Der Herbst ist da - wir wollen aber kein Regenwetter: Life in Germany cont/d

[finknottle]

Too lazy to scroll through the other long one.

Here for Obst und Blaetter - guess what d came home from school singing yesterday?

All welcome, Austria & Switzerland & any German-speaking Leute too

After a few months of KiGa my 2 played in German even though we speak English at home. No it's funny as ds corrects me in German all the time when I get my words mixed up when I'm talking to the neighbour and he corrects h in Englsih when he makes mistakes (h speaks Indian-English!)

Hi there everyone. Well done doing the ironing admylin. I am NEVER on top of it, ever. Oh the shame.

thequietone seriously I would take him out. What message is he getting at the age of 3? That he is somehow strange and bad and it is ok for grown-ups to scream at him? You need some kind of infant sport thing for him I think. I don't think this place is doing him good but good luck with your meeting. My dd had so much wax in her ears that apparently she was hearing as if she were under water the whole time. Took non-stop ear infections and scarlet fever before they discovered it, maybe a year and a half. After the grommets were put in, that all ended. Maybe he is not hearing well.

I think it is highly likely that he got hit at kiga and they didn't tell you. IME they think that is part of kids being kids and wouldn't bother to tell you about it. Wouldn't expect you to make a fuss either. I heard all about it from dd and I took her out of one kiga where they screamed at the kids and stood about smoking and yakking whilst the boisterous ones hit kids with branches etc.

Horrid, never once regretted taking her out of there, just wish I had done it immediately.

Hey TQO - sorry you are having such a bad time. Have no knowledge of KiGa so can't even say any comforting words. Only that even to me, seems you might be better off finding a different, nice KiGa.

Will be thinking of you on Friday - hope it goes well.

G

TQO - I didn't quite understand - do you mean your ds says someone hit him, but you don't believe it cos the staf didn't tell you?

I'd have serious 2nd thoughts about sending my ds to a KG where

• the teacher is so unhappy with him.
• he is so unhapppy
• you are unhappy with the way you as a parent are dealt with
• where they shout at little ones
• that seems to be overwhelmingly negative and confrontational, rather than warm and solution orientated.

Could you swap to a different class, or kindergarten, or even just take him ot and try again in a year?

While for language learning, the earlier the better is the ideal, if he is in a warm and supportive environment, but if he is not happy there it could be better to wait. My 3 dss all only went to Kindergarten at age 5, ds1 & 2 didn't have any German at all when they started, aged 5, and they became fluent in a year. So it isn't a question of 'now or never'.

Anyway, on a slightly different topic, I went shopping in Kaufland today and they had 3 different varieties of weetabix. And in our Edeka, they have branston pickle.

Took ds1 & 2 to the Jugendtreff, & I was really impressed. It's huge, with loads of different rooms, groovy lighting, mirror balls, a pool table, football tables loads of big comfy settees. I'm really hoping they'll enjoy going and get to meet some local kids. Oh, and it's free and open every day!

Well, what do you know? He was perfect today. Interestingly, the teacher that shouted at him and is handing me all these telephone numbers for special needs, Logopaedin etc. wasn't there today. I was chatting to another mum, whose son is DS1's mate in the class, and it seems this teacher is very professional and not particularly warm. Her son started kicking her the other week because he doesn't like her telling him off all the time.

DS1 is happy there. We don't want to take him out. He's with lots of friends he made in the Mucki-Gruppe, and when I collected him today, he was playing for the first time with a new friend. I nearly cried (again) to see him happy.

I talked to the other teacher in the group and she said he's been playing quietly, sitting down and said he loves it there...in German!

Yes, it does appear that they turn a blind eye to hitting. DS1 did get hit in his first week - it was so bad that he was crying most of the afternoon about it. I had a word with the teacher the next day. But when they're in the garden, there seems to be a specific area for the older boys to fight!

great news he had a good day. Do you then think that it is a personality clash with this other teacher? Is she there (usually) everyday, or part time? Could he possibly change groups but stay within the same Kindergarten? Or maybe the meeting with the head will convey the message that it's the teacher rather than your ds that's the problem. have other parents complained about her?

I'm beginning to wonder if it is this lady that's bothering him. I asked who his favourite teacher was, and it wasn't her. Yes, there's two other classes in the school, but i'm not sure if they'll want to swap any places round.

This teacher is not there on Thursdays, and now I come to think of it, Thursdays are always good. I KNOW you shouldn't judge so quickly, but I just haven't clicked with her. I asked DH what he thought when he met her the other week, and he said he too had an instant dislike. She was the one that commented that DS1 is slow with his language skills. That other childrne from other countries have been in Germany for a year and now speak German perfectly. Yes, we've been here since August 2007, but he's only been KiGa for 9 months and great chunk of that was only part-time. Condscending b*tch. (Watch that red mist, TQO).

