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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

Husband has been offered dream job on the other side of the world...

33 replies

bluestripes · 19/09/2008 15:25

Dh has been offered his dream job and he is really excited problem is it is in OZ and we are in UK. He is really keen to move and take the job and I have thought and thought about it but just feel that this is not the right time for me, I have a 13 month old baby and would like to have my 2nd fairly soon, but just don't really want to do this on my way on the otehr side of the world. I'm really close to my family and would like to be near them when I have our next baby. I just feel so awful if I stop DH taking the job just because I want to stay near my family - any advice, should I just go and hope it's ok or trust my instinct and say 'No'?!

OP posts:

ilovetochat · 19/09/2008 15:27

i'd go cos you can't live your life for family, they could move anywhere anytime, but that's just me, i'd love an opportunity like that.

Beetroot · 19/09/2008 15:31

I think it sounds wonderful

claricebean · 19/09/2008 15:34

GO! Having another baby is a great way to meet people in a new place so perfect timing.

Original poster

bluestripes · 19/09/2008 15:35

forgot to add, DH is a kiwi so once I move over that side of the world he won't want to come back to UK so this would be a permanent move...

OP posts:

Beetroot · 19/09/2008 15:37

You must have known when you married him that this would be apossiblity.

cafebistro · 19/09/2008 15:37

I moved countries 2 years ago( though only England to Ireland) so that DP could do his dream job. I had a 10 month old at the time and have gone on to have another baby 6 months ago. I wont pretend its been easy, it hasnt. I have no family support and everything is down to me at the end of the day, I cant just ring my mum to babysit etc. I would say to go with you're gut instinct. If you think you'll find it difficult to be away from your family especially while planning another baby, you probably will.
Is there no way that your DH could put this idea off for a year or so and then re-evaluate things? Is an opportunity like this likely to come up in the future? Could you put off having another child until after the move and wait until you've settled in before trying again. You can always come back if it doesnt work out, it wouldnt be the end of the world. You need to talk to your DH about your feelings. Good luck.

Original poster

bluestripes · 19/09/2008 15:38

Yep but we always talked about going back in about 10 years time or so.

OP posts:

Aero · 19/09/2008 16:17

I would go tomorrow if the opportunity arose, but would always want the opton to return. I've lived for years without family closeby - only recently have the children gotto know their Grandmother as she moved from S Africa (she's originally Irish) to be near us.

Have to say for me it's fine. As long as I make good friends, I would be happy living most places. Making new friends is always easier with children, so now a good time to go I'd say.

Sibble · 19/09/2008 20:39

I was faced with a similar situation - moving to NZ. I decided to give it a go as felt if I said no it would always be a wedge between us. I said I would give it 2 years and if it wasn't working we would go back to the UK. It was incredibly hard, especially having ds2 with no family support but 6 years later we are still here and it was the right move for us.

Good luck

chloeb2002 · 21/09/2008 23:13

Im afraid id go too...BUT thats because i believe that we are happy as a family unit, me dh dd and now ds who has born since we arrived in aus. even dh says he spent the first 30 odd years of his life with his mother now his time to spend it with me... poor bugger! Great place for kids and family life here. BUt again if you are sure you are leaving too much behine you will probably not settle and hate every minute. Its a big leap to make and you need to at be willing to make it happen or it will be just a big waste of time and money.

Soapbox · 21/09/2008 23:20

Go - it sounds like a great opportunity and you can always come back to the UK if things don't work out. Now is an ideal time as far as the children are concerned as you can work for a good spell and still be back in the UK before they start school when it might be more disruptive to move them.

You'll make lots of new friends and have lots of new experiences!

Although, it has to be said that none of my friends who made the move have ever come back

Combustiblelemon · 21/09/2008 23:30

I'd go.

Tinker · 21/09/2008 23:34

How does he feel about you not wanting to go? It'd be a No from me because it's not a country I'm interested in living in but I suppose it's different if it's always been a possibility for you.

hugeheadofhair · 21/09/2008 23:43

I'd go. Living in another country is not as hard as it seems, especially when there is such a strong connection between the two. I moved from Holland to the UK 13 years ago and people in Holland admire me for daring to leave, but it is not that hard. Especially with young children you will make new friends in no time.
You will miss your family, but there will be lots that will be very exciting. The small and big differences will fascinate you, the language that you thought you knew, the great outdoor living, the easy-going ozzies, better weather, as I say, I'd go!

