Der Herbst ist da - wir wollen aber kein Regenwetter: Life in Germany cont/d

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Too lazy to scroll through the other long one.

Here for Obst und Blaetter - guess what d came home from school singing yesterday?

All welcome, Austria & Switzerland & any German-speaking Leute too

BUt quietone, you can atleast count the days as you've booked to go back in December haven't you?

I used to get through bad times like that - in Berlin I booked as many of the school holidays as I could, including the whole summer holiday and I could sort of get through the times inbetween by looking forwrard to the next trip.

This move and h's bad bad money management has left us sitting dry so to speak. I am not so sure I'll be able to afford the flights this time but I'm definately going in Summer even if I have to sell stuff to get the tickets. My gran donated towards tickets when h was doing his PhD so she might save my sanity and help out again although I feel bad having to rely on her or help from my parents.

Admylin
The money situation sounds almost worst than the homesickness, I know that during our student days one of the things that worried me most was not having the cash to go home if need be. That does make me feel more secure and happy here, knowing that we can at least afford the flight home, thanks to the the cheap airlines.

We wouldn't be ina struggle now if h had left the finances to me. He's so useless at anything in real life he seems to be lost in his world of neurological experimental crazyness that he does all day.

We were so poverty stricken as a student family but somehow happier than we are now. Funny isn't it, when we didn't have much money we couldn't do anything stupid with it and I managed to give the dc a really happy young childhood doing things that didn't cost a fortune, OK no expensive music school, swimming clubs or Aikido or even bikes - they had all that in Berlin but it didn't make them happy in the long run.

Zzzzen - good to see you - email me if you can, would love to know details of your omm'iness.

MmeChocolat - glad your mum is coming.

Admylin, you do sound glum. Can you not take over the finances from yr h? We take the car every other yr when it's a UK C'mas and go on the ferry. Cheaper than the 5 of us flying & more room for presents & stocking up on Quavers essentials.

Can def recommend making more of an effort with clothes/make-up as boost, works for me anyway. Also getting out and about more. Since d started school & the boys are so much more independent I don't get out on my bike as much & miss it as I'm always happier when I've been out in the fresh air. Think I'm really run down atm, have had back to back infections since the summer & feel grotty. My Hausarzt commented he's seen me more in the last 6 mnths than the last 6 yrs.
Have designated half-term as recharging batteries time so am trying to sleep more, eat more & do stuff for me, one house/garden thing, one me thing.
All my friends are away or busy working and must admit was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself and am now trying to enjoy the peace & the respite from school routine.

I've lost loads of weight over the last 6m, which is great in one way as I'm now the same size I was about 10 yrs ago. Down side is that my hair is still falling out, any ideas? Did read it can be stress-related but can't find anything encouraging about when it stops - it is noticeably thinner

I'm in floods of tears here and so bloody upset it's unbearable. Went to collect DS1 and the teacher came over for a talk. He's still playing up, not sitting down and being quiet. She said that they can't keep removing him from the class, so have a suggestion. She have contacted a lady in another town who can assess children who might have special needs. She also runs classes there during the week, in smaller groups. She wants me to call this lady, who is expecting my call, get DS1 assessed and maybe attend there.

They're kicking him out?????!!!!! My god, I'm dumbfounded. He hasn't even had his hearing test (tomorrow), he hasn't even had the official referral to the logopaedin. He's been in 5 nurseries since June 2007, and has made friends in this one.

Of course, he has been bad there. I understand that problem, and it must be difficult, but it's seems such swings and roundabouts there. One day he's fine, then after two days it goes to this. I'm so upset for DS1, and fuming at them for not doing their fricking job. Surely they must know what to do to discpiline him. He's damn well disciplined at home and a great boy to have around, as a result. He's now in tears upstairs because I had to have a go at him.

I REALLY want to go home. Pack it all in. Fed up. Alone. DH never here.

Hi finks, have you tried that shampoo with caffeine in it? My hairdresser recommended one called Plantur 39 which made a big difference to a client of hers. I used one bottle and then sort of forgot about it but I htink you need to stick at it for 3-6 months to get any kind of result.