TQO, I'd be furious too. It does sound as though it could be a problem with that particular teacher. Probably she has very fixed ideas about how dc should behave and is intent on achieving that. She may be professional but it sounds like she's so blinkered by her own expectations that she's unable to deal with individual needs. I'm speculating that whenever your ds doesn't comply with her rules she is winding him up even more instead of dealing with him firmly but kindly.

When ds went through difficult period at KG they used to reward good behaviour by giving him one of those stick-on tatoos. Seemed to work quite well.

I really hope the meeting goes well for you.

Hmm, TQO, maybe you are getting to the root of the problem, certainly sounds like the teacher is part of it. The area for fighting is a bit strange, surely they should be teaching the kids not to fight.

Good luck with the meeting tomorrow.

Admylin
I got the cheap lamps for the guest room, Görte or something, square ones. Nothing fancy. There were some other lamps that I swithered about buying but was not sure and they were a bit more expensive so will wait until DH is with me to decide. We brought the ceiling lamps with us for the living room and dining area.

I was in the town this evening with my mum, we had a wander around the old town and a glass of rose wine by the banks of the lake. It was a lovely mild night, we had a good chat and I was able to thank her properly for all she has done this week. She is the Queen of the Playroom, she has sorted everything out the past few days. I love my mum, she is fab!

Got a check up with the doc tomorrow morning then need to clean the house as DH has invited guests on Saturday. He might have given me more warning. Hmphf. I am looking forward to seeing them though, colleagues of his, one from Geneva office, and her partner from Munich office. Will be fun.

TQO - this is a favourite trick of german teachers, to compare your child unfavourably with others. I was also handed this line, that there were other children who had learned german quicker than mine, therefore the teachers were entitled to get rid of my children from teh school.

whatever problems you are having, they will say that it is your fault, other children are coping better. That way, you just shut up and dont bother them to actually do something.

have you started checking out private schools yet

We've had the first guest from work too! He is vegetarian so I made a load of different Indian curry type veggie dishes and vegetable rice. It was hard work though as he came on a day when I had to go shopping and then had to tidy the house then stand in the kitchen all afternoon, I was so pleased when he said he was leaving at 11pm - poor guy I nearly shoved him out of the door so I could get to bed!

morning all,

TheGabster, hope your dh is feeling better. Feel like a cake hunt next week? How's ds?

TQO - good luck with meeting this pm. Maybe start keeing little diary of your ds at KG, so if pattern emerges, eg every Thursday he/it's fine, then you can start to concretely identify causes & solutions?

MmeLindt - how do we call you by your new name??? Anyway, glad you've had a nice time with your mum and that she's been great.

Tomorrow we have guests - I think the 1st time ever! We are clearly social lepars or something. Anyway, I'm terrified cos I've never 'entertained' before. They are an American family - a dd of 11, and a boy of nearly 3. They will be coming approx 6 til 9 pm. I have no idea what to do food-wise. I don't want it to be too basic (she told me they'd been invited to dinner by his boss and they'd had chilli, and she thought it was hilarious - I guess cos it's a basic everyday type of meal, like being given beans on toast or something.) OTOH, there'll be 5 kids to please, sp don't want anything too wild and all the kids turn their noses up. Plus it means cooking for 9, so I have to consider pan sizes. Yike any ideas????? ANd dessert to. Was thinking of a trifle, but the last one I did didn't work (went all runny, and don't know why?)

PPPPPPpppppppppppppppppfffffff... I'm feeling rather deflated this morning. Had our meeting with the KigGa. Turns out there's a whole catalogue of naughty stuff that DS1 has been doing, that they hadn't told us about. He just won't involve himself in group behaviour, and plays up. This then gets the teachers' attention, and he's allocated an adult to watch over him. Then, he's happy as ever. We were all jsut so flummoxed about how to break this cycle with him. How do we get him to try to integrate with the other children?

I'm going to get some play afternoons organised at home, with more than one friend. See how he reacts. They also insisted that they will NOT be excluding him from the school. Gave us the number for a therapist, who, if I call, will visit the school to observe him, and see if they can understand his behaviour. Then from there, maybe visit a small play group in this therapy place, once a week in the morning. DH and I need to talk about this tonight really, as he had to dash back to work.

As I said before, the Kindergartnerin gave us a really depressing report at end of ds1's 1st year, how he was reserved, sat with his back to rest of group, didn't join in etc etc, then pow! summer holidays, something clicked and 2nd year at KG problem-free.

Then 1 year later, exactly the same with ds2.

And they were both what - 2 years older than your ds.

