Living the dream - really????

[bebespain]

Apologies in advance if this comes across as a self-indulgent moan (its been a long weekend at home alone with the 2 ds)

I´ve just been peeling vegetables looking out of the kitchen window at the bleak scene, remains of snow/slush on the ground, grey skies, bare trees etc and I remember what somebody told me a while ago when I was moaning discussing my life here that I was "living the dream"

Can somebody remind me of what "the dream" is?? I am in Spain btw some 40kms out of Madrid

It is a serious question, honestly but I really am struggling to find the answer.

Is anybody else living overseas told that you are "living the dream" or does it just depend on the country you are living in? I mean is the British idea of Spain still that of being by the sea/beach sitting drinking sangria all day, munching fish and chips etc

I am and always have been "living my dream" here in the UK. Always wanted to come and never had to struggle to fit in. It always felt the place was made for me. That is the key for me on an emotianally succesful life abroad.

However since I had children I long for them to be as intimate to where I come from as I am but I know, like expat says, that home for them is here. That no matter how much I instil on them that they are half-something and no matter how often we go 'home' for them 'home it will always be the UK. And who knows maybe one day they will want to be living their dream and move to my home country.

Ah this thread has cheered me up no end - thanks to everybody for posting their (often very funny) thoughts and experiences

Bucharest - you did it again with your supermarket pushing-in story, brilliantly told and had me lol
I had one on Monday she parked herself right between the 2 queues and then went for it asking the woman to her right if she could go first "Ive only got 2 sticks of bread and a pigs ear and Im in a hurry" You know the usual...I was most impressed when the other woman told her to do one and that we were all in a hurry - I was well impressed!

clara - hey I salute you for driving all the way from England to Gib and for managing to get there in one piece - incredible But how about the guns - yikes

Expat - what an excellent point you made about having children in a different country. I hadnt really thought of it like that before and dont know if it makes me sad, although theres nothing I can do about it after all I agreed to come here...

Inma - thank you for the Hairdresser recommendation, its good to know there is one Actually I have just booked a flight back to England for the end of April -1st stop Hairdressers
Glad you are enjoying life in Madrid, I am a tad that you live in the city centre, Im sure life is much more fun there. Maybe we could meet one day in the Retiro when the weather perks up and when I feel brave enough to drive in How old is your DD?

I also meant to say that I totslly agree with AuldAlliance about the importance of friends. I wonder if people who are happy living abroad are generally the ones that already lived there prior to having children and therefore they had jobs, a social life etc...I was already pg when we made the move to Spain and have never worked here. The few non-Spanish friends I have made have been here for years pre-children so already have a long-standing network of friends

Expat - you hit the nail on the head with your observations about children regarding abroad as home. One of the reasons I was so glad to get a few years back in Blighty was so that the dcs would not be totally foreign. As it was ds spent most of our first few weeks here asking why everyone spoke English - up until then he thought we all communicated in a minority language spoken by family and close friends. Since we've been back all their French and german habits have been magnified (and even some of my own) which is what I was trying to say earlier about reintegration being harder than you imagine.
On the subject of supermarket queues I can only add that I was very grateful to standing in a foreign queue when my children asked loudly whether the woman on the checkout was a witch (huge hairy wart and lots of the other facial hair) and on another occasion whether the very rotund German man in the queue behind us had a baby in his tummy!

Oh, it doesn't make me sad at all.

In my case, my children are Scottish who happen to have an American mother. Their father is Scottish, they are, too, and they've never set foot in the US (they will in a couple of weeks for a visit).

At times I would think, 'They are foreign,' but DH corrected me, 'No, they aren't. You are.'

Sometimes, I feel very much so. Other times, not at all.

But that will always be part of life when you immigrate and you must accept this if the change is to be successful.

I learned never to say never, too.

I'd never in a million years believed I'd wind up living where I do, the life I am living.

So anything is possible.