I think plenty of exercise outdoors makes a huge difference to how you feel, maybe you need more of that finks but for us living in town it meant dodging bad-tempered people on the pavement who seemed to be playing some kind of game, like so many points for everyone you barge into and so many bonus points if you catch their eye and give them a glare. Top points for managing to slam a shopping cart or a handbag into them on the way past etc.

Not to mention the big scarey dogs and the piles of dog poo all over the place. Yuk. Otherwise long walks every day do make a huge difference I felt.

sorry thequietone, crossed posts. It is very hard I know when dh is not even here to lend an ear and chew things through. Mine was physically in the same town but absent in mind and I always felt left alone with all the worries.

Is it so important that he goes to this kindergarten? Would you cope with him at home all day and the baby?

TQO - poor you. I still don't get what it is that your son does that's so bad, he's 3 fgs. Really does sound as if they can't be arsed to deal with him.
If BIG if he has st then your first call should be your Kinderarzt anyway, not the Logo/Sportverein/Mutter- & Kindgruppe or some woman who deals with the other chidlren who may well be anywhere on the spectrum from boisterous to hyperactive.
I have never heard of a kiga for children who "might" have special needs, sounds like a cop-out for parents & kiga teachers alike.

Your son is well behaved (normal 3 yr old) at home then it's most likely the kiga.
Shut them up by saying you're going to talk to your Kinderarzt. Suspicious to me that they haven't mentioned it. Ask them tomorrow (if you can face it) that you need to know exactly what measures they have taken so you can report in full to the paed. Bet they've been neither consistent nor effective.
on your behalf. And your poor son's.

Hi again. DH is calling and calling. I managed to get him for once (he's on the road but in Germany). He's cancelling his appointments on Friday and wants to go to the Kindergarten.

The thing is, DS1 really needs to learn the language, and everyone says the best way is to immerse them in KiGa. It's just not working and he's freaking out there. We're beginning to wonder if he's scared of the size of the class. But when he's naughty, they remove him from the room, with a teacher, so he has an adult's attention. Back in the UK, if he played up, they would remove him, but so he could still see all the fun and miss out. That worked a treat. We might suggest removing him from the main class, but still in the room ie. naughty chair kind of thing.

Frankly, I'd love him with me as he's good company, but I think he might get bored, unless I treat it as home education, and try to teach him German, so lots of crafts and day trips etc.

I don't have a car, so if he went to this other group we've got to rent or buy one.

Really sounds like what they've been doing just isn't working and they're hoping you'll save them the 'hassle'
And the German thing is shite, I know several children who've taken longer than 6m to settle in language-wise, up to a year is common.
Hope you & yr h get them to devise a better way to help him, that is their job, fgs.
And be stroppy assertive if need be, you are paying them for a service, they're not doing you a favour

Zzzen, I wondered if it were hormonal cos things are v weird on that front atm though my gynae reckoned I'm too young. If h dared mention hormones I'd prob rip his head off with my bare teeth but am constantly teary and feel v odd, so hmm?

Will give the shampoo a go. Thanks, and do email me if you can, am v nosey curious.
You prob can't face the German Schools thread but I started a new one and can still report that d still loves loves loves school and Y1 is going so well.

Thequietone, honestly my first instinct would be to leave the Kindergarden ad they don't seem to really want or like your ds very much. Mine didn't like Kindergarten and when I knew they understood enough to get them through year 1 at primary I didn't take them all the time. Soem weeks we would just stay at home and do our own stuff and then the odd day if ds didn't feel like going I'd let him stay off. The Kindergarten didn't like it but they didn't do much anyway so no idea why they made a fuss.

I'd keep him at home to be honest and get the hearing teat done , go and see your doctor too then see how the results are. What are the other options in your area apart from this place? Is theer a little sport/gym club where he could go in the afternoon to learn German and you would be there too?

Ooh, finknottle stress causes hair loss doesn't it - mine is falling out too at the moment. No idea what you can do to get rid of stress - not so easy although I've been thinking of trying some herbal sort of remedy but would actually love to just get a big bottle of Prozac prescribed to me - either that or a bottle of wine a day would maybe help.

ZZZen hope you're going to join us more often too, sort us out will you?

OMG, I wrote that fast, teat indeed! Test ..