Obviously I don't know your ds & I'm not an expert, but I have been through this at least twice, and experienced similar (in terms of ds behavious & bad report from KG) but didn't suffer the constant daily/weekly bad news. But gut feeling is he just needs time, space and German mates to play with outside of KG

www.esv-muenchen-ost.de/ESVTurnen.htm

Dunno where you live in Munich but I would take him to something like this, "Spiel Spass und Bewegung" or "Kinderturnen" for his age group. He is a bit small for proper team sport but they will play tag and do things in small groups, throwing balls to each other etc. I wouldn't do the Eltern-Kind thing, he needs to get used to kids rather than have you there it seems (you can still sit and watch a bit).

If it is your kind of thing I would try Sunday School which will be a safe little world regularly interacting with the same kids for 30 mins-1 hour and maybe cubs if he is not too small. He just has to get used to being in a group.

In what way exactly is he playing up? Maybe he is a bit frightened/wary of the other kids if there is hitting and so on going on unaddressed. Maybe that's why he'd rather get the attention of an adult.

I would also trot round to your local Musikschule. They have lovely things for children, even the little ones - Musikkindergarten and Singkreise and so on and the prices are reasonable. It won't be a long time for him to have to concentrate and there'll be something to do (banging on drums, singing action songs) with the same group of kids. So I should think he'd look forward to it.

These are all such great suggestions and they're going on my ever increasing list of things to try.

He does things like not sitting down when told to (he shouts back sometimes), singing and talking when he's supposed to be quiet, and, as we learnt this morning, knocks toys off tables and brick towers that the other children have made.

Turns out he had a great morning today, just once knocked some kid's bricks down. He was going to get a smiley face on his chart, but has had to have the sad face because of that incident. In a one to one situation, he's an absolute angel, and at home is so sweet natured. I think you're all right, he needs to be almost forced into integration with other children outside KG. He's got his best friend coming over on Monday to play piano, then I hope to build on that and invite more round. In the Spielplatz he's quite happy to go off and play with friends, but not in a controlled environment like the class.

TQO, glad you've found out more & tbh and not wanting to sound like I'm looking down from the mountain-top-of-experience, what you describe is nothing drastically bad on the behaviour spectrum. Mum of 2 boys here If he is attention-seeking then aren't they pandering to it by giving him the adult attention?

Star/smiley charts worked for our children, and agree about activities with others. From what you've written you have a lovely lively boy and loads of hugs can also work wonders for both of you when things are fraught. I know how wearing it is to worry constantly about children, just wanted to reassure you a bit KG teachers can be so intense and you walk away thinking the most awful things then get home & realise your child is 3 and not a 17-yr-old tearaway.

ZZZZZen, ahem, g u s s i e @ l i n u x - b o x . d e

I have been out in the garden every day this week. Haven't really had the heart for it all summer and it looks so neglected and shabby. Rediscovered a whole drawer full of gardening clothes that hadn't been worn for so long I had to wash them all. Quite nice to discover I've lost so much weight that some were too loose. Otoh, I've gone down 2 cup-sizes and am so flat-chested I look like a boy with long hair
The gardening did me good though, mowed the grass in the orchard, one more week and I would have had to take a scythe to it. And with the children's unwilling help, cleared all the garden furniture & their toys away for winter.
Forecast is for 22C here tomorrow and we've got the last sailing weekend of the season planned. Then one more week of half-term
Not very , d has nits again & has given them to her brother. I have mountains of bedding to wash & my dryer is broken & my freezer is full of soft toys...
And, sigh, the nit comb doesn't seem to take out the deaded nits. I got it from the pharmacy, it should work -? D has nearly waist-length hair & I spent the best part of an hour combing it out. If the buggers are dead, will it matter?

Oh, Fink, yuk nits. Don't know about the nit comb. I kind of went by the assumtion if they are dead does it matter if you get them out. You don't actually know by looking at them if they are dead though, so I suppose you could miss one or two.

I am of your weightloss (but not so much of your flatchestedness, my norks are one of the parts of my body that I love). I must join a gym and get fit again, I was down to almost ideal weight 2 years ago and stupidly put on 10kgs since then.

I was MmeTussaudsChamberOfHorrors for a day or two but was missing my chocolaty name. Funnily enough, I have stuck myself with choccy names and I am not a great choc fan, except hobnobs

The pharmacist told me you're supposed to comb them out as nits are stubborn little buggers and don't always get killed off by the Nydal. Hoping it works this time & have sent off a cheery email to d's teacher as evidently her classmates are just re-infecting each other

The weightloss was mostly stress, grief & a string of D & V bugs so not recommended, though I do feel more like the old "me" oddly, haven't been this weight since s1 was born. In those days I was even more flatchested, lol, so at least 3 pgs have given me some chest Tis all relative

Have just horrified my h by telling him that the freezer's not big enough for all d's and s2's teddies/stuffed animals but I read you can put them in a hot sauna as well & that'll kill off the nits. Am rofl picturing him in his sauna on Sunday surrounded by various stuffed teddies, rabbits, a red 3-ft bull, parrots, a hedgehog, pandas, all 4 teletubbies in differing sizes & some rather peculiar ducks (I think) from South Korea.

