April chat for locals

[mellow2]

New thread for new month!

I don't think we're eligible for the wtc then.

Sadly, slng, my plans for this afternoon are shot as dd abandoned her nap. She'll need a nap later.

I find myself becoming more and more at the prospect of not having another baby.
another thing to put on the 'things I cannot change therefore must learn to accept' list.
I sometimes wonder if I have a low level of depression. Some days I find it impossible to make any sort of decision at any level. These are the days dd spends in front of cbeebies and I faff and nothing gets done.
I am finding work increasingly stressful and haven't desire to get any higher than I currently am. Don't want any greater level of responsibility but this is at odds with needing to provide a secure future for dd.
It's very difficult to juggle.

[kick] sfx and pc - you both have 2 beautiful dds. Both of my dfs have been trying for years to have LOs and have resigned themselves to being childless. When I was struggling to conceive dd2 (had fertility treatment for her) Plan B was that I would accept that I was only having one child and enjoy every moment of her life.

On a cheerier note - CONGATS Ros - am so pleased for you - I didn't want to say that I thought you were at the party. A December baby, just like dd2.

My new AP is wonderful and lovely and I know what you mean about stress pc - I have had so much at home/work/car/AP that now that one thing has gone, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Dh has really helped, he has asked me to nominate one thing that he can change and he will do it. It was the AP and sorting it out for me has really really helped. Maybe you could think of one thing that you could change that would help.

sfx - in July I may be feeling the same way - when I'm a SAHM again. Mind you I can't see it - am just wanting to spend sometime with LOs again.

Bunyan - congrats if you're reading this.

It is funny how we all are different. Many years ago I was ambitious and determined to have a well eraning professional career. I think aas much as anything it was programmed into me through schooling and my oparetns (wanting us to get further than they did iyswim). So off to uni I went, got the degree into work an voila. TBH it has only been in the last year since I have given up work that I realised for many many years I wasn't happy at all. I disliked my job, not just where it was but the stress, fear of failure/doing the wrong thing ( I actually graduated in the top 5 of my year but frequently suffered from self doubt at my ability at work). 2 of us working long hours yaddah yaddah yaddah.

Having moved and been able to make a clean break, has made me into a new person. I used to get up in the morning dreding the day ahead, now I am relaxed, happy. (I do enjoy having a bit of childfree time as ds is at nursery daily). Speaking of which I had better pick him up .

Congrats Bunyan btw!

I so agree COV - I have a real sense of achievement at work when I fix the impossible but then I get no thanks for it, just more and more work. Whereas with my LOs you can see your sense of achievement in everything they do - dd1 presented (using Powerpoint) a beautiful poem yesterday and I felt so proud to know I had helped her.

I do hope that, when (did I just say that?) we move and I give up work, I'll be saying exactly what you're saying now.

Did you fancy joining slng and I tomorrow night?

.well i truly wish i was either a high-flier with a top, obscenely paid full-time job who - and this is the key - and felt no guilt about kids..or..

happy to stay at home all the time.

sfx is spot-on - you do what you have to to keep afoat - as we all know, there's no right or wrong.
i know if i'm not working, i'll get bored and frustrated and become grumpy, resentul mummy..

so at-times stressed mummy trying to juggle work is the healthier option. but there are days when i feel i'm not doing anything "properly."

most of all, though, i'm grateful to have the choice, as so many people don't.
thing is, your needs and decisions evolve as kids grow-up, so it's an ever-moving feast, isn't it?

disclaimer: whether i'm actually capable of securing aforementioned high-flying job is another issue, of course

helooo - congrats Ros and Bunyan - yes Bunyan was "openly" having a boy I think so no secret to divulge there Paddle.

Am still sick and have been off work all week except yesterday when I dragged myself in for a board meeting. managed to cough enough over them that they won't be at all surprised when I don't turn up today. Hideous sore throat and a cough bad enough to make me consider giving up the pipe.

Paddle - not surpring that you are sad about the possibility of not having another DC (never say never!) - you don't need to be depressed to feel like that its perfectly natural! There is a part of me that is desparately sad about never being able to get pregnant - having DS who is of course the light of my life didn't change that sadness though sometimes I think it should have. Adopting DS was not a substitute for the child I couldn't have biologoically and adoption didn't cure the pain of my infertility, only my longing for a family. There are things I will always regret - never knowing the joy of a positive pregnancy test, never looking at a newborn and thinking "I made that", having a child that doesn't have a black and unknowable hole at the very frst year of their life and unstanding that I can't do anything about it. I have come to the conclusion that it is perfectly healthy to be sad about that. I think it only becomes a problme if it starts to develop a disproportionate imprtance in your life and overshadows what you do have IYSWIM.