Another tip would be to go and see your GP when you're in UK just for a check up with ds. When dd was born I took her to all the Ü1,Ü2 etc every check up and vaccination at the Kinderärztin and she managed to miss a really important thing that was wrong with dd and she needed an operation when she was 3 which the German doctor just wrote off as not important so ignored it. Thank goodness I went to the doctor to get her checked over and he told me how bad it would be for dd if we just left it and how the sooner the better etc... I know someone else who had to return to UK to get her dd 's hips fixed with a simple splint (even though it was abit late) as the German doc just wrote it off - she wouldn't have been able to walk properly, now she's 100% OK so it never hurts to get a second opinion anyway.

tqo, so sorry you are having such shitty kg problems Please email me if I can help at all or if you want me to pop over with a consoling piece of cake.

I secod what fn said, and go and see your Kinderarzt.

Oh, and make an official appointment with the Erzieherin and the KG Leiter(in) together with your dh say after KG on Friday and plan carefully what you want to say. Do you need help with the German for this convo?

Please let me know if I can help, or even just to pop over with my 4 year old ds to play one day?

Sorry if I put my foot in in Admylin.

Ok, Ad and TQO I suspect it is people you miss more than anything. So sorry as can't help there, but this is what I do when I feel homesick although you may have to adapt accordingly (i.e. find DC free time first).

1. Go into the town centre and buy English newspaper.
2. Find the nearest Irish bar, order yourself a nice plate of fish & chips/jacket spud with cheddar/steak pie etc.
3. Relish ordering a "pint" (or I suppose half) of anything, even if its coke, instead of 0.3ltr.
4. Sit, eat, read, talk to anyone you can and pretent you are in a pub back home.

I realise this is all stuff you might miss, but I usually find a quick "English fix" (or Irish I suppose) helps me soldier on.

Cor, have just re-read my post and realised I have not mentioned cake!!

I know there is a big chocolate one in there somewhere usually, but not sure where. Maybe its on the way home? Has to be great big slice of American double choc thingy from SanFracisco Coffee House - the one I can never finish without danger of being sick ....

I was thinking about the "fight or flight" reaction, and mine is totally to "flight". I just want to scoop him up, say you and take him home where he's better behaved. DH is a fighter (not literally) and wants to discuss this further at KiGa. I don't want DS1 going to a special needs school, because he is just different. He has cousins back in the UK and they are all exactly the same. He's a UK child, and they seem to be different to German children (sorry).

I'm off to the Kinderartz tomorrow arvo at 3pm. I don't think they'll find anything amiss with his hearing, but at least I can get an Uberweisung for the Logopaedin. KiGa suggested her, but they've now jumped the gun and said he might need to leave before he's even started seeing the Logopaedin.

Dh and I are going to sit down tomorrow evening and plan the meeting. He's bringing along a wonderful colleague who is German but speaks completely fluent English. She's offered to help and it would be very beneficial.

I spent a wonderful afternoon with the DSs. As a punishment for his bad behaviour at KiGa (talking when he's supposed to be quiet, getting up when he's supposed to be sitting down and - shudder - telling the teacher to Shut Up when she shouted at him to sit down) no television, no DVDs nothing at all. it's only a small part of the day that he's allowed these anyway, so he's stunned! Had a great afternoon though, puzzles, songs, bricks, dancing etc. he even set out a jigsaw puzzle for us to do once I'd put DS2 to bed.

I'm at my wits end. I'm going to post some pics of us on my profile now, so you can see the little troublemaker (?)

hi
the quiet one I have not posted much recently but really feel for you with kindergarten

I also have a very lively little boy,
I took the decision to have him home for an extra year after problems with a private kindergarten,

Have no solutions im afraid, buut wishing you heaps of luck

Hi Cinders,

How old was your son whewn you took him back for a year?

Thanks for your support.

hello

he was three.
a very lively three we had well our still having a trying time, he did not know much german and he well he did not understand it and they where not helpful to say the least.

I was going to try him in a different kindergarten but the class was hard to put in words ...

well he is a kindergarten now a small class he has struggled and he will be five in nov
but think he may fingers legs ears crossed be happy

and in the new year we will move ...

hope that made some sense

im hopeless at typing

My God, TQO, you have GORGEOUS boys! Wow! Your DS1 looks like such a fun little lad.

