Living in America... visitors welcome

[SuperBunny]

East Coast
MaNanny - Boston
Twinmommytobe - Boston
MuminCT - CT
Greatgooglymoogly - NY State
Yesthereare4ofthem - NY State
Brooklynmom - NYC
alarkaspree - NYC
MKG - New Jersey
Mummimamma - PA
Poetmum - PA
Twirl - MD

South
Earlybird - TN
jabberwocky - AR
Sunchowder - Florida
Marls001 - Bentonville, AR
Tinpot - NC
MadameDeathStare- AL

Midwest
SuperBunny- Chicago
Dodgykeeper - Dayton, OH
Chocchipcookie - Ohio
MonkeyLover
KickAssAngel - Ann Arbor, MI
MumofFivemeanschaos

Rockies
Alipiggie - Boulder, CO
Ribena

Northwest
AnnieLaurie - Seattle, WA
Dooneygirl - Oregon City, OR

California
SittingBull - nr San Francisco
Califrau - Milpitas
loopsngeorge - Brentwood, LA
Syd - Manhattan Beach, LA
SofiaAmes - LA
LATyke - Redondo Beach
CarmenSanDiego - San Diego

Texas
Texan - Dallas
Tiggyhop - Houston
Vixie78 - Houston
BananaPudding - Austin
Cosmicdust - East Texas

Canada
Hellish - Ottawa
Shouldlistenedtomymum - Hamilton
Nooka - BC
Jacksmama - Langley

Exotic Islands
Anorak - Bermuda
cp - Trinidad
Barefeete - BVI

Brazil
Albert

How are your boobs, Dooney?

Kickass, that'll be me in a few weeks. And I'll be moaning about the weather, crap telly and drunken yoofs I expect.

I'm having a flight flap - tell me what to do (I know you have all told me before but I am flapping again):

BA - direct flight, much better baggage allowance (2 bags weighing 50lbs each) plus car seat, 'free' wine (which I know isn't free and is actually going to cost about $700) and ~$1800

OR

Aer Lingus, not direct, much smaller baggage allowance (2 bags each weighing 30lb) and DS carseat counts as baggage, $1000

I owe so much money, I am at the point where the extra $$ for BA seems insignificant. WWYD?

Also, I joined the BA executive club so will get airmiles with them. Never done air miles before but I thought I'll be travelling a lot in the future and this might be a good idea.

I've stopped flapping now and will book Aer Lingus. The price difference is enough to ship 4 or 5 boxes. Not sure what I was thinking.

I'm flying Aer Lingus too SB... I figured I would ship a couple of boxes and not have to stress about travelling round with too much luggage.

I need a Valium, every time I think I have only 4 weeks left here I almost burst into tears. I was in Target earlier and when I saw the laundry detergent my babies use (Dreft) I wanted to smell it and then have a damn good wail. Ridiculous.

So if anyone has a cure for completely OTT emotional-wreck-ness I would love to hear about it. And don't say tequila. I tried that last night at my Going Away Party Numero Uno, and it doesn't work. Although I had the most delicious Blackberry and Mint Margaritas, and lobster mac n cheese. Yummy!

It's hard isn't it?

My best friend's mum is really ill and doesn't have long left. She just told me that her 'departure date' coincides with mine Talk about bad timing.

tickets booked, gosh sb, it's really happening.

FLIGHTS BOOKED [sad and happy and confused]

Please keep all things crossed that nothing will go wrong next week. Tuesday is D-day.

good luck for tues, let us know how it goes (i'm sure you will)

atm i am considering divorce simply to oust the in laws from my life. mil has now emotionally blackmailed me into taking dd to belfast for the day next tues to have (another) 'last ever' meeting with dh's gran.

it just seems a bit odd, a very elderly woman having an 'ermegancy' visit from her grand-daughter-in-law & great grand-daughter. cos, yeah, after the 5 am start, we'll both be so chatty & up beat. and how do i explian my sudden arrival? well, we were told you're about to die, and got cried all over, so we thought we'd come & stare at you for a bit before you go. argh!!!

and how do i 'sell' this to dd, she's NOT going to enjoy it one little bit & will be a brat to 'the old lady' (as she refers to her ggm)

i stropped off & bought an utterly unnecessary handbag to relieve the anger today. even dh, sho despises handbags, said 'well done'

hello

Superbunny very kindly directed me in your direction regarding my potential move to Amherst MA.

I was wondering if any of you could help with some of my concerns.

Having done a bit of research it is clear to me that Amherst and the surrounding area is pretty fab. We would have a wonderful quality of life there. I have spent a lot of time in the US over the years and have moved abroad before so I've not got too many concerns there, but what I am really REALLY worried about is the visa situation for me.

Basically, I am concerned that I will never be able to work in the USA. DH is not being transferred within a business - he is moving to a new organisation (education obviously - what else is there in Amherst?!) so his visa will reflect that. Will that make it harder for me? What can I do to ever to get a job? He will have tenure, so theoretically, we could be there forever. How long before the US govt would allow me to work?