I think it would be perfectly natural if you are slightly depressed, you have a lot to cope with at the moment and a recent property move is always stressful on top of being a single parent. However looking ahead - in the years to come to you will be free much earlier to do more adventurous travlling with DD as she gets older and will no doubt have more money to spare with only her to pay for. Can't think of any other advantages just now but I'm sick!

and how on earth did you find a single paretns picnic?! You are so much better at netwrokign than I am, I don't have the energy afetr work...

paddle, so for you at your sadness of maybe not having another baby and a sibling for dd. it's so hard to accept when decisions have been made 'for" you, isn't it?

i can understand you trying to resign yourself to it., but - cliche alert- you never know what's round the corner and latest stats show more women 40-plus are having babies.

hardly surprising you get down with everything you've got going on and the presssures (and joys) of course of being a lone parent.

but one look at that bundle of good-hearted gorgeousness that is your dd tells you you're getting something right.

yes foxie and I are examples of that - we both had ds' at 41!!

hi kew

glad you're getting (slightly) better. how is ds?

do shout - or croak - if you need anything..

bad mother alert: dd is sporting a black eye and i didn't even notice until my neighbour commented on it

at school drop-off, she and a little boy ran through ther hall and bumped heads. but she was clutching the back of her head, so i thought that was where she'd hurt herself.

walking home - here comes my defence - she was either in the buggy or running ahead of me, so i didn't clock the shiner.

she looks well hard, tho

I hope DS is OK - I dropped him off as normal so I could get some sleep. Both he and my mum have thelurgy but for some reason I have been much much worse than them so he's not much worse than a bad cold thankfully.

take advantage of the rest, kew..
and didn't know you smoked the pipe..
..had you down as a cigar gal

QC - didn't know you and DS (and your mum) have been ill. Hope you all feel better soon.

OK confession time - we had a lovely time in Japan but we also did lots of naughty things with DS, too. The worst one was to take DS to a smoky pub in Tokyo's red district at around mid-night. Well, we were in the jet-lag mode, couldn't sleep till 2-3 am and the pub was well ventilated and even had kid's meal. We even ventured out to do some Karaoke and DS loved it. The most surreal one was that at midnight in a very remote (deep in mountains) hot spring place, I was checking on MN.

managed to get dd out of the house for a spot of shopping so feeling less trapped.

I think some sadness is to be embraced, but like KC said as long as it does not take over your life.
only fouls laugh all the time gliding through life without really engaging with it, otherwise some pain would show, that is just the way it is.

I think dh is jsut the right support for me, doesn't crowd me is there just enough, ignores me just enough too.

about bunyan got really muddled, so many people I know had babies recently I lost track

mellow we are eligeble for tax credit things it is worth checking.

yup you're all right and I am very very grateful for dd and having had the experience of pregnancy and giving birth. I wouldn't change it dor the world.
it's the whole deal not just the sibling. I never anticipated being a single parent and even if the possibility was present in my mind it certainly wasn't in terms of dd's father not being involved.
thanks for indulging my moan tho. Point taken about not knowing what's around he corner but I'm 42 in a couple of months and I have to be realistic. I live in cloud cuckoo land half the time as it is!
Kew hope you feel better soon. I found www.singlewithkids.co.uk from a post on lone parents. Check it out, it's a cheerful place, not too much 'bastard ex' angst and even a bloke or two.
steppie, LOL @ dd's shiner!

steppie, lol at dd's shiner!

Paddle, if you do think everything's getting a bit on top of you how about speaking to someone? Your GP can get you a referral to a counseller and even just one chat may help.

Mellow, we're eligible for wtc, not much but better than nothing, its worth checking into. Plus if you do go back to work & work more than 16hrs I think it is then you get more.

Kew, hope you feel better soon

steppie maybe it hadn't really developed until the neighbour saw it?

KC hope you feel better soon

has anyone noticed how lots of different birds tend to gather in a single tree, sort of like a staff meeting, getting instructions from Steve the bird or something, it puzzles me

COV I like the wedding pic, another one who did not wear white

sfx, pmsl @ steve the bird!

ros, yes maybe you're right.... note to self: must register with GP

got quite a bit of Unconditional Parenting read today on the train. Wow! I am a complete behaviourist apparently!

Am intending to treat this parenting business a bit like I do religion. Pick the bits I like and use them to make up my own rules LOL.

not entirely my joke was reminded of Eddie Izzard talking about Steve the bird consulting the map ahead of the formation when they migrate - thought it might be the same

..you weren't moaning at all, paddle..

i have warm womanly feelings for eddi izzard - he's gorgeous

Thanks everyone for the info on Working Tax Credit. I've just checked again on the HMRC site and we don't qualify.

..avert your eyes, reality TV haters..

can't believe sazia was fired instead of that evil jenny...lordy, the venom in that woman's eyes...

yes, yes, i know it's all about good TV..

speaking of strangeness was browsing thought a tabloid today and spotted shirtless pictures of Gary Rhodes unveiling his new body post work out regime PMSL in the shop oh the midlife crisis
a bit like the neighbour with the canary yellow Maserati

Thanks for the warning steppie.