Message deleted

Beachcomber - Montpellier has a nice, buzzy feel, and as you say a mix of nationalities and quite a young population. I also liked the left-wing politics which meant lots of good social services, tram line construction and good buses. Size was perfect for me, I come from a city that size and would find somewhere like Lyon too big.

You do hear a fair bit of English in town but we lived in a suburb where everyone was French (or North African) really. We had lovely lovely neighbours and there was a street party every year.

The only thing I know some people don't like is a feeling that it's a little bit grungy somehow, like there are quite a lot of people living in the streets with their dogs etc and it can be intimidating at times. One friend of mine had friends who went back to the UK because of this, as their daughter kind of got mixed up in it. I think it depends where you live though, and it's much more noticeable if you live right in the centre.

My husband's parents live in Drôme as well, about an hour from Valence (near Vaison la Romaine). We spent 5 months living next door and it nearly drove me nuts living in a tiny hamlet, so it was a great relief to get to Montpellier!

Good luck with the decision... could you go and stay for a week sometime to get more of a picture?

Bebespain yes I think it is quite important that one has a life of one's own in that country before moving there with family. I helps, like it helps if one loves the country one is in. I have been living here for many years before I even met dh let alone had children. So it is MY life that is here in the UK not just my children's one ifkwim. So while I still felt a bit alienated and isolated when I had DC1 I still had friends, career and interests aside from family life.

This thread has made so much sense! It's so clear that for some people, living abroad suits, and for others it doesn't. It suited us perfectly when it was just my DH and I, as it was a big adventure, and if it all went pear-shaped, we could survive. We could live in a tent and eat off the land if we had to. But, now we have our DD, it's changed everything. I want stability for her, I want her to have everything I had as a child. What we've realised over the last 5 years, is that we're both actually very "English". I go out of my way to give my DD as "English" an upbringing as possible, even in the depths of the forest of the South of France. I go out of my way to take her to Brownies, Sunday school, piano lessons etc... which she LOVES. So, why not do that in an environment where we can all enjoy it, and I don't spend half my day in the car! And DH and I can get a taxi to the pub occasionally with our oldest and best friends!!

stoplooking - yes I have realised just how English I am since living here which is something I wouldn´t have said before I came here.

Bucharest - you are a hoot girl.

You have to write, please write a book about life it Italy. You're so much funnier than that twit, (what's his name now?) who wrote A Year in the Merde with all the cringe-worthy pillowtalk in it.

I want a TV series based on your life. Do me the favour please.

I also think "get to the back of the queue" is one of the most important phrases to learn in a foreign language. Along with, "you are standing on my foot".

Agree wholeheartedly that having kids makes the whole thing infinitely more complex.

When we arrived here DS1 was 6mths. That autumn and winter we were stuck indoors a lot, and it was v hard to meet folk. Then when you meet people in the park, they have kids and yr encounters are kid-centred, which is all very well, but it's harder to get a good conversation going while preventing yr DC from falling off the swings/kicking other kids, etc. And going out for an evening is complicated. It's no coincidence that the friends I miss almost every day are those I made before DC. If we moved away from here, there are few people I'd miss, TBH, which is awful.

I don't worry much about my DC thinking of France as home. I am doing all I can to ensure they go to Scotland as often as possible, so that it too feels familiar to them. DH left Paris when he was 7, but when 3 yrs ago he returned for the 1st time to the neighbourhood he'd lived in there, he said that when he came out of the metro station the air smelled just like his childhood. I'd like my DC to feel like that later on when they visit the places they have spent extended periods in.

I do, however, worry a little more every day about how the French education system is being suddenly and brutally destroyed by the current gvmt, and how I will ensure my DC have access to a decent standard of education here. I have always been a little relieved not to have to navigate the labyrinth of UK school places, it was one of the advantages of France, but I am v pessimistic about their chances of getting even a half acceptable schooling here in the next fifteen or so years.

