Living the dream - really????

[bebespain]

Apologies in advance if this comes across as a self-indulgent moan (its been a long weekend at home alone with the 2 ds)

I´ve just been peeling vegetables looking out of the kitchen window at the bleak scene, remains of snow/slush on the ground, grey skies, bare trees etc and I remember what somebody told me a while ago when I was moaning discussing my life here that I was "living the dream"

Can somebody remind me of what "the dream" is?? I am in Spain btw some 40kms out of Madrid

It is a serious question, honestly but I really am struggling to find the answer.

Is anybody else living overseas told that you are "living the dream" or does it just depend on the country you are living in? I mean is the British idea of Spain still that of being by the sea/beach sitting drinking sangria all day, munching fish and chips etc

I'm in Spain too and I think that my daily life is not much different than being back home, except that everyone here speaks Spanish and not English.

It is very difficult, the language is the biggest problem for me. Now if Spain all spoke English it would be perfect. (for me anyway).

One thing I can never do is call my family or even any friends and moan to them. It is like they expect me to have this perfect life and everything is fabulous. Far from...so instead I keep all my worries and moanings to myself (or my husband hears it all).

I have no proper friends here either which is hard because most women (especially me) need someone to offload our concerns and have a good old whinge now and then.

At least some here reading may have an inkling of what I mean. No-one else I know has a clue what life abroad can really be like.

ArcticFox* - really she said it was a combination of things.

She had a baby shortly after they went to Dubai and although they had a great apartment and a servant to help out, her DH only had a 2 year contract and her public policy / law degree did not really qualify her for anything but for fairly low level legal work there. Add on top of that the difficulties of being ethnically from the Indian subcontinent and only being able to offer temporary work and it just was too big a mountain to climb for her.

What annoyes me about family/friends when I call to moan is, that they try to give advice as if things work just as they do "at home". Sometimes they just don*t understand.
The bank and postoffice culture shock I guess is more or less the same no matter where you are from and which country you have ended up

Oh hairdressers, when they come at you with a razor and not a pair of scissors you know you're in trouble. My hair was only about an inch long when I moved to France now it's past my shoulders and I risked my first visit to the hairdressers in over two years last week, but only after having practised the phrase "just cut the ends" with a French friend to make sure there could be absolutely no trouble with the hairdresser understanding me.

A lot of my problems are probably caused by the language barrier which I'm gradually overcoming.

One of my worst experiences had to be when I picked a bloody lizard off the floor because I thought it was one of the DC's dinosaur toys, I'm sure you could hear me screaming across the channel. Now that just wouldn't happen in Essex

walkthedinosaur, I picked up a scorpion thinking it was one of ds' toys. [grins]

Personally I really love living overseas where I am and am very happy. Am I the only one?

So, there are frustrations from time to time, I'd have different ones but still get frustrated if in the UK.

what dream exactly can you live when you have toddlers to look after, a house to run and a job to attend?

Same shit different country just sums it up.
Although I have to say I wouldn't return to the uk now, I do have a better (to us) lifestyle here, better healthcare, nicer people.

Sometimes, when everyday hurdles get a bit much
I think "that's it, I've had enough, we're moving back to england". Then we go to england for a holiday and I wonder why on earth I was thinking that!!!

Living the dream to me right now would be to wake up wealthy, drop our jobs, hire a full time nanny and travel around the world with the nanny in tow. If I get this I might want something else though...

my dad and step mother went off to live the dream in brittany. lasted 5 years. he was ok, french is his first language, he got work, made lots of friends. she on the other hand got bored of redecorating and gardening. she was lonely and bored in the country so they moved to a town. she was still lonely and bored. they moved back to england last year.

The biggest mistake people who claim you are "living the dream" is to think heaven on earth exists and you can up sticks and move there.

Everywhere has its good and bad sides. There are things I love about Paris (and compared with many on this thread I am pretty happy about my lifestyle in comparison to any lifestyle I might reasonably imagine for myself in the UK) and there are also plenty of things that are very hard, much harder than in the UK. After 18 years and with a French DP, I am better at navigating the French system and getting the best deal I can. But it takes a lot of practise and effort to get there.

Thank the Lord for Marveta and Arctic Fox, I was just about to give up hope. I am here in England, and I would love to be able to move to France but we do not have the money to get there.

I am fed up with the CCTV, nasty parking wardens, speed cameras, local council officials snooping and towns where the centre is a no go area after dark.

I know there will be a lot of other things to put up with in a different country but I am more than willing to try, given the chance.

dh and I have lived in a few different countires but only for a few yrs at a time.
I spent most of my childhood in Canada.

Have come to the conclusion thst UK is the best place for us .

The grass isn't always greener .