Sorry to burst in on your forum with my questions, but I am really struggling with the work bit. I love my DD and stayed home as a SAHM for two years, but it did make me quite depressed (mainly through isolation, hardly anyone I know in the UK is a SAHM and it is a much derided profession here IME). I worry that the same would happen in the US - particularly if the option for me working was removed due to the visa situation.

Thanks in advance for your help. I have read some of your thread with interest and excitement as I really do want to make this move as I feel it would be the best thing long term for our family, but I just want to be forearmed with as much information as possible. If I can't work, I accept that, but I have to be able to plan out what I would fill my time with, so that I don't get isolated and depressed again.

no idea, sorry! welcome anyway, to the least controversial corner of mn.

currently in the uk (visiting the ILs- see above) but in that situation & when i return will be seeking out a specialist lawyer for more advice.

what kind of visa your dh is on will affect things, though. ther's 'J' visas, 'L' visas & all sorts. my dh is on an H1B & i can't work, allowed to live & study, but have to pay full tuition fees even at a state uni, but could engage my brain with a masters if i could be bothered.

how old is your dd? mine is 5, and this year was in kindergarten half a day, i loved the mix of being home to sort out all the hassle of moving, and spending afternoons with her. i am thinking that next year, when she's in school full time, will be harder, specially when winter hits. however, where we are there are very active parents groups for school, so i can spend one or two days a week helping in school. i've also found that universally, when i say i'm not working, i'm taking care of dd now, i get a very positive 'well you have a full time job right there' immediately. maybe it's just where we live, but people seem to be more pro family/kids/ the SAHM thing here.

i always worked ft til coming her & can honestly say i've managed to fill the days fine. i'd prefer to be earning some money, but there are loads of mums in our neighbourhood & people really do believe in being neighbourly, and making sure we weren't left out.

gotta go now, almost midnight & will need some sleep so i have the energy to keep biting my tongue with the in laws.

Hi Seemore. Sorry but I can't help with the visa question. Have you checked out this? It has lots of visa info.

So far as being a SAHM goes I agree totally with Kickass - I have always worked before and was probably more nervous about not working than about moving to another country. So far as I can see there is a huge emphasis on family life which I never felt in the same way in the UK. Obviously depends on where you are but here (midwest) there are many opportunities to volunteer at school and otherwise and its hard to imagine not having enough to do. Of course you do have to be prepared to put yourself out there and meet people / go to things but if you've lived in different places you'll know all about that!

I agree that being a SAHM is undervalued in the UK and in my experience that's really not the case here in the US. Good luck with everything!

Tell us about the handbag, Kickass

No idea how to deal with the Belfast thing, sorry. Just grin and bear it and think of all the brownie points you are earning.

What kind of visa will DH be on, seemore? If it is a J1, you can get a J2 and work. If he will be getting an H1B you will not be allowed to work or even volunteer. If you come on either of those, you will eventually be able to go for permanent residency and then you will be able to work. But that is years down the line. Cali knows about L visa's but I am not sure that they are for academics.

FWIW, I have lived in 2 places associated with very highly regarded universities in the US. Both had a large international community and lots of student or SAHMs.

Have a look at what Amherst offers international families - Yale has a really supportive group but here, not so much. In fact, not at all. Also, google mamasource and cafemom and moms clubs.

HTH

Got back from IL's. FIL has been having a series of small strokes. Nobody seems too concerned about it, including his Dr. Not sure what to make of that. MIL and I went shopping and got new dresses to wear at her son's wedding. Maybe I need a new purse to go with it.

Colin's preschool graduation was tonight. It was really odd. There were lots of people there that made a HUGE deal about it and brought presents and balloons and flowers for their child. And some families brought 20 or more people. It didn't even occur to me to get a present or make a huge fuss. And I forgot my camera. I guess that makes me a bad mom. But the teacher had lots of pictures taken, and we'll get some, so I don't really feel bad about it.

I knew you'd be here soon, Dooney

I had no idea that graduating from preschool was such a big deal. I'd have done the same as you. How is the lovely Colin? Did he enjoy the festivities?

Actually, I want to know what you've been eating recently Dooney. Do you have anything new and exciting? Shall I make foccacia?

Well, the handbag thing is a great way to get me out of the woodwork, dont'cha know.

He's lovely. He was pretty mellow through the whole program, but once everyone got off the stage, he went back up and did some sort of Mr. Roboto looking like dance by himself.

handbag update

well, i NEEDED a bag for the plane journey home, as i'd brought the laptop over ina rather capacious handbag (red leather, from monsson) but it nearly broke the handles & i couldn't fit anything else in. also hurt my hands.

i was at clark's village, nr glastonbury, outlet place. looked all over for a backpack thing for th journey back, but either wouldn't fit the laptop, or huge hikers things.

then i found the radley outlet shop.

so, now i have a 'holdall' and a black with pink bits radley handbag. cute pink doggie tag & all.

this design, but not a baby bag

can't find anything for the handbag, but mainly black with pink trim.

vv well made, lots of pockets & hidden pouches. really lovely material & zips that work properly.

i'm such a girl!

Nice bag(s)

Hello everyone living in US!

