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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

What things do you struggle with that are culturally acceptable?

206 replies

Amapoleon · 17/03/2009 14:04

Yesterday I was in the dr's waiting room and watched a mother repeatedly smack her child. The child was very aggressive [I wonder why] and every time he was aggressive she whacked him.

Although illegal in Spain, smacking in some quarters is still acceptable. I am only speaking from my experience in my area and don't want to make sweeping generalisations that all Spanish people smack their kids. There were 4 or 5 other mothers and no one batted an eyelid.

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Portofino · 17/03/2009 14:11

In Belgium, the creche my daughter was at (for a mercifully short time) was woe-fully understaffed compared to the one she attended in the UK. They don't seem to worry about the one-on-three ratio here. There were quite a few babies and a handful of toddlers and only 2 staff. The toddlers were fine, drawing and playing with each other. The babies must have had hardly any one to one attention though all day.

admylin · 17/03/2009 14:14

I know you all moan about health and safety in UK but abroad I sometimes think, just a little bit more would be good especially in schools.

BonsoirAnna · 17/03/2009 14:17

Agree with Portofino about crèches and, more generally, about the amount of parenting and caring adult interaction little children receive - MUCH MUCH lower here in France than in England (and other Anglo-Saxon countries).

BonsoirAnna · 17/03/2009 14:18

The appalling state of public buildings eg schools - cramped, old, dirty, dangerous...

lal123 · 17/03/2009 14:19

babies with ear rings

Portofino · 17/03/2009 20:13

Anna, from my experience there is a lot of good parenting going on here. But i think in general people are stricter with their dcs and methods such as co-sleeping and attachment parenting just aren't the done thing.

Having been outside the UK for more than dd's life, it is hard to make a comparison, but from what i have seen children are generally very well behaved and polite. (Certainly compared to my friend's dd who screamed the place down when she didn't get what she wanted - everytime!)

And Brussels doesn't seem to be filled with hoodie teenagers with weapons. (Though obviously it has its own problems).

I do agree, that in the childcare environments that i have come across eg schools, nursery, holiday clubs, there is much less individual attention given to the children than I experienced in the UK. But apart from my point about the babies in the creche, for the older kids this doesn't actually seem to do them much harm....Maybe this is an whole other debate?

BonsoirAnna · 17/03/2009 20:26

Yes... I think Belgian society and its values are so wildly different from those of the UK that it is really hard to make comparisons. And I'm not sure that I would feel happy talking about Belgian politics in an open forum like this one .

As for French children, I do think they grow up tougher and more selfish than I would like. It is "chacun pour soi" in those creches and school playgrounds with few supervisors.

Portofino · 17/03/2009 20:39

Not so sure about Belgian politics! . That's a thread killer if ever there was one!

Generally - I am happy that dd is here and not in UK. I'm glad I don't have to go through the battle to get her in the right and/or closest school. The learning environment I think is "tougher" here, but she is bright, and if anything like me will benefit from a more disciplined approach. (I'm a lazy sod, who only does the bare minimum )

I think the main difference seems to be that parents get really involved with schooling in the UK now, and I've seen on MN lots of issues with teachers/children/other parents reported. Maybe here they expect firm discipline in schools and butt out a bit, letting the teachers manage it. And they really do have a no nonsense approach.

PussinJimmyChoos · 17/03/2009 20:43

When in the Middle East, I was at the no car seats in cars attitude...they thought I was mad for carting over our own car seat and insisting on it for every journey!

MadamDeathstare · 17/03/2009 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

electra · 17/03/2009 20:59

I don't live overseas, but my baby's father is from Sicily, where it is apparently the norm to smack children with shoes, and is also acceptable for men to hit their wives / girlfriends I don't know if this is generally true, there though because I haven't been to Sicily myself.

Othersideofthechannel · 17/03/2009 20:59

It's not a parenting thing but I have a hard time with French weddings that always go on until 4am.

I was sick of my own wedding by the end of it . I couldn't wait for the last guests to stop dancing and go home so I could get some sleep.

Amapoleon · 17/03/2009 21:06

Hahahaa otherside!

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Othersideofthechannel · 17/03/2009 21:11

Oh and drink driving, although the mentality is changing here.

I have been in cafés where the staff have warned customers which roads the 'gendarmes' had decided to do drink driving tests on, and suggested alternative routes out of town. Most people here seem to be more worried by the idea of getting caught rather than the fact they could kill someone or themselves.

Amapoleon · 17/03/2009 21:19

Yes the attitude to drink driving is very similar in Spain too.

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Maveta · 17/03/2009 21:21
  • people driving around with babies on their laps/ kids crawling around the back seat
  • the very direct commenting on your personal appearance/ asking personal questions.
  • drink driving - most of my friends do this. 2 have previous lost their licences for it and STILL do it.
  • overbearing overinvolved families.

ooh I could go on all night

Othersideofthechannel · 17/03/2009 21:23

Where are you Maveta?

Amapoleon · 17/03/2009 21:49

Hahaha all sound familiar Maveta.

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Amapoleon · 17/03/2009 22:01

Well except for the overbearing family, I have only witnessed that.

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HaventSleptForAYear · 17/03/2009 22:07

I struggle with people eating their breakfast off the table and not a plate...

Othersideofthechannel · 18/03/2009 06:33

Haven'tsleptforayear, DH does this. I don't say anything because he wipes the table properly afterwards but DCs keep saying 'Daddy, you forgot your plate. Here you are....'

bebespain · 18/03/2009 07:37

"the very direct commenting on your personal appearance/ asking personal questions"

Ahhhh that one drives me insane You are in Spain aren´t you Maveta...??

savoycabbage · 18/03/2009 07:57

We have just moved to Australia and it is driving me up the wall how often people feed their children. At playgroup people get out 'play-lunch' at 9.10. My dd has to take THREE snacks for during the day, and her lunch. She is only there six and a half hours.

MmeLindt · 18/03/2009 08:01

The lax approach to car seats. I was so surprised, but I guess that is the French influence. I think the German Swiss are probably much more stict.

There is one woman who drops off a load of kids (not all her own) at school. She has two little ones in the back in car seats and 3 or 4 school children in the boot of the Volvo. I have not seen that since I was a girl.

BonsoirAnna · 18/03/2009 08:02

Car seats for children are rigidly enforced in France.