I can't understand someone wanting to emigrate because of ' CCTV, nasty parking wardens, speed cameras, local council officials '
There are so many fantastic things about the UK -but it did take a few yrs away from it for me to appreciate that.

yeah, but that doesn't mean it works for everybody. I wouldn't go back permanently in a million years, and I wouldn't want my children to grow up there. At the same time I fully appreciate that for someone else, like you, it's exactly what you and your family need and want and suits you perfectly. But I see what the other poster means about CCTV etc. It's probably their pet hate and not willing to put up with it.

I don't know if I express myself correctly here. I suppose I'm trying to say that there are problems everywhere in the world, some of them you're willing to put up with and some others not. And we should consider ourselves lucky if we have the opportynity to live in a country which gives us the sort of grief we're "happy" to deal with, as opposed to issues that we'd feel are strongly affecting are lives for the worst.

I count myself in the lucky ones. Do I live the dream? As I said, no, I'm not wealthy and I very busy with work and young children. Exhausted most of the time. But I'm exhausted somewhere I love.

OP, could the problem be deeper than simply people's frustrating comments? Do you wish you went back home for good? I have the feeling that if you liked it in spain you wouldn't care about what people say/think.

We're in Canada, and I've lived in 6 other countries besides here. The difficulty I find, that people who haven't moved wouldn't appreciate, is not having a support network. Those old time friends who know you inside out, that you'd be happy to ask a favour of, and your family around, that you can just pop in on. I see them all getting on with their lives and hanging out together, making family visits, and I really feel we are missing out.

The difficulty is that DH and I are from different countries, so if we lived in either of our home countries one of us would still miss out.

We are also living in a weeny town in the arse end of nowhere which doesn't help. It's too expensive to be flying out every other month for some sanity. I think you have to really pick carefully where you go, and have no expectations (no choice in our latest move, but I'm marking down the days until we can leave)

I don't think the dream exists. But some places give a better quality of life than others.

I love where I live and it's great for this stage of our lives. But we still have shit happening. It's all about the package: houses, cost of living, proximity to those important to us, commuting time, career opportunities, weather. All those things are just part of life. Finding a place with the perfect balance for you is impossible!

There are places in the UK I could be happy. But right now I'm here and enjoying it. In spite of a serious housing crisis which keeps me up at night.....

I moved to the West Coast of Canada from Toronto a few years ago. Yes, it's GORGEOUS here, yes, some years we have GLORIOUS weather in February, yes, in theory, I could ski, kayak and sun myself on the beach all in the same day (in spring) - but honestly, I really think that no matter where you live, sometimes it's really "same shit, different day". You still have to get up, go to work, or get up and look after your toddler, clean, buy groceries, do laundry, cook, etc etc etc... and sometimes finances are tight, and people are crap, and work sucks, or the toddler's having a day, so on those days, when someone tells me "but you're Living The Dream on the West Coast" I just want to lamp them. What a stupid, trite, empty, useless phrase. Just because I could do all the fabulous outdoor things available here does not mean I actually have the time, money or opportunity to do them, so you know what - stuff your "living the dream", and while we're at it, let's just delete inane platitudes from the language entirely!

applauds JM's eloquence!

jodevizes - I don't know about France but you'll find that the officials in Australia are probably worse than those in England, if that's your main frustration, so I wouldn't think of coming here.

I live in a small house in a small town in Minnesota. There's not a lot of money, but my husband and DS are wonderful and we have lots of books and music and laughs. Lots of free parks to hike in, lots of free lakes to swim and canoe on. Lots of peace and friends and coffee.

So yeah, I'm living the dream...my dream.

I think it would be easier if we were all really sure what our dreams are. But it's very hard to define - usually much easier to identify what we don't like than what we do, and very difficult to know the things that you really miss until you don't have them anymore.

We generally love living in British Columbia because it really is very beautiful and people really are very nice. But to be my dream I'd need at least twice the amount of money and a lot more time off work (some of the money to be buying the time off work). Mainly because traveling anywhere from here is very very expensive. So I have a very nice home, a very easy commute and the children have a great lifestyle, but work isn't very interesting (I'd need to be in a big city), holidays for the next few years not terribly exciting, and the opportunities to see my family very limited. It might have been better to stay in London and just holiday here

Luckily no one has suggested I'm living a dream, and I have no regrets about our move, because who knows what might have happened in my life otherwise.

I think in most cases, people say that because they perceive that we are living their dream, no? Lots of people told me how much they'd love to emigrate to Australia before I left England and how jealous they were - they don't like to know about the reality of it because it spoils their dream view of what it's like. I didn't have any dreams about it because it was always going to happen, DH being Aussie an' all.

I am living the 'opposite' dream: I am from Germany, lived in the UK for 16 years - yikes, how did it get to be so long?? I only left for a leetle 6 month contract...

Anyway, totally agree with the 'same shit, different country' sentiment.

Also, I could not begin to imagine to live in a country where I could not speak the language - the isolation must be soul destroying!

I also think, length of stay comes into it: if you are staying somewhere for a year or 2 it is still an adventure however after 5-10 years that gloss wears off.