So sorry to read about the kita. I wonder what is going on there, it seems very strange. They just started talking about the "problems" all of a sudden, didn't they? I don't remember you posting about DS1 before the last couple of weeks.

You are doing the right thing, get him checked by your paediatrician (do you get on well with him?) and have a good chat with the kita.

Do they shout at your DS a lot? You mentioned that he told the Erzieherin to shut up when she shouted at him. In our kita, I never ever heard a member of staff shout at a child, and I spent a lot of time there. It was just never done. I know that in a certain situation (if a child did something dangerous) that it might happen, but not as a displine tool. They managed quite well just with a certain look and a quiet word.

Can I suggest that you try not to make comparisons with UK systems or UK children, I think that they might take this the wrong way. I have found that saying that "back home we do XYZ instead of ABC" is often taken as criticism, when sometimes I have just been pointing out a different method of doing things.

They need to explain where the urgency has come from, why they suddenly want your DS to move to a different kita. What they feel that the other kita could offer that they cannot (and why they cannot offer that).

How big is his group? Does he get on well with the other children?

It really would be better if they could persevere, another change would be hard for your DS. I don't know if it is good for him to be "punished" all the time, it must be demoralising for him. Could they do more in a positive direction, more praise and hugs when he is well behaved. That he is allowed to sit on the Erzieherin's knee at story time, or hold the book? Give him some important thing to do, that he really wants to do.

I taught English to wee ones, and the best thing to do with a distruptive child was, imo, to give them more positive attention, get them to help, give them Aufgaben.

Hope that your appt with the doc goes well tomorrow, and that he can give you some good advice.

Been to IKEA today, got some new lamps and bits and pieces. Cursed the new unit that I assembled today in the living room, bloody bastard IKEA doors, I was ready to throw them across the room.

My cure for homesickness: Read the posts on the NHS, knife crime, binge drinking, WAGS ...

and a cup of tea and a hobnob

Could just type:

"Wot MmeHobnob wrote" Agree completely about kg - does seem over the top & v negative, focussing on the bad instead of trying to encourage good behaviour. Giving Aufgaben was a popular strategy at ours to help children.

How you doing, Mme? Apart from Ikea-cursing, that is!

Morning everyone,
Well, a good one so far here. DS1 had a quick snuggle in bed this morning then quiet breakfast in the kitchen, did some jigsaw puzzles and helped with his DS2 before we went to KiGa. Had a chat before we went again, and before he went into the class. Spoke to the headteacher and have a meeting with her, the teacher DS1 seems to clash with, my husband (yes, he's cancelled work appointments for this) and a colleague of his who speaks fluent German and English.

It's difficult to sort out what has actually happened from DS1. Some things you can tell - he said he did some crying yesterday because the teacher shouted at him. Then he says someone has hit him, and that just cannot be true. I refuse to believe that the staff would not tell me.

He does sing most of the time and likes playing with words at the moment, probably because he's learning German. He sat on the bed with me this morning as I BF DS2, trying new German words. He likes to talk. I accept that his behaviour has been bad (shouting back at teacher, and not keeping still or quiet in school assemblies or quiet talks) but it is so hard for him at 3, and not understanding them.

I could waffle on for hours about this so I'm gong to stop now. Let's see how the hearing test goes this afternoon...

Morning. Hope things work out Quietone, seems to be a strict KiGa if they shout so much though, strange methods. You know I tried putting dd in KiGa when she was 3 (for the language) and she didn't like it, went all sad and depressed asking things like do I haveto go to that place again tomorrow when it was bed time so I took her out for a year and at 4 she managed much better. Could be an option to wait a while?

Ds got up this morning covered in bites - all over his lower arms and abit on his side and 1 on his back. I've moved all his stuff and cleaned behind everything this morning and sprayed his room even but didn't find the culprit. Just having a break from ironing now - trying to get the place semi-decent looking for when mum and dad come! How are things mmehobnob? Is your mum still there? Which lamps did you get at Ikea? I've got to go again this weekend with dad - atleast he'll help me get what I need instead of going with h and him ending up in a huff and us fighting again. Did your curtains fit?! I need bathroom, living room and 2 hall lights and for my bedroom (last on the list though, there's a bulb hanging so atleast we've got light!)

wishing you luck for the hearing test

ds is funny we talk English her at home

but he talks to himself in german..