Am another newbie to the thread after some info and advice... My DH has been offered a job just outside Santa Barbara - this has come completely out of the blue and neither of us has ever been to California! They will fly us out for a recce but it would be good to hear some others experiences of moving to the States.

I have 3 kids (5, 3 and newborn) - am slightly worried about feeling isolated and lonely as I'll be mostly at home with the kids (also not sure about spouse visa?). How easy has it been to settle/make friends/fit in etc...

What are the schools like? Any good websites or places to get info? DD would be Kindergarten then Grade 1 next yr. My DS is 3.5 so would be Pre-school age (in UK would be reception 2010) not sure what would be available for him (and cost?). How easy to enroll, get places in state schools etc...

I guess in general I'm interested to know how you rate quality of life and how the cost of living compares. We've been told property is expensive to rent around Santa Barbara - what are other living costs like?

Sorry to bombard you with questions! Any experience or information will be very gratefully received

Hi redflipflops, welcome.

I'm not the best person to advise on living happily in the US but IME, it is easy to settle, make friends, fit in etc - read my previous post about things to google to help you meet local moms.

Schools vary so much from place to place - I don't know if there are any other MNers nr Santa Barbara.

It sounds quite exotic

go to visit some schools when you are over. where you live will determine the school you end up in, but each state/district varies a lot, so have a look.

find out what kind of visa the co will get for your dh, will affect what you can do., but if he gets one you should automatically.

loads of paid pre school round by me, so easy to find.

find out what resettlement costs they'll cover, and contact some realtors. howver, if you want to buy, they'll want you to sign a contract, then they do all the looking for you to find you a house.

find out how well your dcs fly, could be a big issue if you move.

i also second the vote that somehow, family living is just easier, there's more emphasis & expectation that you'll be a family, so easier to fit in.

Thanks all so much for your feedback. It is really reassuring to know that a) there is quite a bit for SAHMs to do in the US and b) that it is a bit more valued as a job and as a result, I am guessing there will be more SAHMs about for me to make as friends. Hurrah, I am feeling better about it all already!

Kickass and Bunkups - it was also helpful to read that although you both worked until you moved to the US, it has been OK for you not working

I have asked DH to get in touch with his potential employers and talk about the J visa - thanks Superbunny for the heads-up on that. If we end up with the H visa though, it sounds like I will have plenty to fill my time with even if I can't work as DD won?t be at school for a few more years. Am pretty shocked to read that I wouldn?t be able to volunteer though! That seems a bit daft of the US govt (and a shame because I saw a great looking training programme for volunteers at the Rape Centre in Amherst). Doing a Masters is also an option.

Anyway, thanks very much ladies ? your feedback has really helped me to get over my bumpy worries and now I am super excited! I have been on craigslist looking at the gorgeous houses in the area - four acres of land with a stream and a forest anyone? Woo hoo!!!! (If you could see where we live now you would all know that the use of non-MNy, multiple exclamation marks is VERY much deserved). Roll on America - land of the big house! Are the houses really as great as they look?

Oh and Kickass, I was at the very same retail outlet a couple of weeks back and purchased a wallet there! It is indeed a great looking bag.

Thanks again all. I?ll keep you updated and hopefully I?ll be able to join you on the board as a resident soon!

the h1b visas are hard to get, alimited number handed out each yr & application date is sometime around easter (i remember dh having to fed-ex things when we were ski-ing in italy)
the j visa is intended for people who are on a long term transfer between other country & a US office, but are MEANT to be returning to their original office at some time, but loads of people use it as a foot in the door.

if you're on a residnecy visa, you can do stuff like classroom volunteer, but not 'official' things. i think it's to stop you doing things like volunteering to childmind your neighbour's kids, whilst they volunteer to buy your weekly shopping, iyswim.

good luck with it all. i have found it's taken about 4 - 5 months to sort things out once we had moved, so a good thing i wasn't working

Seemore, depending on who you want to volunteer for, you may get away with it. I am sort of freelance volunteer so can do a few things but the Hospital will not accept me because they have to record everything.

I live in the city so my 7th floor ~ 200 sq ft studio is nothing like what you are looking at!

ohmygosh... just had to pop on and say 2 things: firstly my gorgeous sister was given the all clear for cancer after a month of tests and having a large suspected melanoma removed from her face! I cannot wait to see her in July and hug her, such a relief and such a nightmare month waiting to hear!!!!! I am so happy, she's got 3 little ones and is an amazing woman and I am so proud of her, and the thought she might have had cancer was eating me up inside and I couldn't tell anyone as she wanted to wait for the results! A huge weight has been lifted, and you can bet your ass I am going to have a full body mole mapping done when I get back to the UK (God Bless the NHS)as we have a strong family history of breast and skin cancer

And on a more positive note I just received my contract today for my new job and seeing it all in black and white in front of me is so great, such a relief too. I can now look forward to 4 weeks off, see my family, rest up, and prepare myself for my next adventure! I was talking to my current munchkins today about how I really love looking after babies and children as my job, and the little girl turned to me with a huge wide grin and said "So that's why you have such big boobies then - to fit all the love in your heart!" Bless her cotton socks!!!!!!
She's absolutely right LOL.