Also social networks and things that are just a cultural 'given' were something I missed a lot in the first few years: I had never heard of Germans putting towels on sunloungers (never been on a package holiday before..) but didn't have a clue about Blue Peter for instance. How people cope who immigrate from a totally different culture, I have no idea.

I obviously like it here (1 mortgage, 1 DH and 3, almost 4 DCs later I am not going anywhere ) but I often wonder how my life might have turned out had I stayed put at the time...

'Living the dream' - I am not sure what that phrase even means; is it not usually said by people who have not got a clue what living in another country entails??

PD- I think it's said by the people alluded to on this thread, like my cousin and her husband. People who have had a Lurvely Lurvely fortnight in the sun, with all that cheap wine and nice plump fruit and veg bought straight from the market. And of course, they're on holiday, so money tends to be no object, you splurge on holiday no? They're in a nice stucco villa, or 3 star hotel, or even 4, being waited on. What's not dreamlike about all of that?

Cut to February. The only fruit in season is apples. The only veg in season is cabbage. And remember, like fvcking Jamie is always telling us, Med countries are soooooo much better because they eat in season. If I see another fvcking cabbage I will set fire to it. My flat is so damp I have green walls. There is such a wind coming off the sea my washing blows away. (then I have to rewash it and put it on the radiators to dry) I live in a cupboard because rents are higher than the UK, wages are lower and there's no such thing as a 100% mortgage. (actually there's not really many mortgages at all, parents are supposed to buy their children houses when they get married)

CCTV- No. Nasty council officials- all corrupt here, everything is possible if you know someone who knows someone. Traffic wardens, ditto. Cars park anywhere they want, zebra crossing, no problem, park across it, disabled ramp? ditto. Probably one of the things I most miss about the UK is its inherent fairness. To the point of pedantry and pernicketyness at times. (my big bugbear about the UK is Doctor's Receptionist Syndrome or Jobsworthyness) But order and a logical system is something not to be underestimated.

Now I must away to scrape some more mould off my lovely beachfront windowsills...... But I will have some toast and marmite first to make me feel more at home...

Bucharest, wasn't disagreeing with anything said on here .

I suppose just trying to say anywhere can be foreign....

As you were.

at us not "living the dream" here in Belgium, Belgo!

I've been here longer than I was in the UK and there's no prospect of us going back there so I just get on with it (though luckily the language thing isn't a problem). However, an aunty died recently and talking to my cousin it made me realise that I've pretty much missed 25 years of being close to my parents, especially my mum (though some might say that that's an advantage ) and that made me sad for me, them and my children.

this is like paulo coelho's the alchemist. last page says it all.

Loving this thread.

Agree that people are talking about their dream.

Also I think there is a big difference to how we feel about where we are depending on whether we chose to come or if it was more through circumstances.

For instance my DH is French but we met in Scotland, I only live in France because I fell in love with a French fella. I never dreamed of living in France or indeed anywhere abroad.

It is 'same shit different country' but with added difficulties like being far from family and old friends plus not having the same sense of humour as everyone else.

I like this idea about the UK being fair in an inherent way. IMO France is kinda rude in an inherent way .

Glad I'm not the only one who cannot make myself understood in a second language to hairdressers! Just don't have the vocabulary no matter how much I practice. I learnt to drive here, negotiated a mortgage, run a business, etc but I cannot make myself understood at the hairdressers.

It has just snowed here again and am yet again stuck in tiny village in the middle of nowhere (car in snow drift) and need to go and chop some wood for stove as ridiculously expensive oil fired heating ain't cutting it in draughty old house. Still at least when it snows here the roads are cleared within a couple of hours, schools open and everything functions as per normal.

The idea ? tropical island heaven, beaches, sun, lots of rum, relaxed lifestyle, it's still France so it's civilised, we have social security if necessary, DH has a job, we're in the system....

The reality - French bureaucracy administered very flexibly, people don't understand/appreciate the EU the way they do in metropolitan France (no I don't have to exchange my EU driving license, yes the UK ** well is in the EU!), people are officious when they have no real power other than to make you feel shit (same in France then...), the ?local? people (we socialise mostly with metropolitan exapts where I?m an expat anyway ? so does that make me a double expat?) aren?t like metropolitan French people at all in language or culture - I speak okay French and so do the locals but we can?t understand each other, I dare not go to the hairdresser, nothing gets done here for ages, nothing is open late at night, there?s no shopping, it?s too hot, the humidity makes things mouldy, people just CANNOT drive (even ruder than metropolitan France on the roads)....

That was so theraputic!

A lot of that sounds like French hating but I loved Paris and would be back there in a shot. It's just it feels almost colonial here sometimes and I would love to integrate more but we're caught be the expat trap (not helped by where we live).

I too find people tend to focus on the really great things. Here is fantastic....for a holiday. It probably looks like a dream but really....no.