the US Air Force - he told me his wife had died and he was looking for a soul mate and I responded by saying my husband had run off with all our money, i had no job and had six kids and my mother to support ... guess what, he told me he had things to do and didn't want to chat anymore. Now where did I go wrong?

birthday is on thursday. I text him just before my last post. He normally replies to texts fairly quickly unless he's driving - so should hear one way or the other shortly, I hope! fingers crossed

lol re scammer. Am surprised they still try the air force line, isnt everyone wise to that by now?!

good job, kdk

Lol KDK!!

Well done Sponge.

Long update here. Lots and lots of thinking etc last night and this morning, and I realised that I was more pissed off that he hadn't told me he was going back online, than that he was looking for a girl. The idea of him with a girlfriend didn't bother me. I am crazy, jealous woman. It said a hell of a lot tbh.

He has been round this afternoon and we had a proper talk about everything. He didn't tell me because in twisted man thinking he a) didn't want to hurt me and b) didn't want to risk losing what we have (the friends bit, not just the sex).

We both feel the same thing - we are ideal for each other, it is so easy, but that magic isn't there (except for the baby holding obv). Plus, he has realised (having been with me) that he wants marriage and babies, with someone who is doing it for the first time too. If it wasn't for that then the whole magic thing he would probably ignore.

I want that for him. I want him with some girl who is desperately in love with him, for him and her to have their first child. I will hunt down and kill anyone who hurts him.

We're pretty much carrying on as is. He will tell me if he is going to meet anyone (I have said I want a full run down before so I can Judge ), and he has ordered me to go back on sites and find the magic. We think it would be convenient to find the magic at the same time so neither of us has to give up sex life too early .

Having all cards on table makes things so much more sane! We both have feelings, just not enough feelings. Or something. I would say sibling but that makes the naked thing Very Wrong.

Does anyone understand what I am saying?

So. I need a decent photo of my new hair (which he liked btw, and I even got a compliment from XH by way of "It is the best one out of your short haircuts" - when I faced him he went on to add that he doesn't like me with short hair but he likes this cut).