Oh Finknottle, seocnd euyew at nits, but at weight loss (frigthened of exercise since fell off step machine and spent 6 weeks with arm in sling few months ago) AND flatchest - went up two cup sizes with preg., still haven't lost them (even though stopped BFing) and now considering surgical options again (rediculous HH impossible to buy for!!).

TQO - glad you seem to be getting to bottom of things. Sure it will all be sorted soon enough and will look back on this time as silly and insignificant. Second the Sportsverein idea - my friend takes her 23m to "babygym" at their local one and he loves it!!!

Zzen - hi. Hope you don't mind - going to nick your fab idea about Musikschule auch! Fabby idea and going to check out my local for my DS who always "dances" when they sing songs at babygroup - don't know why I didn't think about it before (am v. musical person too).

Hey Ernest - would love to get cake meet up next week, how about Wednesday? Would you be interested in meeting another friend of mine at the same time? Am green about Kaufland - 3 types of weetabix!!!

Unfortunately DH is not doing well. Went back to doctors today - he is really suffering and isn't getting any better and they did some tests. Am starting to worry as in 7 yrs we have lived here, he has been sick 3 times and two of those ended in hospitalisation/operations and the word "pneumonia" is now being bandied about a bit carelessly. Am absolutely creamed as we are trying to limit his contact with DS as risk of infection, so up to my armpits in nappies, anabelle karmel attempts and lemsip, DS is being a pain in the arse bit trying with naps just now too, H can't do dog walking either so 4 of those a day added to list, pandering to sick H (men are so pathetic) and trying to keep the house running. Plus have to prepare for teaching cover next week and has been 10 months since I worked . Not doing very well.

Grrrrr - DH is ensconsed on sofa with blanket and remote. Why do men have to sleep on the sofa when they are ill? Why can't he go and skulk in the bedroom out of my way? The only difference between DS/DH at the moment is one can amuse himself, and the other doesn't need a nappy!

Phew, rant over, no worries - gave up tonight, opened bottle of guinness and ordered take-away .

.

Abend. Anyone around? Not had much time this week to Mnet so trying to catch up this evening.

TheGabster, hope your dh is OK. That does sound quite worrying. At least he will probably get better, more thorough treatment here than in the UK. Hope they get to the bottom of it. Who are you teaching next week?

Lol at shitting yourself - that is exactly how I felt this week. I started my teaching job this week. It was 9 hours spread over 3 days and I am now absolutely shattered. It is such a shock to the system after not working for so long. Twas good though, nice students, small groups, and it was good to do something to get me out of the house more. I don't think I could cope with any more atm though [lightweight emoticon]

ZZZen, haven't had a chance to say welcome back. Good to see you back here and so chilled out too So where are you at the moment (if you can reveal your whereabouts) and how is your dd?

Hey Taipo - thanks for the well wishes - hope they work. Yes, we have been very lucky with the operations DH has had. The worse one - once they realised what the problem was they admitted him immediately and operated the next day! Dread to think how long he would have had to wait for it if we had been in the UK!

I am a TEFL, am not a "proper" teacher or anything and it is just one morning of cover for the VHS too so its not like its anything tricky, but ..... Still, I have it covered now. Found an article on biometric passports etc.

Glad your first week went well. I am envious - would love to get back to a decent amount of work/get out of the house more but know what you mean about the tiring bit.

Ernest - how did your meal go?

I'm a TEFL too. The job I'm doing is in a school but for the older ones so they weren't too bothered about me not having a 'proper' teaching qualification. I'm also filling in for a teacher who is off sick until at least Christmas and they needed someone urgently so it was a case of "Oh, you speak English. When can you start then?"

Went for a lovely walk today. The autumn colours are so stunning round here. The leaves are falling fast though so you really have to make the most of it while it lasts.

Did you guys do a TEFL course, or just pick it up as you went along? I am thinking about doing some adult courses here, but am not sure about how to go about it. A colleague of DH asked me yesterday if I would teach her German.

We had a good weekend, had visitors yesterday and Mum looked after the kids so that we could go into the town later.

Today we had a wee jaunt to Chamonix, Mont Blanc. It was a lovely autumn day and we sat in the sun and enjoyed a coffee and blueberry pie.