nooka · 21/09/2008 23:53

Try having a look at the BritishExpats board for Australia to get a flavour of what life is like over there. Do you know whereabouts the job would be based? I expect that the different areas have different flavours (that has certainly been our experience in the US and Canada). I think that you and your husband should weigh up the pros and cons, think about what networks you could potentially link into (any friends or family nearby, do you have any hobbies or belong to any groups, church etc). Moving to another country is a very big deal, especially one so far away, so you are quite right to be thinking carefully about it. However if your dh is from that side of the world, and you have agreed that at some point you will be making the move, then it is not unreasonable to consider it now. Can the two of you make some decisions about how long to try it for, contingencies for returning etc?

nooka · 21/09/2008 23:54

I have to admit it would be a no for me too.

bellabelly · 22/09/2008 00:22

Could you agree to go on a strictly "suck it and see" basis? I mean, don't sell up over here, just rent out your place and then, if you want to come back you are not stuck out there? Could you agree to give it one year on a trial basis? It could be great! And if you don't at least try it, you will never know.

Alexa808 · 23/09/2008 03:19

Ten years time or now you'd still feel sad leaving you're family. Oh and you'd be 10 years older, 10 years more in the same spot, most likely less good opportunities for your DH, your kids are about to become teenagers then & a move like this will tear them away from the first friends they've made at a vulnerable age.

I'd say: go now & check it out. Maybe this move wouldn't be permanent. Who knows what life throws at us? If you're pregnant you will make friends really quickly, going to toddler groups with your LO will give you lots of chances to do so. Don't be afraid. If you put it off now, you'll feel 10 times worse in 10 years & have two kids who'll bleat about it, too.

Make the most out of your content hubby & get what you want out of it, too.

alipiggie · 23/09/2008 04:04

Well I'm another one who didn't want to make a move, but I've moved to many different countries. The big move was to Colorado three years ago and I've not looked back. I now have my own life here and made friends very quickly. You must talk to your DH about how you feel. I would go and make the most of an excellent opportunity.

egypt · 23/09/2008 04:33

wow, this was me 2 years ago, with he prospect of moving to singapore. if it was a permanent move i wouldnt have considered it for a second. i went, reluctantly and can honestly say i could stay here - or away from the uk - forever. give it a go

egypt · 23/09/2008 04:34

ninedragons · 23/09/2008 08:05

Hmm. A difficult one. I would say proceed with caution, if at all.

In January I gave birth in a foreign country and I have to say it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. Telling your family that the baby has arrived by crackly satellite-relay phone line isn't the same as having them waiting in the hospital cafe. In fact I don't even remember speaking to them, I was so wasted from the drugs. My mum came up for a month when DD was about three weeks old, and I was heartbroken when she left - standing in the street bawling as the taxi pulled away is not one of the finer mental images I have of myself.

About a month after she went home I put my foot down and told my DH I wanted to pull the plug on over a decade of expat life and go back to Australia.

It's a bit tricky when you marry a foreigner. I knew from the outset that my British DH would never, ever want to live back in the UK so I was lucky.

brimfull · 23/09/2008 08:21

ONly you know how important your family is to you.

I live in a different country to my family and in some ways I really regret the fact that my children have never had a close relationship with my parents and brothers all because I decided to move away.

I took the decision before children so didn't realise the impact.It is a big one.

eidsvold · 23/09/2008 09:13

I am with Beetroot - surely when you married your dh you would have considered that possibly you might end up living back in NZ at least?!?!

Dh knew when he married an aussie that there was a very real possibility that we would come to Australia to live. He loves it here - can't imagine being anywhere else.

YOu may find you make firm friends and they will become your family iyswim - that is what I did when living in the UK. I had my first child in the UK - the other side of the world from my family and friends. Most of my uk friends were work colleagues - none were having babies etc. However I had made friends and some became like grandparents to dd1. We did have dh's family but his mother was caring for his very ill grandmother so still not ideal.

Is your dh's family in NZ - what a chance for them?

Whilst it is a little hard as we have taken MIL's only grandchildren to the other side of the world. In fact she had never met dd2 or 3! There is always the possibility of trips home - they can come and see you.

What a great opportunity,

Aus can't be that bad - largest immigrant group to aus is from the UK!

eidsvold · 23/09/2008 09:14

As to a trail basis - I think you need to give a place at least 2 years to settle in and see if you like it. I found when I moved to the UK - the first year was a bit tough but the second year was easier and so much better.

FWIW - Aus is a great place to raise a family. My english dh cannot imagine not living here now. He in fact became an aussie citizen as soon as he could.

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