What’s it like living in a flat in London with a young family?

[baloosbaloos]

Sorry if this sounds twatty. We stretched ourselves to move back to London to a three bed terraced in a rough area (that I love). Now husband has lost his job. He’s unlikely to get another one that pays as much and we’re trying to decide what to do.

We have a one year old, thinking of trying for another. We have family in London who help with childcare. We feel settled and we love it here. To stay and be comfortable we’d have to downsize to a flat; if we were lucky we could afford maybe 700-800 feet of space.

I know so many people raise families in flats but we were both brought up in the suburbs and I don’t know what it’s like. Is it better for our kid to move somewhere where we don’t have family connections but can afford a three bed semi? (we would probably move up north where I am originally from but don’t have family there any more) Is it really difficult to live in a flat with small children? Are there people here who’ve done it, and what would you advise?

It depends what floor you are on, whether there is a lift etc as you will be in and out with a buggy and maybe shopping. Make sure you are near green space so your DC can run around safely. I found it a bit hellish though tbh

I've done it, as have millions of others, and I'd say the most important thing is easy access to nearby outdoor space.

Thanks @saltnsaucey , are you able to elaborate on what was so hellish about it? Cramped, noise, clutter? Kids feeling pent up?

we would DEFINITELY look to make sure we were near a park

The hardest bit is if your neighbours can hear your kids crying/running around and/or you can hear them after the kids bedtimes. I was relieved to move into a house where the kids weren't annoying others by moving around.

Once your DC becomes more mobile they will be into everything. Our flat was way too small and cramped, so I spent hours pushing the buggy back and forwards to the park. I was almost buried alive in toddler mess, toys, books, splattered food etc in the flat, so that was the point I moved out of London.

We did it for five years with three kids. I’d say the things that make it do-able are being on the ground floor with garden access, storage space/a passion for minimalism and neighbours who aren’t difficult about ordinary children’s noise.

As in, plenty of people do without all of those things but if you want a home workable and pleasant long term that’s what I’d be looking for. Not a first floor flat with a preschooler, newborn twins and a garden round the side return <raises hand>.

For the first few years of our child’s life we lived in a flat. The stairs with a buggy was the worst bit, never had any worries about noise really. Would you be able afford something with outside space? We had a balcony which did help a little but obviously you can’t leave them alone out there, whereas now we have a garden and she is safe to play out there while I potter around in the kitchen or make dinner, which is a game changer. Could you afford a ground floor maisonette with a small garden? I would also put TTC on hold until you are a bit more settled.

thanks @saltnsaucey , that makes sense.
do you mind me asking where you moved to and if you ever regret it?

@TheWayTheLightFalls ouch! Yes, that all makes sense. I’ve been contemplating whether we have it in us to become minimalist. I’m… not sure.

We lived in a 2 bed 3rd fl walk up in Chicago until DC1 was 3 and a half. Honestly it was great! Now we live in a house in London but we still don’t have a driveway or a garden big enough for the kids to play in. Those things wouldn’t persuade me to move out tbh, especially not if you would be giving up your support network. I think living near a good park is a must! The only thing I’d be reluctant on though is kids sharing rooms. Not a snobby thing but our youngest was a bit of a terror and his bed time antics, early wakes etc continued well into the toddler years and it would have been even harder to deal with if he’d also been waking his sister.

@berksandbeyond thanks. Yes if we decided to go for it I think we could stretch for a little garden. And all those posts are making me feel VERY strongly that it would have to be ground floor.

You’re dead right about ttc, but unfortunately we’re older than our unsettled circumstances might suggest - I’m 38. Which also, I suppose, although I hadn’t thought about it explicitly, means the chances of our circumstances changing and us upgrading back up to a house in a few years are much lower…

A two bedroom garden flat would be totally fine. It's actually good to have no stairs and always be able to see and hear the kids when they are little. And garden/ground floor means access to the outside and no stairs to lug buggies etc. We have older kids now (9 and 6) and upsized to a house as they need their own rooms and we wanted more space but if the kids can share a room, it's totally do-able. Just have a massive de-clutter and it will be a lot less stressful.