ZZZenAgain

I also think "get to the back of the queue" is one of the most important phrases to learn in a foreign language. Along with, "you are standing on my foot".

BRILLIANT -

bebespain - we don't have supermarket queue problems here (the worst I had with that was when I lived in Golders Green!) but we do have to listen to either Celine Dion, Country and Western or Jesus Loves You music every time I go shopping. I can't quite decide which is worse. Occasionally we get some old-style mento (sort of local folk music) which is grating but a relief from the above!

By the way you should link this thread to the "How would you feel if Labour won the election" thread. There are lots of people on there who say they will emigrate if Labour get back in. This might make them realise that moving overseas ain't all that it's cracked up to be and certainly isn't an easy option.

lol claraquack, i was thinking the same thing. also, was amused that the uk government is considered bad enough to move over.

but maybe i have just lived in really pants places!

Hey clara and phokoje I already did that this morning, although I couldn´t make the link go live [thicko] I saw Bucharest on that thread too asking "where exactly people thought was better" No reply as yet...

I cannot believe people are seriously thinking of emigrating if Labour win the next election

phokoje - judging by this thread there are a few pants places out there

clara - sympathies on the supermarket music front. I have to say its not that bad here, usually popular music of some sort just a few months behind although there are certain songs that seemed to get played to death and Eros Ramazotti is still very popular here
The real worry is when you find yourself humming away to said tunes , lease tell me its not just me...

nope, its not just you bebespain

i was singing along to the radio in the car today and the driver was laughing at me, he asked if i knew what i was singing, i said nope and he said i was singing to an advert for toilet paper.

i thought it must be a famous love song or something cos i ALWAYS hear it being played!

sometimes, ignorance really is bliss......

No bebespain,I once called my dh in despair when I found myself walking round the supermarket singing "Jesus, oh Jesus, you have saved me" (or some such rubbish). (I am not religious but can feel a conversion coming on if we stay here too long).

auldalliance, what are the French Govt doing to their school system? I always thought it was pretty good, why mess with it?

Had a bad day yesterday - just got the feeling that my life is now one endless round of looking after DS and shopping, and the shopping here is pretty bad. Man, that depressed me. I find many Australians are absolutely dismal at getting back to you I've sent emails to local singing groups/choirs and had zero response; my DH has phoned local tennis club organisers and left messages and had zero response. Pure apathy on their part. Customer Services don't reply to emails either.

It seems from this thread that places that are good for a holiday and places that are good to live in are possibly mutually exclusive. That's why "living the dream" in terms of the vision of you lying on a nice beach with a cocktail and no work/housework/childcare doesn't really exist.

e.g. A lot of tourists are kind of down on Singapore- say it's boring, "Asia lite", "reminds me of an airport- huh huh" but in terms of liveability it is WAY up there. Don't know anyone who's lived there and hated it. Esp for Brits, it's ideal because English is the official language.

bebespain- per my DH, requests for transfers from London to Asia (Hk or Singapore) are at an all time high. I think particularly in Financial markets, a lot of people see Asia as being "where it's at" for the next 20 years or so.

Ok- gonna shut up about how great Asia is now before I get (more)annoying

thumbwitch - what a PITA, theres nothing more annoying than `people who do´t reply to emails, its one of my pet hates (same with phone calls and letters too grr)
Ive heard about shopping being bad in Aus, why is that? Is is down to lack of choice, price? Just curious...

Im not that keen on shopping in Spain (much to DH delight) especially clothes shopping, the sizes are just hideously small (thank God for H&M) I find childrens clothes are either cheap and nasty ie very poor quality or ridiculously expensive, boutique type and totally impractical for everyday wear. I am delighted that M&S deliver to Spain [wink}

articfox - that doesn´t surprise me about the transfers bit especially with whats going on with China (goes off to check out IBM offices in Asia....)

Think its gonna be a loooong day for me today, its snowing again

Keep posting folks!