We have and would always choose location over size for property. Local amenities, transport links, parks, safety etc are more important to us than a big house.

A flat with no garden would have killed my soul. So I'd just aim for a flat with a garden if poss.

My son could busy himself for ages with a gardening water sprayer, digging in the mud, squealing at the bugs etc and I could chill. Even in bad weather he was so happy outside.

I know all children are different, and your child might not even like being in a garden but for us we definitely needed one otherwise I'd have been permanently stuck in the nearest park all day every day!

Really really don't underestimate how important your family network is. Cherish that.

Also, sure it probably goes without saying but since we moved up North from London Holy Crap the weather is so much BETTER in London. I haven't had a sun tan in years but I would get one every summer just from walking around in London not even trying 😂 so there's that.

It's easy to think short term about toddlers. A ground floor flat (ideally) with a little bit of outdoor space will be fine.
But kids grow up fast.
If you do end up having two DC, by far the biggest thing which made a difference to our lives is having a bedroom per child when they hit puberty.

@baloosbaloos I moved up north. As an adult I sometimes regret leaving London, but not as a parent

Is there any scope to earn more income for you? I know you didn't ask this, just wondering whether one of you could get an evening job if you want to try to keep your house and have a baby in a year or so?

@Circumferences 😂😂😂 oh my god I knooooooow!! I moved south, the rest of my family actually moved FURTHER north to Scotland (ILs are the London family) and maybe it would make sense to move to Scotland but NO! THE WEATHER! I DON’T WANT TO!!! I still feel like I’m in some sort of tropical paradise every summer just mooching around the lovely hot pavements 😭

@saltnsaucey that’s a really neat formulation, thank you.

@ChatBFP I could boost our income by doing lots of evening/weekend work but know from previous experience how much that hammers my MH. And tbh, I’m in my late 30’s, I had a kid to have a kid - I don’t want to sacrifice our family time for any house or any location. Again I know that sounds twatty because so many families don’t have a choice and have to do it to stay afloat - but it would be my last resort.

Millions of families all over the planet happily raise children in flats . The benefits of family involvement is hugely important I think . Buggies , etc can be a pain , yes but I kept mine in the boot of my car .

Depends on so much. My mum currently lives in a new build flat on the 4th floor. It's amazing, has 2 lifts, high security, massive bike storage, communal roof terrace, small playground at the bottom. Overlooking the park. Flat is spacious and bedrooms are big, storage cupboard in hall and another one for washing machine and dryer. That's a very easy flat for a family to live in.
Others aren't, but that's the same with houses. Just because it's a house doesn't mean you have a space for bikes or big bedrooms or spacious hallways etc.

top floor flat in victorian conversion with no lift.
it's fine! get a pram that is handy to fold and take up and down stairs - we had the uppababy vista - hindsight too big, but worked well

@baloosbaloos

That's totally understandable. I just thought that, as you'll incur costs on buying and selling, house prices are falling and interest rates seem to be reaching a peak it's helpful to rule out the option of a going through a temporary pinch period where one or both of you works (one at home, one out of home) whilst child is in bed for a couple of days a week or one weekend day. Obviously only you know whether that is feasible or would bring in sufficient money.

Can also look at going interest only for a period.

We lived in a second-floor flat for the first two years of my older son's life.

Pros

• less housework

• easy to keep an eye on my son because the flat was small

Cons

• no garden

• neighbours below us complained about hearing our son crying or running around
• dragging the buggy up all those stairs (no lift)

I coped by going out every day - to parks, playgroups, libraries, etc.

Unless you want to keep moving every few years you also need to think about how it would suit your family when the DC are a bit older e.g schools, local area, room sharing.